Runaways

Runaways is a comic book about six teenagers who discover their parents were secretly a group of super-villains called The Pride. It was launched in 2002 as part of Marvel's Tsunami imprint. It was created by writer Brian K. Vaughan and artist Adrian Alphona.

Series 1 (1-18)	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18
Series 2 (1-20)	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	19	20
Series 2 (21-30)	21	22	23	24	25	26	27	28	29	30
Civil War: R/YA	1	2	3	4	Free						External links

Series 1

Pride & Joy

Issue 1.1

Unknown voice: Don't worry gentlemen, I can handle this.

[A scantily clad Invisible Woman is shown]

Invisible Woman Player on MMORPG: After all, there's more than one way to soothe a savage beast.

Captain America Player on MMORPG/Alex Wilder: Okay, wait. Time out for a second. This is totally retarded.

Invisible Woman: What?

Alex Wilder: First of all, you're not part of this mission. And second, you're like... horrifically out of character.

Hulk Player on MMORPG: Hulk smooch!

Daredevil Player on MMORPG: And just so you know, it's not cool to use "retarded" in a pejorative manner. My cousin's girlfriend is a retard.

Catherine Wilder: What in God's name have you been doing in here all day? Is that pornography?

Alex: No, Mom, it's an M.M.O.R.P.G.

Geoffrey Wilder: What the hell is that?

Alex: A massively multi-player... [sigh] It's a game, Dad. Like Scrabble, but for the computer, you know?

Geoffrey Wilder: Does it cost me money?

Gertrude Yorkes: I DON'T WANNA GO!!! If you guys are so obsessed with helping the poor, why won't you let me join the socialist club?

Stacey Yorkes: Gertrude, as we discussed, while capitalism may be the unequal distribution of wealth, socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.

Dale Yorkes: And you're only a sophomore in high school, Gert. There's a reason they call you kids "wise fools."

Gertrude Yorkes: Actually, that's a fake etymology, Dad. "Sophomore" is derived from "sophist". It has no direct correlation to the Greek word for "fool"... as any fool would know.

Dale Yorkes: [to himself] Do other parents have to deal with this?

Victor Stein: [after punching Chase] That's for talking back! You think straight C's are funny? You're becoming a dumb jock, Chase. Is that what you want to be, a cliché?

Chase Stein: Well, you're a nerd who punches like a girl... isn't that a cliché?

Mr. Minoru: WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE LATE!! Nico, you've been in there for three hours, let's go!

Nico Minoru: (from other side of the door) I can't find my stupid black nail polish!

Tina Minoru: Oh, sweetie, I threw it away.

Nico: What?!

Tina Minoru: Oprah's doctor friend said that teens who wear black fingernail polish are more likely to do drugs, so I-

Nico: Great! Now I have to mix all my old polish together and try to make black!

Mr. Minoru: We're going to be late, aren't we?

Molly Hayes: Gert, can I ask you a question about girl stuff?

Gert: Under no circumstances.

Molly: [about the secret passageway] This is like the haunted mansion at Disney... only boringer.

[The group is watching their parents through a one-way mirror.]

Nico: Check out those costumes.

Alex: Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?

Chase: Yeah, our parents are totally gay.

Gert: I've known our parents were evil since I was five. This perverted little gathering just confirms it.

Issue 1.2

Catherine Wilder: Alex, is... is everything all right up here?

Alex: Uh, yeah, totally. We were just fooling around with one of your old games. [under his breath] And you think Vice City is dirty.

Molly: Um, helloooo. I know what you guys are whispering about...

Gert: You... you do?

Molly: Duh, S-E-X... I'm not a baby.

Gert: Come on, kid. Let's go powder our noses.

Molly: That's code for "pee", right?

Nico: Karolina, you... you better sit down. I don't know how to tell you this, but-

Chase: Alex's dad just killed some chick.

Alex: WHAT?

Nico: Chase!

Karolina Dean: Huh?

Alex: Everybody was able to sneak out okay?

Gert: Yeah, my parents were practically unconscious. Satanic rituals must really wear a person down.

Gert: It's called a secret society, boys and girls. Like the Freemasons? Am I the only one who saw From Hell?

Gert: What? How is it possible that parents lied to us? Let's see: Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, um, God. "You're the prettiest kid in school. This won't hurt a bit. Your face will freeze like that..."

Alex: "Everything's going to be all right."

Issue 1.3

Alex: Nobody move! They... they can only sense motion.

Nico: What do you mean "they"? What is it?

Alex: That thing from "Jurassic Park". A-A Velociraptor.

Chase: Wait, the dinosaur is real, but her parents are C.G.I.?

Karolina: But... but my parents can't really be part of this. They might be a little eccentric, but they're not evil. They don't even eat meat.

Gert: Well, neither did Hitler.

Nico: You all right, Gert?

Gert: Yeah, just thinking about the last animal my parents let me have. It was this Vietnamese pot-bellied pig named Orwell. I loved that stupid thing, but my parents hated it. A few years ago, I was playing with him in the backyard, right? I ran in to answer the phone for a second, and when I came out, he was gone. Never saw him again.

Nico: Aw, that stinks.

Gert: My mom and dad said I left the gate open, but that's a total lie. They probably went all Lord of the Flies on him as soon as I turned my back. From that moment on, I swore never to trust my parents again. It was so obvious they weren't telling the truth... I mean, I know I locked that gate.

Chase: Parents who don't want their kid to go to be a doctor? Now that's crazy.

Karolina: I wish we'd never learned about any of this! I was much happier being kept in the dark! I-I hope our parents do kill us now! I-I... [realizing she had risen in the air] I can fly? Oh, my God! I CAN FLY!

Issue 1.4

Karolina: You want me to wear [my bracelet] again. But it... it represents everything my parents ever lied to me about.

Alex: Maybe, but that bracelet also turns off your lightshow. And right now, we can't have you floating around like an oversized Tinkerbell.

Karolina: [mutters] What do you mean oversized.

Alex: Let's get to the van and head for the hills.

Chase: Beverly Hills, that is.

[The gang is trying to enter a locked shed]

Nico: No one has a skeleton key on them, do they?

Alex: Maybe Karolina could use her powers on it?

Chase: How? By bedazzling it open?

Chase: Hey, I may not be book smart, but I am street smart.

Gert: Which street? Sesame...?

Issue 1.5

Nico: Chase has, um...

Chase: A problem! If I can't figure out how to get my dad's stupid geek gloves off, I'm never going to be able to wipe my own--

[Flames shoot out of the gloves.]

Chase: Oh. Well... that totally rocks.

Gert: I'm not gonna let you guys stomp my 'rents without me.

Nico: Get your hands off her, witch!

Alice Hayes: Isn't that the pot calling the cauldron black, Nico? You're the one who looks like she should be burned at the stake.

Nico: You... you people are evil.

Alice Hayes: Your generation is all the same. As soon as you encounter something you don't understand, you label it as "evil" and start throwing chairs through Starbucks windows.

Issue 1.6

Molly: You have a dinosaur!

Gert: Yeah, but she's a friendly dinosaur... like Barney.

Molly: I hate Barney!

Gert: The confusing things you're feeling right now aren't bad, Molly. You're actually something called a mutant, a person born with--

Molly: No, duh, Gert! I'm not confused about that. I'm confused about why Nico hit my mom in the face!

Leslie Dean: You think you've beaten us? We haven't even used a fraction of our strength against you. Once the kid gloves come off, your parents will annihilate you. We brought you children into this world...

Alex: ...and we can take you out

[Last words in issue.]

Gert: […] isn't that sort of childish?

Alex: What's the alternative, "Arsenic"? Being an adult? If that means turning into the people who raised us... I hope I die before I get old.

Teenage Wasteland

Issue 1.7

Gert: Gertrude is my slave name, Alex. You can keep calling yourself whatever you evil parents named you, but the rest of us are starting over. Right, Bruiser?

