Smiling Friends

Smiling Friends is an adult animated television series created by Zach Hadel and Michael Cusack for Cartoon Network's night-time programming block Adult Swim, which revolves around a small charity dedicated to making people smile.

Season 1

Desmond's Big Day Out [1.1]

[Charlie and Pim enter Desmond's room before seeing a terribly depressed and malnourished Desmond holding a revolver at his head]

Charlie: What's, uh... What's up, man? What's happening, big guy? What's with the gun?

Desmond: Oh, nothing. I was probably gonna use it to shoot myself or somethin'.

Charlie: Oh, you don't need to do that, man. Why don't you just... put the gun down, buddy?

Pim: Yeah, d-don't worry. Things are gonna be OK. W-what's wrong?

Desmond: Well, life's not going that great for me. [slowly zoom in with somber background music playing] My wife left me, my kids left me, my dog died from a broken heart last fall. So I don't know. Yeah, probably just gonna end it all or somethin'.

[Charlie and Pim take a short pause; Charlie turns to Pim]

Charlie: Pim, can I, uh... Can I talk to you for a second? [talks to Pim in a hushed voice] Look, Pim, I know it's our job to help this guy and everything, but I think this guy is a lost cause. He has obviously made up his mind. Why don't we just cut our losses and get out of here?

Pim: Oh, come on. That's nonsense, Charlie. We've never given up on a job so far. [walks up to Desmond in an innocent manner] Um, hello there, sir. I know you don't know who I am, but my name is Pim. I know right now things seem bleak, but I promise to you that by the end of this beautiful day, you will have a big gorgeous smile on that handsome face of yours. Oh, won't you give us a chance? [Desmond pauses for a beat]

Desmond: OK. But if you can't help me... [zoom in on Desmond talking in a disturbing deep machine voice] I'm gonna fuckin' shoot myself and make you two watch.

Pim: OK, not sure about that, but yaaay!

---

[Allen goes through a big hole behind the fridge and sees a person inside the walls browsing on a computer]

Allen: Uh... [the person frantically tries to close the tab but covers the screen from Allen with his hands] Hey, sorry to bother you, but did you a see a mouse run through here by chance?

Wall Guy: I don't know. [pause] Yeah, no clue, man. Maybe try down there.

Allen: [unsure] Thanks, I'll...check it out.

Wall Guy: By the way, for the record, you should probably knock or make yourself known next time you enter someone's place.

Allen: Dude, I don't even think you should be in here to begin with.

Wall Guy: Yeah, not really your business though, is it?

Allen: [bothered] When you're living in our office walls, yeah, it kind of is.

Wall Guy: [nodding him to leave] Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Allen: [sighs deeply] OK, I'm not... I'm not doing this right now. Bye.

Wall Guy: Yeah, bye. [Allen takes one look at the person before moving on]

Allen: Whatever.

Mr. Frog [1.2]

[Charlie and Pim enter inside Mr. Frog's extravagant and spacious mansion]

Pim: Wow... W-what do you do here all day?

Mr. Frog: Hello. I just watch Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube all day.

Charlie: Dude, this house is insane! There's like a thousand rooms in here. You have a gym, you got a theatre, [sees wild animals fighting aggressively to death behind a glass window] and you've even got a beautiful animal sanctuary.

Mr. Frog: Yes. But if I don't get my job back on the Mr. Frog Show, I'll lost it all. Hello.

Pim: Well, first things first, have you thought about just apologising for putting that TMZ reporter in your mouth? That was pretty bad.

Mr. Frog: Hello. But I'm not sorry.

Pim: [thinking] Hm... All right, that definitely makes it harder. Um, let's see... [Mr. Frog appears next to Pim's other side]

Mr. Frog: Um, can I pull your hair?

Pim: [scared] Uh, no. No, please don't.

Charlie: No, no, no, no. Screw apologising! All we have to do is rehabilitate his image.

Pim: I guess we could try to make the world see the good side of Mr. Frog. How hard could that be? [both look at Mr. Frog for a beat; Mr. Frog pauses before suddenly pulling Pim's "hair" on top of his head, later revealed to be an exposed nerve ending] GAHH--!!! [the scene transitions to the next one]

---

[late at night in Mr. Frog's swimming pool, Pim talks to Charlie in the hot tub]

Pim: All right, somehow no drugs was worse than drugs. Charlie, if we can't get him under control, I don't think we're gonna be able to help him.

