Carter: What do you mean, "blend in"? I'm two feet taller than everybody in here!
Lee: You are a civilian. In Hong Kong, I am Michael Jackson and you are Toto.
Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate last night for dinner, now gimme that badge!
Versace Salesman: Hi, nice to see you. Can I help you gentlemen?
Carter Yeah. I'm gonna need black, 42-long, and nothing touches this body but pure silk. And get my partner something from the kid's department.
Versace Salesman: OK, would your partner like to be wrapped in silk too? Some people think it's tacky, but I really enjoy it when couples dress alike.
Carter: No - wait a minute - no! This aint no couples thing, man. We're police officers; we're working a very dangerous case and we need some clothes.
Lee: Yes, there are alot of men chasing us.
Versace Salesman: As well they should be. Listen, you have nothing to worry about, OK? Because I'm going to turn you two into the belle of the ball.
Lee: Thank you.
Versace Salesman: Absolutely. [to Carter] Let's start with you, shall we? You've got the mochachino face, beautiful skin, and the big broad shoulders, OK? Let's put a dead animal on you! Croc-skin... buttercream... buttercream... croc-skin... buttercream...What size is the waist? Let's go in! [approaches Carter with open arms]
Carter: Hey! Watch it, sweetness!
Versace Salesman: He's got some fire to him!
Versace Salesman: I like that!
Carter: Go get the clothes! Hurry up!
Versace Salesman: I'll go pull some items. Oh, Jesus! Lil' Kim! I'll be back.
Carter:[Looks to Lee] You saw that?
Lee: He likes you.
Carter:[Looks at him like he's lost his mind] I'm not shoppin' with you no more.
Carter:[Attempting to speak Cantonese but having no idea of what he said] What did I just say?
Lee: You just asked everybody to pick up their Samurai Swords and shave your butt!
Carter:I said that?
[During a fight scene with Ricky Tan's Chinese thugs]
Carter: You sorry? I got somebody's old chopsticks stuck up my ass, and all you got to say to me is you sorry?
Carter: Hey, baby. James Carter, Baldwin Hills.
Isabella Molina: Isabella Molina, San Juan.
Carter: San Juan! I've been there many times on my private plane. You must know my good friend Pedro Morales Magonzales Morotto Malosso Megusto.
Isabella: No, I'm afraid not.
Carter: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you rode in the best of circles. If you need anything, champagne, caviar, my yacht is your yacht.
Isabella: This is your yacht?
Carter: I'm the captain. El capitan.
Isabella: El capitan....
Carter Look, I'm not gonna play games with you. I want you. I can imagine me and you in one of those bathrooms in about five minutes.
Isabella: Oh, it's such a beautiful yacht. What's it name?
Carter: Its name? [Isabella nods] The S.S. Minnow Johnson.
Isabella: The S.S. Minnow Johnson? Funny. The name on the back was the Red Dragon.
Carter: The Red Dragon?
Isabella Yes. Because this is my friend's yacht. And this is his party.
Carter Your's friend yacht? Man, no wonder my key didn't work. All these yachts look all the same these days.
Steven Reign: Who's your friend?
Isabella: Someone who got on the wrong yacht.
Carter: Hey I know you, you're Steven Reign, the hotel billionaire. You must have a private plane as well. It's fun, isn't it? What are you doing out here in Hong Kong?
Reign: I'm here for the weekend, takking in the sights. [looks at Isabella] Shall we?
Isabella: [gets up to slow-dance with Reign] Enjoy the party, Mr. Carter.
Carter: I will, Miss Isabella.
[Lee holds up an employee of Ricky Tan and questions him]
Lee: Ricky Tan, where is he!?
Employee: I don't know!
Lee: He killed a detective today! Now where is he!?
Carter: Who died man?
Lee:[Turns and is shocked] Carter!
Carter: Who died Lee?
Carter: Detective Yu?
Lee: Not Yu, you!
Lee: Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth!?
Carter: Naw don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth!
Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's Theory of Criminal Investigation: follow the rich white man!
Lee: Follow the rich white man?
Carter: Exactly, now you're learning. Every big crime has a rich white man behind it waitin' for his cut. Now, in our case we know who the rich white man is. Steven Reign!
Carter: Steven Reign, the hotel billionaire, I saw him on Ricky Tan's boat. When the shootin' started he was way too cool. Now lemme tell you somethin', when people start shootin', white people ain't that cool. They either runnin' around hidin' behind tables or screaming like, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
Lee: You sound like that all the time!
Carter: Let me tell you something about black people: When stuff goes down, we keep our cool.
Lee: Maybe, but not like Asians. We never panic.
Carter: Yeah right when Godzilla's coming y'all be trippin'. I've seen the movie, everyone goin' "gaicka, gaicka"!
[on top of the hotel roof, Lee is holding a "bomb"]
Carter: Throw it!
Lee: No! There is people down there!
Carter: Lee! Throw it!
Carter: Throw it!
Carter: We about ta die!
Kenny:[pointing to Carter and speaking Chinese] Why are you hanging with 7-11?
Kenny: Because his mouth never closes.
Carter: Hey! I heard that, I heard that. Don't be talkin' about me man.
Carter: There he is: Steven Reign. Living large in one of his penthouse suites. [Isabella walks in to Reign's room] That's her. That's the woman on Ricky Tan's boat. [hands the periscope to Lee]
Lee: He's leaving.
Carter: Oh, he'll be back.
Lee: How do you know?