Molly: Right, Arsenic.

Alex: Aren't codenames supposed to be cooler than your actual names.

Alex: You and Karolina hide our wheels somewhere?

Chase: Yep, in plain sight. I stole the plates off a Honda Civic and switched them with the ones on my van. It'll be months before that dude notices that he's got the wrong license on his car.

Alec: Wait... What

Gert: I warned you, send him to sell our cow, and he'll come back with magic beans...

Gert: Sexual tension. Gross.

Chase: I figure blondie here gets her powers from the sun, like a solar-powered calculator, but bigger... and worse with numbers.

Nico: I don't know Alex, these "disguises" make us look like those politically-correct, multi-ethnic gangs that only rob people in bad TV shows.

Issue 1.8

Karolina: Six of us ran away from home after we found out that are parents are part of this sick secret society called The Pride...and I mean bad sick, not cool sick. They framed us for a murder we didn't commit, but we're using the powers and weapons we took from them to try and help people.

Topher: Wow, you're...you're like a junior version of the A-Team.

Chase: What's an A-Team?

Topher: What...what are you?

Molly: I'm a mutant but not a bad one like Magneto a good one like Doop and X-Statix and when I grow up I'm gonna join the X-Men and get married to Wolverine so you better not act prejudiced around me. 'Kay?

Karolina: Topher is one of us, Arsenic. His parents are eeeevil.

Gert: If that's our only criteria for admission, this cave is gonna fill up fast.

Molly: Man, this is just like the Real World... only real.

Topher: You have this whole room to yourself, Sister Grimm?

Nico: You can call me Nico, Topher. Getting called "sister" all day by guys I'm not related to is starting to get a little creepy.

Issue 1.9

Chase: I can, like, totally mold my flames into anything I can imagine!

Gert: And I see you've imagined a square. Very creative, Talkback.

[Chase ignites the Fistigons]

Chase: SHA-BAM!

Topher: [just walking in] GAHHH! [fall backwards] Did you see that?! It was some kind of... of flaming monkey!

Chase: It wasn't a monkey, new kid. It was a blazing samurai.

Chase: Topher isn't a name, it's a meat substitute.

Topher: It's almost three in the morning. When do the rest of you... rest?

Gert: I saw my parents kill a girl, and then I found a dinosaur in my basement. I haven't slept in four days.

Issue 1.10

Topher: I was born at the turn of the century.

Nico: You're four?

Topher: Huh? Oh, no, last century. In 1900.

Topher: Sorry, kid. Whedon got it wrong. Stakes don't kill vampires, they just give us heartburn.

Topher: Did you honestly think a little fire was going to slow me down?

Chase: How about a lot of fire, new kid?

[Chase ignites Topher with the Fistigons]

Topher: [unaffected by the flames] Poor Chase. You're even more stupid than your friends think you are.

Issue 1.11

Cloak: I assure you, Dagger and I would not have come to your wretched city if we did not feel strongly about the case.

Dagger: Don't mind Cloak. East Coast/Left Coast rivalries die hard.

Molly: Yes! We Finally get to wear our costumes!

[The rest of the gang looks at each other, confused.]

Molly: I'm the only one who made a costume?

Issue 1.12

Molly: My mommy is a speech therapist. Maybe she can help you.

Gert: Bruiser, your parents are psychotic supervillains.

Molly: Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting.

Gert: How blonde are you? That's Molly Hayes!

The Good Die Young

Issue 1.13

Alex: I did it!

Chase: Did what, Alex? Finally got your 'fro under control? Oh, wait, apparently not...

Stacey Yorkes: You've stranded us in the 1980s! Have you ever even read a History book? This is the worst decade of the millennium.

Gibborim: [narrated by Alex] We are the Gibborim.

Chase: Whoa! Back up... the whozit?

Gert: I think that's Hebrew for "mighty men", um...heroes.

Nico: The Gibborim are a race of giants in the Old Testament. I can't remember if they're related to the Nephilim, but they had six fingers on each hand and six...

[Everyone looks at Nico]

Nico: What? I like books about monsters. So sue me.

Issue 1.14

Alex: Chase, lay down some suppressive fire!

Chase: I have no clue what that means... [creates a protective grid of fire with the Fistigons] ...but this is for Rodney King, y'all!

Nico: We're... we're alive?

Gert: Yeah, awesome. Too bad we're surrounded by a mountain. I wonder if asphyxiation is worse than getting crushed to death...?

Police Officer: We pulled a survivor from the rubble!

Geoffrey Wilder: Impossible. Our children--

Police Officer: Not your kids... Lieutenant Flores!

Lieutenant Flores: Oh, thank God. I... I thought I was dead.

Geoffrey Wilder: And for once, you were right. [shoots Lieutenant Flores with a shotgun]

Karolina: Guys, settle! Don't you get it? That cop probably wanted to divide us. If we keep fighting like this, we're playing right into the hands of the bad guys.

Chase: Okay, I say Karolina's the mole.

Gert: Seconded.

Issue 1.15

[While the group is wading through the sewer...]

Chase: If it wasn't for the smell... this would sorta be awesome.

Karolina: Our parents murdered that girl. We can't just let some giant monsters eat her soul, too.

Gert: Whoa, hold on. I'm an agnostic. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to risk my life trying to rescue something I'm not even sure I believe in.

Chase: I'll handle this Thing wannabe. After all, there's only one way to deal with a lame Fantastic Four rip-off... FLAME ON!

[Chase fires a barrage of flame at the Pride's stone sentry. It merely makes it a flaming stone sentry.]

Chase: Flame off, flame off!

Issue 1.16

[After Gert performs CPR on Chase...]

Gert: Chase, are... are you okay?

Chase Uh-uh... think I got... brain damage...

Gert: Seriously?

Chase: Yeah... 'cause suddenly... you're the hottest chick... I've ever seen...

[Chase and Gert kiss.]

Gert: I was reventilating him. Anyone who says otherwise gets fed to my %$@#ing dinosaur.

Chase: [to Alex] Bro, all you've got is a book. How do you plan to fight our parents? With literacy?

Molly: [to Nico's parents] You guys should be more like Harry Potter's parents. They're good wizards. And they're dead.

Alice Hayes: You have no idea what you're interfering with, Karolina... what my husband and I were about to do for you. Thankfully, your brain is no more sophisticated than this prehistoric monstrosity's, so controlling your mind should be just as simple.

Karolina: [attacking them with her powers] What the hell do you know about my mind?

Issue 1.17

Molly: Hey, Gert, do stuffed animals go to heaven when they die? Or hell?

Nico: Karolina, get up!

Karolina: Alex... Alex knocked me out.

Nico: He's the mole, Karolina! He's evil!

Karolina: I knew he was all wrong for you.

[Molly is holding the box that contains the human soul.]

Molly: Stop fighting!

Catherine Wilder: Molly? Molly, precious, please... please be careful with that. It... it has a little girl's spirit in it.

Molly: You can't take kids, and... and... put them in little boxes just 'cause it makes you happy, Mrs. W. [crushes the box] It's wrong.

Nico: [to Chase, about the Legfrog] Do you know how to pilot this thing?

Chase: If by pilot you mean "smash through stuff, then... sorta.

Issue 1.18

Chester Biloxi: At least once during our adolescent years, many of us felt that our parents were the most evil people alive... but what if they really were?

Nico: You have any trouble sneaking out?

Karolina: Are you kidding? I think both of my foster parents are addicted to prescription painkillers. They probably wouldn't notice if I was gone for a week.

Nico: Least you found a family. I'm still trapped at Father Flanagan's Home for Unwanted Goth Kids. I'm pretty sure one of the boys at my shelter is obsessed with me, too.

Gert: Sorry I'm late, had to bust Bruiser here out of one of those X-Corporation embassies that looks after mutant kids. Tough to fool security guards when they're all psychics.

Molly: [to Nico] Gert says you get to live in an orphanage. Is it like the one in Annie?

