[The episode begins in the Pickles' bathroom, with a close-up of a roll of toilet paper. Tommy pulls the roll down with his hand and giggles. He then pulls it again, and lots toilet paper fills up the screen as he continues giggling. The screen fades to black, then in the next scene, it is revealed that the entire bathroom floor is covered in a lot of toilet paper. Tommy, who is now also covered in toilet paper, jumps and continues giggling until Didi runs in]
Didi: Tommy!! Oh no, Snookums! That's for cleaning up messes, not making them." [Didi is now holding Tommy in her arm as she tosses the toilet paper in her hand onto the floor. She walks out of the bathroom, carrying Tommy. The camera zooms out, revealing the entire bathroom floor to be covered in lots and lots of toilet paper. In the living room, Phil and Lil are fighting over a toy robot as Didi carries Tommy by his armpits with both hands.] Now, you play out here with Phil and Lil, and before you know it, it'll be time for a nice nap. [Didi sets Tommy down in the playpen while Phil and Lil are still fighting over the toy robot.] Now share, you two! [The doorbell then rings.] That must be Charles Sr. and Chuckie.
[Didi walks towards the front door. Tommy pulls on the toy robot's head. Which opens the robot up, making him, Phil, and Lil all fall over as the toy robot rolls away and Phil turns his head to watch it, Lil does the same as well, while Tommy leans up to watch it. Didi, who is now at the front door, opens it. On the other side of the door, Chas is carrying Chuckie in his right hand and a clown potty chair in his left arm. He walks inside.]
Chaz: It can't be done, Didi, it just can't be done!!
[Didi pushes the door closed.]
Didi: Oh now, Charles, don't get discouraged. Everybody gets potty trained sooner or later.
[Chaz walks towards the playpen and sets Chuckie and the potty chair down in it.]
Chaz: Not Chuckie, not my son! He's gonna be taking diapers to work with him in his briefcase.
Didi: Now, listen, Charles, I've been reading all about potty-training in Lipschitz, and it's really quite simple! [As Didi continues talking to Chaz, Chuckie walks sadly past Tommy, Phil, and Lil.] So, you just go off and have a good weekend. We'll take care of Chuckie, and we'll make sure he uses his P-O-T-T-Y.
Chaz: His what? Oh. Oh, yeah. Well. Okay. But if there's any trouble, call the hotel.
Didi: We're not gonna have any trouble, we'll be fine.
Chaz: All right. Bye-bye, Chuckie. Be a good boy for Didi and Stu, okay? Use your potty, and don't eat any earthworms.
Didi: Bye, Charles.
[Didi pushes Chas towards the front door.]
Chaz: Or breathe any noxious fumes!
[Didi opens the front door.]
Didi: Bye, Charles!
Chaz: Or drink any radioactive waste!!
Didi: Bye, Charles!!
[Didi pushes Chaz out the front door.]
Chaz: Or--!
[Didi slams the door in Chas' face before he can finish what he's saying.]
Didi: My goodness, what a worrywart!
[Back at the playpen, Tommy, Phil, and Lil look down surprised at Chuckie's potty chair. Tommy crawls towards it, and they all look inside.]
Phil: What is it?!
Lil: I don't know.
[Tommy grabs the handles of the lid with and pulls the lid off. He then puts the lid on his head.]
Tommy: Maybe it's a hat.
Phil: Nah, then what's the rest for?!
Tommy: Maybe it's a big mush bowl.
[Tommy climbs into Chuckie's potty chair and ducks. He pokes his head out when he hears Chuckie saying what it really is.]
Chuckie: It's a potty!! You guys won't believe what they're trying to make me do!!
[Tommy is now out of Chuckie's potty chair as he, Phil, and Lil look nervously at Chuckie.]
Tommy: What, Chuckie?
Phil and Lil: Yeah, what?
[As Chuckie talks, Tommy walks towards him and Phil and Lil crawl towards him.]
Chuckie: They're trying to make me... uh... they're trying to make me... Oh, I can't say it.
Tommy: Tell us, Chuckie.
Chuckie: Uh, they're trying to make me use that! [Chuckie points to his potty chair.] Instead of my diaper!!
Phil: Nah, that can't happen!
Lil: Yeah, how's it going to fit in your pants?
