Smiling Friends

Smiling Friends is an adult animated television series created by Zach Hadel and Michael Cusack for Cartoon Network's night-time programming block Adult Swim, which revolves around a small charity dedicated to making people smile.

Season 1

Desmond's Big Day Out [1.1]

[Charlie and Pim enter Desmond's room before seeing a terribly depressed and malnourished Desmond holding a revolver at his head]

Charlie: What's, uh... What's up, man? What's happening, big guy? What's with the gun?

Desmond: Oh, nothing. I was probably gonna use it to shoot myself or somethin'.

Charlie: Oh, you don't need to do that, man. Why don't you just... put the gun down, buddy?

Pim: Yeah, d-don't worry. Things are gonna be OK. W-what's wrong?

Desmond: Well, life's not going that great for me. [slowly zoom in with somber background music playing] My wife left me, my kids left me, my dog died from a broken heart last fall. So I don't know. Yeah, probably just gonna end it all or somethin'.

[Charlie and Pim take a short pause; Charlie turns to Pim]

Charlie: Pim, can I, uh... Can I talk to you for a second? [talks to Pim in a hushed voice] Look, Pim, I know it's our job to help this guy and everything, but I think this guy is a lost cause. He has obviously made up his mind. Why don't we just cut our losses and get out of here?

Pim: Oh, come on. That's nonsense, Charlie. We've never given up on a job so far. [walks up to Desmond in an innocent manner] Um, hello there, sir. I know you don't know who I am, but my name is Pim. I know right now things seem bleak, but I promise to you that by the end of this beautiful day, you will have a big gorgeous smile on that handsome face of yours. Oh, won't you give us a chance? [Desmond pauses for a beat]

Desmond: OK. But if you can't help me... [zoom in on Desmond talking in a disturbing deep machine voice] I'm gonna fuckin' shoot myself and make you two watch.

Pim: OK, not sure about that, but yaaay!

---

[Allen goes through a big hole behind the fridge and sees a person inside the walls browsing on a computer]

Allen: Uh... [the person frantically tries to close the tab but covers the screen from Allen with his hands] Hey, sorry to bother you, but did you a see a mouse run through here by chance?

Wall Guy: I don't know. [pause] Yeah, no clue, man. Maybe try down there.

Allen: [unsure] Thanks, I'll...check it out.

Wall Guy: By the way, for the record, you should probably knock or make yourself known next time you enter someone's place.

Allen: Dude, I don't even think you should be in here to begin with.

Wall Guy: Yeah, not really your business though, is it?

Allen: [bothered] When you're living in our office walls, yeah, it kind of is.

Wall Guy: [nodding him to leave] Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Allen: [sighs deeply] OK, I'm not... I'm not doing this right now. Bye.

Wall Guy: Yeah, bye. [Allen takes one look at the person before moving on]

Allen: Whatever.

Mr. Frog [1.2]

[Charlie and Pim enter inside Mr. Frog's extravagant and spacious mansion]

Pim: Wow... W-what do you do here all day?

Mr. Frog: Hello. I just watch Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube all day.

Charlie: Dude, this house is insane! There's like a thousand rooms in here. You have a gym, you got a theatre, [sees wild animals fighting aggressively to death behind a glass window] and you've even got a beautiful animal sanctuary.

Mr. Frog: Yes. But if I don't get my job back on the Mr. Frog Show, I'll lost it all. Hello.

Pim: Well, first things first, have you thought about just apologising for putting that TMZ reporter in your mouth? That was pretty bad.

Mr. Frog: Hello. But I'm not sorry.

Pim: [thinking] Hm... All right, that definitely makes it harder. Um, let's see... [Mr. Frog appears next to Pim's other side]

Mr. Frog: Um, can I pull your hair?

Pim: [scared] Uh, no. No, please don't.

Charlie: No, no, no, no. Screw apologising! All we have to do is rehabilitate his image.

Pim: I guess we could try to make the world see the good side of Mr. Frog. How hard could that be? [both look at Mr. Frog for a beat; Mr. Frog pauses before suddenly pulling Pim's "hair" on top of his head, later revealed to be an exposed nerve ending] GAHH--!!! [the scene transitions to the next one]

---

[late at night in Mr. Frog's swimming pool, Pim talks to Charlie in the hot tub]

Pim: All right, somehow no drugs was worse than drugs. Charlie, if we can't get him under control, I don't think we're gonna be able to help him.

Charlie: Don't worry, Pim, I am way ahead of you. [holds a canister of pills] I gave him some of these already.

Pim: [concerned] Charlie, what did you give him?

Charlie: My uncle had some sleeping pills laying around to help him sleep at night after he rammed his car into a crowd of people.

Pim: Your uncle seems to get into lots of car accidents.

Charlie: Yeah, he loves his cars. He loves his cars. [Pim sees a drugged Mr. Frog floating in the pool, laughs watching a video on his phone]

Pim: Is it safe for him to be in that pool when he's on them?

Charlie: Yeah, no-one's ever done anything crazy on sleeping pills.

Shrimp's Odyssey [1.3]

Jennifer: I like your hair...

Pim: [Pim runs his hand through his single strand of hair] Oh, this old thing? Uh, yeah, it's actually just an exposed nerve ending. But thanks!

