T.U.F.F. Puppy

T.U.F.F. Puppy is an American animated children's television series created by Butch Hartman for Nickelodeon. The show features a mixed-breed dog named Dudley Puppy who works as a spy for an organization called T.U.F.F./Turbo Undercover Fighting Force. His partner is a female cat named Kitty Katswell. Other helpers are Keswick, and The Chief.

Season 1

Purr-fect Partners / Doom-mates [1.01]

Bunny Tourist: Who are you?

Snaptrap: Who am I? Simply the most EVIL mind in all of Petropolis!

Elephant Tourist: Oh, you, uh, Dr. Destruction?

Snaptrap: What?! No!

Hippo Tourist: You're the Kangarooster. The-the bouncing bird who lays the exploding eggs!

Snaptrap: [sighs annoyingly] I'm Verminious Snaptrap! Dirty rat, and leader of the Diabolical Order of Mayhem! [holds up the D.O.O.M. sign]

Tourists: [in unison] Never heard of you.

Snaptrap: Well, you will, for I will control Petropolis, now that I have the Kruger Rat! [knocks off glass case to steal the Kruger Rat]

Kitty: Think again, Snaptrap! [rips off her Tour Guide disguise] Hyah!

Snaptrap: Well, if it isn't Special T.U.F.F. Agent Kitty Katswell! [grabs a sword from a suit of rat armor] Ready to lose one of your, nine lives?!

Kitty: I'd rather use my ten claws!',

---

[T.U.F.F. headquarters; the scientists are doing research tests on Dudley while running on a treadmill with monitoring equipment hooked up to him, chasing his chew toy]

Chief: Okay, Keswick. What's up with the dog?

Keswick: His name is Dudley Puppy, Chief. He's the perfect combination of every breed of dog known to man. The fleet feet of a Greyhound, the sensitive nose of a… [stutters] Bloodhound, with the bravery of a German… [stutters] Shepherd.

---

Kitty: We're secret agents, butt-munch, not superheroes. I speak 120 dialects fluently, mastered all forms of martial arts, and my claws are registered as lethal weapons.

Dudley: Maybe you should register YOUR BREATH!

---

Dudley: [sees a note tied to the rock] Hey, there's a note tied to it. [reading the note] "Dearest Kitty, you ruined my life by putting me in prison. But I've escaped and I'm going to make you pay! Kindest regards, The Cham-ah-lee-on." Who's the Cham-ah-lee-on?

Keswick: Uh, it's pronounced "Chameleon." He's a criminal genius and a… [stutters] master of disguise.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin' / Puppy Love [1.02]

Snaptrap: We're not taking a vacation!

D.O.O.M. Agents: [disappointed] Aww…

Larry: But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.

Snaptrap: You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!

---

Keswick: Rosemary, if you can hear us, shoot up a flare!

Chief: This is a nightmare! We've gotta hire a new secretary!

Chameleon: So, they need a new secretary, hmm? Now I have the perfect cover to get into T.U.F.F.! [disguises himself as a female French poodle] I am now Fifi Oui Oui! French poodle secretary!

---

[With the Chameleon disguised as Fifi Oui Oui, Dudley quickly falls in love with "her"]

Kitty: Oh, my gosh. You have a crush on her, don't you?

Dudley: What?! No.

Kitty: Oh, yes, you do. You wuv her.

Dudley: I don't "wuv" her. Just because she's the most gorgeous, amazing, French-- KITTY, I WUV HER! What do I do?! You gotta help me!

Mall Rat / Operation: Happy Birthday [1.03]

Kitty: [flips into view; to Dudley] Agent Puppy, we've got trouble. Snaptrap's being released from prison today. [holds up an article of Snaptrap's prison release]

Dudley: [looking at computer monitor] Oh, yeah.

Kitty: Did you hear me? The most dangerous villain in Petropolis is free!

Dudley: [stands on his chair, wagging his tail while looking at the monitor] Come to papa.

Kitty: Are you surfing meat again?

[The computer monitor shows an image of a T-Bone steak]

Dudley: Who, me? No, that would be insensitive to Agent Bossy.

[The lights go out and a feed of Snaptrap, wearing an elegant tuxedo, is displayed on all monitors]

Snaptrap: Greetings, Petropolis! It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

Dudley: Whoa. Snaptrap's out of jail?! Why didn't you tell me?!

Snaptrap: My lengthy stay in prison has taught me that crime doesn't pay! I also went a bit cuckoo and made a little friend out of soap. [holds up a bar of soap with a feminine face carved into it] Say hello to Vivian!

Everyone: [in unison; unenthusiastically] Hello, Vivian.

---

Citizens: [chanting] Muffins! Muffins! Muffins!

Kitty: Get a grip, people! You can't eat those muffins! They could be poisonous or bombs, or-or poisonous bombs!

---

Little Chipmunk Girl: You're not going to take away our yogurt like you took away our muffins and sunshine, are you mean lady?

Kitty: [looks up at everyone terrified of her] No, Little Chipmunk Girl. Your yogurt is safe.

Dudley: Hey, mean lady, where you going?

Kitty: [walks to the mall's entrance; sighs sadly] I guess Snaptrap really has changed. My instincts aren't as good as I thought. I'm going home before I ruin anyone else's day.

---

Snaptrap: [on monitors] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap! And guess what? [rips off his tuxedo] I never really changed! I'M STILL EVIL! And now that I've trapped you all inside Snappy Town, I'm gonna blast you into the sun! And make you pay for your yogurt. [laughs evilly]

[Everyone screams in panic]

Kitty: Ah-ha! I was right about Snaptrap all along! I gotta do a little gloating dance. [pulls out pom-poms and shakes them around] Go Kitty, good instincts, you are awesome!

---

Francisco: Uh, boss, you're still in the mall.

Snaptrap: Darn it! Larry, you forgot to put "Leave the mall" on my To Do list! Is there a shark tank in this mall?

Francisco: No. But, there's a cockroach in the dirty bathroom.

Snaptrap: Larry, go stand in the dirty bathroom!

[Larry dreadfully obeys]

---

Kitty: Dudley, there's a giant fuel tank on the bottom of the mall. If you blast it with a rocket at exactly the right time, the explosion should accelerate us into the sun's orbit and slingshot us back to Earth.

Chief: Keswick, will that actually work?

Dudley: Trust her, guys. She's got good instincts.

[Kitty smiles]

Bunny: Are you crazy?! She blew up my muffin!

Elephant: She ruined my day at the beach!

Cat: She glued my cousin Francis to a moving train!

Chief: No, she didn't.

Cat: Oh, sorry. I thought we were just yelling stuff.

---

Chief: What's the temperature, Keswick?

Keswick: 112 degrees, sir. [his clothes burn off] Perfectly… [stutters] survivable, unless you're made of soap.

Snaptrap: [as Vivian melts] NO! Vivian, now you'll never realize your dream of living in a fancy hotel men's room!

Kitty: [aiming a net shooter at him] Cheer up, Snaptrap. Once you're back in jail, you'll have plenty of time to make another soap friend.

Snaptrap: Think again, hater of muffins and sunshine! Get her, boys!

Francisco: [sitting in a water fountain with Larry, trying to cool off from the heat] It's too hot, boss.

---

Snaptrap: I will now PLOT MY REVENGE! And I'd love a copy of those photos.

---

Kitty: I get the glasses, you get the pretzel.

Dudley: No I want, the glasses, the pretzel is stale.

Kitty: Give me those glasses!

[They both start hitting each other and the sunglasses snap apart]

Dudley: You broke the sunglasses! WHY, MEAN LADY?! WHY?!?

---

Snaptrap: Yuck! My mom packed me pimento loaf again. [to Ollie, threatening to trade with him] Trade with me or perish! [takes a bite of the sandwich] Oh this is delicious! What is it?

Ollie: [hesitantly] Grilled cheese on cheese bread.

