2002 action comedy film directed by Tom Dey
Det Mitch PrestonEdit
- [addressing schoolchildren as part of a show and tell on police officers] Being a policeman is not what you see on TV. I've never had to pick between the red and blue wires. Never seen a police car flip and cause other cars to burst into flames. Never had to jump across rooftops. I investigate crimes, track leads and sit in court. It's difficult, tedious work, and you won't get rich. But I've done it for years. I'm a detective. That's what I do. If you break the law, I'll do all I can to hunt you down and put you behind bars. I won't say that I succeed every time. But I try to make sure that if you do the crime, you'll do time. Any questions?
- [before confessional camera] Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you? I'm too old for this shit. Go on, I dare you.
- [Mitch is making an arrest but is caught on camera for his rough methods]
- Det Mitch Preston: Get that fucking camera out of here!
- Cameraman: I'm just doing my job!
- [Preston shoots at the camera]
- [Preston has just called out Trey Sellars for the staged robbery with a friend]
- Mitch Preston: This guy's a disgrace to the badge.
- Chase Renzi: So you'd never work with him?
- Preston: [as he leaves] Never. Not in a million years.
- [in counselling Trey Sellars on how TV cops taste drugs, William Shatner guides him using methods from TJ Hooker]
- William Shatner: You spear the knife into the bag... then pick some of the drugs up with the knife... then lightly press it on your tongue. And that is how TV cops taste drugs!
- Mitch: What if it's cyanide? There's a reason real cops don't taste drugs.
- [Trey and Mitch talk over the phone and the conversation brings up Mitch's pottery]
- Mitch: My ex and I were on the rocks, and my marriage counselor said I needed to take up a hobby.
- Trey: How come you never got good at it?
- Mitch: Well, it's kind of like you and police work. I never took it that seriously.
- Mitch: Why did you want to be a cop, anyway?
- Trey: Because I was a shitty waiter.
- [with the show being cancelled, LA Animal Services officers attempt to get Mitch's K-9]
- LAAS Officer: We're here to take the dog.
- Mitch: The dog stays.
- LAAS Officer: We have orders.
- Mitch: He's a police officer. Touch him and I'll shoot you. [dog barks and officers leave] Go, go, go. Good boy, Powder. Good boy. Nobody will take you away.