---

Shrimp: How do I look, yellow man?

Charlie: ...Y-You look like you're about to tell your friend not to come to school tomorrow, man.

---

Charlie: [drunkenly] Goddamn, Shrimp... you’re just, like... you’re just, like FUCKED, man. [Charlie takes another gulp of his spaghetti drink] And I ain’t even trying to be offensive or nothing like that, but... I don’t know how you had a girlfriend in the first place.

Shrimp: That is why I do not even bother.

Charlie: Yeah, I know. I’m just saying, you’re just, like... you’re just, like, really, really fucked. I-I genuinely feel bad, it’s not even your fault, man. You’re just a shrimp, you was born like that. You was born like that, you was born a shrimp. You can’t even--... It’s your nature.

---

Pim: W-Wait, you're Shrimpina, right?

Jennifer: My name is Jennifer.

Shrimp: I have never met this woman in my entire life.

Charlie: ...Pim, who is this? Where... Where did you meet this woman?

Pim: I went where Shrimp told me to go. The cafe on 153 Meep Boulevard.

Charlie: Pim, there's no cafe at 153, there's a cafe at 158. You went to the wrong place.

Pim: W-W... Well, wait a second, what about that thing you said at the cafe? About... like, moving on or something?

Jennifer: Yeah. My boyfriend Jason died in a motorcycle accident a few months ago.

Charlie: Jesus Christ, man, Pim. Pim. Aauuughh.

Shrimp: Where is Shrimpina?

Charlie: I have no idea, probably at home? I don't know. P-Pim, did you even see Shrimpina one ti--once?

Enchanted Forest [1.6]

[Charlie has a headache listening to Alan and Glep playing a fighting video game at high volume]

Charlie: Hey, can you guys turn that down? I just have a little bit of a headache.

Alan: Oh, sorry. [he turns down the video game's loud volume]

Charlie: No, no, it's-it's all good, it's fine. It’s just that, erm... these guys started doing construction inside of my place at like 6:00-- [two fairies suddenly fly into the office and one of them blows a bugle next to Charlie's ear] ARGH!! THAT WAS RIGHT IN MY EAR, DUDE!!

Fairies: [in unison] We officially deliver a royal decree from the Princess of the Enchanted Forest! She's been unable to smile for a royal portrait and needs your assistance!

Pim: [gets overexcited] Th-the Enchanted Forest? Oh my God! I LOVE THE ENCHANTED FOREST!!!

Charlie: My ear's still ringing from that noise.

---

[Pim recalls a childhood memory with his dad Steven, seeing a wizard and a goblin in the Enchanted Forest]

Young Pim: Daddy, Daddy! Can we go inside and do an epic quest with those mythical creatures?

Steven: No, Pim! The Enchanted Forest isn't for children. It's only for heroes with unrelenting dedication, bravery and wisdom. Perhaps one day.

Young Pim: Oh, I love you, Daddy!

[Pim and his father kiss each other on the lips. Scene transitions back to the present]

Pim: [sighs with relief] I can't believe after all these years, I'm finally here.

Charlie: [pause] You kiss your dad on the mouth?

Charlie Dies and Doesn't Come Back [1.8]

Pim: Oh, this is gonna be great. I can’t wait to find the perfect Christmas tree. Which one do you guys wanna get? There’s - Oh, there’s a bunch.

Charlie: Yeah. Look, look, uh, let’s just make it quick. I really don’t want to be here all night.

Pim: What’s up with you today, Charlie?

Charlie: Huh? What- What are you talking about?

Pim: I don’t know. You just - I don’t know. It seems like you’re agitated or something.

Charlie: I’m not - I’m not agitated, Pim. I just don’t want to be working on Christmas Eve. And I think that’s a pretty reasonable position to have.

Pim: When you’re in this mood, I don’t know if you realize, but it actually affects everyone else’s mood. It - it brings us down a bit.

Charlie: Wait. Hold on. Hold- No, no. It affects you. Nobody else- Alan, are you affected by whatever- whatever is supposed to be happening?

Alan: I don’t really care.

Charlie: Are you affected?

Alan: I just want to find a tree.

Charlie: Okay. So, in other words, he’s not affected. See, Pim, here’s the thing-just because you are, you know, very positive and cheery about everything, does not mean everyone else has to conform to that.

Pim: I’m just saying, it seems like you’re often in this mood, like, it’s not just a one-off thing. It seems like you’re often like this.

Charlie: What do you mean? What is that - What is that supposed to mean?

Pim: Well, it was the same with Desmond, wasn't it? I had to get you motivated for that.

Charlie: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Pim: Charlie, you didn’t want to do that job, and I had to get you motivated, like I often have to do.

Charlie: Okay. Yeah, Desmond was how many months ago. Also, dude, that’s a weird thing to bring up specifically, because that was one of the instances where you were not in the best mood. So the fact that you’re roping me…into asking me.

Pim: Charlie, I’m just bringing stuff up, and it’s not just Desmond.

Charlie: Oh.

Pim: It’s - it’s every job we do. You never want to do anything. It sometimes just gets a bit exhausting. That’s all I’m saying.

