Royal Rumble

WWE pay-per-view event

The Royal Rumble is the first WWE Pay per view held of each year since 1989. The attraction of each royal rumble is a battle royal where 30 men come into the ring one at a time every two minutes. The last man standing in the ring after all 30 have entered is the winner. The first Royal Rumble was held on January 24th 1988 and aired on USA Network. Each Rumble thereafter has been on PPV.


Jesse "The Body" Ventura: You know, McMahon, I'm getting tired of your barbs tonight, and I'm tired of you getting down on me, and if you don't knock it off, you're gonna hear from Barry Bloom.
Vince McMahon: Who?
Jesse: You know who.

Jesse: [on #13,Hacksaw Jim Duggan] What's he gonna come in and beat everybody with a 2x4?

Jesse: How does he get the Gang over the top? That is the question, McMahon. The Gang weighs somewhere between 450-500 pounds—how is Duggan gonna get him over the top rope?
Vince: Obviously, he'd have to do what I believe, in some sort of fashion, the Gang's momentum is heading into the rope, and with the Gang going into the rope, Duggan can get underneath, he'll go.
Jesse: There might be another way too, if he can find the 2x4.
Vince: Why's that?
Jesse: Well, he could hit the Gang with the 2x4. That would be the only equalizer I could see.
Vince: Then again, the Hacksaw himself, somewhere around the 285 pound mark...[One Man Gang charges Duggan, who pulls the top rope down. His action sends the Gang over the top rope and onto the floor, winning Duggan the Rumble] Oh yes! That's it!
Jesse: He pulled the top rope down! I can't believe it. Out of all the people to win this thing, it's him?
Vince: What a smart thing to do. Hacksaw Jim Duggan drops the top rope on the One Man Gang!
Jesse: I can't believe he actually did it.
Howard Finkel: The winner of the Royal Rumble: Hacksaw Jim Duggan!
Jesse: You know, with the brain power that Duggan's got, I'll bet you he tripped and fell and the Gang toppled over.


[During the Royal Rumble drawing]
"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase: It's time for the Million Dollar Man to pick the Million Dollar number. [Draws his number out of the cage.] And the winning number is... [Virgil opens up the number and reveals it to DiBiase.] Wait a minute...[brings in Slick] Uh, Slick, Slick. When you drew numbers for your men, how did it go?
Slick: [laughs] Brother! It was unbelievable!
Ted DiBiase: We should talk.

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Look at how the Boss Man is manhandling Hogan.
Gorilla Monsoon: Yeah but he just got in the ring. The Hulkster's been in the ring for a half hour.
Jesse: No he wasn't! He was in there five minutes ago!

Gorilla: Hulk still creating mayhem for the Big Boss Man.
Jesse: Now, that's illegal! Hogan was eliminated!
Gorilla: Yes, he is, Jesse. So what?
Jesse: "So what"? If they'd have done that to Hogan, Monsoon, you'd have been totally irate!

Jesse: And this is what Hulkamania is all about. Going out there and flagarantly cheating. Not leaving the ring when you're eliminated. Causing someone else to be eliminated when you have no business out there.
Gorilla: Are you condoning what the Big Boss Man did; what he and the Slickster did to the Hulkster?
Jesse: That was weeks ago. I'm talking here and now, Monsoon.
Gorilla: Sorry, you could only go back to the last couple of minutes then, or what happened yesterday.
Jesse: Hey, yesterday's gone. It's today that counts.

Gorilla: [seeing Virgil outside the ring after DiBiase has entered] Hey, he's not supposed to be out there!
Jesse: Well who knows, Virgil could be number 31.

Jesse: I'll tell you something though, Gorilla. As bad as it looks for the Million Dollar Man right now, don't count him out yet.
Gorilla: Why, because Virgil's still out there?
Jesse: No, because he's a darn good wrestler.
[Just as he says this, Big John Studd tosses DiBiase out, winning the Rumble]
Gorilla: Oh, there he goes! [Virgil jumps in and attacks Studd] Look out, Virgil from behind. [Studd turns around and fights him throughout] Big John just turned around and faced him, didn't even acknowledge those shots he got. Virgil is indeed in trouble. Just like a rag doll. You're talking about 280 pounds of man there.
Jesse: This is definitely a little bit of an added attraction, isn't it?
Gorilla: The Royal Rumble is over, John Studd is the winner; he's just having...this is some creme on the cake, Jess.
Jesse: Well, I got to admit, Virgil kind of brought it on himself. But you got to respect Virgil, he's a paid bodyguard and he came in and tried to do his job.
[As he says this, Studd tosses Virgil out]
Gorilla: There goes the 31st man.
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner of the Royal Rumble: Big John Studd!


Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Not even Mickey and Goofy could get in here and I made sure of that. They didn't have tickets. Do you have a ticket, Schiavone?
Tony Schiavone: No I don't. I... what are you insinuating?
Jesse: Then what are you doing here?
Tony: I just wanted to sit beside you if that's okay.

Mean Gene Okerlund: Last year, allegedly, Ted DiBiase, you drew #30, which would be advantageous...
"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase: "Allegedly"? Allegedly? No. Last year, little man, I drew #30!
Mean Gene: Well some suspected there might've been a little chicanery, but certainly that wouldn't happen this year, with all the added security of World Wrestling Federation president Jack Tunney, you're not gonna be buying...
Ted DiBiase: Security? You call that security? I call it downright gestapolism [sic]. I didn't even have the opportunity to draw my own number!
Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Ted DiBiase, you asked Virgil to draw the number for you.
Ted DiBiase: I didn't ask Virgil to draw the number!
Mean Gene: Well, of course you did!
Ted DiBiase: Virgil, did I ask you to draw the number! No! Shut up, don't say anything! You made a mistake, I...I can't believe this!
Mean Gene: Wait a minute, what number did you draw?
Ted DiBiase: None of your business what number I...
Mean Gene: We're gonna find out sooner or later, where's the number? (DiBiase hands him the number) Oh, you couldn't have gotten a worse draw. This is #1—the worst number of the lot!
Ted DiBiase: Let me tell you something, little man. It doesn't matter whether #1, #2, or #30. What it means is I'll be the first man in the ring, I'll be the last man in the ring, and it's a golden opportunity for me to show all you 9-to-5 nickel-and-dimers out there that I'm the greatest wrestling talent in the world. I'll be there to the end, and I'll win it!

Jesse: I remember not too long ago on Saturday Night's Main Event, the Genius upset the Champion Hulk Hogan!
Tony: He did?
Jesse: Yeah. Schiavone, who won the match?
Tony: Yeah but Perfect was on the outside with the belt. We all know what happened.
Jesse: No yeah buts! Who won the match?
Tony: The Genius.

Mr. Perfect: Hair grows back, but, Beefcake, your ribs, they may not grow back the right way.
Mean Gene: That was totally uncalled for! To the Royal Rumble—I'm sure you're gonna have to deal with the likes of Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake later on. Thirty of the greatest...what was the number, by the way, that you drew?
Mr. Perfect: I drew the perfect number, and everybody knows the "perfect number" in the Royal Rumble is #30. And you bet I choose #30! I pulled it right out! And I'm gonna tell you something right now, as I'm standing here, the Royal Rumble is gonna be just like everything else I've done in my life—absolutely perfect.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts: It never ceases to amaze me, what the human mind can come up with. I mean, you think of the whole concept. The Royal Rumble, this afternoon you're gonna take thirty men, and every two minutes you're gonna send somebody to that ring—a fresh man. So you're thinking to yourself, well what number might be the best? Well, the last number would be the best, but that doesn't really mean anything, cause there's still gonna be a lot of hungry men out there, and hopefully I'll be one of those hungry men. The man that wins this match is not gonna be the man that's the best wrestler, the best athlete; it's gonna be the man that will do anything, the man that will...take that extra step, do just a little bit more than anybody else, maybe sacrifice a little bit more than anybody else. Now, me—that sounds just a lot like me.

[Countdown to #11]
Tony: Here's the countdown...who will be next in the Royal Rumble?
Jesse: Uh-oh! It's André the Giant! The first member of Heenan family makes his appearance, André the Giant, The 8th Wonder Of The World.

Tony: Watch out! With a... [Demolition hit a double ax-handle on Andre the Giant. The momentum carries Andre over the top rope and eliminates him] He's out!
Jesse: They got him! Demolition have accomplished a major obstacle. They've eliminated Andre the Giant!
Tony: Andre the Giant...certainly one of the favorites for the Royal Rumble...will be no more in this event.

Jesse: [as Smash, Haku and Jim Neidhart try to lift Earthquake out of the ring] They've got the feet up. They got the Earthquake's feet up, they're calling for more help.
Tony: Here comes Snuka. [Jimmy Snuka pushes from under Earthquake] Underneath.
Jesse: There's four of them. Four guys can't get the Earthquake...[DiBiase joins in] Here comes DiBiase–that's five.
Tony: And Bravo... [Just as Dino Bravo tries to stop them, Earthquake finally gets pushed over the top to the floor, getting eliminated] Oh!
Jesse: Eliminated the Earthquake! That is a major accomplishment of major teamwork of major proportions!
Jimmy Hart: It took five of them! FIVE OF THEM!
Tony: It took...many of them.

Jesse: Shawn Michaels eliminated by the Warrior. And Rick Martel eliminated by the Warrior and look at this. Look at this!!
Tony: My God.
Jesse: Hulk Hogan and the Warrior!!
Tony: There is not a person sitting down. Everyone on their feet. Look at the eyes of the Hulkster...the eyes of the Warrior.
Jesse: Whoa!!! What a match up this will be! The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan one-on-one.
Tony: [Hogan and Warrior stare at each other] Hold on to your seats. This place is gonna explode.
Jesse: [Hogan and Warrior collide into each other] Whoa! Nobody moved. Again, nobody moved.
Tony: Look at this.
Jesse: [Hogan runs vertically across the ring, Warrior runs horizontally.] Criss-cross.
Tony: [Hogan drops face first on the mat] The Hulkster down...he missed a clothesline.
Jesse: OH!! And they clotheslined each other. They're both down, unbelievable.
Tony: Absolutely incredible. These two athletes...the Hulkster, the Warrior...every man for himself going at it...and they both are down. Listen to the fans.

Jesse: Here's the Perfect Plex! [Mr. Perfect plants him] Look at this! He could've pinned him.
Tony: [But Hulk Hogan escapes and rises to his knees] NO!
Jesse: I don't believe this.
Tony: Absolutely not. [Perfect tries to attack Hogan, but Hogan begins Hulking up] You're right in saying that Perfect is the freshest of the two, but the other is Hulk Hogan. [On his feet, Hogan now attacks Perfect] And here he comes! [Hogan slingshots Perfect into the turnbuckle]
Jesse: WHOA! He put him into the post! See what Perfect did to the post!
Tony: [Hogan continues to attack Perfect] Actually, he was saved by the post that time, I think.
Jesse: Saved? How do you get saved hitting the post?
Tony: Well, if he hadn't hit the post, he would've gone over the top. [Hogan signals to another corner] There he goes! [Hogan throws Perfect out, winning the Rumble] YES!
Jesse: I don't believe it!
Howard: The winner of the Royal Rumble: World Wrestling Federation Champion Hulk Hogan!
Tony: [Hogan takes a sign from the front row and presents it to the crowd. It reads "HULKAMANIA WILL LIVE FOREVER"] YEAH! Hulkamania will live forever!