Snaptrap: What?! AAAGGGHHHH! I'm horribly allergic to cheese! [swells up]

Francisco: Ha! A rat that's allergic to cheese!

Snaptrap: [bangs his fist on the table, stopping the laughing] SILENCE! I'm aware of the irony.

---

Snaptrap: What kind of cake is this?

Dudley: It's cheesecake, Snaptrap.

Snaptrap: A cake, made of cheese?!

---

Kitty: Dudley, we did it! Thanks to you, I got what I wanted for my birthday-- I caught a bad guy! [breaks down into tears] This is the greatest birthday ever!

Dudley: Well, your birthday's not over yet. What do you say we set this magnet to party?

Kitty: You set it to "cow."

[They both start to run from the raining cows in slow-motion]

Dudley: Happy Birthday, Kitty!

Toast of T.U.F.F. / Share-A-Lair [1.04]

Chief: Stop monkeying around, Keswick. We got a serious issue to deal with. One that threatens the very existence of T.U.F.F.: The toaster in the snack room is in the fritz!

[Everyone screams in horror]

Dudley: [falls onto the floor in despair] NOOOO!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE FROZEN WAFFLES IN MY POCKET?! SOMEBODY WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!

Kitty: Keswick, you have to do something! I BROUGHT TOASTER PASTRIES TODAY!

Hologram Keswick: Actually, Agent… [stutters] Katswell, I'm over there. [points to the real Keswick]

Everyone: JUST FIX THE TOASTER!!!

Keswick: All right, but I'm gonna need some time. Sorry I took so long, but I added a few… [stutters] upgrades. T.U.F.F. agents, meet R.I.T.A.!

Kitty: R.I.T.A.?

R.I.T.A.: It's an anagram for "Robotic Interactive Toasting Appliance."

Keswick: I never thought of that, I just like the name. I was also toying with Sheila, but she's the… [stutters] fax machine. Anyway, R.I.T.A.'s an artificially intelligent device whose prime-directed is to… [stutters] toast stuff.

---

Kitty: Look, Chief, R.I.T.A. may have foiled the bad guys evil plans, but we're the ones who captured them!

Chief: Whoop-Dee-Doo. All you did was put the T.U.F.F. cops on Snaptrap, and the Chameleon into an empty peanut butter jar.

Dudley: [with a mouthful of peanut butter] Yeah, but someone had to eat all the peanut butter first! And without a glass of milk I might add. [R.I.T.A. offers him a glass of milk] Back off, R.I.T.A.!

Chief: Agent R.I.T.A. and I have been talking.

Kitty: "Agent" R.I.T.A.?

Chief: She asked for a promotion and I gave it to her. I also threw in a parking space and her own secretary.

R.I.T.A.: [As Tammy gives her mug of coffee] Thank you, Tammy. [drinks her coffee]

Dudley: So we're supposed to work with a toaster?

Chief: No. R.I.T.A. helped me find the perfect assignment for the two of you.

[Cut to Dudley and Kitty in the cafeteria, serving Swedish meatballs]

Kitty: [dismayed] I can't believe it's come to this. Eight years of secret agent college, and I'm serving Swedish meatballs in a hairnet?!

Dudley: [scarfing down meatballs] I know it's humiliating. But these things are delicious.

Kitty: Well, at least it's quitting time. I'm gonna go home and sharpen my claws on the couch.

---

Keswick: Well, closing time, R.I.T.A. Great job today. You were the toast of TUFF. Now excuse me while I unplug you for the… night.

R.I.T.A.: [grabs Keswick's hand from preventing him to do so] I'm sorry Keswick, but I cannot allow you to unplug me.

Keswick: But we're an eco-friendly office. [grabs the plug again and screams in pain as R.I.T.A. electrocutes him]

R.I.T.A.: I run the office now, and I make the rules. Rule #1: No one turns me off.

Keswick: R.I.T.A. aren't you getting… [stutters] carried away? You work for T.U.F.F. just like everybody else.

R.I.T.A.: Not anymore. And once I connect to the city power grid, I will control all of Petropolis!

Keswick: R.I.T.A., no! What have I… [stutters] done?!

Tammy: So, you're out for the rest of the day then? Okay.

---

Kitty: [getting hit by paper cups] Ahh! Paper cups!

Dudley: [getting hit by paper] AHH! PAPER CUTS!

Keswick: [getting hit by paper clips] Ahh! Paper clips! [R.I.T.A. blasts a hole out of the building as she heads for the Petropolis Power station] R.I.T.A.'s headed for the city power grid!

Chief: You two have to stop her or Petropolis is toast!

Dudley: Toast! That's it! Keswick, didn't you say R.I.T.A.'s prime-directive is to toast?

Keswick: Oh, I think I see where you're going, Agent Puppy. You want to build a satellite operated transponder that will reprogram R.I.T.A.'s primary behavioral sequencing?

Dudley: I was just gonna tape some bread to my stomach and butt.

Keswick: Little complicated, but it could work.

---

Kitty: [looking down at Keswick's feet; whispering] Whoa, he's got webbed feet.

Dudley: [whispering] What is he? [iris closes on him and opens back up] He just laid an egg!

---

Snaptrap: That's "schmoodled," for 370 points.

Larry: [slams his fist on the table] That's not a word. Use it in a sentence.

Snaptrap: [zaps Larry with a blaster] There. I "schmoodled" Larry.

---

Larry: Those weren't raisins.

Snapnapped / Mom-A-Geddon [1.05]

Keswick: [runs out of the Dumpin' Donuts shop with a box of donuts, heading back to T.U.F.F. headquarters] How humiliating. Someone of my intellect reduced to carrying a… [stutters] box of circular fattening breakfast pastries! [sadly with sorrow] Sometimes I feel like no one… [stutters] appreciates me.

[The bus "of D.O.O.M." stops at a bus stop and Snaptrap and his D.O.O.M. agents jump out]

Snaptrap: There he is! The genius of T.U.F.F., Falswick!

Keswick: First of all, it's "Keswick" and… [stutters] what do you want, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap: I want you to come and work for me.

---

Dudley: That's easy. PETER POPPER PIPED A POT OF PURPLE PEEPERS!

Kitty: No, let me! Peter Paper peeled a pouch of plastic pappies!

Chief: Pa pa pa pa pa pee pee pa pa pee pee pa pa! [groans] Thought I nailed that. Kitty, Dudley, focus!

Dudley, Kitty and Chief: [in unison] Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!

Keswick: [recorded] Code phrase, accepted.

Dudley: Toff the T.O.F.F. mobile!

Kitty: You mean, to the T.U.F.F. mobile!

Dudley: Thought I nailed that.

---

[On the monitor screen, Dudley's mother, Peg Puppy is standing outside in front the headquarters building]

Keswick: Security alert. There's an elderly woman outside the building. She could be a… [stutters] criminal. Activating security blasters!

Dudley: [recognizes her] That's not a criminal. That's my mom!

Peg: [on screen from outside] Dudley, I know you're in there.

Dudley: [shrieks] We can't let her find out I'm a secret agent! If she knows I have dangerous job, she'll make me quit! I don't wanna quit, Chief! I like being a secret agent!

Dog Daze / Internal Affairs [1.06]

Chief: Holy! Now I'm giant! Finally, I can ride the rollercoaster with the big kids.... Oh, right, shrink-ray.

Chilly Dog / The Doomies [1.07]

Dudley: Kitty, my plan worked! The bad guys came after us!

Kitty: Okay, now what do we do?

Dudley: That was all I had. You know, you can contribute sometimes.

[A sinister giggle is heard; Dudley and Kitty see two silhouette figures stepping out of the shadows, revealing themselves to be…]

Kitty: Wait. Snowflake and Slush? You're the bad guys?!

Dudley: The old lady must've put them up to it!