Charlie: You know, I could do the same thing back to you. I could throw stuff at you…

Pim: Okay, say it. Tell me. I’d love to say what people are saying about me.

[The Smiling Friends approach a Christmas tree to chop down with an axe.]

Alan: Okay, how about this tree?

Pim: Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s just do it.

Charlie: It looks fine to me.

Alan: Alright. Pim, do you want to chop it down?

Pim: Yeah, sure.

Charlie: No, no, you know what? Let me do it. [Charlie grabs the axe from Alan.] I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.

[Charlie starts chopping down the tree with the said axe.]

Pim: Careful, Charlie.

Charlie: Pim, I'm just helping out, right? Something that I never do, according to you, right? Oh, is this- is just putting anyone in a bad mood, huh? Is this putting anyone in a bad mood?

[The Christmas tree that Charlie chops down ends up falling onto him, and even kills Charlie in the process. Pim, Alan and Glep are all stunned with silence.]

Season 2

Gwimbly: Definitive Remastered Enhanced Extended Edition DX 4K (Anniversary Director’s Cut) [2.1]

[With the help of Pim and Alan, Gwimbly goes back to his old video game company, Insane Ground Breaking Games, and meets with his old CEO]

IGBG CEO: (in between dipping chicken nuggets in at least 7 different sauces and eating them endlessly) Ah, Gwimbly! Nice to see you after all these years! I see your "solo career" is going successfully, hm!

Gwimbly: [ready to rip the CEO's head off, and yelling so loud he audibly distorts his mic] Oh, I swear to God, if I had my Gwimbly GUN ON ME RIGHT NOW I'D- [runs forward to punch him, but gets held back by Pim]

---

IGBG CEO: [after offering to make Gwimbly a skin in a game] Only if you... kiss my nugget. [holds a sauce coated nugget up]

Alan: I hate this guy.

Gwimbly: [enraged] Oh, FUCK YOU!

---

James: Hey! [James snaps his fingers to garner Charlie's attention] Where is it?

Charlie (dressed up in a maid costume): [tired] I - I don't know how good this is going to be. I've - I've never made a casserole before.

James: Why are you dressed like that?

Charlie: Because you said it would make you smile.

James: [He inspects the dish more closely, but finds it unsatisfactory.] I want McDonald's. [Throws a casserole dish against the wall]

Charlie: [concerned] Look, I've literally done every single thing you've asked. I - I don't know why you're doing this to me but I'm begging you - I'm begging you, please. *inhales* Please, I want you to genuinely smile, please? Just smile.

James: [rips off a piece of Charlie's nose.] Dude, I couldn't focus on what you were saying with that thing on your face. I was sick of staring at it.

Charlie: [screaming in pure agony] AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!

• Pim: And that's why you have to come back! A Gwimbly game just wouldn't be the same without the archnemesis. What do you say, Count Groxia?
• [Allan, Gwimbly, and Pim are meeting Count Groxia, now living a normal life, at the entrance to his house.]
• Count Groxia: Uh, yeah I gotta be honest, it does sound cool, but my schedule is so packed, there's just no time, you know? My boy’s learning piano, my daughter is doing… all sorts of stuff but yeah, if I had the time I totally would. But--but no, yeah.
• Gwimbly: Oh come on, it’ll be just like the old days! Remember when I used to beat your ass over the creamed corn?
• Count Groxia: Yeah, yeah I-I remember.
• Allan: Can he at least crash on your couch?
• Count Groxia: Uh…
• [Count Groxia’s wife runs to him and grabs him.]
• Wife: Um, darling? I--I--I don't think this man should be here. I--I think this man should leave. He's scaring me.
• Count Groxia: Sorry guys, I gotta go.
• Pim: But we– [wife screams at them]
• Count Groxia: Guys I really gotta go bye.
• [Count Groxia closes the front door.]
• Pim: Oh well, uh we can still make a Gwimbly game without the second main character! Haha.
• Allan: Are there any other characters from your stupid game?
• Gwimbly: Hmm, well there is my trusty sidekick Mr. Millipede! I wonder what he’s up to…
• [Cut to Mr. Millipede’s tombstone at a graveyard.]
• [Gwimbly, holding a bottle of beer, and Pim, feeling sad, look at the tombstone.]
• Pim: I am so sorry, Gwimbly.
• Gwimbly: It's just wrong, man. Mr. Millipede was like a damn brother to me. And I'm gonna say what nobody else is willing to say, America has a *fuckin’ fentanyl crisis. [He pours the beer onto the grave.] Ooh-ooh-ooooohh… [Starts to sob.]
• Pim: That’s beautiful.
• Allan: Can he sleep here–?
• [A laser comes out of nowhere and blasts the tombstone.]
• [Turns out it’s from Troglor, who’s running to the graveyard with the CEO on top of him.]
• IGBG CEO: RAAAAAGH GWIMBLY!!!!!!!!!!
• [Allan, Pim, and Gwimbly scream and run away.]
• [Back in the break room, Charlie, in his normal outfit, is sitting on the floor with a cold bag of greens on his ripped nose, calling 911 on his phone. James is next to him, punching the air.]
• Charlie: Yeah, I don't know like-- maybe like, 10 minutes ago or something? Yeah ripped fully off- off my face, yeah.
• James: [Mocking in simpleton voice] “oH, rIpPeD fUlLy OfF mY fAcE…”
• Charlie: No, I have it-- I still have it-- It's on ice.
• James: “eH, iT’s On IcE…” [indistinct blabber. He still punches the air.]
• Charlie: Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. Can you repeat the last thing you said, I can't really-- I'm having trouble hearing–
• James: “EuUuGh, I cAn’T hEaR yOu–” [Slaps the bag and phone out of Charlie’s hand and shoulder.] Shut up. [He gets close to Charlie again.] What if the only thing that makes me smile… [Takes out a knife.] is slowly sawing your head off?
• [Allan, Gwimbly, and Pim barge in and close the door.]
• Pim: THERE’S AN EVIL MAN AFTER US!
• [The three scream and run. Gwimbly hides behind a chair.]
• [Troglor, still with the CEO on top of him, breaks the door down.]
• IGBG CEO: Gwimblyyy... Where are youuu?
• [Gwimbly pants.]
• James: Who’s the fat ugly nerd?
• IGBG CEO: What did you call me?! TROGLOR, SHOOT HIM, NOW!
• Troglor: But you said I cannot shoot inside, master.
• IGBG CEO: WHAT?! SHOOT! DO IT NOW YOU IDIOT!
• [James stabs the CEO in the head.]
• [The CEO falls on the floor and bleeds. He takes one more chicken nugget, dips it in his blood, and chomps it before taking his final breath.]