Nico: More scrubbing, less singing.

Chase: Man, I haven't seen this many disappointed ladies since I picked my homecoming date.

Series 2

True Believers

Issue 2.1

Jorge: Real bad guys? Here? We gotta check 'em out!

Victor: I... I can't My curfew's 8:30 on school nights.

Jorge: This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Vic! We never get costumes out here... except maybe Wonder Man, and he don't count.

...

Piledriver: It's not like there's gonna be any annoying "heros" around to interfere with the li'l digger's first heist. Except maybe Wonder Man, and he don't count.

Excavator: Scrilla fo' rilla! This haul gonna be taut.

Thunderball: Piledriver, if "Excavator" here continues affecting that manner of speech, I'm going to smash him in the face with his own enchanted shovel.

Piledriver: Settle down, Thunderball. That's just the way teenagers talk these days.

Gert: Hey, Village People! Step away from the minor.

Molly: Or else you're in for some major... uh, you know, bad stuff.

Thunderball: The hell is this?

Bulldozer: I don't know, but I'll take a box of Thin Mints.

Wrecker: They're muties! Light 'em up!

Karolina: Excuse me. I'm extraterrestrial... and proud of it, thank you very much.

Molly: Besides, the word "mutie" is really offensive to people like me, you freakin' racists.

Excavator: I'll kill you! I'll kill--

[Excavator smashes his shovel over Molly's head. Molly is unaffected by the blow.]

Molly: Too bad. Our club coulda used another boy. [punches Excavator and sends him flying]

Wrecker: Sister, you just earned yourself a taste of the big stick.

Nico: Bet mine's bigger than yours.

Karolina: I thought you could only cast spells after you bled? And he never even...

[Nico gives her a look]

Karolina: Ohhh. Right. That time of the month...

Gert: I've got the power to make grown men lose control of their bowels.

Thunderball: Seriously?

Gert: [As Old Lace bursts out from within a tree] More or less.

Molly: Chase! Did you see who we got to beat up tonight? Their costumes were really pretty!

Chase: What did we talk about, Mol? Costumes are gay.

Karolina: Hey! I warned you, misuse that word one more time and I'll--

Chris: I found this amulet back when I was in high school, and it changed me into this... this thing. You know the drill.

Julie: Pizza? I hope this isn't insensitive, Jono, but if you don't have a mouth...?

Chase: Heh, "power vacuum". That should be Gert's new codename.

Gert: You're disgusting.

Molly: Could you two go back to hating each other, please? It made me barf in my mouth less.

Issue 2.2

Molly: Man, what if his dad is Voldemort?

Chase: Voldemort isn't real, genius. This psycho's probably the son of the devil. Or Dracula.

Victor: Since when were you into bows and arrows?

Jorge: Since forever! Hawkeye was always my favorite Avenger, yo.

Victor: Oh, please. You're just like everyone else. You didn't start liking that guy until he died. You did the same thing with Tupac!

Gert: [over the Legfrog's loudspeaker] Attention, jocks! We're looking for one of your classmates, Victor Mancha! Tell us where he is, and you can return to your meaningless ball chasing.

Victor: You... have a dinosaur? Named Old Lace?

Gert: Well, it used to make sense... sort of.

Victor: Am... am I a mutant?

Molly: You wish.

Victor: Holy... Did you see how high I jumped?

Nico: Yeah... did you see how high my stilettos are? Look closely. [kicks Victor in the face]

Issue 2.3

Victor: That's Turbo, from the New Warriors. That's Chamber, used to be in Generation X. Darkhawk, right? Lightspeed from Power Pack... I don't know who that is.

Ricochet: Aw, that's just cold.

Karolina: We're bringing him with us?

Nico: What other choice do we have?

Karolina: But the last time we brought a boy back to the Hostel, he tried to eat us.

Victor: What?

Gert: Take it easy, Sparky. You try to electrocute another one of us, and they'll be picking you out of tomorrow's raptor droppings.

Victor: She's not a Velociraptor, Einstein.

Gert: She's not?

Victor: She's way too big. Looks more like a Deinonychus with a pedicure. Haven't you ever been to a science museum before?

Gert: [quietly] Well, at least I'm gonna be killed by my equal...

Victor: What's... what's your power?

Chase: [flipping open his switchblade] A poor upbringing.

Chamber: Don't be scared, luv. I got a pretty strict policy against harming helpless little birds like you.

Molly: Who do you think that fakey accent is fooling?

Chamber: Right then, so much for that policy.

Lightspeed: Don't try anything funny, girlfriend, or I'll--

Karolina: Wow. You are really, really pretty.

Lightspeed: Oh... thanks? I mean, you're pretty, too.

Karolina: Seriously?

Lightspeed: Yeah, I like how you hair glows and--

[Molly sends Chamber flying into Lightspeed, taking them both out.]

Karolina: Molly! I was talking to her!

Molly: Sorry, K! The flaming trenchcoat guy was trying to burn me with his face!

Darkhawk: Look at the Wicked Witch, with her black clothes and her dark arts.

Nico: Take another step, Tin Man, and I unleash a lot worse than flying monkeys.

Molly: These guys are heroes?

Karolina: No, Mol, they're adults.

Issue 2.4

Molly: Yeah, you're a villain... and your ringtone is stupid.

Victor: You don't know what you're talking about, little girl! That's a Rick Jones song!

Karolina: Superfreak?

Victor: That's Rick James.

Molly: We met Captain America once. He made us go into foster care after our parents got blown up trying to destroy the world. He had really bad breath.

Gert: Victor, if you have such a man-crush on the Spandex crowd, why to you want to murder all of them when you grow up?

Victor: Why do you people keep saying that? I'm not a criminal. I've never even had detention before! I mean, everybody in my class thinks I'm a narc.

Ricochet: Our runaways aren't "troubled teens", boss... they're full-on Children of the Corn.

Ricochet: Thanks for the save, Julie. I think 'Hawk's power crystal-thing is driving him totally One Ring.

Lightspeed: "One Ring"? Are you an LoTR fan?

Ricochet: Dude, I've seen the extended editions twenty-three times.

Lightspeed: Oh, you've gotta read the books, Rico! There's so much beautiful stuff Peter wasn't able to put in!

Gert: ...I reserve the word "evil" for every few things outside of fat-free ice cream and non-Mac computers.

[Marianella tries to call Victor's cell phone and gets his voice mail.]

Victor: Hey, this is Victor Mancha. If it's Wednesday night, call back when Lost is over. Hasta.

[While trying to figure out who Victor's real father is, the group views a holographic representation of the villain Galactus.]

Molly: He doesn't look that scary.

Nico: This isn't actual size, Molly. The real Galactus is supposedly over thirty feet tall.

Chase: Whoa, that would mean Vic's mom--

Victor: Don't even think of finishing that thought, Chase.

Issue 2.5

Victor: I told you, Doom said to show up alone.

Gert: Actually, you said he told you not to involve the authorities. And seeing how we're all delinquent fugitives, I'm pretty sure we don't qualify.

Victor: His name's not Doctor Semantics, Gert!

Doctor Doom: The hour is nigh, Marianella. Clearly, you raised a most disobedient child. Doom is disappointed.

Victor: [enters the room] Don't be. Mom always taught me to show up to dates a few minutes late. It lets the girls know you're not desperate.

[After their intentions to rescue Victor's mother are thwarted by Doctor Doom...]

Victor: Karolina, get Nico and my mom to the ship! Everyone else, Plan B!

Karolina: We always go to Plan B! Next time, we should just make that our Plan A!

Marianella: He'll destroy you!

Karolina: He won't be the first man to try.

Doctor Doom: Only the first to succeed.

Doctor Doom: And like that, your little harem is gone.

Chase: Not quite yet, you Flash Gordon reject. Vic's still got one member of his harem. And this one's got a big honkin' laser.

