Scenes from a Mall
Scenes from a Mall is a 1991 satirical film directed by Paul Mazursky with a screenplay by Roger L. Simon and Mazursky, starring Bette Midler and Woody Allen. Woody Allen's character, Nick, is married to author Deborah, played by Midler. After years of a happy marriage, Nick reveals to her he's had an affair. Deborah is shocked and requests a divorce, but later admits she herself has been unfaithful.
- [looking for his car in the mall parking garage]
- Nick: Christ! where's my fucking Saab?!
- [after though negotiations with a tennis prodigy's mother]
- Nick: I think Mrs. Jong is Jewish.
- [on mimes]
- Nick: These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas!
- [Deborah wants to give Nick his Christmas present]
- Deborah: I have something to get you out your midlife crisis.
- Nick: Than can only mean a full-body vibrator!
- Nick: How many 16th anniversaries does a person have in a lifetime? One... maybe two.
- [Nick and the mime hang up the phone at the same time; the mime holds out his hand]
- Nick: [annoyed] Fuck off.
- [Nick's given Deborah a family photo with an antique frame]
- Nick: I had to have it engraved, because I could never remember your name.
- [on an affair Nick had]
- Nick: I liked her. I loved the sex.
- Deborah: [scornful] Oh. So, you LOVE me, but you only LIKE the sex.
- Nick: Well, now I feel like the scumbag of all time.
- Deborah: You are.
- Nick: I don't know how our marriage lasted.
- Deborah: Mutual death wish.
- Nick: Your constast interrupting of me...
- Deborah: Please! In sixteen years, I've never finished a sequence.
- Deborah: No alimony, no special stipends, just plain child support - a LOT of it.
- Deborah: How about those two beautiful creatures? Think you can handle them?
- Nick: Handle them? I can salivate over them.
- Deborah: I betrayed you? You betrayed me! What about your seven month adventure with a girl named Ed?
- Nick: You look like my Aunt Minna in that dress!
- Deborah: Do you really hate this dress?
- Nick: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.
- Nick: Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.
- On their 16th wedding anniversary, Deborah and Nick decided to work out all their differences ...in public.
- A hilarious adventure in marriage, infidelity and bargain shopping!