Charlie: Don't worry, Pim, I am way ahead of you. [holds a canister of pills] I gave him some of these already.

Pim: [concerned] Charlie, what did you give him?

Charlie: My uncle had some sleeping pills laying around to help him sleep at night after he rammed his car into a crowd of people.

Pim: Your uncle seems to get into lots of car accidents.

Charlie: Yeah, he loves his cars. He loves his cars. [Pim sees a drugged Mr. Frog floating in the pool, laughs watching a video on his phone]

Pim: Is it safe for him to be in that pool when he's on them?

Charlie: Yeah, no-one's ever done anything crazy on sleeping pills.

Shrimp's Odyssey [1.3]

Jennifer: I like your hair...

Pim: [Pim runs his hand through his single strand of hair] Oh, this old thing? Uh, yeah, it's actually just an exposed nerve ending. But thanks!

---

Shrimp: How do I look, yellow man?

Charlie: ...Y-You look like you're about to tell your friend not to come to school tomorrow, man.

---

Charlie: [drunkenly] Goddamn, Shrimp... you’re just, like... you’re just, like FUCKED, man. [Charlie takes another gulp of his spaghetti drink] And I ain’t even trying to be offensive or nothing like that, but... I don’t know how you had a girlfriend in the first place.

Shrimp: That is why I do not even bother.

Charlie: Yeah, I know. I’m just saying, you’re just, like... you’re just, like, really, really fucked. I-I genuinely feel bad, it’s not even your fault, man. You’re just a shrimp, you was born like that. You was born like that, you was born a shrimp. You can’t even--... It’s your nature.

---

Pim: W-Wait, you're Shrimpina, right?

Jennifer: My name is Jennifer.

Shrimp: I have never met this woman in my entire life.

Charlie: ...Pim, who is this? Where... Where did you meet this woman?

Pim: I went where Shrimp told me to go. The cafe on 153 Meep Boulevard.

Charlie: Pim, there's no cafe at 153, there's a cafe at 158. You went to the wrong place.

Pim: W-W... Well, wait a second, what about that thing you said at the cafe? About... like, moving on or something?

Jennifer: Yeah. My boyfriend Jason died in a motorcycle accident a few months ago.

Charlie: Jesus Christ, man, Pim. Pim. Aauuughh.

Shrimp: Where is Shrimpina?

Charlie: I have no idea, probably at home? I don't know. P-Pim, did you even see Shrimpina one ti--once?

Enchanted Forest [1.6]

[Charlie has a headache listening to Alan and Glep playing a fighting video game at high volume]

Charlie: Hey, can you guys turn that down? I just have a little bit of a headache.

Alan: Oh, sorry. [he turns down the video game's loud volume]

Charlie: No, no, it's-it's all good, it's fine. It’s just that, erm... these guys started doing construction inside of my place at like 6:00-- [two fairies suddenly fly into the office and one of them blows a bugle next to Charlie's ear] ARGH!! THAT WAS RIGHT IN MY EAR, DUDE!!

Fairies: [in unison] We officially deliver a royal decree from the Princess of the Enchanted Forest! She's been unable to smile for a royal portrait and needs your assistance!

Pim: [gets overexcited] Th-the Enchanted Forest? Oh my God! I LOVE THE ENCHANTED FOREST!!!

Charlie: My ear's still ringing from that noise.

---

[Pim recalls a childhood memory with his dad Steven, seeing a wizard and a goblin in the Enchanted Forest]

Young Pim: Daddy, Daddy! Can we go inside and do an epic quest with those mythical creatures?

Steven: No, Pim! The Enchanted Forest isn't for children. It's only for heroes with unrelenting dedication, bravery and wisdom. Perhaps one day.

Young Pim: Oh, I love you, Daddy!

[Pim and his father kiss each other on the lips. Scene transitions back to the present]

Pim: [sighs with relief] I can't believe after all these years, I'm finally here.

Charlie: [pause] You kiss your dad on the mouth?

Charlie Dies and Doesn't Come Back [1.8]

Pim: Oh, this is gonna be great. I can’t wait to find the perfect Christmas tree. Which one do you guys wanna get? There’s - Oh, there’s a bunch.