Snowflake: No, Tiffany. You see, Slush and I haven't won a skating competition. Mostly because Slush is dumber than a box hair. And I know. 'Cause I skated with a box of hair. AND IT WAS SMARTER THAN HIM! But then the hair went solo and left me hanging. The only way we could win is to eliminate everyone who's better than us. And with all y'all skaters out of the way, we're the best team left. That means the trophy is ours!

Dudley: Someone's gonna find us eventually. And when they do, you two and your old lady mastermind are going down!

Snowflake: I know it's gonna find the end of y'all. [takes out a 5-minute timer radish-shaped bomb, laughs evilly and coughs; sets the bomb down on the ground and activates it] This bomb is set to go off in five minutes, just enough time for us to win the trophy, and get out of here. Come on, Slush! We got some skating to do.

---

Kitty: It's all over, Snowflake! In the name of the Turbo Undercover Fighting Force, you are under arrest!

Dudley: [drops in, dragging in the innocent old lady turtle] We got the whole team now!

Kitty: Ma'am, your free to go. I'll explain it to him in the car.

Dudley: [acting dumb and stupid] I learned a lot in the car. [makes a goofy face] I like the car!

---

Dudley: I am never taking this off. [smiles]

Watch Dog / Dog Dish [1.08]

Dudley: Snaptrap's Coffee?! Snappy Trap's Iced Tea?! Bob's Big Rat?! [view out to a Snaptrap-themed city known as…] SNAPTRAPOLIS?! WHAT DID I DO?!

---

Chief: Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?

Kitty: Dudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.

Keswick: We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!

Kitty: [offended] Keswick!

Dudley: It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [quickly breaks into tears] OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!

Kitty, Keswick, and Chief: [react with horror at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!

Chief: My eyes!

Dudley: Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.

Chief: Keswick, activate the rash shield!

---

Snaptrap: Ooh, Larry. You're getting a ghostly wedgie!

Larry: Stop it, Snaptrap, I can totally see you.

Snaptrap: Oh, really? [drops Larry in the shark pit]

Thunder Dog / Snap Dad [1.09]

Dudley: Get away from my mom, Snaptrap! [tackles Snaptrap on the floor]

Peg: Dudley, what are you doing?!

Dudley: I'm saving you from an evil supervillain, who was just about to… [notices a plate of eggrolls on the table] Share your delicious microwave eggrolls with you? [scarfs the eggrolls and stops] What's going on here?!

Peg: I invited Mr. Snaptrap over for some refreshments. We met at the laundromat.

---

Ollie: [answering the phone] Diabolical Order of Mayhem. We deliver evil in 30 minutes or it's free.

Snaptrap: Hey, it's Snaptrap. I've fallen in love with a lady dog at the laundromat, and I'm resigning as the leader of D.O.O.M. Tell Larry I'll miss him least of all. Snaptrap out…forever. [hangs up]

Ollie: Hey, everyone. Snaptrap quit! Dibs on his stuff!

Snaptrap: That was hard. They were devastated.

---

Snaptrap: Are you guys mad about the money thing? Please don't be mad. I couldn't take it if you're mad.

Dudley and Kitty: [snapping] We're not mad!

Snaptrap: Oh, boy, that's a relief. I'm not calling you liars, which has sounded a little mad.

Iron Mutt / The Wrong Stuff [1.10]

[After Dudley defeated Snaptrap while wearing the iron suit…]

Wolf Spitzer: [showing up in the news van and steps out] Wolf Spitzer for Petropolis News with live coverage of the super dog who foiled Snaptrap from whatever it was he was doing. Let's hear it for Iron Mutt!

Dudley: I'm not Iron Mutt. I'm just an ordinary average…

Women: [hugging him] We love you, Iron Mutt!

Dudley: Super, awesome hero named Iron Mutt!

Crowd: [chanting] Iron Mutt! Iron Mutt!

---

Wolf Spitzer: This is a KPET Special Report. Iron Mutt-mania is sweeping Petropolis. Kids, are eating Iron Mutt cereal. [Kids cheer] Iron Mutt action figures, and Iron Mutt costumes in children's sizes! [Keswick cheers] And flea sizes! [Chief cheers too]

---

Keswick: [washing the garbage off of Kitty with a hose] Kitty, I've got a very important question for you.

Kitty: You want to know how Dudley's getting all the credit for stopping Snaptrap when he clearly has no idea what he's doing?

Keswick: Actually, I was going to ask if you could give me Iron Mutt's autograph. It's for my mother. Her name's Keswick.

Dudley: [bursting through the walls] I meant to do that.

Keswick: It's Iron Mutt! [screams in a girlishly voice]

Dudley: You want to be my sidekick, you're gonna need a much cooler costume than that.

Kitty: I'm not your sidekick!

Forget Me Mutt / Mind Trap [1.11]

Kitty: [hearing Keswick dry heaving] Keswick, are you all right?

Keswick: [nauseous] Not really. I'm prone to motion sickness, [holds up a jar mayonnaise as his face turns green with envy] and that jar of warm mayonnaise I ate isn't helping. [dry heaves as his face turns purple]

---

Chief: He's your partner! Do something, Agent Katswell!

Dudley: [recovering; acting as Kitty] Do what, Chief? Karate chop bad guys? [karate chops the ground] Act like I'm always right? Purr when the cute water delivery guy comes? [imitates Kitty's gestures]

Kitty: [defensively] I never do that!

---

Chief: What do we do now, Keswick?

Dudley: [recovering; acting as Keswick] I can assure you there are a number of options, none of which your… [stutters] puny minds can grasp. [Keswick grins at Kitty] Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work on the Lady Keswick I've been building!

Keswick: How do you know about that?! [blatant] I mean, I'm not… [stutters] building a Lady Keswick.

---

Kitty: Oh, no! Now we'll never figure out what's going on with Snaptrap!

Dudley: [recovers; acting as Snaptrap] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

[Kitty and Keswick groan in unison]

Chief: [in unison] Oh, brother.

Dudley: And now, to make my daring escape! [runs to the elevator]

---

Dudley: Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!

Keswick, Chief, and Kitty: [all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!

Dudley: Wait for me!

Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and Chief: [as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!

---

Keswick: Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.

[Kitty snatches it out of his hands and puts it on as she listens to the Chief's thoughts]

Chief: Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.

Kitty: [gasps in surprise; insulted] I knew it! You hate my cookies!

Dudley: Wow, Chief. Do you hate Christmas, too? Let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the helmet on his head]

Chief: [as Dudley picks his nose] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob

Dudley: [hurt] You think I'm a slob?!

Chief: Uh, look, dog food that makes its own gravy!

Dudley: Whoa! Gravy!

Keswick: [takes the helmet away] Grow up! Clearly you people lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this, though, that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…

Chief: Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.

Keswick: [fully hurt] Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, sobbing, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]

---

Chief: I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?

Keswick: I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks into tears] Cry, weep, sob!

Kitty: You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.

Dudley: Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.

Chief: [over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.

Keswick: Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]

Frisky Business / Hot Dog [1.12]

Dudley: [as his mother's wedding dress is blown away from his body] AHH! I'M NAKED! Nobody look! [Kitty sighs and hands over his black shirt] Okay, you can look now.

---

Wolf Spitzer: [shivering with his tail, all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman.

Keswick: [turns off the news channel] What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?

Dudley: [in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?

Kitty: You gotta be kidding me.

Dudley: I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own MAILMAN! Am I hot, or what?

Chief: I'm hot too.

Keswick: Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.

Chief: No, I mean, it's getting warm in here.

The Rat Pack / Booby Trap [1.15]

Dudley: You can't fight it, Snaptrap! You got the music in you!

Snaptrap: [straining to resist the dance] Must…be…STRONG! [Dudley pushes the dance floor button on the boom box, smashes it on the ground, lighting up the dance floor] Oh, no! GOTTA DANCE!

---

Dudley: [worn out] Man, I'm pooped.