Mean Gene Okerlund: Sensational Queen Sherri, what are you doing out here tonight?
Sensational Queen Sherri: I am here to make a public challenge, Mean Gene.
Mean Gene: To whom?
Sherri: To the Ultimate Warrior, who else? Now, Sgt. Slaughter has promised the Macho King Randy Savage that, should he win the WWF Championship tonight, he has promised the Macho King that he will — that he will grant him a championship match. Now, being the honorable and brave man that we all know Sgt. Slaughter is...
Gorilla Monsoon: Please!
Sherri: ...there is no doubt in my mind and in my heart that Sgt. Slaughter will do nothing more than grant and come through with every promise that he has acknowledged toward the Kingdom of the Madness. I only hope that the Ultimate Warrior is as honorable as everyone seems to think that he is. However, I have my doubts. Ultimate Warrior, if you can hear me right now, which I think you can, if you are as brave and as honorable as everyone says you are, why don't you come right out here in front of everyone and accept my challenge. I kind of think he's yellow myself. I don't think you're brave, I don't think that you're even honorable. As a matter of fact, I think that you're yellow from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. Well, where you at, Warrior? Why don't you come out here? I can tell you things about your precious Ultimate Warrior...
[The music hits and the Ultimate Warrior walks to the stage]
Gorilla: Uh-oh!
Rowdy Roddy Piper: Look out! You asked for it, you got it!
Mean Gene: What about it?
Sherri: Yeah, what about it, Warrior? You're so honorable, you're such a wonderful champion, are you willing to grant the Macho King — should you win your WWF Title tonight, should you retain — will you give the Macho King Randy Savage a title shot? No answer? You know, I've admired you for a long time, Warrior. I've looked into those great big beautiful hazel eyes. As a matter of act, I've also looked at those lips and wondered what it would be like...and also, I've always looked at your chest...[slowly unzips the Warrior's jacket]...and wondered what it would be like to touch your chest. As a matter of fact, I've often admired you from afar, Warrior. [Slides the jacket off] This strong, long, wide back; and your hair, it's very wonderful, I've wondered what it would be like to see the wind blowing through your hair. So what's it gonna be, Warrior? Are you honorable, are you brave, are you gonna give the Macho King a title match if you retain that belt tonight? Come on, Warrior, can't you talk to me? Come on, what's it gonna be? Come on, Warrior, can't you say something to me? [Leans in and quickly kisses him, to which he smiles] Oh, that's the most wonderful thing, the most thrilling thing that has ever happened to me. Please, as I look into your wonderful face and I know the champion that you are, and honorable man that you are, [sinks to her knees] I know that you would grant the Macho King his title shot. Come on, Warrior, aren't you gonna grant the Macho King a title match? Come on, Warrior, tell everyone what an honorable man that you are, what a brave and wonderful champion that you are, Warrior. What is it to you? Come on, aren't you gonna give the Macho King a title match? Just say yes to me, that's all I want from you. That is all I want from you, Warrior.
[Warrior pauses, then spits on the stage]
Ultimate Warrior: [before walking away] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
"Macho King" Randy Savage: [having been watching the whole interview from the dressing room, now in a rage] You said no! You said no! I'm gonna get him now! [He runs out, through the audience, onto the stage, where Sherri is irate]
Gorilla: He said "no" emphatically, and look at the Macho King. Is he bent out of shape.
Piper: Can you blame him? It's like being kissed by a viper.
Gorilla: Sort of backfired for them, Rod.
Piper: Medusa's got nothing on this gal!

Gorilla: I wanna make this clear right now that the views of Sgt. Slaughter and General Adnan do not in any way reflect the views of the World Wrestling Federation, or the Arab-Americans, or the overwhelming majority of Arabs throughout the world, for that matter.
Piper: Well, I understand that, Gorilla, but I wanna make a point. This is America, and as much as I hate his guts, you can do what you want to in America, and Slaughter is free to do. That's why our men and women are over there now. They are fighting for the right to be free! If I don't like it, I'll get in the ring and I'll do something about it, but this is America, and that's why we're all here! God bless America!

Piper: [Having just thrown Sensational Queen Sherri onto Randy Savage, the Ultimate Warrior is jumped from behind by Sgt. Slaughter] Oh! What a hard knee. [Slaughter bounces Warrior's head on the second rope, attempting to choke him, as referee Dave Hebner gives Slaughter the 5-count. Slaughter breaks at 4. Just as he does, Savage gets up and winds up his scepter] Wait... wait... [Savage crowns Warrior with the scepter] NO!
Gorilla: Oh, look at that! With the scepter right between the eyes! What is this, Hot Rod?!? It's 3-against-1 here!
Piper: The referee... The referee, I don't think, saw it! [Slaughter pries Warrior from the second rope] No! [He drops an elbow on Warrior and pins him] No, no, no... not like this!
Gorilla: [as the referee counts] What is this?!?
Piper: [The referee counts three] No... oh, wait a second, NOW what? No, no... they can't allow this!
Gorilla: Certainly they're not going to allow this!
Piper: No, no... some... there's going to be officials coming out here!
Gorilla: We might have had a disqualification here, I hope.
Piper: Well it's obvious! The King came out with a scepter! [Hebner, unsure of what to do, wanders around aimlessly] COME ON!
Gorilla: Everyone in the entire building saw what the Macho King did!
Piper: No, this ain't going down like this! [By this time, the crowd is yelling "bullshit!"] What do ya mean, "What happened?" What the hell do ya think happened?
Gorilla: I think the referee, in this excitement, Hot Rod, just automatically went down and made the three-count. [Warrior, having come to his senses, starts to stagger out of the ring] But I think we have a disqualification here.
Piper: I hope so. Excitement, hell! He ought to be keeping his eyes on what's going on!
Gorilla: We haven't had any official word yet.
Piper: [Warrior runs out of the arena, in hot pursuit of Savage] Where's he going?
Gorilla: I think he's going after the Macho King.
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, here is the official decision. The winner of this bout...and NEW...
Gorilla and Piper: NO! NO!
Howard: [as he continues, the title belt is handed to Slaughter] ...World Wrestling Federation Champion: Sgt. Slaughter!
Piper: Bull! Bull!
Gorilla: What a miscarriage of justice! I can't believe it!
Piper: That's bull! You're not gonna let this hang like this! I can't believe this! You puke! It took three of you!
Gorilla: I don't believe it! This is ridiculous! This is an outrage!
Sgt. Slaughter: [walking down the aisle, pointing to his many detractors] I told you!
Piper: You told us what?! You can't do nothing by yourself!
Gorilla: Well he'd better cut that thing in half, Hot Rod, and give half of it to the Macho King!

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase: [after Virgil drops the Million Dollar Belt in front of him] What do you think you're doing? You get down there, and pick that thing up right now, and you wrap it around my waist. Need I tell you, need I remind you one more time about your family? About your mother?
Gorilla: Give me a break.
Piper: Virgil, remember it just don't matter.
DiBiase: Pick it up!
Piper: Remember, Virgil, there comes a point...
DiBiase: Wrap it around my waist!
Piper: What, are you gonna need it for the rest of your life?!
Gorilla: How humiliating.
[Virgil drops to one knee and picks up the belt]
DiBiase: That's right. That's right. Like I always say: everybody's got a price... [He is cut off by Virgil, who wallops him with the belt]
Gorilla: Oh, he NAILED him!
Piper: YEAH!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!
Gorilla: Listen to this capacity crowd, they love it!

Piper: We don't wanna forget, being that it's a rumble, it'd be okay for Fuji to deck Blubber Love.
Gorilla: Oh, I'd like to see that.

Piper: I'm still expecting #18 to show up. He's not officially out of here until the clock starts for the next participant.
Gorilla: Yeah, but we don't know who #18 was.
Piper: I know, but he's still got a chance to come out...maybe, I don't know, but until that clock starts again, #18 is still legal. I'm not sure...
Gorilla: [as the 10-second clock appears] I believe that is a first in the history of the Royal Rumble that the time limit ran down and nobody came through the curtain.
Piper: Too late now, 18's outta there. [Buzzer sounds for entry #19: Animal] WHOOAAA!!
Gorilla: It's Animal from the Legion of Doom. Well, whoever, Hot Rod, #18 was, he has forfeited his position here in the lineup, so there's no way, shape or form that he can re-enter and be victorious.
Piper: He is history, baby. If you don't got the guts, you don't belong in the building.

Piper: How long has it been for Valentine?
Gorilla: Well, the Hammer has been in well over a half an hour.
Piper: What tenacity! The Model, too.
Gorilla: But you know, with Valentine, it takes fifteen minutes just to get his attention, and then he starts to get warmed up. The more you beat on him, the more he likes it.

Gorilla: Uh-oh, we're gonna find out right now, Hot Rod, who #18 was—here comes the last entry. [buzzer sounds for entry #30: Tugboat] It's Tugboat.
Piper: Wait a sec.
Gorilla: That means that the Macho King was #18.
Piper: The Macho King wasn't hurt.
Gorilla: He was one of the odds-on favorites to win this thing.
Piper: I can't figure it.
Gorilla: It could be the Ultimate Warrior ran him right out of the building!
Piper: It could be! It could be. That's the only thing I can think of.

Gorilla: [Hulk Hogan slams Earthquake after failing to do so earlier] Hulk off... Yes, he got him that time!
Piper: [Hogan signals to the crowd] Throw him OUT!
Gorilla: [slowly, Earthquake rises to his feet] I can't believe this, what kind of power the Hulkster possesses... He's setting him up here, look out! [Hogan throws Earthquake out, winning the Rumble] It's over!
Piper: What a Rumble!
Howard: Here is the winner of the Royal Rumble: the Immortal Hulk Hogan!
Gorilla: Unbelievable victory by that man, Hulk Hogan! What dedication!
Piper: What guts! What a Royal Rumble!
Gorilla: [Hogan signals for a sign from the crowd] Well, Hot Rod, he wasn't going to let down our men and women in the Persian Gulf. [The sign says "HULK RULES"] He made a promise that he dedicated this match to all of them, and it doesn't surprise me that he's the last man in the ring.


Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Look at the New Foundation, they must've just got up.
Gorilla Monsoon: What do you mean they just got up?
Bobby: They still got their pajamas on.
Gorilla: I'm going to tell them you said that.
Bobby: I don't care.

Bobby: Since Ric Flair is the real world's champion, he shouldn't even be in the rumble. He should face the winner. That would be fair. If you want to be fair to Flair,
Gorilla: Don't start with that fair to Flair to me!

Rowdy Roddy Piper: Well you know, what we're dealing with is one of the original Village People here, with his manager Jimmy Hart, who keeps kissing the belt leaving all that lipstick on it. I heard the Mountie out here saying, "first thing I'm gonna do," pounds his chest, I don't know him, he's something. "First thing I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take Piper's integrity!" Sounds like Jacques Cousteau trying to find a dry spot in the ocean. I ain't go no damn integrity! How do think I got so far? "Second thing I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take Roddy Piper's manhood!" Huh? I come here to fight! I don't know what you come here to do! I come here to win two titles—I can't do that 'til I win the first one! I think you've been dreamin', I think it's been all wet too.

Lord Alfred Hayes: Tell me, Mr. Flair, how did you fare in the Royal Rumble drawing?
Nature Boy Ric Flair: Lord Alfred, I drew #3. To a lot of people out there, they'd say, "my god, what a disadvantage you're going at." But look at it like this. When your name is Ric Flair, when you're the claimant to the real World Heavyweight Championship, you know that, to make everybody a believer, that I've gotta beat 29 other men; so I'll get #3, that means I'll be in there close to an hour. It makes no difference—when I walk out, I will be the World Wrestling Federation Champion, against all odds and that's the bottom line.

Howard Finkel: And at this time, to make a brief statement prior to the Rumble’s beginning, it gives me great a great deal of pleasure to introduce to you the esteemed president of the World Wrestling Federation, Mr. Jack Tunney! [Tunney enters and the crowd boos]
Bobby: Ol’ Jack "On the Take" Tunney.
Gorilla: Quiet!
Jack Tunney: Thank you very much Howard. I would like to take this opportunity to officially welcome everyone who is watching this spectacular event with us. This is a very big undertaking for the WWF. The winner of the R—uh, this event will not only have the prestige of beating 29 other men but also be declared the undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion.
Bobby: [impatient] Come on let’s go!
Gorilla: Keep your pants on.
Tunney: I would like to say, in closing, may the best man win! Thank you.
Bobby: Yeah, yeah yeah.
Howard: Thank you Mr. President.
Bobby: He’s been the best president since Noriega.
Gorilla: Will you be serious?