Charlie: Yeah. Look, look, uh, let’s just make it quick. I really don’t want to be here all night.

Pim: What’s up with you today, Charlie?

Charlie: Huh? What- What are you talking about?

Pim: I don’t know. You just - I don’t know. It seems like you’re agitated or something.

Charlie: I’m not - I’m not agitated, Pim. I just don’t want to be working on Christmas Eve. And I think that’s a pretty reasonable position to have.

Pim: When you’re in this mood, I don’t know if you realize, but it actually affects everyone else’s mood. It - it brings us down a bit.

Charlie: Wait. Hold on. Hold- No, no. It affects you. Nobody else- Alan, are you affected by whatever- whatever is supposed to be happening?

Alan: I don’t really care.

Charlie: Are you affected?

Alan: I just want to find a tree.

Charlie: Okay. So, in other words, he’s not affected. See, Pim, here’s the thing-just because you are, you know, very positive and cheery about everything, does not mean everyone else has to conform to that.

Pim: I’m just saying, it seems like you’re often in this mood, like, it’s not just a one-off thing. It seems like you’re often like this.

Charlie: What do you mean? What is that - What is that supposed to mean?

Pim: Well, it was the same with Desmond, wasn't it? I had to get you motivated for that.

Charlie: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Pim: Charlie, you didn’t want to do that job, and I had to get you motivated, like I often have to do.

Charlie: Okay. Yeah, Desmond was how many months ago. Also, dude, that’s a weird thing to bring up specifically, because that was one of the instances where you were not in the best mood. So the fact that you’re roping me…into asking me.

Pim: Charlie, I’m just bringing stuff up, and it’s not just Desmond.

Charlie: Oh.

Pim: It’s - it’s every job we do. You never want to do anything. It sometimes just gets a bit exhausting. That’s all I’m saying.

Charlie: You know, I could do the same thing back to you. I could throw stuff at you…

Pim: Okay, say it. Tell me. I’d love to say what people are saying about me.

[The Smiling Friends approach a Christmas tree to chop down with an axe.]

Alan: Okay, how about this tree?

Pim: Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s just do it.

Charlie: It looks fine to me.

Alan: Alright. Pim, do you want to chop it down?

Pim: Yeah, sure.

Charlie: No, no, you know what? Let me do it. [Charlie grabs the axe from Alan.] I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.

[Charlie starts chopping down the tree with the said axe.]

Pim: Careful, Charlie.

Charlie: Pim, I'm just helping out, right? Something that I never do, according to you, right? Oh, is this- is just putting anyone in a bad mood, huh? Is this putting anyone in a bad mood?

[The Christmas tree that Charlie chops down ends up falling onto him, and even kills Charlie in the process. Pim, Alan and Glep are all stunned with silence.]

Season 2

Gwimbly: Definitive Remastered Enhanced Extended Edition DX 4K (Anniversary Director’s Cut) [2.1]

[With the help of Pim and Alan, Gwimbly goes back to his old video game company, Insane Ground Breaking Games, and meets with his old CEO]

IGBG CEO: (in between dipping chicken nuggets in at least 7 different sauces and eating them endlessly) Ah, Gwimbly! Nice to see you after all these years! I see your "solo career" is going successfully, hm!

Gwimbly: [ready to rip the CEO's head off, and yelling so loud he audibly distorts his mic] Oh, I swear to God, if I had my Gwimbly GUN ON ME RIGHT NOW I'D- [runs forward to punch him, but gets held back by Pim]

---

James: Hey! [James snaps his fingers to garner Charlie's attention] Where is it?

Charlie (dressed up in a maid costume): [tired] I - I don't know how good this is going to be. I've - I've never made a casserole before.

James: Why are you dressed like that?

Charlie: Because you said it would make you smile.

James: [He inspects the dish more closely, but finds it unsatisfactory.] I want McDonald's. [Throws a casserole dish against the wall]

Charlie: [concerned] Look, I've literally done every single thing you've asked. I - I don't know why you're doing this to me but I'm begging you - I'm begging you, please. *inhales* Please, I want you to genuinely smile, please? Just smile.

James: [rips off a piece of Charlie's nose.] Dude, I couldn't focus on what you were saying with that thing on your face. I was sick of staring at it.

Charlie: [screaming in pure agony] AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!