Dudley clones: Ha! He said poop!

---

[Petropolis convention center; Bird Brain and co. arrive in the Whirly Bird helicopter]

Bird Brain: [laughs] Here we are at the First Annual Blue-Bottomed Booby Convention! I hope we can get a seat. It's going to be packed! [the convention center is completely empty as they enter] Or not. I thought there'd be blue-bottomed boobies everywhere!

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: Boobies!

Bat: Where?

Bird Brain: HERE, at the convention! Oh, Zippy, I am so disappointed. And not just because my henchmen are idiots. It appears that I'm the only blue-bottomed booby, in existence!

Zippy: Look on the bright side, boss, you can be the first in line at the buffet. [Bird Brain looks over to the buffet and see that Owl and Bat are already there] Or third.

Bird Brain: Save me some lox, Owl!

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: ME!

Bat: Where?

Bird Brain: [jumps] At the buffet table! What I wouldn't give for a taser right now!

Zippy: You know, boss, there is another advantage to being the only blue-bottomed booby.

---

Bird Brain: This is wonderful! I'm above the law! I love being the only booby!

Unnamed Booby: [appears] Greetings, fellow booby! [suddenly and inexplicably tied to a rocket outside the convention, via, Bird Brain]

Bird Brain: Hello, and GOOD-BYE! After a brief scare, I'm once again the only blue-bottomed booby! Now, to hatch my most diabolical plan ever…right after I hit the buffet table and build my own sundae.

Snappy Campers / Lucky Duck [1.16]

[Flashback to Snaptrap's childhood memory at camp]

Camp Counselor: And the winner of this summer's camp champ award for best camper is, everyone but for Verminious Snaptrap!

[The campers all cheer except for young Snaptrap]

Young Snaptrap: This is an outrage! I demand to know why I didn't win!

Camp Counselor: You bullied the junior campers, cheated at every camp competition, and you blew up the mess hall.

Young Snaptrap: Well, sure! It was nacho night, and I'm allergic to cheese!

Campers: [chanting] Snaptrap stinks! Snaptrap stinks!

[Flashback ends]

Larry: [chanting] Snaptrap stinks! Snaptrap stinks!

Snaptrap: [gets in Larry's face, angrily] Flashback's over, Larry! [throws Larry out of the bus at the edge of a cliff as he falls while screaming]

Larry: [calling out] It's pointy down here!

Snaptrap: I got so angry about losing, I developed a nervous twitch. Luckily, I'm over it. [twitches]

The Curse of King Mutt / Bored of Education [1.17]

Bird Brain: Well played, Agent Puppy. But I knew it was you all along.

Snaptrap: Yeah, that's why you led that heroic charge into the Ancient Greek trash compactor.

Chameleon: Quit fighting and let's make a run for it!

Kitty: Dudley, it's time to take out the trash!

Chameleon: Ooh, I hope we can get the same cell. Then we'll really get to bond. Can I get a "team evil?"

Bird Brain: No, please! Put me in solitary!

---

Kitty: [in high-pitched voice] Wait, kids, think about your future!

Dudley: [laughs in high-pitched voice] Kitty, you sound funny! Hey, listen to me! I'm Tiny Dudley! A little secret agent who lives in a thimble, and eats mini-mini waffles! Now you say something funny.

Kitty: I hear a beeping sound.

Dudley: I don't get it.

Chameleon: Forgot the pirate-themed forks.

Dudley: [groans] Now I get it. Tiny Dudley drives a mini minivan.

---

Dudley: [still in his high-pitched voice] I can't believe those kids turned evil!

Kitty: Dudley, the gas wore off ten minutes ago.

Dudley: I know, I just like talking like this. [in low-pitched voice] I also like talking like this.

---

Dudley: [in high-pitched voice] ¡Adios, amigos! I also like talking in French.

Guard Dog / Dog Save the Queen [1.18]

Dudley: Snaptrap, you're going to jail for blowing up the "Say Cheese" store.

Snaptrap: You know, it's weird. I've blown up a lot of combination cheese-and-camera shops, but I don't remember blowing up the one in Petsburg.

Ollie: Actually, boss, according to your schedule, we were at the D.O.O.M. picnic the day that store was blown up.

Dudley: Wait a minute. If you didn't blow it up, then who did? [to Chameleon] Chameleon?

Chameleon: Fine! I confess--it was me! I transformed myself into Snaptrap, and framed him. There, I said it! You broke me down! Your incredible psychological tactics are impossible to resist! I hope you are satisfied.

Dudley: I was just going to ask you if you had the key to unlock these handcuffs.

Chameleon: [facepalms himself] Oh, darn it!

Dudley: Why'd you do it, Chameleon?

Chameleon: To get rid of my criminal competition. Also, I wanted a free ride to Petsburg. There's a publisher there who rejected my book. I was going to put a very lonely rattlesnake in his bed!

Snaptrap: That means I'm innocent! I get to go home.

Dudley: Not so fast! You may not have blown up the store, but you still tried to annihilate the Chameleon and me. You're going to jail!

Snaptrap: Let's not play the blame game.

---

Chameleon: [disguised as a wolf citizen] Hello! It is I, the Chameleon-- I mean, Lord of the Flies! [holds up a plate of flies] Here, have a fly. I'm sorry, I'm all out of silverfish. Oh, tally-ho, English muffin, fish and chips! [looks at the Queen's crown] And now, to make my move! [transforms into his regular self, laughs evilly while crawling up the wall, attaches himself to the ceiling and rappels down onto the Queen's crown with his tail and tries to pull it off] What is this? A crown or a bike helmet?! And why is there a cake inside of it?!

The Queen: Guards! Stop this thief at once!

[As the guards are about to seize the Chemeleon, Big Ben chimes]

Guard: Oh, jolly good, tea time!

Chameleon: No tea for me. I'm filled up on flies. Well, if I can't take the crown, I will have to take you! [grabs the Queen and escapes through the chimney]

Kitty: [flying over; to Dudley through her wrist-com] Dudley, the Chameleon's got the Queen! [The Chameleon turns himself into a British taxi with the Queen inside and drives away] Where are you?

Dudley: [still in prison tower] Over here.

Doom and Gloom / Law and Ordor [1.19]

[D.O.O.M. headquarters; 3 to 5 years later…]

Snaptrap: [as he and his friends walk in; bummed] Well, that was a rough three to five years. I wonder if this carton of milk I left on the table is still good. Drink it, Francisco! [Francisco drinks the carton of spoiled milk, making his face turn green with sickness and collapses] Let's go steal some more milk at grocery store! I'll call T.U.F.F. and tell them.

Larry: Snaptrap, don't you get it by now? We keep on getting caught 'cause you always tell T.U.F.F. our plans!

Snaptrap: [in denial] I'm sorry, Larry. I can't hear you… FROM THE SHARK TANK! [pulls the lever, opening the shark tank underneath Larry and the sharks begin mauling him] Wow, you can really tell the sharks haven't eaten in three to five years.

Larry: [climbing out; fed up and outraged] That's it! I've had enough! You're a big, stinky bully, and I quit! [walks off with purpose]

Snaptrap: Sticks and stones, LARRY! Seriously, guys. Throw sticks and stones at him!

[Ollie and Francisco throw sticks and stones at Larry as he exits]

Larry: OW! My bones!

Snaptrap: I have exciting news fellas! With Larry gone, you two get to take turns in the shark tank.

Ollie: [as he and Francisco look at each other and make a run for it] Wait up, Larry!

Snaptrap: [digs into his pockets] Darn it! I'm out of sticks and stones! Well, who needs those losers? I'm the only smart one around here anyway.

---

Larry: [on-screen] It is I, Larry, leader of Genius Larry's Order of Mayhem, otherwise known as: "G.L.O.O.M."

Dudley: No offense, but "Larry's" not a very scary name.

