Samurai Pizza Cats
The Samurai Pizza Cats, known as Kyatto Ninden Teyandee in Japan, is an anime series co-produced by Tatsunoko Productions and Sotsu Agency. The 54 episode series initially aired in Japan from 1 January 1990 to 12 February 1991. Featuring the comedic adventures of a anthromorphic feline superhero team who moonlight as staff at a local pizzeria, the series was introduced to western audiences soon afterwards by Saban International.
The English language version produced for North American audiences stands out among the dubbed versions for its liberal translation (if there was any translation as the English credits no one for it), that featured humorous commentary by the narrator and characters of the inexplicable Japanese attributes (e.g. sight gags, written language, and cultural references).
Stop Dragon My Cat Around! [1.1]Edit
- [Series opener.]
- Narrator: This is Little Tokyo. A Hometown. Like your hometown. That is if your hometown is populated by flying ducks, talking hippos and other cartoon characters. Little Tokyo a city of contrasts where incomes are high, cholesterol levels are low, everyone gets cable TV. And yet a place where quaint street vendors are still a common sight. Little Tokyo where the old meets the new.
- Street Vendor: Fresh natural video tape players! Come get them while they're hot!
- Narrator: Little Tokyo, home of the national tai-chi mahjong champions, the world's third largest ball of twine and of course, the Samurai Pizza Cats Pizza Parlour where you'll find the greatest heroes on earth... the customers.
- [Customer speaking to Polly Esther and Francine in the Pizza Parlour.]
- Customer: Hey Lady, do you serve shrimps lady?
- Polly Esther: Do we serve shrimp? Yes of course we do.
- Francine: Sure. It doesn't matter to us how short you are.
- Polly Esther: Can you believe those two guys getting all starry eyed over a girl like Lucille?
- Francine: Tomcats. You can't live with them and you can't throw them down a well and drown them. There really aught to be a law.
- [After a lengthy scene where Speedy and Guido take turns stealing the delivery from each other, Guido is run over by a passing merchant cart. Speedy is sitting on the back waving at Guido.]
- Speedy Cerviche: It's been fun. But I gotta run!
- Guido Anchovy: Whats with the violence! I got a clause in my contract so I don't have to do that drastic stuff! Hey! Somebody get my agent on the phone right now.
- [Speedy arrives at Lucille's Tea House]
- Lucille: Well, my my, look what the cat dragged in.
- Guido: Darn, I would do anything for you, Lucille. To other people, you might just be a hand painted animated character but you mean a lot more than that to me.
- [A dark ominous cloud has appeared in the sky]
- Speedy Cerviche: Scary, never seen anything like it!
- Guido Anchovy: Ever look in a mirror?
- [a dragon is flying around the sky knocking into buildings]
- Narrator: An entire city block is flattened in the blink of an eye, including a retirement home for ageing ninja turtles.
- [at a town hall meeting to determine how to stop the dragon. The pizza cats have been chosen to be the heroes.]
- Princess Vi: Do you know the best thing about the Pizza Cats?
- Big Al Dente: No, Tell us, Princess Vi.
- Princess Vi: They deliver!
- [The Pizza Cats launch sequence commences. The cats are loaded into a giant gun-shaped launcher that projects from the top of the Pizza Parlour.]
- Francine: It's launch time folks.
- Narrator: The Samurai Pizza Cats leap into action. Polly Esther. Speedy Cerviche. Guido Anchovy.
- Chorus: [sung] Samauri Pizza Cats.
- Narrator: They're ready to fire when you need them just call. They know how to stop crime. Just do what they say. If you don't want a bad time, stay outta their way. [laughs] oh I love those cats.
- Chorus: [sung] Samurai Pizza Cats.
- Narrator: The heroes who always wear fur. [laughs]
- Francine: All systems go. Wind speed and trajectory look good and our biorhythms couldn't be better. Stand by.
- Francine: [loudspeaker] Attention citizens of Little Tokyo. They're off on a mission to save the whole city. What an achievement if you are a kitty.
- Francine: kaboom!
- [The Pizza Cats are shot out of the gun into the air in balls of fire/smoke.]
- Child: Look, there goes those stupid pizza cats polluting the atmosphere again!
- Mother: Good grief as if it weren't bad enough dodging pigeons.
- [The dragon is causing mayhem and destruction in the city]
- Bad Bird: [Evil laugh] Go ahead make my day!
- Speedy Cerviche: [Off screen] Hey, worm-breath!
- Bad Bird: Who said that?
- Speedy Cerviche: Three guesses bird brain.
- Guido Anchovy: We'll give you a hint. We're the stars of this cartoon.
- Bad Bird: You guys. Well, you're too late this time.
- Polly Esther: We spoke to the producer! There's plenty of time left in the episode.
- Bad Bird: What? Now they tell me!