The Alan Episode [2.3]

Mr. Boss: Oh, Alan! I actually have a very exciting job for you too! I just ran out of those little metal things that hold paper together. The eff are they called again? You know, the thing that's all like-- [he bends his pointer finger backwards, instantly breaking it]

Alan: Paperclips?

Mr. Boss: Yeah, that's it! If you could fetch some for me, I might have a special reward for you.

Alan: Hm, what's the reward?

Mr. Boss: Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, Alan, now would it?

Alan: No, I guess not. Okay, I'm gonna go get those paperclips, then.

Mr. Boss: [deeper, "normal" voice] Cool. Cool... I really hurt my finger doing that paperclip bit.

Alan: Yeah, no, I-- I saw.

Brother Egg [2.5]

Doug: Yo.

Professor Psychotic: Uh... Yo, what's up? What's up, man?

Doug: Vanessa's over, we're trying to watch TV; you're being incredibly loud.

Professor Psychotic: Uh... You just-- Like, my volume, or--?

Doug: (starting to get annoyed) Yeah, "volume". That's what "loud" means, doesn't it?

Professor Psychotic: Yeah-- I have the door closed, I mean...

Doug: We're on the couch, on the other side of this paper-thin wall, we're trying to watch a nice, romantic movie, and all we're hearing is injecting DNA into an egg!

Professor Psychotic: Yeah, well, that's what I do, yeah.

Doug: (fed up with his excuses now) Yeah, that's what you do- you waste time. You do stupid shit, all the time!

Professor Psychotic: You know, this-- this is what I care about, Doug. C'mon.

Doug: This is what you care about?! Care about something better! Care about yourself, maybe- care about me! The people who are keeping you alive!

Professor Psychotic: I-- I care about you! This is, like, my-- This is my job, basically.

Doug: (knowing full well his excuses are just bullshit) Oh, no, you care about me? That's so good! You know what you oughtta do- "your job"? Get an actual job! Get one that pays you!

Professor Psychotic: You know, I looked? It's a hard economy out there right now!

Doug: "It's a hard economy?" How about the economy of my patience, is runnin' thin, buddy! Paper-thin, like these walls.

Professor Psychotic: Dude, you have your problems, too.

Doug: (finally snaps) I got my prob--? Okay, okay! Get the fuck out! GET THE FUCK OUT! Go!

---

Doug: I oughtta knock your block off, you little freak.

---

Charlie: Pim, the world we live in stresses me out, dude.

Pim: Really? Why?

Charlie: Just, like, never-ending constant chaos, no-- It-- It never lets up. I hate it, I-- It's not good.

Pim: Oh, okay. I mean... Like, you didn't like when the man came out of the egg, though? That was kinda nice, wasn't it?

Charlie: No, that's what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I mean.

Pim: Oh, oh. You didn't like that-- Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Charlie: What? It's not-- You didn't do it, it's not your fault.

Pim: Yeah, okay.

Charlie, Pim, and Bill vs. the Alien [2.6]

Charlie: Wait, what? What am-- Dude, what am I looking at? What is that?

Pim: Charlie, that-- that's not Earth, right?

[Reveal: The Flat Earth.]

Charlie: Pim, that's completely flat, that a hun-- that's a hundred percent flat, dude!

Pim: I know, that's what I mean, that-- I'm-- that's what I'm saying, that-- That can't be real, right? That's not, like--

Charlie: I-- It-- We're looking at it, dude! That-- The-- The Earth is, uh-- the Earth is flat! The Earth-- I just-- look at-- I dunno, the Earth is flat!

Pim: Charlie, the Earth can't actually be flat, right?

Charlie: There's the glass dome! Dude, dude, oh my God, dude, oh my--

Pim: This is-- This can't be real.

Charlie: I need to sit down.

Pim: This can't--

Charlie: Pim, we-- we need to take this to the grave, we cannot tell anybody. This changes literally every-- This changes everything.

Pim: No, I-- I know. I c-- We can't-- We can never tell-- We can never tell anyone.

Charlie: I might actually puke, get back a little. I might puke. Stand back. I'm gonna throw up.

Pim: Oh my-- Okay.

Charlie: I'm gonna throw up.

Pim: The Earth is flat, Charlie.

Charlie: I know.

Cast

• Zach Hadel – Charlie / Glep / various
• Michael Cusack – Pim / Alan / various
• Marc M. – Mr. Boss