Chuckie: Oh!
[Tommy crawls up to Chuckie.]
Tommy: But Chuckie, they can't do that to you!
Chuckie: Well, they're doing it!! They call it getting potty-trained!! It's the worstest thing that's happened to me since my mom put me on the bottle!!
Lil: What are you going to do?
Chuckie: I don't know. I've tried everything!
Lil: Maybe you could put a lot of napkins in your pants and use 'em like a diaper.
[Lil pulls up her skirt, exposing her diaper.]
Chuckie: I tried it.
Phil: Maybe you could poop in your room and hide it in your toy box.
Chuckie: Tried it.
Tommy: Maybe you could just stop pooping altogether.
Chuckie: Tried it. It's no use! No matter what I do, it looks like I'm going to have to be... potty-trained.
Angelica: Ha!! You little babies really make me laugh!! First you cry for your mommies every time you get a little wet! [Angelica walks up to the playpen with an evil smile and unlatches the hook. She opens the playpen.] And now, finally, you get to go without 'em forever, and what do you do?! Chicken out!!! What's the matter? Little baby scared to be without his diapers?!
Chuckie: No, that's not it! I'm not scared! I, I just don't want to be potty-trained, that's all. It's just not right!!
Angelica: Not right?! Ha!!! That's a good one!! Don't you dummies know anything?! Everybody who's anybody is potty-trained!!
[Angelica slaps her head.]
Chuckie: Well, not me! I'm never going to do it!! They can't make me!! I'm going to wear my diapers forever, and no one is going to stop me. Not my mom, not my dad! Not the present of the Benited Steaks! (Instead of United States) [Chuckie stands up and puts his right hand over his heart as the American Flag appears behind him. Fireworks even go off in the background.] Because I...
Tommy: Chuckie?
[Chuckie puts both his hands over the front of his pants.]
Chuckie: I...
Phil: What's the matter, Chuckie?
Lil: What's wrong?
[Chuckie now has his hands pressed against the front of his pants and his legs crossed.]
Chuckie: I... I... I GOTTA GO!!!
[Chuckie starts crying with anguish. This gets Didi's attention, as she runs into the playpen and picks Chuckie up.]
Didi: Oh, dear!! This is it! Stu, hurry!!!
[Stu runs in, and Didi runs past him.]
Stu: What, Deed?!
Didi: Get the potty, get the potty!!!
Stu: Where?!
[Didi is now holding Chuckie in her right arm as she points towards Chuckie's potty chair.]
Didi: There!!!
[Didi runs desperately into the bathroom, carrying Chuckie. She sets Chuckie down, then pulls down his pants. Stu, who is carrying Chuckie's potty chair, is outside the bathroom door.]
[Tommy dribbles the ball. A strange baby is playing with a school bus and sees Tommy]
Wiseguy: Psst! [Tommy hears him and looks around] Over here.
Tommy: You talking to me?
Wiseguy: (shushes) You don't want them screws to hear, do ya?
Tommy: Screws?
Wiseguy: You know, grownups.
Tommy: Oh.
Wiseguy: You new around here, ain't ya? Everybody around here calls me Wiseguy on account of I know everything what's going on.
Tommy: Hi, Wiseguy, my name's Tommy Pickles.
Wiseguy: Sure, sure. Listen, if you're gonna make it in this place, you gotta know what's what.
Tommy: What?
Wiseguy: Right, You see that kid over there? [A big chubby baby walks over to another baby in blue pajamas suckling on a bottle] That's Big Justin. He's kinda the boss around here on account of he's the biggest. [Big Justin takes the bottle apart from the other baby and suckles on it] You see that girl over there? [points at a girl building wooden blocks] They call her the Builder on account of she's always playing with blocks. And look over there. [The screen pans to a baby playing with red Play-Doh and yellow bits of clay all over him. He sculpts the Play-Doh into a pit bull] They call him Doughboy. He can make anything out of Play-Doh.
[Doughboy sculpts the Play-Doh into a cat. Suddenly, Tommy and Wiseguy hear a baby crying very loud. A shot of inside his mouth is shown as Sandra and Jonathan arrive]
Tommy: What's wrong with that kid?
Wiseguy: Oh, don't worry about him; he's faking it.