Gorilla: There goes the buzzer
[The third entrant is Ric Flair]
Bobby: NO!
Gorilla: Oh, yes!
Bobby: DAMN IT!

Bobby: That's okay. I know Perfect's got him ready. [Flair gives one last high-five to Mr. Perfect and enters the ring] He's confident.
Gorilla: Did you hear what I just said?
Bobby: What? You talking to me?
Gorilla: Yes.
Bobby: What'd you say?
Gorilla: No one ever, in the history of the Royal Rumble, has drawn numbers 1-5, and been there at the end.
Bobby: OH, SHUT UP! Take your time, Champ. Pace yourself! I'm gonna have to apologize to the people; I don't think I can be really be objective.
Gorilla: When have you ever been objective?!

Bobby: Flair, let Sags do all the work. Go over to the corner and rest, you only have two minutes...
Gorilla: You're supposed to be a broadcast journalist — be objective here.
Bobby: I told you to shut up! Leave me alone.

Bobby: Back off, Ric. Let Haku do the dir... the kicking. [Haku attacks Flair] See!
Gorilla: Oh, there it is!
Bobby: What the heck are you doing, Haku? Have you gone nuts?
Gorilla: Just to show you it's every man for himself.
Bobby: Oh no, no, no!
Gorilla: ...every guy that comes out here.
Bobby: This isn't fair to Flair! There are no friends, Monsoon! Only enemies—thirty enemies!

Bobby: Where's Perfect?
Gorilla: They're not allowed at ringside, Brain. You know that.
Bobby: He's not a manager, he's an executive consultant.
Gorilla: Same thing — a pest.

Bobby: Shawn Michaels is making guacamole out of El Matador.
Gorilla: He is not.
Bobby: Look at the tights; they're green.

[Ric delivers a low blow to British Bulldog]
Gorilla: Did you see that? Talk about desperation.
Bobby: You know what's at stake? A man'll do anything!
Gorilla: Pulling out all the stops, Ric Flair doing whatever necessary to hang in there.
Bobby: I'd do that to my own grandmother if I had to.
Gorilla: I'm sure you would.

[Roddy Piper saves Flair from a Jake Roberts DDT]
Bobby: I never thought I'd say this, but thank you, Roddy. It's a kilt. It's not a skirt, it's a kilt.
[Not long after, Piper attacks Flair]
Bobby: You no-good creep! You skirt-wearing freak! It's not a kilt, it's a skirt!

Bobby: [on #19, Jimmy Snuka] He's jogging. He's wasting time, he's wasting energy. He's not conserving his energy or his time.
Gorilla: He's not wasting time.
Bobby: I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
Gorilla: I know you don't.

Gorilla: Savage with a high knee... [Randy Savage eliminates Jake "The Snake" Roberts] Jake is out of there!
[Savage leaps over the top rope (seemingly eliminating himself) to continue fighting Jake]
Bobby: Savage is out too! Savage is out, he went over the top! He made the mistake of a lifetime!
[Undertaker exits to pull Savage off]
Gorilla: Undertaker went underneath that bottom rope, but I think the Macho Man has eliminated himself. What a mistake!
Bobby: I think he did.
Gorilla: That's what happens when your heart takes over your mind.
Bobby: You can't let your loved ones control your pocketbook.
[Undertaker throws him back into the ring]
Gorilla: Well, Undertaker threw him back in, but I don't think that's gonna help him.
[Savage breaks free and chases down Jake]
Bobby: Oh, I know what it is, Monsoon! Since...Savage wasn't thrown over the top rope, so that means he can go back in. No one threw him over the rope; I believe that's one of the rules of the Royal Rumble.
Gorilla: I'll have to check that out, Brain; I'll take your word for it right now.
Bobby: [as the Undertaker once again tosses Savage back in] See, the referee's letting him go back in. Somebody has to throw him out.
Gorilla: He certainly is — you have to be propelled by someone else.

Bobby: [on Flair's low blow] He just tried to lift the Undertaker.
Gorilla: He did not.

Bobby: [on Virgil] Don't forget, at one time, he had that Million Dollar Championship belt.
Gorilla: He certainly did.
Bobby: Of course, he stole it, but he still had it.
Gorilla: He did not!

Bobby: Virgil just came out, right? #23, right?
Gorilla: Yes
Bobby: Just think, who knows how many bags he's gone through in the back!
Gorilla: Oh, will you stop?!

Bobby: I'm soaking wet, I need something to drink. Hey, you, stupid, get me something to drink!

Gorilla: He is right now the all-time record holder, in excess of 55 minutes. Congratulations are in order for Ric Flair.
Bobby: Give him the title, that's good enough for me!
Gorilla: No, I'm not giving him the title.

Gorilla: We've only got one entry left. No secret involved here; the guy who drew #30 is gonna be coming out in five seconds. It will be no surprise—it is the Warlord.
Bobby: But you never know.
[The buzzer sounds]
Gorilla: What do you mean, you never know?
Bobby: You never know what Tunney and the WWF'll pull on you!
Gorilla: It could only be one guy.
Bobby: [as #30, The Warlord enters the arena] I told you—the Warlord. I was right. I knew it, I was right.

Gorilla: [as Hogan tries to kick Flair out of the ring] Justice just watching. Flair hooking that bottom rope... [Sid Justice tosses Hogan out completely, eliminating Hogan and allowing Flair to inch back in] And look at from behind, Justice got rid of Hulk!
Bobby: Uh-oh. I don't like the looks of things now. There are no friends...
Sid Justice: [to Hogan, who's complaining to the referees] It's every man for himself, big boy!
Bobby: There are no friends, only enemies!
Gorilla: Boy, is Hulk upset. Look, he's...he's saying, "you've stolen my belt!" [Hogan grabs Sid's arm, trying to pull him out] Look at this! Hulkster holding on, trying to pull him out. It's Flair from behind.
[Hogan keeps pulling as Flair pushes Sid over the top rope onto the floor, winning the Rumble and the WWF Championship]
Gorilla: Flair did it!
Bobby: YES! YES! YES! YES! He did it! I told you, Monsoon! I told you, Monsoon! I told you, I told you! YES! YES! YES! [continues over Howard's announcement] YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! I told you!
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Royal Rumble and undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion: Ric Flair!
Gorilla: Flair did it, I don't believe it!
Bobby: He did it! He did it! I knew he'd do it! I knew he'd do it! All you humanoids know!
[Hogan chases Flair out of the ring, where Mr. Perfect meets him and raises his hand down the aisle]
Gorilla: What a man Ric Flair proved to be...
Bobby: I'm gonna meet him! I'm gonna meet him!
Gorilla: Where are you going? The Brain has just left the broadcast position to join the new World Wrestling Federation Champion, Ric Flair! [Hogan and Sid get into a shoving match as several officials get between them] And two would-be champions left inside that ring. Oh, a lot of hatred shown here as we've got all kinds of referees and WWF officials to step between these two behemoths. Look at Justice, look at the Hulkster. He said, "you robbed me of my title." These guys want at each other. Terry Garvin out there, Pat Patterson, Rene Goulet, Tony Garea—I don't know whether there's enough guys out there to keep these two apart. Lot of trouble in paradise here. As the Hulkster was about to, earlier on, get rid of Ric Flair, and Justice was just standing by watching, and then from the back, flipped out the Hulkster. There are no friends in the Royal Rumble. And now there are enemies, that's for sure. Two guys who were odds-on favorites; of course, Ric Flair was a favorite as well, but drawing the number 3, well, just about said goodbye to his chances. [Sid exits the ring] But he proved everybody wrong. Everybody in the world now knows what Ric Flair can do, what kind of man he is.
Sid: Come on, shithead! Come on! I'll kill ya!

[Dubbed over commentary of the above moment when shown on TV weeks later.]
Gorilla: Take a look at Justice just hanging in the corner, biding his time here. [Sid eliminates Hogan from behind] From behind, look at this! I don't believe it! Snuck up like a thief from the night from behind and dumped the Hulkster out of there! Holy mackerel!
Bobby: Listen Monsoon, he's calling him big boy! He's rubbing it in too. I like Sid Justice! I like his style. Come on Ric!
Gorilla: Look at that, he said "Every man for himself!", but yes, be a man and face the guy! At least turn around and look in your face when you dump somebody out. [Hogan pulls Sid's arm and Ric Flair eliminates Sid winning the match and the title] Look at this! Ric Flair, dumping Sid out! I don't believe it!
Gorilla: It is official! I can't believe for over one hour! Ric Flair is the new World Wrestling Federation Champion!
Gorilla: What a display of guts by that guy!
Bobby: And what a great move by Sid Justice to outsmart that big dummy, Hulk Hogan! YES!
Gorilla: What a creep Sid Justice turned out to be!
Bobby: Hey, I gotta go Monsoon!
Gorilla: Where are you going?
Bobby: I'm going to me the WWF World Champion! You wrap it up!
Gorilla: The Brain out of here! And look at this once again, sneaking up from behind, Sid Justice! Give me a break here! Now it's even, face to face! This is the way it should've been from the beginning.

Mean Gene: All right, by virtue of winning the Royal Rumble, we have a brand new World Wrestling Federation Champion. As the press watches on, at this time, to present the title belt to the new Champion, our president, the distinguished Jack Tunney.
Tunney: [shaking Ric's hand and handing him the title] Congratulations, Ric Flair, on becoming the undisputed Champion of the World Wrestling Federation.
Flair: Let me just say, after video-distorting the belt that proclaimed me the REAL world's champion, I'm gonna tell you all, with a tear in my eye, this is the greatest moment in my life. When you walk around this world and you tell everybody you're #1, the only way you get to stay #1, is to be #1, and this is the only title in the wrestling world that makes you #1! When you are the king of the WWF, you rule the world! Think about it like that. Mr. Perfect, the Brain — WOO!!!
Bobby: Let's give a big one...
Bobby, Perfect, and Flair: WOOO!!!
Bobby: You did it! I was never so impressed with anything I've ever seen in all my life! He went out there for over sixty minutes, never took a bad step! Took it to Hogan, took it to the Undertaker, took it to whoever got in that ring! That's why he is — and you call him now — the real world's heavyweight champion!
Mr. Perfect: Bobby, we're not the kind of guys to say, "we told you so," but we...
Bobby and Perfect: Told you so!
Mean Gene: Very good. Ric Flair, you have made World — [off-camera] put that cigarette out! — you have made World Wrestling Federation history here tonight.
Flair: It's the greatest moment of my life. I wanna jump, I wanna party, but I gotta tell you like this. For the Hulk Hogans, and the Macho Mans, and the Pipers, and the Sids: now it's Ric Flair, and you all pay homage to the man! WOOO!!! I love it!


Gorilla Monsoon: DiBiase, one half of the reigning WWF Tag Team Champions along with Irwin R. Schyster, and now he and Ric Flair are doubling up on the former champion Bob Backlund.
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Can you get arrested for beating up the elderly?
Gorilla: Will you stop?

Bobby: You know, Jerry "The King" Lawler is the host of Superstars.
Gorilla: I thought Vince McMahon was the host of Superstars.
Bobby: No, he goes and gets him coffee and stuff.
Gorilla: Will you be serious?

Gorilla: I think there was a little bit more sting on the reverse knife-edges of Tenryu.
Bobby: Well, where do you think they got the word "chop suey"?
Gorilla: Not from that!
Bobby: Are you talking to me?
Gorilla: Forget about it. It's so deafening in here, you can barely hear yourself.
Bobby: WHAT?

Bobby: Look, he's got him by his tongue!
Gorilla: That's his tie. If Irwin is stupid enough to wear a tie in there, then he deserves it.
Bobby: Boy, you're gonna get audited now.

Bobby: Last time I saw Tugboat... Typhoon... Buffoon, whatever he is, run that fast is when they opened up a lunch line at the free buffet.