The Alan Episode [2.3]

Mr. Boss: Oh, Alan! I actually have a very exciting job for you too! I just ran out of those little metal things that hold paper together. The eff are they called again? You know, the thing that's all like-- [he bends his pointer finger backwards, instantly breaking it]

Alan: Paperclips?

Mr. Boss: Yeah, that's it! If you could fetch some for me, I might have a special reward for you.

Alan: Hm, what's the reward?

Mr. Boss: Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, Alan, now would it?

Alan: No, I guess not. Okay, I'm gonna go get those paperclips, then.

Mr. Boss: [deeper, "normal" voice] Cool. Cool... I really hurt my finger doing that paperclip bit.

Alan: Yeah, no, I-- I saw.

Brother Egg [2.5]

Doug: Yo.

Professor Psychotic: Uh... Yo, what's up? What's up, man?

Doug: Vanessa's over, we're trying to watch TV; you're being incredibly loud.

Professor Psychotic: Uh... You just-- Like, my volume, or--?

Doug: (starting to get annoyed) Yeah, "volume". That's what "loud" means, doesn't it?

Professor Psychotic: Yeah-- I have the door closed, I mean...

Doug: We're on the couch, on the other side of this paper-thin wall, we're trying to watch a nice, romantic movie, and all we're hearing is injecting DNA into an egg!

Professor Psychotic: Yeah, well, that's what I do, yeah.

Doug: (fed up with his excuses now) Yeah, that's what you do- you waste time. You do stupid shit, all the time!

Professor Psychotic: You know, this-- this is what I care about, Doug. C'mon.

Doug: This is what you care about?! Care about something better! Care about yourself, maybe- care about me! The people who are keeping you alive!

Professor Psychotic: I-- I care about you! This is, like, my-- This is my job, basically.

Doug: (knowing full well his excuses are just bullshit) Oh, no, you care about me? That's so good! You know what you oughtta do- "your job"? Get an actual job! Get one that pays you!

Professor Psychotic: You know, I looked? It's a hard economy out there right now!

Doug: "It's a hard economy?" How about the economy of my patience, is runnin' thin, buddy! Paper-thin, like these walls.

Professor Psychotic: Dude, you have your problems, too.

Doug: (finally snaps) I got my prob--? Okay, okay! Get the fuck out! GET THE FUCK OUT! Go!

---

Doug: I oughtta knock your block off, you little freak.

---

Charlie: Pim, the world we live in stresses me out, dude.

Pim: Really? Why?

Charlie: Just, like, never-ending constant chaos, no-- It-- It never lets up. I hate it, I-- It's not good.

Pim: Oh, okay. I mean... Like, you didn't like when the man came out of the egg, though? That was kinda nice, wasn't it?

Charlie: No, that's what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I mean.

Pim: Oh, oh. You didn't like that-- Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Charlie: What? It's not-- You didn't do it, it's not your fault.

Pim: Yeah, okay.

Charlie, Pim, and Bill vs. the Alien [2.6]

Charlie: Wait, what? What am-- Dude, what am I looking at? What is that?

Pim: Charlie, that-- that's not Earth, right?

[Reveal: The Flat Earth.]

Charlie: Pim, that's completely flat, that a hun-- that's a hundred percent flat, dude!

Pim: I know, that's what I mean, that-- I'm-- that's what I'm saying, that-- That can't be real, right? That's not, like--

Charlie: I-- It-- We're looking at it, dude! That-- The-- The Earth is, uh-- the Earth is flat! The Earth-- I just-- look at-- I dunno, the Earth is flat!

Pim: Charlie, the Earth can't actually be flat, right?