- [The Pizza Cats introduce themselves]
- Guido Anchovy: Sorry Chicken Licken, when the going gets tough, I like to play rough. I'm Guido Anchovy.
- Polly Esther: And I've got no match when its time to scratch. You can call me Polly Esther. Love ya! [Blows Kiss]
- Speedy Cerviche: I'm the only cat in this show who doesn't know how to rhyme. Speedy Cerviche at your service.
- Pizza Cats Together: Samurai Pizza Cats!
- Bad Bird: Holy Hairball! I haven't seen such a cheap theatrical entrance since Junior High School drama class. Only there the costumes were better!
- [Guido Anchovy uses his umbrella weapon on the Ninja Crows]
- Narrator: The Samurai Sunspot Umbrella. when Guido fires it up, you know the pizza cats are really cooking!
- Bad Bird: That pun was horrible.
- Speedy Cerviche: Man, I've heard of turning up the heat on crime but this really bakes the cake. If you're taking orders, you know I like my bird a little crispy on the outside.
- Polly Esther: Yeah but watch out for heartburn.
- [Polly Esther uses her claws on the Ninja Crows]
- Polly Esther: Now it's time for the claws of repression! Come and get it love birds!
- [Speedy Cerviche uses his sword on the Dragon legs]
- Narrator: ...calling on mystical powers of the magical Ginzu sword. Carefully withdrawing the patented self-sharpening blade from its sheath he's ready for action. He's ready for danger. He's ready to accept the coveted Emmy award for the best stupid pet trick. Wielding his blade like a surgeon's scalpel he lets out a battle cry.
- Speedy Cerviche: It's time to op-er-ate!
- Ever had one of those days when you just want to go back to bed?
- The pussy is the cat's meow.
- [to Bad Bird] Wanna hear my Clint Eastwood?, "Make my day"
- Okay, get camera three in place for the Ginsu Sword sequence. Let's have a big finish!
- Save that pinko pop ecology stuff for the next Greenpeace newsletter!
- I'm getting tired of being an underground sensation!
- Hey what's going on,what's the deal?! You mind getting off of me you big polecat!
- Ya know what they say Guido,two's company and three's a crowd!!
- On the other hand, there could be a monster, or mutants, or UFOs! This is a cartoon, those writers can do whatever they want!
- Maybe in one of my nine lives I'll be smart enough to figure out why you're crying about this, but I haven't got the time, uh-uh-uh, got to be off with the pizza. Pie, I mean bye!
- Hey guys, there's only one ticket left for the 'Iron Butterly' concert and you're going to have to fight for it.
- It's time to get down and get funky!
- Think stinky thoughts, STALE KITTY LITTER!!!!!
- Jealousy raises its ugly head I see.
- Well now I've seen everything, as if the destruction of the Brazilian Rainforest weren't enough for ya, you're the most environmentally irresponsible person I met!
- Hey yard birds, Remember the 60's?
- Who comes up with any of those lines?
- [to Bad Bird] We have fanclubs all over the world. And our toys out sell yours 2 to 1.
- And so, we come to the end of another adventure with our heroes: Speedy, Polly and Guido, but they'll be back for another episode, unless of course they get a better offer from another producer.
- Even though it was Spritz The Cat who defeated the robots and saved the day, Speedy's the hero who negotiated the lucrative merchandising deal for the Pizza Cats Running Shoes, T-Shirts, Lunchboxes and Executive Desk Sets. So we have a contractual commitment to make a big fuss over him like this in every episode. Bear with us, folks, it's big business...
- Is this the end of the Pizza Cats? After only seven episodes?
- This sudden explosion of sudden special effects can only mean one thing, it's...The Ginsu Sword cuts the Cheese once again! Who writes this stuff?
Seymor "The Big" CheeseEdit
- Darn Pizza Cats!!! That's NOT fair! NOT fair! [explodes, as per almost every episode]
- This wasn't in the script. I want my stunt double, and I want him now!
- Couldn't ya get a lion to do that?
- We can't tell those Pizza Cats what we're up to, stop poking, WILL YOU CUT IT OUT?!?!?!
- Calm down, Mr. Cheese! Calm down!
- [after the cats have broken into Big Cheese's vault] Oh no! Someone has broken into the vault! I hope they don't scratch my "Lovin' Spoonfull" albums.
- [After catching Speedy who was thrown out the palace window] Friday night for poker as usual?
- Birdie! After all these years, it's you.
- The cat I love would enjoy the simpler things in life. He'd rather have a picnic with ME then rush off to save the world.
- AAH! THEY'RE TO BLOW ME UP! THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE!
Big Al DenteEdit
- That's the last time I eat goldfish!
- Send them to PRISONER ISLAND!!
- Send them to EXTRAS ISLAND!! (after being informed that Prisoner Island is all filled up on prisoners)
Spritz T. CatEdit
- This should dampen their spirits!