Bobby: Oh, who's coming out now?
Gorilla: Well, why don't you just wait a minute and find out?!?
Bobby: I'm sorry, I'm excited! So what? [the buzzer sounds] Is that you blowing your nose or is that the horn?

Bobby: Now remember that, when a man sticks his hand out to shake hands with you, you shake it...and then kick him really hard when he's not looking.

Bobby: [on Backlund] How long's he been in there now?
Gorilla: 46 minutes and counting!

Bobby: Fatu is bye-bye!
Gorilla: Who eliminated him, Brain? There's so much going on!
Bobby: I think he threw himself out, I don't know.
Gorilla: Threw himself out? NOBODY WOULD DO THAT!

Bobby: Backlund's been in there so long, when he entered the ring, his shoes were up to his knees!

Bobby: There goes Backlund, there goes Backlund.
Gorilla: Tito Santana trying to get him outta there, and Backlund came down on the apron and scooted underneath the bottom rope.
Bobby: This guy's like a spider monkey! He just hooks onto things and you can't get him off!
Gorilla: And he got one hell of a reaction from this capacity crowd for that move.
Bobby: That was just totally out of respect. He's like a leech! I had an aunt once like that.
Gorilla: You resemble that remark.

Bobby: [as Earthquake and Yokozuna face-off] Look at this. Look at this. It's like the two Sears Towers meeting.
Gorilla: Earthquake says, "let's get it on!"
Bobby: And look at Yokozuna. "Come on, big boy. Try to make me shake!"
Gorilla: It is deafening here in the arena as we are live at the Royal Rumble!
Bobby: I see your lips moving, but I can't hear you!

Gorilla: Look at this. Carlos Colon got "The Rocket" Owen Hart perched up there.
Bobby: No, that's Martel!
Gorilla: That's Martel, I'm sorry!
Bobby: You should be! If you can't do it right, take a hike!
Gorilla: I'm outta here.
Bobby: Don't go yet, wait a minute, I've gotta ask you another question.

Bobby: Fuji's at ringside! He's waving the Japanese flag! Banzai, Macho Man!
Gorilla: Fuji with the flag from the Land of the Rising Sun.
Yokozuna: SAMOA!

[Yokozuna runs to splash Savage in the corner]
Gorilla: Fuji's saying "one more time." [Savage gets out of the way, and Yokozuna hits the corner] Oh, look out! He got out of there! Savage still got something left!
Bobby: He's going up to the top rope! [Staggering, Yokozuna falls to the mat] He's down! Yokozuna's down!
[Savage hits the elbow on Yokozuna]
Gorilla: Savage with the elbow. [Savage tries to pin Yokozuna] Pinfalls don't count! [Yokozuna pushes Savage off, over the top and to the floor, winning the Rumble] Oh, there you go!
Bobby: He threw him off from the floor! He pitched him from the mat over the top rope to the floor!
Gorilla: Let's go and get the official word!
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Royal Rumble: Yokozuna!
Gorilla: Yokozuna on his way to WrestleMania IX! Caesar and Cleopatra, they will be leading the way for Yokozuna to Caesar's Palace for the big one. April 4, WrestleMania IX, Caesar's Palace.
Bobby: This man is going to become a national hero.
Gorilla: Who is going to defeat this unbelievable individual?


[After the WWF Tag Team Championship match, Owen is arguing with an injured Bret "Hit Man" Hart]
"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase: Well it's... It's obvious to me that Owen Hart is blaming...
Vince McMahon: [Owen kicks Bret in the injured leg, knocking the elder Hart down] Oh no!
DiBiase: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! That's the smartest thing that Owen Hart has done all night, McMahon. As a matter of fact, that's the smartest thing that Owen Hart has ever done. I think you've just seen a major change in that man's career. He is finally waking up to the fact that he's not going to stand in the shadow of big brother anymore, because big brother wants to hog the limelight.
Vince: [A chorus of boos rain down on Owen as he leaves the ring] Can you imagine what the Hart family must be thinking back in Calgary right now? They thought we were going to see Owen and Bret, as brothers, win the Tag Team championships! Instead, they see that man right there!
Owen Hart: All he had to do was tag me, but he was too selfish to worry about me! He just worries about himself! He's gotta be a hero and fight the whole match by himself! All he had to do was tag me. I know he had a bad leg! Why didn't he just tag me?! Just tag me, Bret, but you're too damn selfish.
Vince: I can't believe those remarks!
DiBiase: I can! He hit the nail right on the head. That's exactly what I said, McMahon. That's exactly what I said, and Owen Hart has just waken up. From now on, you're gonna see a whole new attitude from that young man, and I see him going to the top.

Todd Pettengill: Vince, I gotta tell you I cannot believe what I just saw. Owen, please tell me why, why this despicable act...
Owen: Why what? Why what?!
Todd: I don't understand...
Owen: You wanna know why?! Bret Hart, you're nothing but a selfish person! I went in there in a tag team match for the biggest match of my life! It was a dream come true. I thought I had the best partner in the world—my own brother. But you're too selfish, like I've said all along. Your ego is too big. You only worry about yourself, Bret. You don't care about me.
Todd: Unbelievable, in front of your entire family...
Owen: I don't care about anybody. I was concerned about myself and my whole family, the biggest opportunity of my life. I had a chance, Bret, and you stripped it away from me, you took it away from me, Bret, because you're too selfish. All you had to do was just tag me. My hand was there. Just tag me. I knew your leg was bad, I was aware of that, just tag me. But you're too selfish! You just want to put your Sharpshooter on. I could've won the match; I don't need you with a bad leg doing it, Bret. You're too damn selfish! And that's why you're sitting there with a bad leg, and that's why I kicked your leg outta your leg.
Todd: Owen, let me ask you something. You obviously cost Bret a shot at the Championship, there's no way he's gonna be able to compete in the Royal Rumble match coming up tonight. Don't you think that was selfish on your part?
Owen: There's no selfishness in me, there's not a selfish bone in my body. He cost himself the WWF Tag Team belts, and he cost me, his little brother, a guy that's never had the taste of a WWF belt before! He's done it before, he doesn't care about me, he just worries about himself. I don't care about you in the Royal Rumble, Bret, because this is my opportunity. I'm in it too. I'm not worried about you getting cost the WWF Belt. I'm worried about myself, and I'm gonna get that belt, because I didn't get a chance to win the Tag Belts because of you. But I can count on myself, and I'll take the WWF Belt. I'll win that Royal Rumble.

Undertaker: Be not proud. The spirit of the Undertaker...lives within the soul of all mankind. The eternal flame of life...that cannot be extinguished, the origin of which...cannot be explained, the answer lies in the everlasting spirit. Soon all mankind...will witness the rebirth...of the Undertaker. I...will not peace...

DiBiase : You gotta remember one thing, McMahon. When it's all over, [the buzzer sounds] done and said, when the smoke clears and the dust settles, they don't care how...
Vince: [#6 is Bart Gunn] Here comes Bart. Here comes Bart Gunn!
DiBiase: ...they just wanna know who. When it's all over, who won. Not how they win, who won.

Vince: [#7 is Diesel] Look at this monster.
DiBiase: That's one big man, McMahon. Almost as big as me.
Vince: Yeah, right.
DiBiase: Hey, if I'm standing on my wallet.

Vince: [#10 is Virgil, an alternate entry, who attacks Diesel] What a story this would be if Virgil could dump the big man out.
DiBiase: Well, the key word there, McMahon, is "alternate." [As he says this, Diesel eliminates Virgil] Virgil made his mistake long ago when he left me. See what I mean?
Vince: Who is gonna stop this huge monster in the ring?
DiBiase: Next!

[After entry #25 fails to enter]
Vince: That must have been Bret. That must be Bret Hart. That's unfortunate.
DiBiase: [laughs] A matter of opinion.
Vince: Nine men currently in the Rumble, and unfortunately it would've been ten with Bret Hart, I suppose. Bret Hart wanted to be in the Rumble; it was a dream of his to be in the Royal Rumble, to win this one, and then go on to perhaps once again be the WWF Champion. It has been a bad night for Bret Hart, one that I'm sure he will never ever forget, and a bad night for the whole Hart family.
DiBiase: Not Owen! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Vince: [as the buzzer sounds] The ring is really filling up with humanity now. Who is it? Who is it? [Entry #27 is, limping to the ring...] It's Bret Hart! It's Bret Hart!
DiBiase: I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! I'll tell you what. I'll tell you, McMahon, that's sure...he's sure showing a lot of guts!
Vince: Look at that determination! Look at that determination!
DiBiase: Yeah, look how stupid he is for risking this after he'd been hurt so bad! There's a lot of guts, but no brains at all!
Vince: I don't know what Bret can do in the ring, in the Royal Rumble, if he can do anything. But I'll tell you, if he doesn't do anything, I'll give that man credit for returning. What gumption, what guts on the part of Bret Hart.
DiBiase: I don't know what you're seeing, McMahon. I give him credit for being stupid. He's out there risking what could be his career with a severe injury, just to prove to all these people that he's got guts.

Vince: [Lex Luger has Bret Hart up in position for elimination] And Luger has Bret up! And, no. [Bret escapes]
DiBiase: No.
Vince: [Both men go over the top rope] It's Luger, I think... Luger threw... Luger threw Bret Hart out!
DiBiase: Well... I don't know. I don't... know. Where's the referee?
Vince: Luger... Luger - I believe, I'm not sure - threw Bret Hart out.
DiBiase: I hate to say it; I think Bret Hart threw Luger out!
Vince: [Referees Joey Marella and Earl Hebner confer amongst themselves] Well, a discussion going on. Let's, uh... let's get the ring announcement. Here we go. Let's get... let's get the official word. Let's go now to get the official word from the ring announcer, as to who won the Royal Rumble.
DiBiase: Absolutely. The referees are still thinking about it.
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1994 WWF Royal Rumble...
Vince: [Luger's music plays] Yes sir, it's Luger! What an ovation!
DiBiase: [Meanwhile, Hebner is yelling something to Howard] I don't know, McMahon. I don't know.
Vince: [Suddenly, Luger's music is cut off] Wait a minute, wait a minute... the music has stopped. [The two referees are conferencing with Howard] There's more discussion going on. [Hebner says something to Howard, and he prepares to make another announcement] Uh-oh. I think there's... Let's go up. There's another announcement to be made.
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1994 WWF Royal Rumble... [This time, Hart's music plays]
Vince: Well, it must be the "Hit Man" Bret Hart!
DiBiase: Wow.
Vince: And he's back on his feet.
DiBiase: Wait a minute, McMahon, who won this thing? I don't think they can make up their minds. First Luger's music plays, [Hart's music is cut off] then Hart's music... they stopped it again.
Vince: Well the announcer has yet to announce exactly who won the Royal Rumble.
DiBiase: Look, the referees are arguing, they can't make up their mind. I don't think they know.
Vince: [Marella and Hebner take turns holding one of the wrestlers' arms up in victory] I've never seen this before.
DiBiase: Well, what happens NOW?!?
Vince: I think... I think, uh, the official on the left believes Bret Hart won. [Hebner holds Hart's arm up, while Marella holds Luger back] Both men went out, I guess, at approximately the same time. It was tough from our viewpoint. I thought... [Suddenly, WWF president Jack Tunney enters the ring] Wait a minute; there's president Jack Tunney.
DiBiase: I think Luger won, McMahon.
Vince: I think I'm going to agree with you, but I'm not sure. [Tunney steps between the two referees] All right, Jack Tunney between the officials. Let's go back if we have a replay; I don't know. If we have it, let's see what we can... Jack Tunney will have to make a decision here, but let's... [The screen shows a replay of the finish] Here we go. We're going to see it; here we go now. And over they go and... I don't know.
DiBiase: Wow, I don't know.
Vince: [Back to live action] I don't know. I thought it was Luger at first, but I'm not too sure after that. I'm not too sure.
DiBiase: I think it was Luger, McMahon. Luger's longer-legged.
Vince: Let's take another look at it, if we have it. If we have another angle... [The screen shows another angle of the finish] While Jack Tunney's making up his mind, you make up yours. And we go out and it's...
DiBiase: Here we go. Luger!
Vince: No, that was Bret, I think.
DiBiase: [Back live] No, I think it was Luger. [Tunney is talking to Howard] What are they doing?
Vince: Jack Tunney discussing things with the officials. No one has left this building. We are awaiting the announcement.
DiBiase: Well, when Tunney sticks his nose in this, you never know what's gonna happen.
Vince: Well, Tunney has to make a decision here, and this must be the toughest decision he'll ever make.
DiBiase: I'm telling you, Luger won it.
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1994 WWF Royal Rumble... [Howard stops and goes to Tunney]
Vince: Oh, wait a minute...
DiBiase: They can't figure it out!
Vince: Give me a break. Who won this thing? I thought for sure it was Luger, but I'm not too sure after those replays. We saw a number of angles.
DiBiase: I think he oughta ring the bell and just let them beat each other to the ground. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
Vince: Well, the tension is building here at the Providence Civic Center! The tension is building here!
DiBiase: I'm telling ya, I think Luger won it.
Vince: Let's go back to another replay! [The screen shows another replay] This will be the one that will determine who won! Here we go! And...
DiBiase: It looks like it, you see?!? It's Luger! I'm telling ya, Luger's feet hit the ground first.
Vince: [Back live] Let's go back. Here we go.
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1994 WWF Royal Rumble... [pauses for a moment, with Bret yelling, "Come on! Speak up!", until finally...] the winners are Lex Luger and Bret "Hitman" Hart!
Vince: [The "WrestleMania" theme plays] What?
DiBiase: Oh, no.
Vince: Well, Jack Tunney may have made the only decision that he could make after those replays certainly... It was most inconclusive from our vantage point. However...
DiBiase: But, McMahon...
Vince: The question remains...
DiBiase: Exactly.
Vince: Who's gonna... Who will go to Wrestlemania and face the WWF Champion? Will Bret Hart get the nod from Jack Tunney? Will Lex Luger get the nod from Jack Tunney?


Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please! Due to the inability of the official...
Vince McMahon: Put that chair down!
Howard: [cont'd]... to maintain control of this contest, he has declared this match a draw!

Vince: Can you believe this? The Heartbreak Kid drew #1! Well, you can bet Shawn Michaels won't be going to WrestleMania as the #1 contender. Michaels fooled everybody on the Action Zone earlier on—Michaels acted like he was proud of his number. It's the luck of the draw, and Shawn Michaels very unlucky here tonight at the Royal Rumble, and Michaels better get all the glory he can right now. [As Shawn dances off his gear in the ring] Oh, please, give me a break.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Let me just tell you this, McMahon. He loves being the #1 draw because of what he's doing right now. It means that it's just all that much longer he gets to strut his stuff in front of Pamela Anderson. But don't get your hopes up, Shawn. She might accompany him to WrestleMania, but she'll be accompanying me tonight.

Jerry: [on entry #5, Jimmy Del Ray] I like this guy. I like him.
Vince: You like him?
Jerry: Yes.
Vince: Well, is he gonna win the Rumble?
Jerry: I don't like him that much.
Vince: Who do... you don't like him that much.
Jerry: I told you I've already gone on record, I started... I did wanna change my prediction. I went on record as predicting Shawn Michaels, but when I saw he drew #1, I thought about changing it.
Vince: To whom? Who would you choose?
Jerry: I'll tell you later.

Jerry: [on #7, Tom Prichard] I love this guy.
Vince: You like him?
Jerry: Yes.
Vince: Is he gonna win the Royal Rumble?
Jerry: I don't like him that much either.

Jerry: Is Dink in there?
Vince: Of course not. You would see him, wouldn't you?
Jerry: No, you can't see him. He gets lost in shag carpet.

Jerry: Look at Luke the Bushwhacker—he's heading back already, but he stayed longer than he was in in 1991. He only lasted 4.9 seconds then.
Vince: What, have you got a stopwatch on?
Jerry: Yeah, look at this. See Mickey's hand?

Jerry: [#16 is Mo] Oh no. It's Mo.
Vince: It's Mo from Men on a Mission. [Mo enters the ring, charges King Kong Bundy, and gets backdropped over the top to the floor, getting eliminated]
Jerry: WHOO HOO HOO! WHOO HOO HOO! Look at my watch! Mo was on a mission, wasn't he? He just broke Luke's record! Ha ha ha ha! What did he last? One second?

Vince: One of these men that you're looking at right now, one of them, and only one, will go to WrestleMania and face the WWF Champion, whomever he may be, and being escorted by Pamela Anderson.
Jerry: Woo, yeah!
Vince: And she is impressed, unquestionably...
Jerry: Look, she waved at me! Wink at me, baby!
Vince: She wasn't winking at you.
Jerry: Yes, she was.
Vince: And you don't have a date with her either.
Jerry: She loves me. I do! I'm telling you I do. I'll tell you all about it, maybe.

Jerry: Shawn Michaels and Crush, they're my picks...and Lex Luger.
Vince: Make up your mind. Only one man can win.
Jerry: Last year, two won.
Vince: Yeah, that was the first time that ever happened; I would suggest the only time it'll ever happen. Never again will two men go out at the same time, and have their feet touch the floor at the very same time with both feet. I don't think that'll ever happen.

Jerry: I can't believe we're back where we started!
Vince: Never before have the first two individuals who have entered the Rumble lasted to the last two! And Michaels just... Can you believe that? Davey Boy kicked him back into the ring.
Jerry: You gotta keep your feet on the mat, Shawn.
[The British Bulldog presses Michaels above him and racks him on the top rope]
Vince: He's outta here, see ya! [Bulldog swings Michaels back into the ring] And again, though, Davey Boy, the momentum bringing Shawn Michaels back in...[Bulldog clotheslines Michaels over the top rope, seemingly winning the Rumble] Forget about it! Forget about it! Michaels has been eliminated! Yes! Yes, it finally has happened! [Bulldog's music plays] It finally has happened! The British Bulldog will go to WrestleMania and face the WWF... [As Bulldog celebrates in the corner, Michaels nails him from behind, sending him over and onto the floor, winning the Rumble] Wait a minute.
Jerry: What's the deal?
Vince: Wait just a minute!
Jerry: My prediction is true! They're saying that Shawn Michaels has won the Royal Rumble!
Vince: Michaels was eliminated by the British Bulldog! Let's go to the announcer to clear it up.
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has informed me that only one of Shawn Michaels' feet hit the floor.
Vince: What?
Howard: [cont'd] Therefore, the winner of the 1995 WWF Royal Rumble: The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels!
Vince: Wait a minute, we have a replay. We're told we have a replay. Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen, has won this thing. I can't believe it. Let's go to the replay, let's take a look. [The slow-motion replay from the side shows the British Bulldog clotheslining Michaels out of the ring] Well, there it is, right there, the clothesline, he goes over. He's on the apron, he's hanging onto the ropes, and he's... he's... [Michaels holds onto the ropes, flailing his left leg from one side to the other, only allowing his right foot to touch the floor, which referees Tim White and Earl Hebner see]
Jerry: One.
Vince: One foot, one foot.
Jerry: [as Michaels finally rests his left leg on the ring, both referees call off the announcement. Michaels rolls back in] Look at that! Whoa, whoa!
Vince: One foot. One...foot!
Jerry: There it is! Two referees! Not one, but two referees.
Vince: All right, let's go back, ladies and gentlemen. There you have it! Shawn Michaels, being escorted by Pamela Anderson. And Pamela Anderson will lead Shawn Michaels into the ring at WrestleMania!
Jerry: She is almost as happy right now as she's gonna look with me later on. Look at her. Well, see? She's gonna have some explaining to do to me later on.
Vince: Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen. But Pamela Anderson, she doesn't know what quite to make of Shawn Michaels, her boy toy. She wants to get out of there. Nonetheless, she will escort Shawn Michaels to WrestleMania, and Michaels will face the champion! Can you believe this? Michaels, the first man in, and the last man standing.


Mr. Perfect: [after Goldust reverses a waistlock on Razor Ramon and caresses him, who is instantly freaked out] I can't believe what I just saw.
Vince McMahon: That was a little different.
Mr. Perfect: Maybe Goldust got what he wanted out of this match already.
Vince: Oh no, I think this man is cagey, very crafty
Mr. Perfect: Ten-yard penalty for illegal use of the hands.
Mr. Perfect: Is he gonna check him for a hernia next?

[Henry Godwinn has emptied a bucket of slop on everyone outside the ring]
Vince: Hunter Hearst-Helmsley covered in slop, Backlund covered in slop, here comes the King, he got some of it too.
Mr. Perfect: There's no place for that stinking slop! I think I'm at a Gallagher concert!

Vince: Will it be Yokozuna? Will it be the man they call Vader?
Mr. Perfect: I gotta stick with Vader.
Vince: And Savio Vega could very well win this thing.
Mr. Perfect: I learned a lot time ago, McMahon, you never make a redhead mad.

Mr. Perfect: [on entry #21, Aldo Montoya] He's got his jock on the wrong part of his body.

Mr. Perfect: [#24 is Steve Austin] He's the winner right there, McMahon. I pick him.
Vince: And there's a good look, ladies and gentlemen, at Steve Austin, known as the Ringmaster, on his way. Another Corporate member of Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Corporation, and you can bet he's definitely gonna make a difference.
Mr. Perfect: Look at this guy, McMahon. The Ringmaster—close enough to perfect for me. He gets my vote right now. Look at the shape this guy's in, look at how aggressive he is, look at how good he looks, reminds me of me so much.
Vince: He is cold and calculating for sure.

Mr. Perfect: [#25 is Barry Horowitz] It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Barry Horriblewitz.
Vince: Call him what you will. Barry Horowitz could very well win this thing—anyone can win.
Mr. Perfect: If a nerd ends up at WrestleMania and gets the World Wrestling Federation Champion, I'm getting back in the ring.

Vince: Almost anyone would do anything to win this year's Royal Rumble matchup.
Mr. Perfect: If Horowitz wins this match, I quit. You'll never see me again.

Mr. Perfect: [as Diesel clotheslines Kama out of the ring, eliminating him] It's gonna be Diesel, no doubt about it.
Vince: Kama eliminated! It's Diesel, it's Michaels...
[Shawn superkicks Diesel out of the ring, winning the Rumble]
Mr. Perfect: NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! TWO YEARS IN A ROW! That's impossible, McMahon! Impossible!
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1996 World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!
Vince: [over announcement] Shawn Michaels is going to WrestleMania!
Mr. Perfect: How does he do that?!

Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, Bret "Hitman" Hart has been disqualified...
Vince: Aw, come on.
Howard: [cont'd] a result of outside interference by Diesel. Therefore, the winner of this match: the Undertaker!
Vince: Diesel coming in, blatantly interfering; the Undertaker wants the WWF Championship around his waist. [On Diesel] Look at that steely cold look on the face.
Howard: However, the World Wrestling Federation Championship can not change hands on a disqualification.
Mr. Perfect: Oh, boy.
Vince: [as Diesel cracks a little smile] And no one knows that better than that man right there.
Mr. Perfect: Yes, that look says it all.
Vince: It does, the Undertaker... [Diesel gives the Undertaker the finger] Wait, look what Diesel just did!
Mr. Perfect: Oh, come on!

Vince: The Undertaker had piledrived Bret Hart!
Mr. Perfect: He had him beat!
Vince: But you'll never know whether or not Bret would've been pinned by the Undertaker.
Mr. Perfect: Of course he'd have been pinned!


Goldust: [to HHH] Come on, you piece of shit!

Jerry "The King" Lawler: I've been sitting here counting, I'm up to about 54. Why doesn't the referee count Goldust out?
Jim Ross: Why don't you ask these questions to Monsoon? He's in charge of the officials. We can't answer those questions, King.
Vince McMahon: Maybe it's because you would want to be assigned as a guest referee on occasion.
Jim: That'd be a good idea.
Jerry: Yeah, you're right. I'd have already disqualified Goldust.
Jim: You'd be the Red Cashion of the WWF.
Jerry: What? Who?