Charlie: There's the glass dome! Dude, dude, oh my God, dude, oh my--

Pim: This is-- This can't be real.

Charlie: I need to sit down.

Pim: This can't--

Charlie: Pim, we-- we need to take this to the grave, we cannot tell anybody. This changes literally every-- This changes everything.

Pim: No, I-- I know. I c-- We can't-- We can never tell-- We can never tell anyone.

Charlie: I might actually puke, get back a little. I might puke. Stand back. I'm gonna throw up.

Pim: Oh my-- Okay.

Charlie: I'm gonna throw up.

Pim: The Earth is flat, Charlie.

Charlie: I know.

Magical Red Jewel/Tyler Gets Fired [2.7]

• Pim: Wait! Before you kill us, can we at least speak to the leader of this wonderful country?
• Mr. Jester: Okay. [Takes off black hood and puts on a crown.]
• Pim: Oh… okay I tried. [Gets taken by Mr. Jester.] EEK!
• [Mr. Jester holds up Pim as he put his hands together and says a Spamish prayer.]
• Mr. Jester: Wait, what did you just say?
• Pim: Uh a Spamish prayer!
• Mr. Jester: But that’s impossible! That’s my prayer I invented, and I’ve only ever taught that to… wait, Pim?
• Pim: Wait, you’re my old penpal?
• Oscar: Pim! [Takes off crown and puts on a cap, then hugs Pim.] Oh I never thought I’d see you in the flesh!
• Pim: Oh me neither! I can’t believe it’s you Oscar!
• Oscar: Your letters got me through the hardest years of my life, when I hated my eye the most.
• Pim: Oh Oscar, there’s nothing wrong with your eye, don’t be so hard on yourself. Coming from someone with strange eyes too, you should learn to love yourself.
• Oscar: You’re right. You do have a funny eye. Ah ha ha!
• [Oscar and the crowd laugh at Pim. Pim feels sad.]
• Oscar: For making me feel better about my eyE, you and your friend can have my magical red jewel as a gift.
• [Oscar takes out a tiny red jewel, then Mr. Boss takes it.]
• Mr. Boss: Wow, thank you. It’s even more beautiful in person.
• Pim: That’s the jewel we risked our lives for?
• Mr. Boss: Yep, it was totally worth it. I learned today that all cultures are equal and there’s no such thing as a bad culture.
• [Mr. Boss and Oscar kiss.]
• Oscar: Thank you for showing me the silliness of my ways, Pim. I formally declare an end to the eye rule, AND ALL RULES FOR THAT MATTER! NO MORE RULES!!!
• [The Spamtopians start cheering as the entire country descends into anarchy and chants "No more rules", a frantic montage showing them murdering each other, committing arson, robbing banks and detonating bombs as Pim and Mr. Boss watch on. They duck away from an explosion.]
• Pim: We should probably go, Mr. Boss
• Mr. Boss: Yeah okay, no, let's-let's get out of here.
• [The two get up and leave through their car as the entire city begins to glitch and corrupt into insanity.]
• Spamtopians: ♪Goodbye, goodbye, no more rules in Spamtopia, la la la♪
• [As they are leaving, Pim looks behind to see the waitress from earlier starts chasing them down, screeching at them.]
• Pim: Go! Go go go! Drive! GO FASTER! DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!
• Mr. Boss: [at the same time] I am, I am, I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!!!
• [All of their surroundings become corrupted as the waiter continues to follow them down the road.]
• [Cut to the break room, where Pim and Mr. Boss walk in, seemingly unfazed.]
• Mr. Boss: Woo! What a crazy day, huh Pim?
• Pim: Yeah, that was a fun Boss and Pim adventure, huh? Haha, ooh!

Pim Finally Turns Green [2.8]