Gert: Chase, you blockhead... did you rip that thing out of the Leapfrog? Where's it supposed to get its power from?

Chase: It's what now?

Doctor Doom: Yes, you remind me of another hotheaded, arrogant young imbecile. Doom will enjoy dismembering you.

Chase: [tosses the laser to Victor] Energizer Bunny, heat this bizzach up!

Doctor Doom: Ehn?

Victor: Looks like this thing has two settings... stun and kill. Guess which one this is?

Chase: Whoa. That... that was hardcore, amigo.

Victor: Call me "amigo" again, and you get to see just how hardcore I can be.

Ultron: These children, however, must be dealt with more permanently.

Victor: I... I won't let you hurt them!

Ultron: Oh, I'm not going to hurt anyone... [Victor's eyes turn red, to match Ultron's] ...you are.

Victor: [clearly under Ultron's control] As you wish, father

Issue 2.6

Lightspeed: Don't slow down on my account, Turbo. I love going fast!

Ricochet: Julie, please, I... I think I just threw up in my mask.

Victor: Wait, I'm a... a cyborg? That's why Mom wouldn't let me fly? Why she was gonna take me out of East Angeles High? Because I can't pass through freakin' metal detectors?

Gert: I -ehn- should have known. Nothing more evil -ehn- than a non-Mac computer...

Gert: Hey Speak & Spell, he killed your mom. I'm pretty sure you can delete the fifth commandment from your morality file!

Victor: 404 Error Processing. I... I am nothing... I am nothing like you!

Ultron: You soulless animals are all the same, slow and inaccurate. You extinction is inevitable.

Unseen Figure #1: [to Chamber's imposter] I can't believe they fell for that accent, man. You sound worse that Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

Unseen Figure #2: You're just jealous 'cause you only sound British when you're reciting lines from Python.

Gert: We can't change what happened... just what happens next.

Star-Crossed

Issue 2.7

Gert: Holy crap. Our job sucks.

Chase: A super Nazi? Made of bees? Uh, yeah, I'm gonna sit this one out.

Nico: Karolina, we don't play by Fight Club rules. If Mol doesn't want to throw down tonight she doesn't have to.

Victor: Do you guys have some sort of rallying cry? "Avengers Assemble?" "It's clobberin' time?" "Hulk smash?"

Nico: "Try not to die."

Swarm: Ah, you must be The Pride's brood. My west coast drones informed me of you despicable parents' demise. With no one left to rule this hive, it's my turn to be queen.

Karolina: No offense, but if you're looking to be a queen... [zaps him with her alien powers] ...you want West Hollywood.

Nico: I know I always say this, Karolina... but I don't know what we'd do without you.

Victor: My mom was Mexican, you racist dipstick. My dad was a machine.

Gert: Those Excelsior jokes are probably on their way here.

Chase: All those guys ever do is clean up after our fights. They aren't superheroes, they're garbage men.

Molly: The only thing worse than having evil mutants for parents is having evil mutant doctors. I mean, did your mom ever force you to eat bran flakes?

Chase: Hello, underpants! I've been wearing the same six pairs of boxers since we ran away the first time.

Gert: Some days, it is very hard to love you.

Chase: Relax, I've been turning them inside out.

Gert: Honey, listen to me. The smartest man in the world is the one who knows that I'm the best girl alive. I've only got four-eyes for you, okay?

[Karolina tries to kiss Nico.]

Nico: What are you doing?

Karolina: I'm so sorry. Am... am I moving too fast?

Nico: Yes! No! I mean, you shouldn't be moving in that direction at all!

Nico: Wait, you're into girls?

Karolina: Yes? Well, not all of them. I mean, aren't you?

Karolina: Face it, I'm not just an alien, I'm a freak.

Karolina: If I could make a wish, I'd ask never to be born, okay?

Xavin: [to Karolina] I'm not your enemy... I'm your fiancé.

Issue 2.8

Karolina: What the %^#* are you talking about?

Xavin: Is my English that bad?

Karolina: Let him go, Xavin.

Xavin:: Don't worry about your toys, Karolina. I can always buy you new ones.

Police Officer: Get you hands where we can see 'em, kid!

Xavin: [gradually becomes invisible] If you want to see them, constable, look harder.

Police Officer: Son of a... This is why I left New York.

Karolina: I... I like girls.

Chase: Huh? Wait, you mean...? No. Hold on. She's a...?

Gert: Duh.

Molly: Will... will you send us postcards?

Gert: [to Karolina] You know, when I first met you, I thought you were just a spoiled hippie chick. It's one of two times in my life I've been wrong about something.

Karolina: I can finally stop pretending to be something I'm not.

Legfrog: [transcribing Karolina's message] "Please... don't... be... sad... for... me. Stop. I... love... you... all... very... much. Stop. Keep... running... Stop."

East Coast/West Coast

Issue 2.9

Nurse: I thought she was just another runaway, but turns out she's a super hero. Least she was, anyway. Now she's just a super-vegetable.

Captain America: Time to go, son.

Cloak: I am many things, "Captain"... but I am not your son.

Spider-Woman: How could you, Cloak? She was your partner.

Cloak: Spider-Woman? With Captain America? So the rumors are true? The Avengers are back?

Spider-Woman: As long as crap needs avenging.

[The group is beginning a game of Monopoly.]

Molly: I get to be the dog!

Victor: Only if I can be the race car. I have an unhealthy obsession with palindromes.

Chase: Whatever, Vic. I call the shot glass.

Gert: Honey, that's not a shot glass, it's a thimble.

Chase: Figures. I can't believe we've got two broken time machines in this joint, and not one bottle of Jack.

Victor: If I live to be a hundred, I will never understand what you see in him.

Gert: None of us is going to live that long, Victor. That's the one thing Chase knows better than anyone...

Nico: I'm not a leader. I'm a den mother. And not a very good one.

Chase: Don't get me wrong, Karolina was, like, a solid eight, but you're a nine. Nine and a half when you smile.

Nico: You're so lame.

[In response to Cloak's sudden appearance...]

Victor: Hands in the air, Creepshow!

Molly: Relax, Vic. That's cloak. He's a good guy. [under her breath] Except for the part where he tried to eat us with his cape.

Cloak: When last we met, I absorbed four of you into the folds of my dimensional cloak. I will never forget the darkness I sensed in one of you... a darkness I followed like a homing beacon to this very spot.

Nico: But... but that must have been Alex, right?

Gert: Yeah, and that traitor's fish food.

Cloak: Regardless, a powerful malevolence remains with you.

Chase: That's probably just Vic. He's gonna grow up to be a world-class psycho someday.

Victor: I am not!

Chase: They're just stupid robots.

Victor: I'm standing right here, you know.

Victor: Wait, your secret origin is drugs? That doesn't set a good example for children...

Cloak: I AM NOT YOUR ROLE MODEL!

Gert: Wow, can't imagine why anyone would think you're the unstable type.

Molly: Yes! FIELD TRIP!

Issue 2.10

Cloak: Welcome to New York City.

Gert: Well, still beats flying America West.

[After traveling in Cloak's darkforce dimension...]

Chase: Sharks, There... there were sharks. In space. Space sharks.

Molly: Smells like he went in his pants.

Victor: Whoa, can we just take a moment to appreciate this? I mean, we're in the Big Apple, home of Spider-Man, Daredevil…the Fantastic Freakin' Four live here! This is hallowed ground, people.

Chase: If we're going undercover, Molly should stay behind. At this hour, an eleven-year-old will stick out like... like an eleven-year-old.

...

Molly: If you don't bring back souvenirs, someone's gonna get a beating.

Nico: Are you just jealous because you lost your super toys?

Chase: No way. It's like B.I.G. said, "Mo' Powers, Mo' Problems". I didn't need 'roids back when I was playing all-state, and I don't need x-ray specs or flame gloves when I'm cracking skulls today.

Nico: "This public service announcement has been brought to you by..."

Chase: Oh, shut it, altar girl.