Vince: [as Ahmed Johnson scoops Crush out of the ring] Taking it to Crush, and throwing him out. He's gone! Crush is gone!
[Crush lands on the edge and rolls back in]
Jerry: Feet didn't hit, did they?
Vince: You're right.
Jim: That's why the referees are on the outside. No reason for them to be on the inside of the ring.
Vince: Both feet- [Johnson leaves the ring (going over the top rope and eliminating himself in the process) to attack Faarooq] wait a minute, wait a minute, Ahmed just eliminated himself! There's Faarooq! Ahmed going after Faarooq! Ahmed eliminated himself, and Crush is in the ring all alone!
Jerry: He is an idiot.

Jim: [Austin eliminates Bart Gunn] The first time Bart held on, the second time he couldn't. And once again, Stone Cold Steve Austin is picking 'em off one at a time.
Vince: [as Austin, all by himself, does push-ups in the ring] Look at this. Please.
Jim: And he's telling us all he's in great shape. He's in fightin' shape.
Vince: He's in great condition, all right.
Jim: I'm sure he's been in a few barroom brawls.
Vince: [Austin now sits on the top corner] Look at this, patiently awaiting the next individual to come out. You talk about a man with a nasty temperament. [Austin looks at his wrist like a watch] Well, his watch is working as well as ours.

Vince: [#13 is Owen Hart] Oh, no, it's Bret Hart's "stinking rotten" brother, as Bret would say...
Jerry: What?!
Vince: ...Owen Hart.
Jim: You mean the whiner? He whines about everything.
Jerry: Listen to you guys, he's a Slammy Award winner!

Vince: [as Bulldog attempts to eliminate Austin] Austin's going for the ride!
Jerry: Yes!
[As this happens, Owen eliminates the Bulldog, and Austin avoids hitting the floor himself]
Vince: Hey, wait a minute.
Jim: I think that was Owen who eliminated Bulldog.
Vince: [as Owen and Bulldog argue] Owen Hart trying to... the Bulldog is angry.
Jim: Bulldog just called Owen an idiot!
Vince: They're tag team partners, they're Tag Team Champions!
Jim: They're brother-in-laws!
British Bulldog: He flipped me out!
Jerry: So what, you whiner. It's every man for himself.
Vince: I understand that, although Owen was professing that it was an accident. He was...
Jerry: Probably was.
Vince: ...attempting to get Stone Cold Steve Austin out.
Jim: Owen hasn't told the truth since the King was a prince.
Jerry: Oh listen to you now.

Jerry: [on #20, "Double J" Jesse James] The guy's a promising young singer, I wish he'd promise to stop singing.

Vince: Stone Cold Steve Austin, and you gotta get credit where it's due. You may not like Stone Cold, you may not like his attitude, but Austin is a competitor.
Jim: While these 60,000+ fans I'm assuming appreciate Austin's intensity, they certainly do not appreciate his attitude.
Vince: Who will be next? Who will face Stone Cold Steve Austin in less than ten seconds?
Jerry: The quicker he can eliminate them, the more time he has to rest. [Time expires; #21 is Bret Hart. Austin is shocked at Bret's music.] Uh-oh.
Vince: YES! YES! YES!

Jerry: Watch this. [Time expires, and Jerry Lawler's music plays, revealing that he is #22] Oh, yeah! Hey, McMahon, watch this, baby!
Vince: I can't believe it! You are in it!
Jerry: [removing his jacket and headset] I said it once, and I'll say it again—it takes a king!
Vince: Jerry "The King" Lawler sneaking up behind the Hitman Bret Hart!
[Bret turns his attention from Austin to Jerry. Punches him twice, the second one sending Jerry flying over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating him]
Jim: I think we just saw a record broken! I think Lawler has just broken the record!
Vince: I think you just said it takes a king...
Jerry: [putting headset back on] To know a king, McMahon! I told you!
Jim: Told us what?
Jerry: It takes a king to know a king!

Jim: Bret Hart thought this morning, when I talked to him on Superstars, that he shouldn't even have to be in this matchup, that he should've come into the Royal Rumble as the WWF Champion.
Jerry: He shouldn't have even been in this matchup!
Jim: That's what I just said.
Jerry: Not because he should be the champion, it's because he shouldn't even be in the WWF! He's a jerk!

Jerry: The Hitman is concentrating on Stone Cold. If it comes down to the Hitman and Stone Cold, I say it'll be the Hitman; if it comes down to Terry Funk and Vader, Vader.
Vince: Stone Cold Steve Austin has been in the ring for over forty minutes.
Jerry: If it comes down to Undertaker and anybody, Undertaker.
Jim: I'll tell you, I cannot imagine the fatigue, the exhaustion that must be riveting the body of Stone Cold Steve Austin after forty minutes of hell with these guys.
Jerry: I'm not even tired.
Jim : You must have amnesia.

Vince: Mankind and Funk on the far side, they're just mauling each other.
Jerry: That's a shame. I think they're doing it 'cause they like it. I'd just like to see Mankind and Terry Funk as a team.

Jerry: Good-bye Austin! [Bret has thrown Austin out, seemingly eliminating him. The referees fail to notice, distracted by Mankind and Terry Funk brawling]
Vince: Austin's been eliminated!
Jim: Austin... wait a minute...
Vince: He was in there for 34 minutes!
Jim: [as Austin sneaks back into the ring] Well the referees didn't see it.
Vince: Austin has been eliminated. [Austin eliminates the Undertaker and Vader] Wait a minute, the Undertaker and Vader have both just been eliminated! [Bret eliminates "Diesel"] Diesel's been eliminated as well! And now it's over! [From behind, Austin throws out Bret, winning the Rumble] Oh, no! NO! [The bell sounds]
Jim: Wait a minute here.
Howard Finkel: Here is the winner of the 1997 Royal Rumble: Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jerry: He eliminated the Hitman! I didn't actually see Austin's feet hit the floor!
Jim: [As Austin leaves, Bret enters the rings berating the referees] Austin eliminated the Undertaker and Vader and Bret Hart, but Austin went out! Bret Hart eliminated Stone Cold and the referees didn't see it, and Bret Hart is not gonna stand for it!
Jerry: Maybe his feet didn't hit the floor, Ross.
Jim: I saw it! I was sitting right here, King! I didn't even see the monitors!
Vince: Imagine Bret Hart...imagine what's going on in his mind. Stone Cold was eliminated—we saw it, we called it—the officials were over there with Mankind and Terry Funk and didn't see it.
Jim: Bret Hart's obsession with winning the WWF Title is so evident! Bret cannot believe it! Bret Hart eliminated Stone Cold, and neither referee saw it!

Vince: You want to talk championships, you gotta be talking about the World Wrestling Federation championship, in a match that Bret Hart wishes that he was in and apparently it looks like it just won't happen. And you can hear everyone booing. A very unpopular decision, the way that Stone Cold Steve Austin "won" the Royal Rumble.
Jim: Well quite frankly, it was a...I don't wanna say it was a bad call. Both officials were on one side of the ring. That's bad officiating, folks! That's why we have two officials. The referees were out of position. Bret Hart's got a very legitimate gripe.
Jerry: Please stop whining! It's the referee's decision! The decision's been made and it's final. How many times have you watched a baseball game or a football game, and the replay shows something different from what the referee saw? It's over!


Road Dogg Jesse James: Just like your precious 49ers, your precious LOD is about to become a part of history as well. Steve Young will play a major role in the Super Bowl this year—he'll be the one telling his fat wife to fetch him another brewski.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Look at the idiots that are in this ring right now: Chainsaw, Mosh, Cactus Jack. I feel like calling Unsolved Mysteries and saying, "hey, I found everybody."

Jim Ross: [#6 is Phineas Godwinn] He's 6'7", 300+ pounds, he's about a biscuit away from 315. It's Phineas Godwinn — living proof of what happens when first cousins marry.
Jerry: I'm gonna tell you something — we're fixin' to have five WWF Superstars in the ring and only one brain between them, and that's in the head of The Rock.

Jim: [#20 is Ahmed Johnson] Ahmed Johnson, I guess he's the only man to compete in the Royal Rumble wearing earrings.
Jerry: What a fashion statement. If he was a little smarter, he'd know how stupid that looks.

Jim: Remember what's at stake: the opportunity to wrestle the WWF Champion at the biggest event in the industry, the biggest event of all time, WrestleMania XIV in Boston.
Jerry: [laughing] Right, and that rug has been yanked right out from under Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jim: If...that's the truth, that's gonna be a heartbreaker for the ol' rattlesnake.
Jerry: Brought it on himself. [Buzzer sounds, signaling entrant #24. Austin's music blares] What?!
Jim: [as all wrestlers stop fighting and look toward the entrance] Stone Cold...that's Austin's music. The action has stopped, everyone is awaiting the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Jerry: Look out, he's from behind! [Austin comes in the ring from behind, attacks Marc Mero and eliminates him]
Jim: Austin came from the crowd! There goes Mero! Stone Cold is like a man possessed!

Jim: We're getting right down to the nitty gritty. Who's #28? The luck of the draw has everything to do with his. [Buzzer sounds, signaling entrant #28: Dude Love] What?!
Jerry: Oh no!
Jim: I don't believe it!
Jerry: I don't wanna believe it!
Jim: Mrs. Foley's baby boy is pulling a triple-header!
Jerry: Somebody knock his head off!

Jim: [as Austin stuns the Rock] Stone Cold Stunner! And the Rock... [Austin tosses the Rock out, winning the Rumble] ...IS GONE! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!
Howard Finkel: Here is the winner of the 1998 Royal Rumble: Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jim: Iron Mike Tyson on his feet cheering for Austin 3:16! Stone Cold will meet the WWF Champion at WrestleMania XIV!

[Kane and Paul Bearer have set the casket with the Undertaker inside on fire.]


The Rock: Now you tell the Rock, after the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today, that you quit!
Mankind: Go to Hell, Rock!
The Rock: Say you quit!
Mankind: You'll have to kill me.

Michael Cole: Only one other man in the history of the Royal Rumble has gone from #1 to win it all—Stone Cold is gonna try to become #2. There is only one Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Well that's true, but let me just tell you this. You like to talk about history, I venture to say there is only one WWF Superstar that is gonna be in this very ring tonight that has never ever lost a match in his life.
Michael: And who is that?
Jerry: That is Mr. McMahon.
Michael: Oh, please, he's never had one.
Jerry: He's never lost a match in his life! Shut up!

Michael: [on entrant #6: Gillberg] It's the man called Gillberg.
Jerry: He could win this whole thing.
Michael: King, you're not serious.
Jerry: Well, maybe not.
Michael: Gillberg is 0-2. Who will be #1? Who will be his first victim? He's spending more time posing in the walkway than he is getting in the ring.
Jerry: He's got chants.
Michael: [as Gillberg screams out at the crowd] Well, Gillberg now in the Royal Rumble match. And Edge...
[Edge, with very little effort, pushes Gillberg out, eliminating him]
Jerry: Ah, Gillberg!
Michael: Oh, please. Gillberg is in and out. So I guess we can say that Gillberg is 0-3 now.

Michael: Droz and Edge have been in the ring a long time. The longer you're in the ring, the easier it is to toss you out; and the object is to go over the top rope and both feet hit the floor, and Tiger's in danger of having a quick exit.
Jerry: Wait a minute, the longer you're in the ring, the easier it is to toss you out.
Michael: Yeah, the more tired you get.
Jerry: What about the man called Gillberg?

Michael: First off, you picked Steve Blackman to win the Rumble match, he's been eliminated; you also picked Gangrel to win the Rumble match, you still have a chance to make a little money.
Jerry: Well, I know I picked Blackman. That damn Psychic Network lied to me.
Michael: Did they give you the tip on Gangrel as well? And here's Gangrel...
Jerry: I'll never listen to Dionne Warwick again. She's an idiot.
Michael: ...who almost won the European Championship match in a great match against X-Pac earlier tonight.
Jerry: I'm calling LaToya Jackson.
Michael: Gangrel on the ropes now. Road Dogg... [Road Dogg launches Gangrel out of the ring, eliminating him] ...sends Gangrel for the ride. Road Dogg is cleaning house! Hey, King. Hey, King. You're 0-2.