• [Pim places the daffodil on Rotten, magically bringing him to life.]
• Rotten: UUWAAAAAAGH!!!
• Allan: Oh my God!
• Rotten: Ah, what’s going on?! WHAT IS THIS?!
• Pim: Charlie, what happened?
• Charlie: I-I don’t know uh, I guess Rotten the Snowman came to life.
• Rotten: [confused] What is… life?
• Charlie: Uhhh…
• Pim: Um, that’s kind of… that’s kind of hard to answer. I guess life is just what you’re experiencing right now. You’re alive.
• Rotten: Wow… I’m alive? Ahaha, whee! [He flails his arms, sprinkling snow all around.]
• Mr. Boss: [Opening the back door of the building.] What’s all the commotion out here, boys?
• Pim: The snowman came to life. There must have been some magic in that old daffodil I found.
• Mr. Boss: You mean the daffodils that grow out of my nuclear waste?
• [Cut to spilled nuclear waste, where the daffodils are grown into them.]
• Pim: Oh I must’ve missed that.
• Mr. Boss: Living snowman, huh? Hmm, alright, I know how to fix this… [takes out gun, placing it next to Rotten’s head.]
• Charlie: Woah hey hey hey!
• Pim: Wowowowoah Mr. Boss, nonono wait, we-we’ll take care of him!
• Mr. Boss: Really? Oh okay. [Puts the gun back in his suit.] Welp, I’m gonna go to the moon in my nuclear rocket boots! See ya boys! [He blasts off into the sky.]
• Charlie: GOD he’s funny man, wow he- uh he’s fu- the Boss is the funniest guy that I know, I think I can say- you know what I mean?
• Allan: Yeah, no I know he’s–
• Charlie: I think I can say that now.
• Allan: Yeah he’s a funny guy, huh, I agree.
• Charlie: I think he should do standup, you know what I’m saying? Like…
• Allan: Probably not standup, but no he is funny… yeah…
• Charlie: Yeah… yeah, pro-probably not standup, yeah.
• Allan: No it’s just- it’s harder.
• Charlie: It’s just different, yeah.
• Allan: Yeah it’s a different arena.
• Charlie: Yeah.
• Rotten: So what does one do when they’re alive?
• Charlie: I don’t know, you… you just like, do stuff to kill time I guess…
• Rotten: Stuff… I wanna do this stuff!
• Pim: We’d be happy to show you. Life is full of wonderful joys and pleasures for you to enjoy.
• Rotten: Ooh! I'd love that!
• Charlie: Uh, I was actually just about to go home and celebrate, um… Wintereenmas.
• Allan: Yeah sorry, Glep and I were going to do karaoke.
• Glep: Uhh yeah yeah.
• [Allan, Glep, and Charlie walk back to the building]
• Pim: Wait, what about Rotten the Snowman?
• Charlie: I don’t know man, you’re the one who brought him to life.
• Pim: Hm, looks like it’s just you and me Rotten.
• Rotten: Yippee! [Flails his arms again, hitting one of Pim’s eyes.]
• [Snow transition to Pim and Rotten having a snowball fight and laughing.]
• Background Singer: ♪Friendship… with a friend, that’s winter friendship♪
• [Rotten takes pee-filled snow out of his belly and throws it at Pim’s head, then Pim throws a snowball into Rotten’s mouth.]
• [Cut to Rotten and Pim going ice skating. Rotten slips and falls down, his head coming off but still sliding through the ice.]
• Background Singer: ♪Oh, friendship♪
• [Cut to Rotten and Pim making snow angels.]
• Background Singer: ♪With a friend♪
• [Cut to Pim and Rotten building a human-shaped snowman.]
• Background Singer: ♪Ooh, ahh♪
• [Cut to Rotten and Pim going sledding, the sled bumping from a few to a lot of rocks.]
• [Cut to the two sitting on a bench at sundown.]
• Rotten: Ohoho, wow! Being alive really is splendid, Pim!
• Pim: Ha, yeah, haha. Oh my oh my oh my what fun! What do you wanna do next?
• Rotten: [pointing at a beach billboard advertising Meep Lite.] Ooh! That place looks fun! I wanna go there!
• Pim: The beach? Uh… I-I’m not sure that’s a good idea Rotten.
• Rotten: Really? Why not?
• Pim: Well, you’re a snowman and it’s kind of hot at the beach.
• Rotten: Sounds great! Let’s go!
• Pim: Well if you’re hot, you’ll melt.
• Rotten: …Melt?
• Pim: Yeah you know, yo-you’ll stop being alive, and we don’t want that to happen.
• Rotten: What? Life can END?
• Pim: Yeah, but I mean, it happens to everything. Nothing lives forever.
• Rotten: [starts freaking out] WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
• Pim: Hey woah woah it’s okay! Uh… it’s okay Mr. Rotten! Uh…
• Rotten: UAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
• [Transition to the Smiling Friends building the next morning, with Rotten in front of it.]
• Rotten: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–
• [Cut to the break room, where Rotten can still be heard screaming outside. Pim feels sad, Charlie and Allan are sitting at the table, with Allan writing a letter, while Glep is on his tablet at his beanbag chair.]
• Charlie: Pim, what did you do?
• Pim: Well I accidentally told him what death was and he started freaking out.
• Charlie: You brought a snowman to life only to teach him he’s gonna die someday? You might be a psychopath Pim.
• Pim: Well maybe I didn’t explain death right. If only we had someone who was really good at that... [Gasp] Does your uncle still know–
• Charlie: Yep, yep he do- Ohh yes he does, I am- I am ten steps ahead of ya Pim.
