Talk:Coluche

Unsourced

Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable and precise source for any quote on this list please move it to Coluche.

• Left-wing politics like poor people so much they create them.
• In a dictatorship you're told: "Shut up!". In a democracy it's: "Keep talking!"...
• While we were havin' dinner, on the TV, they showed starving little Africans! On African TV, they don't show people eating!
• When it comes to nuclear weapons, I'm neither for, nor against - on the contrary!"
• There are two kinds of justice : the lawyer who knows everything about the law, and the lawyer who knows everything about the judge.
• [In France,] we have politicians that make the rest of the world jealous. They could come and take'em!
• A neutral country is one which does not sell weapons to a country at war... unless it pays cash.
• Yuri Gagarin was extremely unlucky: after orbiting earth 17 times, he fell back down in the USSR!
• God said: let's share. The rich will get enough to eat, and the poor will have an appetite.
• People say, "we live in a world full of morons!" They are right. But they still underestimate their number.
• Just because there are so many of them being wrong doesn't mean they're right.
• I know I look stupid, but most of the credit goes to the uniform (posing as a cop).
• Some people get a kid just because they can't afford a dog.
• Society didn't want us? Well, it can rest assured that we don't want it either!
• Long term credit means that the less you can pay, the more you pay.
• Death: if you're hit, you'd better make fun of it; if you're not, there's no reason not to make fun of it.
• I'm not a nouveau riche, I'm a former poor.
• From every one of those who have nothing to say, the nicest are those who keep it for themselves.
• They say the crisis is making the rich richer and the poor poorer. I can't see how that's a crisis.
• Politicians are to politics what holes are to cheese. More cheese means more holes. But more holes means less cheese.
• If we are to believe what is said, then the rich are the bad guys and the poor are the good guys. Then how come everyone wants to be a bad guy?
• They say 3 million people are looking for a job. False: all they really need is money.
• (as a cop :) If we're not allowed to punch them in the face, kick them in the balls, or in the butt, how are we supposed to interrogate them ? Sometimes they don't even speak our language !
• The speed of light is faster than the speed of sound, which is why sometimes people look bright until they start talking.
• I'm not a racist; my dog is black.
• There are fewer foreigners in France than there are racists.
• Instead of blind we say "sight-impaired", instead of deaf we say "hearing-impaired", so should fools be called "understanding-impaired"? (possibly inaccurately paraphrased)
• I'm following two diets simultaneously because with only one I wasn't getting enough to eat.
• Sportsmen are stupid, right. But that's the team spirit! Guys in a team, they have but one spirit. So they have to share it...
• You can get AIDS on a toilet seat, but there are more comfortable places.
• Earning a living isn't worth the sweat: you're already living. Job opportunities are scarce, so rather let who likes it have some.
• Besides gangster or politician, what can you do without qualifications ? All there's left is artist.
• One half of the politicians can't do anything, the other half would do anything.
• Our immigrants would live better back in their country. To prove this: we love going there for vacation!
• I went to Dakar [Senegal] for vacation... However, when checking my map of Paris: not a street matched each other!
• If one day you feel useless and depressed, remember: one day you were the fastest spermatozoon of all.
• Do you know what I think of morons who listen to music while standing in uniform ? The answer is in the question.
• I don't mean that all cops are intelligent - that would be too gross a generalization.
• (in a campaign speech:) I'll quit politics when politicians quit comedy - they steal my job, I steal theirs.
• Can you make fun of everything? Well, my opinion is: if it was funny, you were right to do it.
• If there were a tax on stupidity, the government would be self-financing.
• What I hate the most about foreign countries, they just don't speak french. And depending on the countries, they don't even speak the same foreigner!
• Playing the fool can be useful, but really it's easier just to be one.
• I don't have any message... any wickedness... However, I am still being hated by half of you all...
• I am capable of the very best and the very worst, but I'm the best at being the worst!