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Slap Her... She's French

2002 film by Melanie Mayron

Slap Her... She's French is a 2002 film about an American girl who invites a French foreign exchange student to their small town. It goes well until the exchange student starts to take over her life.

Directed by Melanie Mayron. Written by Lamar Damon & Robert Lee King.
No French People Were Harmed In The Making Of This Film. (taglines)

Starla Grady

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  • We're all capable of doing bad things. Lord knows I've done my share. Things I'm truly ashamed of. But should my life, so young and full of sweet promise, be tragically cut before it ever had a chance to shine? If I ever get out of here, as God is my witness, somebody's gonna pay. Or, as the great German philosopher Freddy Nitsche once said, 'that which does not kill us is gonna wish it had, because we're about to Fed-ex its sorry ass back to Skank Central where it came from.' Or something like that.
  • It doesn't get better than this. If only I had seen the writing on the wall...I just didn't know it was in French.
  • Oh yeah, and don't get me started on monsieur LeDuke—Mister 'I'm married but teenage girls make me pop my jimmy in my fruit de looms.'
  • [in a french exam] j'ai une bouche comme dix doigts et dix doigts comme une bouche...
  • Whatcha reading? [Randolph shows her a copy of 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?' by Philip K. Dick] Oh, I like Dicks. haha
  • I'm going to get you, Kermit, you're going down!
  • She went through this whole catholic thing—kissing my knees and calling herself a whore. It was like Taxicab Confessions.
  • You messed with the wrong cooze, flooze. Get ready to par-tee!
  • I didn't find her she found me, WHO IS SHE?
  • [After slapping her boyfriend] You are so fired as my boyfriend!
  • [After slapping Kyle and Genevieve in different scenes at the Newscaster of the Year contest] Slapping people is fun.

Genevieve LePlouff

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  • Oh, Kyle, bonjour. I was just watching Starla. She really knows how to spread her legs... uh... to kick.
  • Bonjour, y'all.

Arny "Dad" Grady

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  • Enjoy it while you can, Cupcake, before time and gravity do their dirty work.

Dialogue

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Mom: What? I don't like this Japanese music.
Randolph: It's Mozart.
Mom: No, smartie, Mozart played the piano.
Starla: Ashley, Tanner, y'all are my best friends in the world and I don't care who wins, as long as it's one of us.
Ashley: Aww, Starla.
Starla: ...and Tanner, you can barely see those bags under your eyes. If the lighting's right, maybe the judges won't either. Heck, they'll be too busy taking bets about when Ashley's gonna pop outta that dress.
Randolph: You know, I could help you study.
Starla: Yeah and what's the catch?
Randolph: No catch, you just gotta be nice to me for the rest of my life.
Starla: Ha, I should have known you'd exploit this for emotional blackmail. That's just mean you... user.
Starla: What does it say about me?
Ashley: Here it is, right underneath the lunch menu. And for Genevieve's presence among us, due thanks must go to Stalra Grady.
Starla: Stalra? Stalra?
Starla: It's people like you who give America a bad name.
Ed: You're one to talk, you conniving blonde bimbo.
[Genevieve bursts into tears]
Starla: Now look at what you've done. I have a good mind to have Kyle come and beat you off... up. Beat you up.
Mr. LeDuke: [speaking French] Excuse me, miss. Where is the library?
Starla: [speaking French] The library is in the centre of town. Perhaps we can meet there this afternoon for casual sex. We can mate like angry weasels while an elderly nun watches. [in English] See, and you thought I wasn't motivated enough to pass.
Mr. LeDuke: Starla!
Starla: Wait there's more.. [in French] I have a mouth like ten fingers and ten fingers like a mouth... and i want to ride your horsie, cowboy.
Mr. LeDuke: Stop right there young lady! Now I realize it's natural to develop a crush on an older more experienced man, but I am married.
Starla: Eww! You and me? You wish, Chewbacca. Sir.
Dad: Is that our girl? Ooh la la.
Randolph: She's no Starla.
Starla: Thank you, Randolph.
Randolph: She looks nothing like a drag queen.
Starla: Shit, where's that snail-eating, Bordeaux-swilling, America-foreign-policy-opposing, leg-not-shaving whore-slut?
Ed: Whoa there, cowgirl.
Kyle: Come on babe, we're just dancing.
Starla: That's not dancing, that's... dry humping!
Genevieve: I'm sorry, that's how we dance in my country.
Starla: Well, then everyone in your country's a big fat whore!
[Genevieve grabs Starla by her neck]
Genevieve: [whispering in Starla's ear] Maybe if you knew how to keep your man happy, he wouldn't have to dance with a whore such as myself!
Starla: Play this tape!
Tape: [Starla's voice] The whole school is nothing but a bunch of phony posers, a list of users, losers and self abusers.
Starla: Actually, that's not the right tape.
Genevieve: I hate you, and this town and all the pathetic inbreds that live here.
Starla: Say what you want about me, but don't mess with Splendona.

Taglines

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  • No French People Were Harmed In The Making Of This Film.
  • Bonjour, y'all
  • Miss Perfect is about to meet her match.
  • A high school comedy with a French twist

Cast

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