• Rotten: AAAAAAAA– [Pim and Charlie walk out of the door.] Ah!
• Charlie: Uh hey there Rotten, how’s it going man? So Pim here tells me he might’ve freaked you out a bit by explaining the horrifying concept of death to you, um, but not to worry because we have the perfect person here to explain to you how death is nothing to be afraid of.
• [Cut to Bill Nye in his hot air balloon.]
• Bill Nye: [Waving] Hey, Rotten! It’s me, man! It’s Bill Nye! The uhhh science guy man! And I got a little song about life and death that I think might end your worries man! [Takes out a microphone.] Listen…
• [Bill Nye gets close to the screen.]
• Bill Nye: ♪Well death isn’t scary at all♪
• ♪No-o-o♪
• ♪It’s perfectly natural♪
• [Holds birds in one hand…] ♪Even the birds♪
• [...and bees in the other...] ♪Even the bees♪
• [...and mashes them together] ♪Even all of these little things♪
• ♪Baaaaabyyyyy♪
• ♪Yeah death isn’t scary a-♪
• [The hot air balloon gets caught in a telephone wire, electrocuting it and catching it on fire, killing Bill Nye in an instant. Rotten, Pim, and Charlie react in shock. Rotten screams again. Back in the break room, Charlie and Pim are at the table, Allan’s washing dishes with his earmuffs on, and Glep is covering his ears.]
• Pim: What do we do now?
• Charlie: I don’t know man, I don’t know, I’m still processing the fact that Bill Nye, the freakin’ science guy, just passed on, and we saw it. I wa- I was like the biggest fan of his show, I knew the theme song, ♪Bill Nye the-♪ I-I can’t d- I’m not gonna do it but yeah I’m… I’m like a mega fan so that was hard to watch.
• [Mr. Boss walks into the break room with paper in his ears.]
• Mr. Boss: I can’t take that screaming anymore! That abomination is scaring away Smiling Friends clients, so you better do something about him! [takes out gun] Or SO FREAKIN’ HELP ME DUDE, I WILL!
• Pim: NO, PLEASE MR. BOSS, DON’T!
• Allan: If he doesn’t wanna melt, why don’t you just take him somewhere where it’s cold all the time?
• Charlie: You know Allan you’re-you’re not just a pretty face man, y-you know you a-you also got some brains up there, did you know that?
• Allan: Hm-mm, hm-mm I know, yeah well, who do you think built the Boss’s rocket boots?
• Pim: Woah, you did that Allan?
• Charlie: Excuse me hold on back it up, wha-w… Mr. Boss, is that true?
• Mr. Boss: Yep, that was all Allan.
• Allan: Yep, yep that’s true, I built them.
• Pim: Oh my gosh…
• Charlie: Allan, you built the rocket boots that the Boss flew on?
• Allan: Yep that was me. That was me.
• Pim: Really?
• [Mr. Boss chuckles.]
• Charlie: Uh yeah okay, in that case we’re absolutely gonna take this snowman to a cold place.
• Allan: He won’t melt, he won’t melt.
• Charlie: Mr. Boss, you’re having the time of your life back there.
• Allan: Yeah, are you okay?
• Mr. Boss: [chuckling] I don’t know, I love my boys!
• Charlie: I love all you guys.
• Pim: I love- I love all of you too. This is great.
• Allan: This is a great day to be a Smiling Friend.
• [Mr. Boss chuckles some more.]
• Charlie: I love being here, this is a fun energy, I like this place.
• [At nighttime, Charlie and Pim take Rotten up a snowy mountain peak on a sled, Rotten still screaming.]
• Charlie: Oh my god, ugh, stop stop stop, I’m gonna puke, I’m gonna puke…
• Pim: Yeah, right here is fine anyways. Hey Rotten?
• Rotten: Agh!
• Pim: You can live here forever! The snow never melts!
• Rotten: Wait, really? Forever?
• Charlie: Yeah, I mean like a million years or something, so, basically forever.
• Rotten: Basically?! OOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
• Pim: Oh no Charlie…
• Charlie: Dude let’s get the fuck outta here.
• [Charlie and Pim leave the mountain.]
• Rotten: UAAAAAAAAAA-
• [Outside the office the next morning, a little blue creature walks through the sidewalk, only for the snow from the building to fall on him.]
• [In the break room, Charlie, on his phone, and Pim are at the table, while Glep plays on his gaming tablet at his beanbag chair.]
• Pim: [sigh] I hope Rotten’s doing alright.
• Charlie: We’ve done all we can do to help him man, I’m sure he’s living a very happy life on top of the mountain.
• [The two hear knocking at the door. Pim opens the door to see a yeti entering.]
• Yeti: Yo… do you know this guy?
• [The yeti points to a smiling Rotten below him.]
• Pim: Uh, yeah?
• Charlie: Uh, yeah?
• Yeti: YEAH?
• Charlie: I-I-Is there a problem-?
• Yeti: I wasn’t talking to you. And yeah, there is a problem. Did you trespass and leave this guy on my property?
• Charlie: Oh oh w-we didn’t know it was your property, we just thought it was like a- like a public mountain.
• Yeti: Yeah well, it is my property. This guy’s been going nuts. He freaked out my kids. My wife is in hysterics, she doesn’t know what the hell is going on. I had to take the day off work to bring him back.
• Charlie: Okay well wai- I-
• Pim: Okay, we’re sorry.
• Charlie: We didn’t know, we’re sorry dude.
• Yeti: If I see you again on my property, I’m beating your ass. HARD.