Tommy: Faking it?
Wiseguy: Yep, that's Crybaby. [Sandra and Jonathan try to calm Crybaby down] He can make himself cry even when nothing's bothering him.
[As Sandra and Jonathan turn away, Crybaby stops crying and grins for a moment, but resumes back to crying as Sandra and Jonathan take out a rattle and stuffed teddy bear]
Big Justin: Hey. [Tommy and Wiseguy turn to Justin] Who's the new kid?
Wiseguy: [stammers nervously] Oh, hi, Justin. This here is Tommy Pickles.
[Tommy grins at Justin]
Big Justin: Nice ball, kid. Give it to me.
Tommy: [pulls it away] No!
[All the babies stop playing and turn seeing this]
Big Justin: What'd you say, kid?
Tommy: It's my ball, you can't have it!
Big Justin: Look, you're new around here, and maybe nobody warned ya, I'm Big Justin and I run this place. [pulls his suspenders in a snap] Now, GIVE ME THE BALL![grabs the ball]
Tommy: [pulls it back]NO!!
Big Justin: I said GIVE IT TO ME!!!
[Big Justin and Tommy get caught in a tug-o-war with the ball. Wiseguy and Crybaby watch this in shock]
Crybaby: [holds a cookie] Betcha a cookie Justin gets the ball.
Wiseguy: [gives Crybaby another] You're on.
[Big Justin and Tommy continue fighting over the ball until Tommy lets the ball slip out of his fingers and ends up falling into a wagon, which rolls across the room, knocks over Builder's block structure, crushes Doughboy's clay cat sculpture and rams into a wall. Tommy sees Doughboy stare at what just happened]
Tommy: [gasps] I'm sorry.
Doughboy: [tears well up and bawls]AAUUGGHH!!
[Sandra comes in and sees what just happened. She is accompanied by Jonathan and Bob]
Chaz: (Mighty Roaring) LOOK AT YOU! DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! While you were insulting each other and bringing up every petty difference from your past, you've forgotten about your children, the most important thing in your insignificant lives! (Roaring) YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED!
Howard: Charles is right. Our behavior's been absolutely disgusting. I'm a failure and I've let everybody down while I should be—
Betty: (panic) Yeah, yeah. Whine later, ya' little man. We gotta find the kids!
Angelica: It all started when the first present was given by the Pilgrims a long, long time ago. After that, everybody started giving presents...even the Easter Bunny started giving them 'til Santa slapped him with a lawsuit.
[Fade to a wide shot of the cabin outside. Santa and eight reindeer fly over head. Sparkles fly out of the rear to form the words "Merry Christmas"]
Angelica: [crying] Daddy, I heard you! I heard it all! I'm sorry I was bad and runned away from home! I'm sorry I cut up your papers and broke your fax machine! I'm sorry and I promise I'll never be bad again! Only please, take me back!
Drew: Take you back? Honey, I didn't even know you were gone!
Angelica: You didn't?
Drew: No! I thought you were still in your room, safe and sound.
Angelica: You mean you didn't even know I runned away?
Drew: I had no idea! Oh, but sweetheart, you know you'll always be my princess, no matter what you do. You're my baby and I love you. [Angelica hugs him]
[The episode credits play over a pattern of red, green, and blue dots that move around]
Man's voice:
[The dots zoom out, revealing that they make up the display on the Pickles' TV set; Tommy is standing very close to the screen, watching the man talk]
Man on TV: I knew right then I had snagged me a walla pike.
[the camera pans over to Grandpa, who has fallen asleep in his chair and is still holding the remote]
Didi: [walks into the living room, gasps loudly when she sees Tommy standing so close to the set, and walks over to him] No, no, no, honey! [lifts up Tommy and looks at him] Don't you know that focusing so closely on images can permanently damage your vision?
[As she talks, she looks closer into Tommy's eyes, which go cross-eyed, causing Tommy to see multiple copies of Didi's face. He quickly uncrosses his eyes, making his vision go back to normal. Didi sets Tommy down on the floor so he can crawl around, then approaches Grandpa, takes the remote from him without waking him up, sits down on the couch, and changes the channel from the fishing show to what looks like a talk show, but with a donkey as the host]