Nico: And didn't you play lacrosse? Who would need steroids to play--

Chase: Quiet.

Gert: Don't call me kid, freak.

Spider-Man: Wow. I was just telling a hairy little Canadian guy the same thing.

Issue 2.11

Victor: Ho... Holy...

Gert: You're... you're...

Spider-Man: Yes. I'm Batman~.

Spider-Man: And who are you, Son of Electro?

Victor: No! I'm... I'm Ultron's kid.

Spider-Man: Uh-huh. How about you, Purple Hair? You from another planet or something?

Gert: No, but my dog's a genetically engineered psychic dinosaur from the 87th century. Usually.

Spider-Man: I should have guessed.

Victor: We're not lying, Spider-Man!

Spider-Man: And I wasn't being sarcastic, lil' Ultron. Trust me, all the nutty wamajama I've seen in my life, I'm whatever the opposite of a skeptic is.

Bo: Stupid old boys' network... [to Nico] That's why were not running the world, huh, girlie? 'Cause when women see a younger version of us, it just makes us angry.

Nico: If I hadn't already turned something into a dog today, I'd do it to you, you ugly b--

Chase: Yeah, well, I have a girlfriend, okay? And love triangles are gay.

[Discussing the motto "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility" with Spider-Man...]

Victor: But... but I have powers! And in that book Webs, your photographer friend said your motto is, "With great power, there must also come great responsibility!"

Gert: Really? That's inane. Most people in life don't have great power, and the few that do are almost never responsible with it. The people who have the greatest responsibility are the kids with no power because we're the ones who have to keep everybody else in check.

Spider-Man: Wow. You are totally going to be an Avenger when you grow up.

Chase: Whoa, Spider-Man, right? Bro, red and blue looks lame on you. You should go back to that sweet black and white getup you wore when I was in grade school.

Spider-Man: Grade School?

Gert: Sorry, that's my boyfriend.

Spider-Man: He isn't related to a guy named Flash is he?

Spider-Man: Ah, good old hellfire. When regular fire simply won't do...

Molly: Can I touch your hair, Wolverine? My friend Karolina said that you use gel, but I think it just grows that way because you're a mutant, oh, and I'm a mutant, too! I used to have a poster of you and Doop in my bedroom when I was little, but I think you're even cooler than Doop, and I liked that one time when you and the other X-Men met the Fantastic Four and--

Issue 2.12

[Wolverine is hit by Molly and sent flying into a snowdrift.]

Wolverine: Only 198 mutants left on the stinkin' planet, and that girl's gotta be one of 'em.

Iron Man: I'm getting a priority one transmission from L.C. and S.W. They're saying they just spotted Cloak... inside Dagger's hospital room.

Captain America: What?

Cloak: My impostor.

Molly: Come on! We gotta go kick the fake you's butt.

[To Captain America & Iron Man, after Molly and Cloak escape...]

Wolverine: I won't tell nobody about tonight if you don't.

Spider-Woman: Drop him, fanboy! I don't know who you are, but your mother never should have let you out of her basement.

Luke Cage: I'm not Power Man anymore. I'm Luke Cage. I got a kid. You wouldn't hurt a dad, now would you?

Reginald Mantz: My old man ran off when I was just a baby. [smashes Luke through a window] What do I care about fathers?

Reginald Mantz: Why do people always gotta tell me what to do? I mean, I'm a grown man!

Gert: Yeah... the evil ones usually are.

Nico: Please. New York, New Wave, New Avengers... "new" is just another way of saying "old".

[After Victor saves Gert from falling off a building...]

Victor: You think Chase will stop calling me names now?

Gert: No, but maybe I'll stop sticking paperclips to your face while you're asleep.

Victor: That was you?

Chase: Listen up, male nurse. If my girl is so much as bruised down there, I will destroy you.

Reginald Mantz: I hate you stupid jocks, always bragging about having a girlfriend. Well, now I got one, too, and she's a lot prettier that your fat chick.

Chase: [picking up Nico's staff] I hope your health insurance sucks.

Reginald Mantz: You might as well give up now. Long as my body's pumped full of the bes MGH in the city, you can't touch me.

Chase: Thanks for the tip. [using Nico's wand] DETOX!

...

[Chase's spell causes Reginald Mantz to vomit up the drugs that endowed him with Cloak's powers.]

Chase: Must... not... sympathy puke...

Parental Guidance

Issue 2.13

Gordon: Who the hell are you?

Molly: My name... My name is Princess Powerful.

Suzy: Oh, yeah? 'Cause this hat belongs to somebody named Molly Hayes.

Molly: Gimme that! [snatches her hat back]

Bob: How'd you wash up down here, uh... Princess?

Molly: I... I don't know. But my friends and I are kinda like these super good guys? We fly around in a giant frog. It just started talking the other day. Anyway, we were fighting this gross dragon woman over by something called the L.A. Aqua Duck. Last thing I remember is getting knocked in the water.

Gordon: Yeah, right. And I'm the son of Black Panther.

Molly: Really? You dad's mask is cool. It has little ears.

Provost: The children you've met have already mastered the seven bells. They can lift every item off this practice dummy without eliciting so much as a single ring. Would you like to try your hand?

Molly: [with a mischievous smile] I'll give it a shot.

[With a single blow, Molly smashes the mannequin to bits.]

...

Suzy: She really is a mutie? I thought they were all dead or something.

Molly: I'm not dead, and I'm never gonna be a crook.

Provost: On the contrary, my young friend. You have just become the single most valuable member of the Artful Dodgers.

Bob: You ever heard of this old book, My Side of the Mountain? I read it in fifth grade, and it made running away seem like this cool adventure where you got to make friends with raccoons and stuff. That's what inspired me to take off. But once I ended up on the streets, things... things sorta got bad.

Molly: How come you ran away, Gordon? Was the Black Panther mean?

Gordon: That was a joke, yo. I just got sick of my mom trying to control my whole life. I'm almost fourteen, and she was still making me go to bed at ten.

Molly: Seriously? I love to sleep. I have to nap a lot to recharge my power, but even if I didn't, I'd probably still stay in bed all week.

Suzy: Sir, Molly wanted us to fight you! And she... she called me names, too!

Molly: Does every group I join gotta have a traitor in it?

Issue 2.14

Molly: I miss our codenames.

Victor: Espera un minuto, you guys used to have codenames?

Molly: Duh, Victor. We started using them instead of the names our parents gave us, after we found out they were villains or whatever. Nico was Sister Grimm, Chase was Talkback, and Gert was Arsenic.

Victor: Oh, so 'Old Lace' is a reference to the 1944 Capra movie! You have to admire Gert's taste, huh, Molly?

Molly: Even when you speak English, I have no idea what you're saying.

Chase: You know, Alex may have been a psychotic lunatic, but most days, he was a way cooler leader than you.

Nico: What did you say?

Chase: Um, Legfrog, can you put a shield around me?

Legfrog: Negative, Master. You have yet to repair my defensive mechanisms.

Chase: Crap in a hat.

...

Chase: Ouch! I'm sorry! Don't turn me into a fish again!

Gert: I suppose the only time we ever really get to be happy in life--like, one hundred percent blissful--is when we're little kids.

Victor: Because there's less to worry about?

Gert: Because we're too stupid to know how worried we should be.

Hunter: [playing as Hulk in a MMORPG] Hulk is strongest one there is... but Hulk still hurt by words.

Stretch: Sorry, I'm late, guys... I was downloading a skin of the White Queen's new costume. Pretty tight, huh?

Lotus: That's one way of putting it.

Hunter: It's not a costume, it's a tattoo. A tiny, tiny, tattoo...

Oscar: You guys are all in Cali, right? Well, I'm gonna be in Los Angeles this weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to get together for a beer or something.

Hunter: Sure, I can set a bot to nurse my auctions, so I should be able to escape for a night. Be good to actually meet the people I've been spending eight hours a day with for the last six months. You up for it, Lotus?