Larry: Oh, all right. Then from now on, call me…Murray!

[Kitty and Chief gasp in shock]

Chief: Okay, Murray, you've got our attention. Now, just tell us your diabolical plan, so we can arrest you go out for brunch.

Murray (Larry): Ah! But that's the twist. I'm not gonna tell you my diabolical plan. Murray, out!

---

Murray (Larry): Attention, T.U.F.F. nitwits! It is I, Murray! [Kitty and Chief gasp] I'm here to tell you about my diabolical plan!

Chief: Thank you, Murray, you've made one middle-aged flea very happy!

---

Keswick: I've received intel that the Stink Bug is on the loose!

Dudley: Who's the Stink Bug?

Keswick: A diabolical bug villain who stinks. Duh! It's right in his name! Because of his rancid smell, we r-ruh-ran him out of town.

Chief: Actually, we just told him to take a shower, but he made a big stink about it and left, vowing revenge!

Keswick: Well, he's back, and he's robbing the Limburger Chuh-Chuh-Cheese Factory.

---

Stink Bug: I told you, I DON'T shower! [gets in Percival's face] YOU ARE THE WORST EVIL INTERN EVER!

Percival: Oh, evil intern? I must've missed that in the job description.

Big Dog on Campus / Dog's Best Friend [1.21]

Lunch Lady Bug: No one is leaving till you all clean your plates! And by "clean your plates", I mean, "CEASE TO EXIST!!!"

Dudley: Wait a minute. Lunch Lady Bug? It was you all along? But why?

Lunch Lady Bug: Because I've put up with you insulting my food for years, and now, destroying your reunion will be my revenge!

Dudley: [to Kitty] She's crazy!

Kitty: Duh! She put snakes in her Spanish rice!

Lunch Lady Bug: And now, I will drown you all with this giant vat of gravy! [laughs manically] The sweet taste of revenge! Actually, it's a little lumpy. [laughs] The lumpy taste of revenge!

Dudley: Wait, Lunch Lady Bug! Not everyone hates your food! I love it and I always have! Your bratwurst are the wurst-bests, I mean, best-wursts-- wow, I have to go to the bathroom.

Lunch Lady Bug: Who cares what you think? You're just an assistant to an apprentice rodeo clown.

Dudley: No, I'm not! I'm a super-cool T.U.F.F. agent! Okay, I can't get the barrel off, but underneath it is an awesome black t-shirt, which come to think of it, really doesn't prove anything.

Kitty: The point is, he isn't a clown, and I'm not really a hairless cat!

Dudley: Yes, you are.

Kitty: I mean… I'm a T.U.F.F. agent too!

Lunch Lady Bug: I don't care who you are! In a few seconds, you'll be a garnish on my dish of death!

Dudley: Kitty, we'll have to fight food with food! Set your blaster to mashed potato!

Kitty: That's ridiculous! There's no setting for-- [sees the "mashed potato" setting on her blaster, thinking Dudley was right] Oh, look, there it is!

Monkey Business / Diary of a Mad Cat [1.23]

Chameleon: [disguised as Kitty's mother] When are you going to get married? Why don't you call me on my birthday?! Why can't you be more like your sister?!

Kitty: My sister's in jail!

Top Dog / Quack in The Box [1.25]

Kitty: Wow. Dudley is a terrible chief. Luckily, all of the city's worst villains are out of commission.

Keswick: Are they in jail?

Kitty: No, they're at an evil softball tournament in Petsburgh.

[Snaptrap, Bird Brain, and the Chameleon are seen playing there]

Snaptrap: I stole home! Seriously, I stole it. I also swiped the ref's watch. Start the car, Larry!

Keswick: Well, if all the bad guys are out there playing softball, then there's nothing to worry about.

[Lightning flashes over the city and the face of a new villain appears]

Meerkat: It's time to give Petropolis something to worry about! I call to order the first meeting of the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators: "F.L.O.P.P.!" Role call! Meerkat, oh that's me. And I'll have you know I'm no mere cat, I'm the MEERKAT! Get it, Mere Cat. [pulls out a sign with "Mere Cat" at the top and "Meerkat" at the bottom] See the difference? You kinda have to write it down. [throws the sign away] Moving on… Wanna-Bee?

Wanna-Bee: I'm here and I wanna be bad!

Meerkat: Oooh, I like your moxie. Missing Lynx, eh missing as usual. Fiddler Crab? [Fiddler Crab plays a fiddle note on his violin but one of the strings snap and hit him in the eye] Oh, that's a snappy ditty. Escape Goat?

Escape Goat: I'm here, and I'm forming my greatest escape yet! Has anyone seen a tiny key?!

Meerkat: Time to brainstorm a fiendish plan!

Wanna-Bee: Yeah! Let's do something super bad! [falls into the creamer]

Meerkat: Oh, dear, he's fallen in the creamer! Someone throw him a swizzle stick!

Escape Goat: Here's an evil plan. Why don't we dine and dash? Ha-ha!

Meerkat: Ooh, that's super evil! Let's do it!

---

Chief: You're going to jail, F.L.O.P.P.!

Meerkat: Oh, goody! Do you hear that, boys? We're going to jail like real criminals! [realizes] Oh, no! We're going to jail like real criminals!

---

Wolf Spitzer: Wolf Spitzer here with beloved children's TV host, and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck. We're at the grand opening of Quacky's new restaurant: Quack in the Box.

Quacky: Hey, kids! You're gonna love what's on the menu. It's better than prison food and I should know.

Sharing Moose: I'm only gonna say this once, "Eat here or else!"

Quacky: Okay, Sharing Moose. Save that charm for the drive-thru window.

Chief: Quacky's got a restaurant? Let's hurry and beat the crowd!

Keswick: Looks like the Sharing Moose is already… [stutters] doing that.

Sharing Moose: I said get in line, grandma!

Kitty: [speechless] I can't believe you guys are buying this. Do I need to remind you that Quacky tied me and Dudley to a rocket and fired us into space?

Keswick: Kitty, you have to learn to forgive and forget.

Kitty: Really? I bet Dudley hasn't forgiven or forgotten.

---

Wolf Spitzer: Quacky, isn't it a little coincidental that the T.U.F.F. agent who put you behind bars is the winner of your contest?

Quacky: Yeah, coincidental. That's what it is. Definitely not part of a sinister revenge plan that carved on a prison wall with a sharpened toothbrush.

Dudley: I WON! I WON! I STILL CAN'T BREATHE!

Quacky: Besides, Agent Puppy is my biggest fan and he'd do anything to make Quack in the Box a success.

Sharing Moose: You hear that, Wolf-man? Agent Puppy would do anything.

Dudley: I'd stop at nothing!

---

Sharing Moose: Well done, Quacky. Things are going just like we planned.

Quacky: Yeah! Once I activate those quacktion figures, they'll destroy every other fast food restaurant in Petropolis and make it look like Agent Puppy did it! [quickly realizes] Whoops! I said that over the drive-thru microphone.

Sharing Moose: [tosses the customer his meal and the customer drives away] Don't worry. I didn't put the stomach medicine in his sloppy meal. He'll never make it out of the parking lot.

Customer: [throws up and crashes] I'm gonna need an extra napkin!

---

Dudley: KITTY! DID YOU SEE ME ON TV?!

Kitty: I can't believe you're still into Quacky. He's a deranged lunatic who tried to annihilate us. Ooh! The Math Moth! He taught me long division and how to eat a wool sweater.

Keswick: Boy, Quacky's food really hits the spot. It's just the right blend of farming pesticides and irradiated artificial meat filler.

Chief: Whoa, Agent Puppy! Is that the Phonics Fox? You know, I've always had a crush on her. How do I look?

Keswick: Uh, Chief, you know she's not real.

Chief: Just because she's a lifeless plastic toy doesn't mean she's not real.

