Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Dennis Miller. --Antiquary 18:08, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuckity fuck, and rememeber, when I say golly, I really mean fuck.
- Bill Gates is just a white Persian cat and a monocle away from being a villain in a Bond movie.
- Al Gore, there's some stiff body language, huh? The guy makes Ed Sullivan look like an autofellatio freak.
- This guy makes Max Cady look like Atticus Finch. Pat Buchanan is so homophobic that he blames global warming on The AIDS Quilt.
- Dan Quayle's head is emptier than a jack-in-the-box in downtown Seattle. He shouldn't been the second-in-command to the Hakawi tribe from F Troop, much less the most powerful nation on the face of this planet.
- If you're saying you didn't know smoking was bad for you, then you're lying through the hole in your trachea. How could you not know smoking was bad for you? IT'S FUCKING SMOKE! Would you stand over a campfire and take deep giant breaths?
- His head was emptier than the streets of Miami, Florida during Oktoberfest. (On Jeff Gilloly, the man who clumsily assaulted skater Nancy Kerrigan in 1994)
- "I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjective and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. Wow! Think I got my ass kicked in high school?
- Hey, I just dropped my mistletoe. I think it fell down the back of my shirt!