Lotus: I am if you are, Hunter. I was going to do the RenFair thing this weekend, you guys need your token girl more than my guild does. Right, Stretch?

Stretch: I dunno, Grandma gets upset if I leave her alone too long... but thats what I pay all these nurses for, right? I'm down. How about you, Alex?

Alex: I'm sorry, everybody. I appreciate your help with my strategy sessions, but it wouldn't be smart for me to start making... connections now. Besides, I'm still a teenager, so the whole bar thing would be a bit of a problem.

[There's a skeptical pause.]

Lotus: Yeah, right.

Stretch: Good one, Alex.

Hunter: No kid types sentences as complete as yours, dude.

Oscar: We all know you're, like, forty-five?

Alex: Seriously? [to himself] Cool.

...

Alex: Sorry, I... I really have to go. Family stuff. [signs off]

Hunter: Wow, he's totally got kids.

Hunter: According to the police reports, one of The Pride's kids died trying to help his parents. I... I think it was Alex.

Lotus: Oh my God. But... if he knew about this all along, why didn't he ever tell us?

Hunter: I don't know. To protect us, I guess. Either way, he must have known that we'd come looking for him, because he left a file for us in his hard drive, in case anything ever happened to him.

Oscar: You mean, a will?

Hunter: No, instructions. Instructions how to bring him back.

[After Oscar incants the spell, there is a pause.]

Oscar: Shoot. I guess it didn't--

[Suddenly, green lightning flashes, striking Oscar and reducing his body to it's skeleton. The room is filled with smoke.]

Stretch: What... what happened?

Hunter: What do you think, you freakin' n00b? We just got Oscar killed!

[A voice is heard in the smoke.]

Voice: Where... where am I?

Lotus: Alex? Is... is that you?

Voice: I don't know who this Alex cat is, sister. [the smoke clears, and reveals a young Geoffrey Wilder] My name is Geoffrey Wilder. And what the hell is a n00b.

Issue 2.15

[During Victor's dream sequence, in which he has killed all of his friends...]

Ultron: You've actuallly made dear old Gepetto very proud today.

Victor: No, I... I would die before I did something like this for you. I'm not your toy, Ultron.

Ultron: Every child is a marionette, and long after you've all run away from the shop and grown into real live boys and girls... [grips Victor by the throat] ...know that your makers are still pulling the strings.

Chase: [waking Victor up from his dream] Dude, put yourself on mute. You're gonna wake the whole Hostel.

[Victor opens his eyes to see Chase's shadowy face right next to his.]

Victor: AHHH!

Chase: Chill, Vic. It's me.

[Victor sits up quickly, and his sheets slip down.]

Chase: [shines his flashlight on Victor] You were just having... another... bad...

[Chase sees that Victor is sleeping in the nude.]

Chase: AHHHH! [slaps his hands over his eyes] Gratuitous male nudity! My eyes! You're sleeping in the raw? What is wrong with you. At least the computer wore tennis shoes!

Victor: We live under a tar pit, Chase. It's a million degrees down here. Besides, whats the big deal? I've got the exact same parts that you do.

Chase: Says who? You're an electric chair that talks. [under his breath] Except, you know, instead of four legs, you have, uh... three.

Hunter: ...Geoff, I know you hail from the era of ColecoVision, but it wasn't exactly an easy feat for me to hack into a cyborg's brain.

Gert: You awake, Nico?

Nico: [groggily] Karolina...?

Gert: Not if I stopped eating for a month.

Gert: Any idea which costume is trying to take our parents' place this time, pumpkin eyes?

Chase: No clue, muffin lips.

Victor: [to Nico] They're using those pet names ironically, right?

Nico: God, I hope so.

Chase: [after Geoffrey Wilder sheds his disguise as Alex] That's not Alex. It's... one of the Jackson Five.

[After being shown an image of Nico and Chase's kiss...]

Molly: Chase kissed Nico? Gross.

Gert: [quietly] No.

Nico: That's... that's a lie!

Chase: Yeah, Nico's the one who kissed me!

Nico: Chase, shut up!

Issue 2.16

Astronomer: I'd like us to turn our attention to a curious white dwarf that I've been studying in Subdivision 42913.

Tatiana: Ooh, that's where my long-range SETI recorder picked up that crazy version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" the other night!

[Rubbing their eyes after witnessing a blinding flash of light...]

Tatiana: What just happened?

Astronomer: Interesting. By my calculations, that star has yet to exceed its Chandrasekhar limit. I didn't think it would go supernova for centuries.

Tatiana: Oh my God. What... what if we just watched millions of sentient lives being obliterated.

Astronomer: If we did, then that's just the way of things, Tatiana. The universe is a cruel parent. It brings us into existence in the blink of an eye, and it takes us out just as fast.

Chase: Um, I realize we all have some... personal stuff to work out, but can we maybe concentrate on bigger problems now? Like, who were those mouth-breathers that helped Wilder grab Molly? And how is the leader of the Pride breathing at all?

[In the midst of a break-up...]

Gert: Just worry about our ship, Chase. It's the only thing in this place that's not broken beyond repair.

Gert: After all the times I stuck up for you? You've been another freakin' mole all along?

Victor: No! It isn't like that, Gert! You have to believe me!

Gert: I don't believe in $#*& anymore.

Karolina: [appearing in her bridal gown] Man, I am so tired of fighting. Why can't we all just get along?

Issue 2.17

Molly: Help! I'm being kidnapped by an evil black man from the 1980s!

Stretch: Dude, you don't have to bring race into this.

Nico: If you're the real Karolina, tell me where--

Karolina: In the Beverly Gardens, right before I left the planet. You were going to ask where you and I almost kissed, right?

Gert: Geez Nico, is there anyone on this team you haven't tried to molest?

[After being asked to bury the hatchet...]

Nico: Tell Gert I'm holding onto it in case her dinosaur tries to eat me again!

Gert: Tell Nico my dinosaur doesn't like the taste of tarts!

Nico: Tell Gert she looks like she loves the taste of everything!

Gert: Tell that Nico if she put some meat on her anorexic bones, she wouldn't have to steal other girls' guys!

Nico: Heh.

Gert: Heh.

Nico: B.F.F.?

Gert: W.T.F.

Victor: What... what just happened?

Lotus: Ironic or what. That it took three people who spent their lives in fictional worlds to really make the world a better place.

Hunter: And in less than 24 hours, we'll have ended war, poverty and world hunger, peacefully. More than any government or superhero has ever been able to do.

Stretch: Yeah, we're totally gonna be on TV.

Molly: Please, mister! Don't hurt me!

Wilder: Skip the waterworks, kid. Your cloying Rudy Huxtable routine is just an act you put on to get attention from your older friends. Why don't you behave like the bright young woman we both know you are?

Molly: Fuh... Fine. Your son took after you, you know. He was a total frickin' failure.

Issue 2.18

Geoffrey Wilder: That's... that's impossible! My bullet went through you. Your mojo doesn't work in this chamber. There ain't a spell on this planet powerful enough to protect a witch like you.

Nico: Well then... [Nico morphs into the Skrull Xavin] ...good thing I'm not from this planet.

Victor: You guys like role-playing, huh? Me too. [Victor uses his powers to convert the Pride's van into a Transformer-like robot.] Tonight, I'll be playing the role of @$$ kick3r.

Geoffrey Wilder: [to Chase] I still can't believe your egghead parents are going to give birth to such a complete moron.

Chase: Yeah, well, you're gonna be completely bald in a few years, so I guess life is full of surprises.

Gert: [in response to Geoffrey Wilder threatening Chase with a dagger] Careful, Wilder. Killing him would be the biggest mistake of your life. And I'm factoring those shoulder pads into the equation.

