Scenes from a Mall

1991 film by Paul Mazursky

Scenes from a Mall is a 1991 satirical film directed by Paul Mazursky with a screenplay by Roger L. Simon and Mazursky, starring Bette Midler and Woody Allen. Woody Allen's character, Nick, is married to author Deborah, played by Midler. After years of a happy marriage, Nick reveals to her he's had an affair. Deborah is shocked and requests a divorce, but later admits she herself has been unfaithful.

On their 16th wedding anniversary, Deborah and Nick decided to work out all their differences public. (taglines)


[looking for his car in the mall parking garage]
Nick: Christ! where's my fucking Saab?!

[after though negotiations with a tennis prodigy's mother]
Nick: I think Mrs. Jong is Jewish.

[on mimes]
Nick: These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas!

[Deborah wants to give Nick his Christmas present]
Deborah: I have something to get you out your midlife crisis.
Nick: Than can only mean a full-body vibrator!

Nick: How many 16th anniversaries does a person have in a lifetime? One... maybe two.

[Nick and the mime hang up the phone at the same time; the mime holds out his hand]
Nick: [annoyed] Fuck off.

[Nick's given Deborah a family photo with an antique frame]
Nick: I had to have it engraved, because I could never remember your name.

[on an affair Nick had]
Nick: I liked her. I loved the sex.
Deborah: [scornful] Oh. So, you LOVE me, but you only LIKE the sex.

Nick: Well, now I feel like the scumbag of all time.
Deborah: You are.

Nick: I don't know how our marriage lasted.
Deborah: Mutual death wish.

Nick: Your constast interrupting of me...
Deborah: Please! In sixteen years, I've never finished a sequence.

Deborah: No alimony, no special stipends, just plain child support - a LOT of it.

Deborah: How about those two beautiful creatures? Think you can handle them?
Nick: Handle them? I can salivate over them.

Deborah: I betrayed you? You betrayed me! What about your seven month adventure with a girl named Ed?

Nick: You look like my Aunt Minna in that dress!

Deborah: Do you really hate this dress?
Nick: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.

Nick: Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.


  • On their 16th wedding anniversary, Deborah and Nick decided to work out all their differences public.
  • A hilarious adventure in marriage, infidelity and bargain shopping!


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