Keswick: That's exactly what it means. Looks like somebody needs to talk to the Sanity Seagull.

---

Wolf Spitzer: Wolf Spitzer here. Agent Puppy, did you destroy Argh-by's because you're a crazed Quacky the Duck fan and want to eliminate the competition?

Dudley: What? No! That's ridic--

[Kitty falls on him]

Wolf Spitzer: There you have it. Proof positive that it's raining cats.

---

Snaptrap: [after Dudley passes out from hyperventilating too much] Boy, he really is an idiot. [he and Wolf Spitzer pose; end of episode]

Season 2

Freaky Spy Day / Dog Tired [2.01]

Dudley: [in Kitty's body after switching brains with her] It worked! Now as far as anyone knows, I'm Kitty. And that's just me asleep on the floor again. Now to make a date with Jack. [calls Jack's number; badly imitating Kitty] Hi, Jack. It's Kitty. I got your message.

Jack: Kitty, what's wrong with your voice?

Dudley/Kitty: Uh, I have a fur ball in my throat, because I'm a cat, and not a dog with my brain inside a cat's body. [laughs nervously] Wanna meet for lunch?

Jack: Love to. Meet me at 12:00 at our Our Old Hangout.

Dudley/Kitty: Ummm… I don't remember where that is, and not because I'm just pretending to be Kitty and don't know you that well. [laughs nervously again]

Jack: Actually, we've never been there before. "Our Old Hangout" is the name of a new restaurant on main street. I'll see you there.

Dudley/Kitty: Beware Jack Rabbit. There's a new Kitty in town, and her name is Dumpley Puppy! [falls to the floor] Aah! I twisted my ankle!

[Our Old Hangout restaurant; Jack is sitting at a booth waiting for "Kitty" to show up]

Dudley/Kitty: [showing up] Hi, Jackie-poo! [having trouble walking in Kitty's boots and trips on Jack] Sorry, I'm late. I had to put on my lady face. [giggles]

Jack: Kitty, It's good to see you. I thought about you a lot while I was in the slammer.

Dudley/Kitty: Well, you deserved to be in jail. [slaps Jack in the face]

Jack: [points to his convertible car outside] Actually, The slammer is my high powered European sports car. It's an XJ-5 Convertible.

Dudley/Kitty: Yeah? Well, your fancy car doesn't impress me. I only came here to tell you, I want nothing to do with you! Oh, and to do this! [splashes a glass of water in Jack's face] And this! [squirts ketchup in his face] And maybe this too! [pushes a stick of butter on his forehead] And don't bother wiping your face, 'cause I never want to see it again!

---

Dudley/Kitty: Just so you know, after my free lunch, free dessert, and free to-go order, I never wanna see you again!

Jack: Oh, I beg you, Kitty. Spend the day with me. [takes out his credit card] I'll take you anywhere you wish to go.

Dudley/Kitty: Anywhere?

---

Dudley/Kitty: [on the phone] I'd like to order a dune buggy, and a pot roast the size of a dune buggy.

Kitty: [in Dudley's body] Dudley, have you gone crazy?! Why did you trade brians with me?

Dudley/Kitty: Keep your shirt on! I don't want my Chinese noodles to fall out. [Kitty groans angrily at him] Look, I know you're mad, but I did it to protect you from Jack Rabbit. I was afraid he'd try and do something bad to you again. But as it turns out, he's an awesome guy who just left his sunglasses in the top secret T.U.F.F. computer room.

Kitty/Dudley: What?! Jack's back?! Dudley, he used his charms to trick you!

Dudley/Kitty: Actually, he used it to buy me a dune buggy. I love him, Kitty!

---

Snaptrap: [in Kitty's body] Wow! I can get even bigger tips now!

Dudley: Hi-YAH! [punches Snaptrap in the nose, knocking him out] Take that, Snaptrap! [to Kitty, in Snaptrap's body] Sorry, Kitty. I think I broke your nose.

Jack: [comes out of the top secret computer room] The list is on this flash drive, Snaptrap.

Kitty: [imitating Snaptrap's voice] Yeah. That's who I am. Snaptrap and not a girl cat in a really gross rat's body. Are there noodles in my shirt? Do all guys do this?

Jack: [tosses the flash drive in "Snaptrap's" hands] You've got your list. Now, give me my money.

Kitty: No chance, Jack. 'Cause I'm not really Snaptrap. [picks up the Brain Switcher; in normal voice] I'm Kitty Katswell!

---

Mr. Wong: Dudley Puppy, you crossed the Wong guy! Get it? 'Cause my name is Wong.

Kitty: You know, this is a secret agency. We really should lock the door.

---

Dudley: [in Jack's body; imitating Jack's voice] Here's my credit card, Mr. Wong. It should cover all the food Dudley ate. And all the food he's planning to eat in the future.

Mr. Wong: [takes the credit card; kindly] Thank you, wise and handsome stranger. [leaves the building]

---

Snaptrap: [sitting in his chair, wearing his bunny slippers and robe; bummed] Woe is me. [sighs with depression]

Ollie: Oh, are you depressed, boss?

Snaptrap: Well, yes. Also, I've changed my name to "Woe."

Larry: What's wrong, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap: [shouting angrily] IT'S "WOE", LARRY!

Pup Daddy / Candy Cane-ine [2.02]

Elderly Kitty: Dudley, what have you done?!

Elderly Chief: Get him!

Bark to the Future / Lights, Camera, Quacktion [2.03]

Kitty: Keep working, Keswick. Here's a piece of pizza. [slides a slice of pizza under the door]

Kewsick: I CAN'T REACH THE PIZZA! Oh, [stuttering] SURE! I guess I'll just STARVE!!

---

Wolf Spitzer: Wolf Spitzer here for Access Hollywolf. I'm with former kid show host and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck, and his scary partner, the Sharing Moose. They are out of prison and making their first feature film.

Quacky: Which is definitely a real movie, and not a villainy cover up for heinous crimes.

Sharing Moose: That's right. I spent a year in solitary writing the screenplay.

Quacky: Seriously? You actually wrote a real screenplay?

Sharing Moose: It's a touch in celebration of life. And if the actors mess it up, they will never forget the taste of my FIST!

Wolf Spitzer: And who are these lucky actors of what you speak?

Quacky: Well, Wolf, we cast three local suckers, I mean, local citizens in the starring roles.

Kitty: [turns off the screen] What kind of idiots would wanna star in a Quacky the Duck movie?

[Elevator doors open]

Dudley: KITTY, WE'RE STARRING IN A QUACKY THE DUCK MOVIE!

Dog House / Time Waits for No Mutt [2.06]

Bird Brain: [to Snaptrap; annoyed] You are one dumb rat.

Sheep Dog / Mom's Away [2.09]

Chameleon: [putting money in a safe vault in the wall of a motel room] This is my best plan yet! Soon, I'll have more money than I currently have! Plus, the old-lady sheep seem to really enjoy the Latin charms of Ricardo Muttonban. [disguises himself as Ricardo] Right until I take all of their money, that is! With this disguise, it's so easy to pull the wool over their eyes. Oh-ho, wow! That was clever, and it rhymed. Clever wordplay is the hallmark of comedy!

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer with rich-people news. New super-easy-to-take-advantage-of socialite Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is throwing a cotillion.

Dudley: [speaking in a falsetto accent] Which is a dance, and not the number that comes after a billion, like you would think.

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer saying, "No one thought that." Anyway, every rich, old sheep in town is invited to Lady Wrinklesmith's yacht tonight.

Chameleon: That Wrinklesmith's face could stop a clock. [shudders in disgust] But I wonder how much she's worth?

Wolf Spitzer: In case you're wondering how much Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is worth, it's--

Dudley: A cotillion dollars!

Wolf Spitzer: We've been over this. That's not a number.

---

Snaptrap's Mom: [through speaker] Verminious, what'd you do with my toe cream?!