[The Rock is calling out Stone Cold Steve Austin]
Jerry: Get him, Rock! Get him! [The Rock climbs up to the apron and the two fight] Here he goes. I knew it!
Michael: Here we go now! They're getting it on! [Seeing this, Mr. McMahon, with the help of the Rock...] Wait a minute!
Jerry: Look at this!
Michael: [...throws Austin out, winning the Rumble] Wait a minute! NO! NO! Mr. McMahon has won the Royal Rumble!
Howard Finkel: [Over Cole speaking] The winner of the 1999 Royal Rumble: Mr. McMahon!
Michael: Mr. McMahon has eliminated the Rattlesnake thanks to the Rock! Mr. McMahon will face the Rock at WrestleMania, and Austin is livid!
Jerry: [Austin and the Rock fight all the way to the backstage area] Look at this!
Michael: And Austin taking out his frustrations on the champion! Austin is beating the hell out of the champion!
Jerry: But right now, Michael Cole, it doesn't matter! This is, without a doubt, the greatest night in the history of the World Wrestling Federation!
Michael: Mr. McMahon has won the Royal Rumble match! I never thought I'd ever hear myself say that! Somebody slap me in the face!
Jerry: Here!
Michael: Is this a dream?

Shane McMahon: Vince, you just won the Royal Rumble! YOU'RE GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!

Michael: King, he didn't do it by himself; he had plenty of help. He sat here at ringside for most of the damn match!
Jerry: I don't care how he did it. He won the Royal Rumble!


Jim Ross: [as Triple H and Cactus Jack brawl in the audience during their Street Fight] Cactus Jack and Triple H are in a sea of humanity here!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Humanity? But this is New York City, J.R.!

Jerry: [as Viscera enters the Rumble, facing Rikishi] This is the old unstoppable meeting the immovable, and they're both unliftable.

Jerry: Have you seen Albert's tongue? It's pierced, have you seen that?
Jim: I have not looked at his tongue or any other parts of his anatomy that closely, quite frankly.
Jerry: He told me that piercing didn't hurt, but then he showed me one that did.

Jerry: Can we see that poor Chinese guy Taka Michinoku get thrown over the top rope again?
Jim: He's Japanese!

Jim: Funaki's eliminated for about the eighth time tonight.
Jerry: At least he had a good view there for a second.
Jim: Funaki's been eliminated more times than any other Royal Rumble competitor.

Jim: Taka had to be taken to a hospital.
Jerry: Do they have some good Chinese hospitals in New York?
Jim: Will you stop that?

Jim: My god, what a chokeslam! The Big Show trying to break the Rock into pieces with a chokeslam!
Jerry: He told this crowd, he's telling the world, "You WILL cheer for me!" He said he has the Rock and he's going to win the Royal Rumble and the people will have to cheer him.
Jim: Nobody can go one-on-one, face-to-face, man-to-man, with the Big Show and survive. [Big Show picks Rock up as the crowd chants "Rocky"] The Rock just seconds away from being eliminated here! It's over now, King!
Jerry: Oh... good-bye Rock. I told you I was picking the Big Show.
Jim: The Big Show is toying with the Rock.
Jerry: He's picking his... picking his sides. [Big Show attempts to throw Rock out] There he goes!
Jim: [Suddenly the Rock grasps the top rope. The momentum carries the Big Show out. The Rock holds on to the top rope, winning the Rumble] OH THE BIG SHOW'S OVER!
Jerry: WHAT?
Jerry: WHAT? How did THAT happen? How did the Rock do it?
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner: the Rock!
Jim: How in God's name did THAT happen? It looked like the Big Show is gonna eliminate the Rock!
Jerry: I knew that the Rock would win! He's done it!
Jim: The Rock guaranteed a victory at the Royal Rumble!
Jerry: He guaran-damn-teed it!
Jim: And the Rock has kept his word! He has done what he said he was gonna do!


Jim Ross: [on entry #5] I can't believe he actually did it. Drew Carey is actually coming out here.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Drew, don't do it, this is suicide!
Jim: One of the biggest stars in all of Hollywood, a man with a couple of weekly television shows, a guy that's gonna have his own pay-per-view on Saturday night.
Jerry: I'll tell you what. If Drew lives through this, he deserves to have everybody watch his pay-per-view on Saturday night
Jim: If I was Drew, I'd just hang around and sign some autographs.
Jerry: Yeah, pretty good idea; Drew, don't hurry, don't rush anything.
Jim: Listen to the crowd chanting for Drew Carey. You never know what's gonna happen in the WWF, and by golly, [ Jeff Hardy clotheslines Matt Hardy over the top onto the apron] you never know what's gonna happen in the Royal Rumble, as Matt Hardy almost got eliminated there.
Jerry: Come on, ref, get Drew in the ring so I can see how he can handle himself against the Hardys.
Jim: [chuckling] You're sadistic.
Jerry: [as Drew enters the ring] I'd like to see Drew do...try a hurricanrana, Drew! Uh-oh, he's in the ring.
Jim: Drew Carey in the ring now.
Jerry: Dropkick, Drew!
Jim: Drew Carey encouraged in this by Mr. McMahon, and I think...
Jerry: Wait, take your glasses off, you're not a Dudley!
Jim: I still think Mr. McMahon, the ol' head of jealousy...[noticing the Hardys fighting in the outside corner] oh my God, look at the Hardys. They just get higher and higher, and the risk factor...[The Hardys fall to the floor, eliminating each other] Matt Hardy eliminated his brother, and Jeff pulled on his shirt that was around his waist...
Jerry: [on Drew looking over the ropes] Wait, Drew's done it! Do you realize if this was over, Drew would be going to WrestleMania?!
Jim: Oh God, I shudder to think that.

Jerry: Kane is about to become famous. He's gonna be on the news, he's gonna be on the front page of the New York Post!
Jim: Drew Carey's asking for assistance. I hope he's got good insurance with the Screen Actors Guild.
Jerry: I can see it now. Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, the E! Network. Look at Drew, he's calling for the Hardys to come back.
Jim: Drew Carey has been left all alone at the Royal Rumble. He's all by himself, and the Big Red Machine is a carnivore!
Jerry: Yeah, I don't think Drew really understands what he's gotten into here tonight.
Jim: The Big Red Machine's a carnivore, and Drew Carey's a big ol' pork chop. Drew's starting to sweat Crisco.
Jerry: Hey, Drew? What do you think his blood type is? Ragu?

Jim: [Kane converges on Grandmaster Sexay with the trash can] Ooh my god, Kane's now got a trash can.
Jerry: LOOK OUT!
Jim: [Kane hits Sexay with the trash can so hard he goes flying over the top rope] Oh, Grandmaster, [Kane hits Steve Blackman] has been knocked over the top by Kane! [Kane then hits Perry Saturn, then Al Snow with the trash can.]] The Big Red Machine... [Kane next hits Raven] ...has gone CRAZY here!
Jerry: He's on a rampage now!

Jim: [after Bradshaw attacks Val Venis, saving the Rock from elimination] Bradshaw should've helped Val, in my estimation.
Jerry: Nah, nobody wants to help Val or any member of the Right to Censor.
Jim: Yeah, you make a good point.

Jim: How much left can these two men have in their bodies? Austin's got the steel chair!
Jerry: Look at Kane! He's a monster! He's already up!
Jim: My God, Kane is up! Oh God, Kane is up!
Jerry: Austin, you're not a monster!
Jim: [Austin strikes Kane in the head with the steel chair] What a shot!
Jerry: ACK! He didn't even knock him off his feet.
Jim: [Austin strikes Kane again] GOD ALMIGHTY!
Jerry: WHOA!
Jim: [Austin strikes Kane again] A shot to the skull! Austin's going to dump him!
[Austin bounces off the ropes and clotheslines Kane out, winning the Rumble]
Jerry: NO! OH!
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jerry: [over announcement] I knew he could do it!
Jerry: I knew the Rattlesnake could win this thing! Unbelievable!


Jim Ross: Fans chanting, "we want Head," at Al Snow. Al Snow and his former mannequin head.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: I'll get in on that chant, but not at Al Snow.
Jim: Would you behave?

Jim: [The Undertaker stands alone in the ring, having thrown out four men] You don't need RE/MAX or Century 21 to tell you whose yard this belongs to, and I don't think it's for sale.
Jerry: You know what, JR? There's only one thing I wouldn't wanna be.
Jim: What's that, King?
Jerry: Next.

Jerry: Matt Hardy could certainly use some help out here, couldn't he?
Jim: Yeah, he ain't likely to get it. It's every man for himself. [Time expires. Entry #10 is Jeff Hardy] But maybe so, King!
Jerry: What?!
Jim: Here comes Jeff Hardy!
Jerry: Now wait a minute.
Jim: Undertaker about to suplex Matt to the outside, Jeff Hardy blocked that, and now both the Hardys...
Jerry: I got a question—who picked these numbers?
Jim: They were drawn randomly. The numbers are drawn randomly [Lita jumps into the ring and joins the Undertaker beatdown] The Hardys and Lita getting some retribution for their near-career-ending injuries!
Jerry: [as Lita is pulled out] They let her out there and she doesn't have a number?
Jim: [off the Hardys embrace] Look at the reunion of the Hardys! They're back on the same page! Lita's on the same page!
Jerry: No, Lita's off the page!

Jim: And Maven! [He kicks the Undertaker, who is being distracted by the Hardy Boys who he has just eliminated, in the back. The momentum carries the Undertaker over the top rope and eliminates him] OH MY GOD! MY GOD! MAVEN FROM TOUGH ENOUGH JUST ELIMINATED THE UNDERTAKER!!!
Jerry: WHAT?! WHAT?!
Jim: MY GOD, MY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Now that is... that is the biggest shocker I've ever seen at the Royal Rumble!
Jerry: WHAT?!
Jim: You heard me right!
Jerry: Let me do it again. WHAT?!
Jim: Maven just eliminated the Undertaker, and Maven cannot believe it!

Jim: [after an eliminated Austin nails Kurt Angle, Mr. Perfect, and Triple H with a chair] Austin may have been eliminated, King, but he's made his mark indelibly on the head of his three adversaries!
Jerry: He is the meanest, maddest snake you'll ever lay eyes on! You don't trust anybody, especially that snake right there!
Jim: The Bionic Redneck is pissed, you can count on that!

Jim: Angle in trouble! Angle in trouble!
Jerry: No, Kurt! NO! [Triple H clotheslines Angle out of the ring, winning the Rumble]
Howard Finkel: Your winner of the Royal Rumble match: Triple H!
Jim: He went through eight months of hell just to make it back, but many said he'd never make it! And now Triple H is going to WrestleMania! Triple H is going to meet the Undisputed WWF Champion at WrestleMania!


Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that Team Angle has been ejected from this contest!
Tazz: Wait a minute, that ain't...if that's true, that ain't cool, that ain't right!
Michael: What do you mean, it's not right?
Tazz: [stammering] Well, I...maybe it is right. I don't know, I thought Team Angle was out here to learn and...observe from Kurt Angle.
Michael: Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit will be a classic match-up. There is no need for Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas to be involved. I believe Kurt Angle, Tazz, deep down inside realizes that he cannot beat Chris Benoit. He brought Benjamin and Haas in here as an insurance policy—that insurance policy has been sent to the back.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: [after Chris Jericho nails Shawn Michaels with a chair] Jericho admitted he always admired and emulated Shawn Michaels, but you'd never know it from that vile chair shot!
Jim Ross: I don't know if Jericho respects anybody or anything!