Carter: You see how fine that woman is. He'll definitely be back. (lies down in bed)
[Lee notices Isabella taking off her bathrobe]
Carter: What's going on?
Lee: She.... uh.... is just standing around, not doing much.
Carter: Well stay awake, something bound to happen.
Lee: I try to stay awake...this is so boring. [While watching Isabella undress, whispers] Slow down baby....
Carter: What did you say?
Lee: Huh? Uh.... I said nothing!
Carter: I heard you say something!
Lee: No, no, nothing.
[Carter notices Lee's shifting]
Carter: [gets up from bed] What is going on Lee?
Lee: She's.... getting undressed!
Lee: She's getting undressed!
[Carter struggles with Lee to grab the periscope]
Lee: Hey! It's.... not-
Carter: LORD, HAVE MERCY! She's taking off her skirt!
Lee: I cannot hear this! [walks away]
Carter: Black bra, black panties, Victoria's Secret, spring catalogue, page 27. Girl's got class. [zooms in] She got a tattoo, that's cute. It looks like.... Snoopy.
Lee: Snoopy! I love Snoopy! [Tries to grab periscope]
Carter: Hold up, I love Snoopy too. [Isabella opens the door for a delivery woman] Wait, it looks like somebody dropping off a package. Hey, that's the same person that dropped off the package at your office.
Lee and Carter: It's a bomb!
Carter: Now why'd you go and say it was a bomb?
Lee: I didn't, you said it.
Carter: No I didn't!
Lee: You said it in the hotel room!
Carter: I said she was da bomb.
Lee: She was the bomb?
Carter: Secret Service Agent James Carter! Boy that sounds good! Give me six months, SIX MONTHS, Lee, and I'll be in Washington protecting the President.
Lee: We both know you would never take a bullet for someone else.
Carter: Yeah, but they don't know that. I'ma talk to Isabella, see if she can hook something up. Seen the way she was staring at a brother.
Lee: She never even looked at you!
Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause the girl chose me. 'Cause I'm tall, dark, and handsome and you third-world ugly.
Lee: I'm not third-world ugly. Women like me. They think I'm cute, like Snoopy.
Carter: Lee, Snoopy is six inches taller than you.
Carter: So how they gonna kill us, Lee?
Lee: First they will torture us for three days-
Carter: Three days? I can handle that.
Lee: Then they will cut off our egg rolls
Carter: Cut off our egg rolls?! Aw hell no! Let's get the hell outta here!
Carter: Whoa whoa whoa. Why are you giving me 500 dollar chips.
Dealer: I just assumed-
Carter: You assumed that a brother coming in here couldn't afford 1000 dollar chips. Do you think my ancestors suffered 362 years of slavery so we could get sent back to the cotton field with 500 dollar chips. Are you a racist?
Dealer: No sir, I'm not.
Pit Boss: Sir, I think you should calm down.
Carter: I think you should go over there and count something.
Carter: How come you ain't got no black people performing in this casino? We ain't good enough for you?
Pit Boss: We got Lionel Richie performing here tonight!
Carter: Lionel Richie ain't been black since the Commodores! How about Peaches and Herb? Gladys Knight and the Pips? Ike and Tina? They can get back together, this is crazy-
Pit Boss: Sir, please calm down.
Carter:[with hands wailing manically in the air] I ain't calming down no more! I'm sick, you people tryin' to calm me down.
Carter:[to Hu-Li] All right, I ain't gonna hold back this time 'cause you're a girl. I'll just pretend you're a man.... a very beautiful man with a perfect body, who I'd like to take to the movies.
Carter:[to Hu-Li after she's knocked out] We coulda been a good couple.... but you one crazy-ass bitch!
Lee: I didn't know what side you were on.
Isabella: Well, now you know. [smiles]
[In the penthouse, Lee has a gun pointed at Ricky Tan's Head]
Carter: [just walked into the room] Oh, hey, Ricky. Lee, I see you got everything under control so I'mma go hit the buffet and....GOD DAAAMN. [just noticed Reign's body] What happened to Reign?
Ricky Tan: Would you like me to tell you how your father died? [Lee cocks the gun]
Carter: Whoa, now, Lee. He ain't worth it man. He tryin' to mess with you. Don't do it.
Ricky Tan: He never begged for his life, or tried to make a deal.
Carter: Put the gun down.
Ricky Tan: All he asked for, seconds before I pulled the trigger, was that I promised not to kill you. Oh, it was so pathetic.
Carter Aw, hell no, he done gone too far. You better shoot his ass, Lee, shoot his ASS!
Ricky Tan: What are you going to do, Lee? [Lee's face is showing hesitation]
Carter: All you gotta do is pull that trigger back and BAM!!!
Ricky Tan: Are you going to spend the rest of your life hiding like your father?
Carter: Don't let him talk about your daddy like that! Shoot him, Lee!
Ricky Tan: You can't do it, can you?
Carter: Oh, yes the hell he can! Ain't nobody up here but us!
Ricky Tan: GO ON!
Carter: If you ain't gonna shoot him, kung-fu his ass or somethin'!
[After kicking Ricky Tan out of the window]
Carter: Damn! Good kick, Lee.
Lee: It was an accident.
Carter: That's OK. We'll just say he tried to catch a cab.
[During the credit bloopers after Jackie kicks Ricky out the window]
Carter: Damn! He ain't going to be in Rush Hour 3!
[During the bloopers]
Tucker: You sly devil, you. She kissed you, didn't she- [Cell phone rings] Ahh!