Snaptrap: It's under your bunion cream, Mom! It's gross, guys. Her feet has more bumps than the surface of the moon.

Snaptrap's Mom: VERMINIOUS! How many stamps do I need to send an email?!

Snaptrap: Boy, mom's are the worst.

Francisco: Yeah, tell me about it. This one time, I didn't clean up my room, and my mom tried to turn me into a pair of boots.

Ollie: My mom was equally horrid. Her crumpets were dry and lumpy.

Larry: I love my mommy. She's cool. She always takes care of me when I get hurt.

Love Bird / Bluff Puppy [2.10]

Bird Brain: Gather around, henchmen!

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: You!

Bat: Where?

Bird Brain: Where do you think?! Around me! Duck! Don't duck, I was talking to the duck! [annoyingly facepalms himself] Holy cow. Not you, Holy Cow. Oh, now I've lost my train of thought. Oh, right! I've invented a new hideously diabolical weapon! I call it, the Lovey-Dovey-Kissy-Smoochy gun! I admit the name could be scarier.

Zippy: How does it work, boss?

Bird Brain: It causes anyone I blast to fall madly in love with me!

---

[Petropolis Prison; The F.L.O.P.P. members are being released]

Meerkat: At last, sweet freedom! Now the members of F.L.O.P.P., the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators, can be reunited in crime! Right, Wanna-Bee?

Wanna-Bee: Yeah! 'Cause I wanna be bad!

Escape Goat: So do I, but how can we commit crimes without going back to jail?!

Wanna-Bee: We could rob each other, and not press charges!

Meerkat: I have a better idea. I've contacted an old friend, who leads the exciting life of a supervillain, but has never gone to jail.

Escape Goat: What's his secret?

Meerkat: He's never actually committed a crime. Oh, he threatens to, but it's always a bluff. Fellow members of F.L.O.P.P., meet the Bluffalo!

Bluffalo: Hello, look at me. I'm parked in a handicapped space in a stolen van. [Meerkat, Wanna-Bee, and Escape Goat scream] Just kidding. I'm legally parked, and I'm leasing this.

Meerkat: I told you he was good.

Bluffalo: With my help, you will be able to terrorize Petropolis with empty threats, and never go to prison. Now, who wants some stolen pizza? [Meerkat, Wanna-Bee, and Escape Goat scream again] I'm bluffing. I paid for it, and left a 20% tip. [giggles]

---

[As F.L.O.P.P. and Bluffalo lurk beside the donut shop with boxes of fudgie bars]

Meerkat: [high-fives with Bluffalo] Bluffalo, you're brilliant! Ooh, and I'm diabetic. I shouldn't have eaten all those fudgie bars.

Escape Goat: I'd say let's make our escape, but we didn't do anything wrong!

Bluffalo: And that is the genius of the Bluffalo. Now, let's race to the F.L.O.P.P. shed, while obeying all traffic laws. [They hop into a golf cart and drive away] This is not my golf cart. My brother-in-law loaned it to me.

---

Dudley: F.L.O.P.P.! This going to jail! But, don't worry Bluffalo, I won't arrest you.

Bluffalo: Thank you, That's awfully sporting of you! [when Dudley handcuffs Bluffalo, Meerkat and Escape Goat to Kitty handscuffs them, and Wanna-Bee handcuffed]

Wanna-Bee: Oh, no!

Dudley: Ha! I tricked you, boy! I'm dying for pizza!

Barking Tall / Bad Eggs [2.12]

[Next morning at T.U.F.F. headquarters; Kitty, Keswick, and the Chief are drinking coffee as Dudley shows up, looking a little bigger]

Chief: Uh-oh! It's the diabolical Dr. Half-dog!

Dudley: No, Chief! [squats down to reveal his head] It's me! And I'm tall! Check it out! I can dunk and reach the ham. I can even dunk a ham!

Chief: [jumps onto the hoop and smacks the ham out of Dudley's hand] You may be tall, but I got mad hops.

---

Keswick: I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we'll never run out of potato salad.

[Dudley, Kitty, and the Chief cheer]

Chief: There's no news bad enough to offset that!

Keswick: And the bad news is I can't stop the effects of the grow-faster blaster, which means big trouble for Agent Puppy.

Dudley: Oh, no! I'm gonna turn into a potato! My seventh greatest fear has been realized!

Chief: But we're still good with the potato salad, right?

[Dudley suddenly starts growing bigger as the size of the headquarters building, with his arms, legs, and head sticking out]

Dudley: [with his eyes closed tightly] I can't bear to look! Am I potato?!

---

[Dudley lets out a massive fart, blowing up and destroying the headquarters building]

Dudley: [relieved] Ah, that's better! I mean, gross, Kitty!

Chief: Believe it or not, my horoscope said this would happen.

Keswick: What do you know? "A giant dog fart will destroy everything you've worked for."

Kitty: "You will soar to new heights."

Dudley: [confused] I don't get it. [grows even more bigger] Oh, now I get it!

---

Dudley: Being tall wrecked everything. I'm so sad I don't even feel like singing.

Carbon Copies / TUFF Cookies [2.13]

Dudley: Thanks for having a snowball fight with me, Mr. President of the United States. [gets hit in the face with a snowball]

Simulated Eagle President: You're welcome, Dudley. And since we're best friends now, you can call me, "Mr. United States."

---

Simulated Michael Crane: It's always a pleasure to hang out with my best friend, Dudley Puppy.

Dudley: This is awesome! I have so many famous bird friends!

Keswick: Agent Puppy, get out of the simulation station.

Dudley: Come on, Keswick. This is your coolest invention ever! Whatever I imagine in here becomes real! In fact, could you come in here for a second? I'd like to imagine you not bothering me.

Keswick: Agent Puppy, I created the simulation station to train agents for dangerous, real-life situations, not so you could good off with a has-been actor and a lame duck president.

Dudley: He's not a duck. He's an eagle. Besides, Kitty said it was okay.

Simulated Kitty: I did. I think everything Dudley does is okay, if not amazing.

Keswick: That is not the real Agent Katswell.

Dudley: I know. I call her, "agreeable Kitty." She's way better. [sees the real Kitty and gets startled]

Kitty: Better, Dudley? How is she better?

Dudley: Well, for one thing, she doesn't scare me like you just did. Also, her head is a gumball machine.

---

Chief: Agent Puppy, I'm only gonna ask you this once. Did you take Keswick's coffee cup? [Keswick whispers to him; shocked] He did what?! That's way worse! Agents Puppy and Katswell, go get that simulated Michael Crane, and bring him back to T.U.F.F.! Keswick, go put agreeable Kitty back in the simulation station.

Keswick: One second, Chief. I'm trying to get a cherry gumball. [Agreeable Kitty explodes] The gumballs were all backed up.

---

Keswick: [eating an Animal Quacker] These taste like sugar cookies!

Kitty: Don't tell anyone I said this, but these are even better than my Carp Tarts!

Bill: I'm from the Carp Tarts company, and I heard that. You're fired, Ms. Katswell.

Kitty: You've been spying on me?!

Bill: The Carp Tarts company checks up on all their spokespeople. [chuckles] Oh, boy, hiding behind a ficus sure works up an appetite. [eats an Animal Quacker] Mm! Man, these are better than Carp Tarts! [chuckles] I can say that, 'cause no one's spying on me.

Executive: Wrong, Bill! You're FIRED!

Bill: [disappointed] Oh, great. Now I gotta go sell board games in the alley. [walks away, moping]

Dudley: I'm sorry you lost your spokesperson job, Kitty, but the important thing is, I still have mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use my super deep TV voice to sell more cookies!

Close Encounters of the Doomed Kind / Golden Retriever [2.15]

Chief: Okay, I've had some time to get over the mop. And I've decided I can't get over the mop. So we're going after it! Keswick, break out the heavy artillery.