• [The yeti kicks Rotten and leaves the break room...]
• Charlie: Wha uh… Okay okay rude.
• [… then the yeti rushes back in.]
• Yeti: Huh? What’s up?
• [No response from the two.]
• Yeti: Yeah that’s what I thought… fuckin’ PUSSY.
• [The yeti spits on the floor, punches the wall, and leaves again.]
• Charlie: I would’ve- I would’ve hit him, yeah I was about to hit him so hard but my arm is so freakin’ sore from the gym, or whatever like… I almost like laid him out but I didn’t wanna li- yeah.
• Rotten: Oh God… I’m melting oh GOD… AM I DYING? IS THIS IT?
• Charlie: Yeah, I think so.
• Pim: Charlie, what do we do?
• Charlie: Pim, it’s a snowman dude, it’s probably time to let him go.
• Pim: [starts tearing up] I can’t… he’s my friend! [sniff]
• Glep: [gibbers a suggestion to the two]
• Charlie: I never would’ve thought about that, great idea Glep.
• Pim: [at the same time] Oh that’s a great idea, yeah.
• [Cut to black until Pim opens the freezer from the inside.]
• Pim: As long as you’re in our freezer, you’ll live forever.
• [Cut to Rotten’s face in the freezer.]
• Rotten: …Forever?
• Pim: Uh yep, forever!
• Charlie: Oh yeah, forever and ever.
• Rotten: Woo! Okay good.
• Pim: Alright, see you Rotten! If you need anything, just let us know.
• Rotten: Caaan do! Bye guys!
• [Pim closes the freezer. The scene transitions as Rotten starts getting sad.]
• [A few months later, Pim, now in his summer clothes, opens the freezer, the break room now decorated with a “4th of July” theme.]
• Pim: Oh hi Rotten, I’m just grabbing some ice. How’s living forever going?
• Rotten: Well, I’m not dead, but… I’m not really living either. I mean… Pim, how do you do it?
• Pim: Well… I don’t know, sometimes life can be scary, but that’s also what makes it exciting.
• Charlie: COME ON PIM, LET’S GO TO THE BEACH!
• Pim: [taking an ice tray from the freezer] Alright, I gotta go Rotten. See you around.
• Rotten: Wait!
• [At the beach, Pim, Charlie, Allan, Glep, Zoey, Marge, and Rotten, now in an ice box, are playing volleyball laughing together.]
• Rotten: Whoo! Hey hey, go long! [catches the volleyball, making it pop.]
• Charlie: Hey Rotten, pass me a cold one brotha!
• Rotten: [takes a beer can out of the ice box and throws it to Charlie] Here you go Charlie! Aw boy this is so much FUN! You know, coming out here has really made all my worries… “melt” away!
• [Charlie, Pim, Rotten, and Allan laugh. The tanning salon guy, holding ice cream, takes a few steps down the stairs.]
• Rotten: See what I did, get the “melt”? Get it? Everybody?
• [The tanning salon guy steps over the ice box, knocking Rotten’s whole body into the sand.]
• Rotten: WAH!
• Tanning Salon Guy: Oops, sorry.
• Pim: NOOOOO!
• [Pim kneels to Rotten, who starts melting.]
• Rotten: Ooooohhhhh…
• Pim: We can fix it! We can put you back together!
• Rotten: Pim, wait…
• Pim: What…?
• Rotten: Ugh, I’ve lived a good long life…
• Pim: I-I’ll just take you back to the freezer!
• Rotten: It’s okay... I love you, Pim.
• Pim: [sniff] I love you too, Rotten.
• Rotten: [sinking into the sand] UUAAEEEUUUGHH…
• Charlie: [walking to Pim.] He had a good life Pim.
• [Rotten’s remains get washed from the sand to the sea. Then, a loud rumble is heard.]
• Rotten: Hey guys! Over here!
• [Charlie and Pim turn to Rotten, whose face is now on a wave]
• Rotten: I’m the ocean now!
• Pim: That’s incredible!
• Rotten: Woo! Woah! Hey! [Laughs as Mr. Boss surfs on him.]
• Charlie: Woah! Go Mr. Boss!
• Mr. Boss: MERRY CHRISTMAS, BOYS!
• Pim: That was 6 months ago, Mr. Boss, but we still love you!
• Charlie: HOLY SMOKES, AND THERE’S BILL NYE’S GHOST!
• [Bill Nye’s ghost flies around Rotten’s wave.]
• Mr. Boss: I fucking love science!
• Charlie: God, the Boss is funny, he re- no yo- I'll tell you something, he really is funny, and he really should do standup and… [Allan walks to watch] and I love Bill Nye's ghost, so that's awesome, and… [Zoey, Marge, and Glep walk to watch too.] Allan built the rocket shoes and Pim, you made that snowman come to life with the flower… Wow, I just I love my friends, and I love my God, and I love my country, and… uhh, and God bless America I guess, what else can you say?
• [Above them, four jets fly through the sky, the smoke behind them in colors of the American flag.]
• [The credits are now superimposed over Mr. Boss surfing on Rotten’s wave, with a summer rock rendition of the song playing.]
• Pim: So... is Rotten like, the entire ocean now, or...?
• Charlie: I… d- uh, I guess? I-I don't know, though, how that works.
• Pim: Yeah, I-… me- uh uh uh I don't know how that means, like is it the whole ocean or just that wave? Like, do you know what I mean?
• Charlie: I know exactly what you mean, I was thinking about that a seco— I dunno, is it like, is he just this wave, is he, does he have conci- Is he the planet? Eh…
• Pim: Yeah.
• Charlie: Eh, I don't know, I don't— It's scary—
• [Rotten suddenly swallows an entire cruise ship.]

Season 3

Cast

• Zach Hadel – Charlie / Glep / various
• Michael Cusack – Pim / Alan / various
• Marc M. – Mr. Boss