Geoffrey Wilder: Then it looks like this round belongs to you, Gertrude. And so does this. [throws his dagger, embedding it into Gert's chest]

Gert: [after being stabbed by Geoffrey Wilder] Old Lace and I... share a telepathic link... but I think it can be transferred... like the time I gave control of her to Alex...

Chase: No! Gert, Old Lace was made for you. She needs you. You guys have a... a bond.

Gert: Not as strong... as the one I have with you...

Chase: Gert, you're gonna pull out of this. You're gonna grow up and get old and... and be a hero. The you from the future said so!

Gert: The future... is a threat... not a promise. I'll never... become that woman.

Nico: [addressing the New Pride after the fight] Look, the only reason I didn't let Chase kill you is because we were stupid enough to trust the wrong person once, too. But we were kids. You people are adults, and it's time you started acting like it. We're going to do what's right here, not just what feels right.

Dead Means Dead

Issue 2.19

Nico: I saw the older you's memories. She's really going to be killed by this Victor Mancha kid someday... unless we can help send him in a different direction.

Chase: Forget helping him! He murdered that lady! She died in my arms! Do you know what it's like to feel the freakin' life slip out of someone?

Gert: Yeah, Chase. I do.

Gertrude: Sweetie, if and when somebody shuffles me off this mortal coil, you can scorch the earth avenging me, but for now, every so-called "evil" kid deserves the benefit of the doubt as much as we did. I mean, I appreciate the whole Tom Sawyer gimmick of getting to attend my own funeral, but lets not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently, I've still got an annoyingly long life to live.

Nico: [to Victor] You knew her for a few weeks! I knew Gert since the day she was born! When we were in kindergarten, she... she hid all my My Little Ponies in the woods because she said they didn't belong in captivity. I sewed her a purple scarf for her thirteenth birthday and she said she was gonna dye... gonna dye her hair that color someday and... [Nico breaks down into tears. Victor holds her in his arms.]

Karolina: So... you don't think you ever be happy here?

Xavin: Of course I can, betrothed. You're my heart, my compass. As long as you're near, I know that I am on the right path.

Karolina: See, that's how my friends and I felt about Gert.

Xavin: I vow to do whatever I can to improve your world.

Karolina: No, only villains try to change the whole world. The rest of us take it one person at a time.

Poster: [before vandalism] Captain America Says... Stay In School!

Poster: [after vandalism] Captain America Says... Only Dorkwads Stay in School!

Molly: What are you listening to, Vic? 'Cause if you're the one who stole my Dazzler CD, I'm gonna karate-chop your face.

Victor: I'm listening to my police scanner, Molly. Sounds like Starbucks just got smashed.

Nico: I didn't know protesters were in town. What, they throw another a garbage can through a window?

Victor: Not a Starbucks, Nico, all of them. 154 stores across L.A. have been completely demolished by... well, all they're saying is "something awful."

Molly: Yes! It's cobblering time!

Nico: I'm sure the cops can handle this one, Molly. We're not risking our lives over coffee.

...

Karolina: We still have a responsibility to protect Los Angeles from all the psychopaths trying to take our parents' place.

Xavin: Besides, the Caramel Macchiato may be your galaxy's finest achievement.

Issue 2.20

[In response to a Giant Scary Monster that's crushed half of L.A. already]

Victor: Mami!

Nico: Holy #*%^!

Molly: AIIEEEEEEEEE!

Karolina: Oh my God!

Xavin: Only one word befits such an opponent. Outstanding.

Lotus: Please. You don't want to fool around with this stuff, Chase. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're just a kid.

Chase: THE HELL I AM!

Chase: I turned eighteen today. Happy friggin' birthday to me.

Lotus: So what, you're starting up the Pride again?

Chase: No. We're different. We're... whatever you call the thing that comes after pride.

Lotus: "The fall".

Molly: We can't let Leapfrog get smooshed, Nico! He's my friend!

Nico: It's not a "he," Molly, it's just a machine.

Victor: Ahem.

Nico: You know what I mean.

Victor: I do, but I'm with Molly. The 'Frog is our only ride. We lose it, and we're all gonna have to start taking public transportation in L.A. A fate worse than death.

Molly: Gross! This thing's foot smells like feet!

Victor: Molly, hold on!

Molly: I'm trying. But I'm getting... super... sleepy...

Nico: I'm on it. Caffeine injection!

Molly: Heh. It's like my heart is having a pizza party.

Victor: It's like they say. The bigger they are, the more catastrophically irreversible the property damage.

Nico: Mol, are you okay?

Molly: Yeah, but why does it feel like my brain is shaking?

Issue 2.21

Victor: I miss TV

Molly: ...if I gotta keep lifting stuff, am I allowed to buy a can of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? Or a two-liter?

Lotus: You can't kill me!

Chase: Seeing how you were an accomplice in my girl's murder, that kinda begs the question, "Why the hell not?"

Lotus: Because, I... I thought you said the old Pride used to sacrifice kids. I go to bed at ten every night! I've already paid off my student loans! I'm old!

Victor: Weak. Sounds like the Governator is taking all the credit for stopping the rampage.

Nico: Want me to use the Staff of One to conjure us up a PR firm?

Live Fast

Issue 2.22

Molly: Werewoofs! Cowboy werewoofs!

Karolina: This town is so out of ideas.

Molly: Yeah, I once beat our friend Alex at Chinese checkers, and he got so mad he said he was going to throw me done a well. Which seems way scarier, now that I think about it.

Molly: Can I ask you a question, Xav?

Xavin: If you must.

Molly: How come you're not a girl all the time?

Xavin: Why don't you wear the same ridiculous hat all the time?

Molly: Because my hair gets so tangly that my mom told me birds would start to live in it? But that's different. I mean, Karolina is a... she likes girls, right?

Xavin: And you have a problem with that?

Molly: No! Duh! I have a picture of Northstar on my wall and everything!

Molly: But it's just 'cause you're new here. Everybody used to hate Victron, but we all like him ever since you showed up. It'll get easier for you after we get another person on the team.

Xavin: And how often do you accept new recruits?

Molly: Pretty much every time somebody dies.

Issue 2.23

Karolina: [in her sleep] Please... you're tearing me apart...

Old Lace: RAAAR

Chase Stein: This isn't student council, Old Lace! You don't get a vote!

Old Lace: RRRRR

Chase: Exactly. Your last boss told you to follow my orders, so I say bite, you say how deep, get it?

Molly: [talking to a portrait of Gert] Everything is ten times lamer without you, Gert. It's like when Steve left Blue's Clues and they replaced him with that stupid idiot-face Joe.

Victor: [seeing Nico held hostage by Chase] Get away from my girlfriend.

Chase: 'Evening, Mancha.

Nico: [whispering due to Chase's spell] Can we go easy on the whole "girlfriend" thing, Victor? I'm still trying to figure out... Hey, why am I whispering?

Victor: I have no idea what's going on here, but if your pet so much as sniffs my crotch, I will move her from endangered to extinct, understood?

Molly: EWW! Somebody went potty all over the place!

Xavin: Not somebody, something. That is clearly the scent of reptillian urine.

Molly: You can tell what different people's pee smells like? Cool.

Karolina: That doesn't make sense. Chase's dinosaur is house-trained better than he is.

Nico: Plus, I'm currently understaffed, and the only guy here who knows how to work the 'frog is suffering from the blue screen of death. How's a skeleton crew supposed to save Chase from the giants who annihilated our parents.

Xavin: I believe your people call it "girl power."

Security Guard 1: Did you know that "La Brea" means "the tar"?

Security Guard 2: Yeah?

Security Guard 1: Yeah, so the name of this joint translates to "The The Tar Tar Pits".

Issue 2.24

Victor: 010101110101010001000110

Molly: Huh? I don't speak Mexican, Vic!

Victor: We're gonna have to go up there and get her, Molly.

Molly: How? Not all mutants can fly, Victor!

Victor: Yeah, but you like the X-Men, right? Like Collosus and Wolverine?