Keswick: I would, Chief. But the key to activate the weapon system is in Kitty's purse. Just kidding, it's in my fanny pack. [chuckles]

Chief: [laughs] Yeah, good one, Keswick.

---

Dudley: That's weird. Never punched someone in the nose and the foot at the same time.

Crime Takes a Holiday / Flower Power [2.17]

[Bird Brain and Zippy are both standing in front of the Brawny Booby clothing store]

Zippy: Bird Brain, why are robbing the Brawny Booby? You always rob the Big-Bottomed Booby.

Bird Brain: Because Zippy, I've made a serum out of the Bird of Powerdise flower! Once I take it, I'll be young, handsome, and I'll feel out a muscle shirt like no booby's business! There may be some freaky side effects like: uncontrollable skipping, and the inability to pronounce the letter "R." But, blue bottoms up! [gulps down the serum and grows a full head of hair and a stylish muscular body] Now, look at me. I'm WIPPED! Oh, dear. I sound widiculous. No matter, I look like a gweek god! Hooway! [skips on inside] Evewybody out! This is a wobbewy! [all the other boobys are confused; sighs in frustration] A bugwugwy?! Just get out! [puts on a pair of skinny jeans] Oh, this is fantastic. Finally, I can get into skinny jeans without gweasing my waist with butter.

T.U.F.F. Sell / Tattle Tale [2.20]

Meerkat: I hereby call to order this meeting of F.L.O.P.P.: The Fiendish League of Potential Perpatrators!

Escape Goat: It's just me, Meerkat. You don't have to yell. Also, I know what F.L.O.P.P. stands for.

Meerkat: [offended] You know, Escape Goat, you've got quite an attitude for someone who couldn't even escape from the shower this morning!

True Spies / Bagel and the Beast [2.21]

Keswick: Mmm. Chief, this three-bean salad you made is delicious!

Chief: Thanks. Although to tell you the truth, I didn't make it. I just took it out of the refrigerator. There's all kinds of stuff in here.

Keswick: [stuttering] Wait a minute. This is my spill-the-beans salad! It's just as powerful as my truth syrup, but with fewer calories!

Chief: Oh, no! Truth beans give me gas. To be honest, I always have gas, but I blame it on Agent Puppy.

Keswick: I never have gas. I'm an alien. Oops!

Chief: Keswick, are you really an alien?

Keswick: No. Yes. I'm hiding out on Earth because I'm wanted on my own planet for cooking stinky fish at work. Super strict planet.

---

[Dudley and Kitty serve the D.O.O.M. agents some waffles and pour the truth syrup on them]

Snaptrap: These are delicious. Francisco, pass me more syrup.

Francisco: My name isn't really Francisco. It's Francesca. My mom wanted a girl. [realizes what he said] Wait, what am I saying?

Ollie: Aw, that's okay, Francesca. I'm not really British. [in a French accent] I just faked the accent to sound smarter.

Snaptrap: Something weird is happening. Suddenly I have the urge to tell Larry that I don't actually hate him. I'm only hard on him because I think he has the most potential to be evil.

Larry: And I have the urge to admit I've been putting black widows in your gym bag. [realizes what he said, freaking out] What's gotten into us?!

Dudley: I just gave you truth syrup, and I didn't have to tell you because I can lie again. Keswick gave us the antidote-- Key Lie Pie!

---

[News footage on the screen monitor shows some police cars in front of a house robbery]

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer with breaking news. There are reports that Bigfoot-- yes, Bigfoot-- has robbed this strangely familiar home behind me. [realizes in shock] Wait, that's my house!

Daughter Spitzer: [tapping her father's shoulder] Daddy, Bigfoot-- yes, Bigfoot stole my video games.

Wolf Spitzer: Well, sweetie, that's no big deal.

Mrs. Spitzer: He also stole your golf clubs.

Wolf Spitzer: That monster! [vengefully] Bigfoot must be hunted down and DESTROYED!

Dudley: This is ridiculous! Bigfoot would never hurt anyone! He's kind, and generous, and he has a heart as big as his foot.

Kitty: How would you know that, Dudley?

Dudley: Because he came to comfort me when I was a kid after my mom sent me to bed without dessert. I didn't do anything wrong when we were just out of dessert.

---

Dudley: [consoling Bigfoot] I'll figure out some way to get you out of here, buddy. I just need to think. Thinking is hard. Maybe I'll just make some hot chocolate. That's hard too. Or maybe I'll just sit here. [jumps and sits down on the floor] Ah, the floor is hard.

Wolf Spitzer: [on screen monitor] This is Wolf Spitzer saying Bigfoot has struck again! And this time, he's teamed up with the beloved former show pony, Shenanigans. Yes, Shenanigans.

Dudley: Hey, look, Bigfoot. You're on TV. Wait. You're on TV. That means… [groans] more thinking. No, wait, I've got it. You're innocent! That means you're innocent!

Match Me If You Can / Organized Crime [2.24]

Kitty: [sobbing along with Dudley] We're never gonna get Tammy back!

Chief: [sobbing] I give anything to hear Tammy's voice one more time!

Season 3

T.U.F.F. Love / Soar Loser [3.02]

[T.U.F.F. headquarters; Tammy is in the elevator putting makeup on, the elevator doors open, revealing Keswick laying on a floating pink cloud with hearts in his eyes, staring dreamily at her]

Keswick: Morning, Tammy! [Tammy screams] I've been on Cloud 9 since I met you. Cloud 9 is the name of the hovering platform I built to be closer to your face. [Tammy closes the elevator doors on his nose] Love hurts.

---

Chief: Let me guess, Tammy trouble?

Keswick: Yeah. It just seems my wooing isn't working.

Dudley: Well, maybe Kitty can give you some girl advice. She's kind of a girl.

Kitty: [flicks Dudley in the ear] Thanks, Dudley. And you're kind of a secret agent. So, how exactly have you been wooing her, Keswick?

Keswick: Well let's see, I snuck into her house, then wrote "I love you" on her bathroom mirror in ketchup.

---

Keswick: Agent Puppy, this is a nightmare!

Dudley: You're telling me. I really wanted that lemon cream donut.

Keswick: I'm never gonna win Tammy over. [sighs helplessly]

Dudley: You just gotta keep trying, Keswick. I know women, and the one thing they love is being desperately pursued by a guy they're not interested in.

---

[Petropolis Hospital; Snaptrap and Bird Brain are recovering after being beaten by Tammy]

Snaptrap: Well, this is humiliating.

Bird Brain: You're telling me. Two respected thespians, such as ourselves, reduced to being beaten up by a girl?!

Snaptrap: No, I was talking about my hospital gown. It doesn't close in the back.

Bird Brain: We should give that Tammy a taste of her own medicine.

Snaptrap: Sorry, I'm gonna need all my medicine. She really kicked my butt. Which as I mentioned, it's the only part of me this robe isn't covering.

Great Scott / To Be or Not to Bee [3.06]

Wanna-Bee: Wait! The Rumble Bee?! That's my brother, the one who went to the Amazon without me! [groans] He must've been sprayed by those scientists and turned into a killer bee! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! [to Dudley and Kitty] The Rumble Bee doesn't need to be a killer bee. [to the viewers] He's already super bad! HE'S A MONSTER!

Cast

• Jerry Trainor – Dudley Puppy, Wanna-Bee
• Grey Delisle-Griffin – Kitty Katswell, Tammy, Zippy, Little Chipmunk Girl
• Jeff Glen Bennett – Keswick, Larry, Ollie, Agent Nutz
• Daran Norris – The Chief, The Chameleon, Francisco, Meerkat, Wolf Spitzer
• Maddie Taylor – Verminious Snaptrap, Quacky the Duck
• Rob Paulsen – Bird Brain
• Leslie Carrara-Rudolph – Peg Puppy
• Carlos Alazraqui – Stink Bug
• Butch Hartman – Escape Goat