- Read my eyelids: NO NEW ROBOTS!
- Hey! Pretty Polly was busy, but you guys needed help. So [blows a kiss] it's Guru Lou come to save the day and I'm cuter than Polly anyway.
- Stand back everyone I need a........soil sample...
- What'll it be? you give up or do I bomb you back into the stone age?
- Now you know what it's like to live in Quebec. Perhaps now you'll learn to speak en français. Give us the secret, or you'll be eating crêpes, pal!
- BE QUIET!!!!
- No power on earth can stop me, when i.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- WHA!!!!! Watch it cat!
- That's inactura- AH!
- I give up...
- I hate Garlic!
- I heard him scream last night and it was horrible. I wish he wouldn't do that when he gets kidnapped.
- This is hotter then a stolen Subaru!
- Honey, did you leave the oven on again?
- Francine: All systems go and ready for launch.
- Guido: But I already ate.
- Francine: Launch not lunch.....silly...
FROM EPISODE 20: DRUMMIN' UP WITH A BIG BAD BEAT
- Walkie-Talkie: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
- Speedy: Now what in the world is THAT suppose to mean?!
- Guido: Any with half a brain knows it means that this Peter Piper guy's some sort of farmer.
- Speedy: I don't care about pickled peppers. I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT IT HAS TO DO WITH VIOLENCE!
- Polly: Get 'em Guido! Fight! Don't let that alley cat talk to you that way!
- Speedy: WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ALLEY CAT, YOU MIXED-BREED CAT?!
- Polly: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME, YOU FEEBLE FELINE?! YOU GOT SOME NERVE!!
- Guido: WELL IT'S TRUE!
- Speedy: I'll hit ya BOTH!!!
FROM EPISODE 4: THE GREAT GOLDEN CLUCK
- Polly: GO ON, GET GOING!
- Speedy: Please Polly not the washroom!
- Guido: I always knew your career would end up in the toilet
- Speedy: YOU LITTLE RAT!!
- Polly: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?!
- Speedy: There was a little rat, didn't ya see it?
Main Title SongEdit
- Narrator: (spoken) Will somebody PLEASE cue that bird?
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats (Oh yeah)
- Narrator: Who do you call when you want some pepperoni?
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats (Right on)
- Narrator: They're stampin' out crime and you know that ain't baloney.
- There's Speedy Cerviche he's the leader of the bunch. (That's right!)
- A heck of a fighter! (Whoa!) Makes a heck of a lunch!
- And little Polly Esther who's never afraid, (That's me)
- Of going into battle when the bad guys invade!
- There's Guido Anchovy, a wild romantic rover.
- This cat gets down, down with a love hangover!
- Chorus: Here Come the Pizza Cats!
- Narrator: They're so bad!
- They've got more fur than any turtle ever had.
- Chorus: They're stronger than old cheese! (Stronger than old cheese)
- They're stronger than dirt! (Stronger than dirt)
- If you step on their tails (Polly meows) And you're gonna get hurt (Don't hurt me!)
- Samurai Pizza Cats!
- Narrator: They're fighting crime...
- Chorus: All over town!
- 4, 3, 2, 1. Pizza Cats are on the run!
- Narrator: The Big Cheese is the villan, who's lower than low.
- It's a rotten shame he lives in Little Tokyo!
- We've got a nasty Bad Bird and some nasty Ninja Crows,
- As soon as someone finds the script, we might begin the show!
- Sit right back, pick up your feet, turn the sound up high,
- And if you want the full effect, go eat a pizza-pie!
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats (narrator laughs as Speedy falls into the sea)
End Title SongEdit
- Narrator: Ladies and Gentleman! The Samurai Pizza Cat Fan Club Oath!
- The Big Cheese: The Pizza Cats are Samurai and I'd like to note...
- Jerry Atric: Their antics take your breath away...
- The Big Cheese: Like furballs in your throat.
- Speedy: We kittens are a special breed. We never call retreat.
- Guido: Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down...
- Polly: We land upon (blows a kiss) our feet!
- Narrator: So hail to thee, o Pizza Cat! Please ring your little bell! (Speedy rings his collar bell)
- Although you may be pen and ink, we know you'll fight like...
- All: PIZZA CATS!
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats!
- Narrator: We hope you liked the show, it's the best that we could do.
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats!
- Narrator: If you could do better, then we'd leave it up to you.
- Just a reminder, you might like to know! The Cats will be back for another big show! (laughs) Oh gosh!
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats!
- Narrator: They're fighting crime. Oh yes!
- Chorus: All over town.
- 2, 4, 6, 8! Why do we expectorate? Samurai Pizza Cats!
- Narrator: Read all the credits, so you know who did the work.
- Chorus: Samurai Pizza Cats! (Narrator laughs)