Molly: Ick! Wolverine is stupid and smelly and --

Victor: No, he's a hero, and you're gonna be a hero, too.

Molly: What does 'that mean?

Victor: Two words, bub.

Molly throws a screaming Victor in a Fastball Special.

Iron Man: Hey kids.

Iron Man & a squad of capekillers have been waiting for the runaways at the Hostel.

Iron Man: Cool "hangout".

Karolina: What do we do? We're in no shape to fight.

Chase: I'm going to vote against walking away.

Dead End Kids

Issue 2.25

Chase: That's totally her. That's totally She-Hulk. Is somebody gonna deal with She-Hulk having scampi like three tables away?

Molly: She-Hulk has the fakest boobs I ever saw. And those aren't scampies, they're shrimp.

Chase: Vic, you gotta check this out. I'm not into muscles, but I'm, now I'm sort of into muscles.

Kingpin: I dislike semantics.

Chase: Yeah, so does Mel Gibson.

Kingpin: That's not She-Hulk.

Chase: The body-builder chick? Nice try.

Kingpin: That's not She-Hulk.

Chase: Dude, she's green!

Kingpin: This is New York.

Victor: So, we're bad guys now.

Nico: You know it's not that simple.

Chase: We're bad guys with a stocked fridge and central heating.

Chase: Man, I thought you got over your hero-worship phase. Those guys went to war on each other--if anything proves that they're just as f#@$ed as everyone else--

Xavin: And the Kingpin is somewhat admirable.

Chase: And I am in no way a part of that he said that.

Chase: I promise to be gentle.

Nico:[face smushed against the windshield of the Leapfrog]' "Gnntl?"

Chase: It was a precision landing. "Gentle" means "We didn't break the roof."

Victor: You're the criminal mastermind. Tell me you've got another plan.

Nico: Stop riding me, Victor.

Chase: That's not what she said last night...

Nico: I can literally turn you guys into toads.

Chase: KKcht. Eagle One to German Guys from "Die Hard", what is your position? KKRzt. This is German Guys, we are splitting up a bazillion dollars in diamonds and primo weed while you freeze your ass off up there pretending you have a walkie-talkie, over. KHHHT.

Issue 2.26

Nico: Runaways! RUN AWAY!

Xavin: Is the winged creature trying to help us?

Karolina: That'd be really nice...

Tristan: I will eat your dripping hearts!

Victor: Mine tastes like motor oil. Is that a problem?

Kingpin: *mmmm, chocolate*

Nico: This is all we do! This is our life! We try to do something right, we mess it up, we die, we frikkin' die and we blame someone and then we do it all again.

Chase: I don't know about you guys... ...but I totally want that on my tombstone.

After Molly knocked out The Punisher in one punch

Karolina: We're not yelling at you, Molly.

Molly: But how could I know he didn't have powers?

Victor: From his lame name! I he had powers he'd be named after them, like Electro or Iron Fist! What, you think he's got some "punishy" force?

Xavin: Some of us are yelling at you, Molly.

Issue 2.27

Karolina: This is our planet. Our history. We're living in history.

Chase: Right. We're living in something I flunked. How do we make it go away?

Chase: Whatever you're selling, we're not interested. Unless it's, you know, weed.

Issue 2.28

Molly: Wake up, C-sleepy-O! It's late and you're making weird noises!

Victor: Whuh? Huh, no, I... noises?

Nico: Moaning. What were you dreaming about?

Victor: Uh... electric sheep?

Issue 2.29

Issue 2.30

Civil War: Runaways/Young Avengers

Issue 1

Nico: OK, we meet back here in an hour. Everyone's got their allowance -

Victor: Nico, why do you have to call it "allowance"?

Xavin: Hmmph. You cheated.

Victor: Why, because I fused his circuits with my electromagnetic powers?

Molly: Don't listen to him, Victor! You're like a cool Magneto!

Molly: Why do you Avengers always come after us?

Wiccan: We're the Young Avengers.

Molly: You don't look young.

Speed: And what are you, like eight?

Molly: I'm twelve, you jerk. Plus I'm a mutant with super-strength, which is like being thirteen!

Issue 2

Upon seeing the Young Avengers

Karolina: Nico, why are there cosplay Avengers in our secret lair?

Nico: I don't know, Karolina, but if they don't leave Molly here and go, they're about to be disassembled.

Old Lace <GGGGRRRRRR>

Chase: My sentiments exactly.

Issue 3

Stature: Are you alright?

Victor: Heh. I was going to ask if you were an angel... I didn't think people actually did that...

Speed: Look, Here's the deal. We've got a Super-Soldier, A Giant girl, A robot from the 30th century, A Kree/Skrull Super-Soldier, Billy (Who, Yeah, Is kind of lame, but can cast spells.), an Olympic class archer and martial artist and ...me.

Speed: And Really, Me's all you need. So tell me, whattayou got that makes you think you shouldn't just give up?

Patriot: This isn't productive. They've got our friends. We need to do something.

Nico: And what's your plan? Go tell Captain America and the rest of the "grown-ups" that we're in trouble?

Chase: After Gert I never wanted to see another one of my friends die. I would have given anything to stay out of this silly "Civil War". We tried to run away from it, because we thought it was just between the adults. But they never asked us which side we were on... They just attacked and took our friends. Now we're in it. Like it or not. The time to be runaways is over... It's time to do some avenging.

Issue 4

Speed: What is it with this thing!? That's the third time it's tried to "Mark its territory" on me!

Molly: It's not that... Old Lace is psychically linked to Chase. It means he's still mad at us for goofing off earlier.

Xavin: You wish to know of war, old man? I saw the blood flow as two worlds snuffed each other out. I saw the black hatred of generations extinguish themselves. My father killed a family of screaming Majesdanians in front of me when I was five. I cried so, I was left with corpses for three days. I have no innocence. I have no ideals. You wish to see war, old man? I will SHOW you the face of WAR!!

Xavin transforms into a hulking skrull/Thing hybrid

Warden: What is wrong with you?

Warden throws a punch at Noh-Varr, who catches it to the shock of the Warden

Noh-Varr: That will be enough of that. There is nothing wrong with me. In fact I'm feeling much, much better.

Chase: If nothing else, you have the best costume out of anyone on your team.

Vision: Thank you, Chase Stein.

Noh-Varr: An entire world, to change and I've been stuck here for how long?

Warden: Nnnnnn...

Noh-Varr: Never mind. Welcome to the capital of the new Kree Empire.

Nico: Take my advice. When the world gets crazy you run ... you runaway.

Free Comic Book Day: "Free"

Gert: I tried to raise Old Lace to be like me... and now she really is.

Chase: Jewish?

Gert: Don't you get it, Old Lace is a runaway, just like the rest of us.

Chase: Keep your files zipped, Mancha.

Molly: Leave me alone, Wolverine! I... I don't like you anymore! You smell like barfed up hair!

Cyclops: My name is Cyclops. My friends and I are instructors at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. We teach mutants like Molly Hayes here, young people born with extraordinary abilities and--

Gert: You can drop the condescending tone, old timer. We know what mutants are.

Emma Frost: We're not old, you rotund abomination. We're evolved.

Wolverine: [to Victor] Kid, if you're telling me you're another no-good son of Magneto, I'm gonna end you!

Gert: Wake me when the fight scene's over.

Kitty Pryde: Oy, tell me about it. Hey, I'm Kitty. You the token pacifist of your group?

Gert: Not exactly. Pacifists are like vegans, I'm more of a vegetarian. I enjoy fish and occasional maulings.

Emma Frost: This is quite enough, children! And I'm directing that at both sides of this inane little battle.

Molly: Bye! It was nice fighting you!

Gert: What...what just happened?

Chase: I don't know...but guess who totally stole Cookie Monster's glasses!

Gert: Whew, for a second there, I was worried we almost learned something.

Chase: Ooo, look at me! I'm a big, furry nerd!

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Runaways (comics)

Runaways fan site