Jerry: Poor HBK caught off guard right from the get-go with the help, of course, from Christian and that phony entrance there; Jericho shows up from behind, low blow... [Jericho tosses Michaels onto the floor, eliminating him] ...and ousts Shawn Michaels!
Jim: Shawn Michaels eliminated by Chris Jericho! Shawn Michaels, battered and bloody, a low blow, a chair shot, the distraction, all combined to eliminate Shawn Michaels. I tell you what, I would not have called that in a million years.

John Cena: Yo, Yo, Yo!!! Thuganomics Style!
Naw, naw, Put down your tea potties, get away from your John Hancocks
I'm rockin this Thuganomics style
Yo, besides open mics, one thing that gets me boiled
Is an old school 30-man battle royal
I'm-a win this, I'm-a make my impression
Show Vinnie Mac that I got ruthless aggression
The odds were even until you chose me
Now it's 29 dudes and one ruthless MC
Yo, it doesn't matter, kid, 'cause I'll rip your nose off
I could batter you naked with no clothes on
Kid, what you talkin' 'bout. Three reasons I'm-a win this
Reason #1—I cut you up like cucumbers
Reason #2 that you care to protest
I'll be chokin' you like Sprewell be chokin' coaches
Reason #3's hard for me to explain to ya
But I'm-a win tonight and go on to WrestleMania
The Royal Rumble's just another test I got to pass
Y'all dudes are like a kid with one leg—you half-assed
Yo, what you talkin' 'bout, kid. You can't touch this
Throw the double clutches if you're down with untouches
Yo it's my year, I suggest you take the year off.
I'm sick like Tyson was when he bit Holyfield's ear off.
It doesn't matter, kid. Yo, you should stop defeat me
My style's like a swollen penis, you can't beat me.
Jerry: Oh, do you like the rap, JR?
Jim: Ninety seconds of...what the hell'd he say? Word to your mother.

Jim: Cena's an amazing young athletic prospect on SmackDown. He's a future main event player, and you're in the main event at WrestleMania if you can win the Royal Rumble match. Cena's got his whole career ahead of him—a great young prospect, but he rapped for damn near ninety seconds.
Jerry: So what's wrong with that? He's still in the Royal Rumble.

[Undertaker is staring back at an already-eliminated Batista, who he just hit with a steel chair]
Jim: And Brock Lesnar...
Jerry: HEY!
Howard Finkel: Here is the winner of the Royal Rumble match, Brock Lesnar!
Jerry: Look at the Undertaker. Yeah, he got you. He got you, Undertaker.
Jim: Brock Lesnar is now in the main event at WrestleMania! The Road to WrestleMania has begun here at the Royal Rumble!

Jerry: [Undertaker reenters the ring after Brock Lesnar's win] Wait a minute. What's gonna happen here?
Jim: This could be another explosion.
Jerry: No, I think the Undertaker's saying...that's twice you got me. But next time you got a title, he wants a shot.
Jim: I think that's exactly what the Undertaker said: if you become the Champion again, give me my opportunity. And Brock Lesnar will give the Undertaker that opportunity.
Jerry: Undertaker had delivered that chair shot on Batista, but he took his mind off Brock Lesnar, just for a split second.
Jim: This is gonna kill Paul Heyman.


Batista: Hey, Dudleys! What is it with you guys and championship matches? I mean, we whipped your ass at Armageddon, we kicked your asses all over Raw, we're about to beat your asses again tonight! I mean, you guys are the biggest three-time losers since the Philadelphia Eagles!

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, as both men were unable to answer at the count of ten, the referee has declared that Triple H is still the World Heavyweight Champion!

Jim Ross: Randy Orton needs to make hay while the sun is shining, so to speak.
Tazz: What the hell does that mean, JR? I'm from Brooklyn.

Tazz: [after Ernest "The Cat Miller is eliminated, having spent his entire stay dancing in the ring to "Somebody Call My Mama"] Good, enough of the dancing. I'm sick of the dancing.
Jim: Well, we're back down to where we started. We'll continue the wrestling portion of the Royal Rumble match.
Tazz: Somebody better call his mama. Call him a taxi to the hotel.
Jim: Cat's got plenty of time to call his mama.

Jim: [as Cena notices Nunzio laying low by the barrier] I think Nunzio's tenure in the Witness Protection Program has just come to an abrupt end.

Jim: [Benoit, on the apron, has a headlock on the Big Show] Benoit's a-holding, and holding, he's holding! [Benoit takes the Big Show off his feet and slowly, but surely, tips him over the top rope] The Big Show's teetering! The Big Show's teetering! Can Benoit--
Tazz: Oh my God! Oh my God! He's gonna go! JR!
Tazz: Can he do it? Hang on, Show!
Tazz: Hang on, Show!
Tazz: [Benoit finally throws Big Show out, winning the Rumble] WOWWWWWWWWW!
Howard: Here is your winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble match: Chris Benoit!
Tazz: Benoit's going to WrestleMania, JR, and he's getting a title shot.
Jim: Chris Benoit, for over one hour of hell, has won the Royal Rumble match before 17,289 fans! And yes, Chris Benoit's dream to headline WrestleMania has come true!
Tazz: Chris Benoit has worked has ass off for 19 years, and the day has come!


[Batista walks into the room to draw his number for the Royal Rumble]
Eric Bischoff: What the hell kind of championship match do you call that, where you have a hundred people interfering?
Theodore Long: What are you talking about? Like your World Championship match isn't gonna have a ton of interference. Everyone knows that Evolution's gonna get involved. can even ask him; he can tell you that.
Eric: Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do...
Batista: [having drawn] I just came here to get my number.
Eric: What I'm gonna do...
Theodore: What are you gonna do?
Eric: Raw's Championship match—Evolution is banned from ringside.
Theodore: Really?
Batista: Is that right?
Eric: That's right, Batista, and my decision is final. The only question is, do you wanna tell Triple H, or would you like me to?
Batista: [thinking about it, then smiling] No, I'll tell him.
Theodore: [to Eric, as Batista leaves] You know something? For once, you've done something right.

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: If Amy looks good sober, can you imagine what she's gonna look like after this bottle?!

Theodore: What's gonna happen at No Way Out, you will face the man that you did not pin tonight—The Big Show.
JBL: What's he gonna do, eat me? What's he gonna do? I don't care if he's from the Jurassic Age, the Triassic Age or the Chevy Classic Age; I'm gonna beat the Big Show like he's gonna eat a pizza!

Jim Ross: Severe weather alert: The Hurricane has passed through.

Jim: [on entry #14: Muhammad Hassan] Unfortunately, this man is from Raw.
Tazz: You proud of this guy, JR?
Jim: I am not.
Tazz: You can keep him on Raw, I'll tell you that right now.
Jim: I'll make you a trade.

Jim: What the hell is Simon Dean doing?
Tazz: I have no idea. Your Raw guys are...I don't know what the hell they're doing playing games, with all respect.
Jim: He's as goofy as a pet coon, I can tell you that right now. Look at him. He's warming up. He had all damn day to warm up! Get in the ring, you idiot! Mysterio taking out Eddie Guerrero face-first.
Tazz: [laughing] Dude's doing Hindu squats outside of the ring. [Edge eliminates Eddie Guerrero] Oh, damn it to Hell! You gotta be kidding.
Jim: Eddie Guerrero eliminated. Edge eliminating Eddie Guerrero.
Tazz: That's your fault! That's Raw's fault, because this guy on the outside's doing squats and he distracted Guerrero!
Jim: [as Simon Dean gets in the ring] I hope somebody eliminates Simon Dean, like, immediately. Right now.
Tazz: Me too.
Jim: John Doan could've eliminated him for all I care!

Tazz: [on entry #21: Jonathan Coachman] Tell me, JR, that he deserves to be in the Rumble.
Jim: I can't.
Tazz: Well, look at the arms on him. Last time I saw arms like that, they were hanging out of a nest. Give me a break, this guy's not a superstar.
Jim: Don't get mad at me about it, I didn't put him in.
Tazz: I'm mad at everybody!
Jim: Bischoff put him in.
Tazz: That's true.
Jim: Look at Coach taking his time. He's got...just so you know who he is, you ever wonder, just look at his ass—it's got "Coach" written all over it.

Jim: [as Batista hoists Cena up] Can you say Batista Bomb?
Tazz: No, no, no!
[Cena shifts his weight so Batista backs into the ropes, the momentum sending both over the top rope and onto the floor]
Jim: My God, they both went out!
Tazz: Wait, I don't know what I want. [Both sets of referees debate] Wait, who touched first?
[Jack Doan raises Batista's hand]
Jim: Batista wins it!
Tazz: What?! No, wait a minute.
Jim: Jack Doan is calling...Referee Jack Doan has raised Batista's hand. [Batista rolls back into the ring, followed by Cena and referee Jim Korderas] Both men went over the top rope, both men's feet obviously touched the floor.
Tazz: Wait, hold on, JR, I think...[Korderas raises Cena's hand] No, Cena won! [Back-and-forth, the Raw referees raise Batista's hand, and the SmackDown refs Cena's] No, no, no, no, no...
Jim: Two Raw referees hold Batista's hand up...
Tazz: What the Hell?!?
Jim: We've got a major malfunction in the junction here. We've got two winners of the Royal Rumble, or do we?

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, per order of the chairman, Mr. McMahon, he has ordered that this match be restarted!

Jim: Batista from Raw overpowering John Cena...
Tazz: No, no, no, no [Batista throws Cena out, finally winning the Rumble] NO!
Jim: Batista beats Cena! Batista, the exclamation point, is on the sentence!
Howard: The winner of the Royal Rumble match: Batista!
Jim: It was not without controversy, but by God, we know now who's going to the main event at WrestleMania, Tazz!


Triple H: [as the numbers are being mixed] You see the problem with the whole living in the fantasy world, talking about destiny. I live in reality.
Randy Orton: Reality, huh?
Triple H: Yeah, I live in reality world. Realities beating you for a title, or realities of you not standing a chance tonight. I'm gonna win the Royal Rumble. Torrie, would you mind opening your box for me. [Torrie opens the bin and Triple H reaches in to draw a number. He pulls out a ball, Candice taps it with her wand.] Would you hold my ball? [Candice takes the empty ball and Triple H unfolds the paper containing the number] Kid, read 'em and weep.
[Triple H looks and his jaw drops]
Orton: [laughing] Whoa, bro. Reality? Let me tell you what your reality is—you're screwed. You are screwed, man; tough luck. I'll see you out there...or maybe not.

Joey Styles: Mickie James is obsessed with Trish. She's her #1 fan, she's obsessed with Trish, and time and time again she's attacked Ashley just because...well, for no reason, quite frankly. Just because when anyone gets near Trish, Mickie James goes crazy.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Well, who wouldn't go crazy when you get near Trish?
Joey: Oh, you know what I mean.
Jerry: I would love to be that striped shirt that Trish is wearing. Can you imagine being that close to Trish?

Jerry: I can usually read a woman like a book—I prefer the Braille edition—but Mickie James, I can't get a read on her at all.

Jerry: Rey Mysterio drew #2, looked up in the skies, the heavens, and said, "Eddie, you got me." Maybe Eddie just wanted to watch Rey for a long time tonight.

[Randy Orton is about to throw Mysterio out]
Michael Cole: And this is a damn shame that Triple H had to end Rey Mysterio's hopes this way.
Jerry: Well, this just shows you how...
Michael: Orton parading around with Mysterio. [Mysterio grasps the top rope] And Rey! Rey hanging on to the top rope!
Jerry: Rey hanging on for dear life here. [Suddenly Rey turns around, puts his legs between Orton's head...] Whoa, whoa!
Michael: And Mysterio! [...and does a hurricanrana, throwing Orton out and winning the Rumble] HE DID IT! HE DID IT! HE DID IT! HE DID IT!
Jerry: No way!
Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner: Rey Mysterio!
Jerry: Latino Heat is alive and well! Look at this!

Michael: Rey Mysterio dedicated this match-up to Eddie Guerrero, he went for over an hour with the Eddie Guerrero logo on his wrestling tights, and Rey Mysterio has won the 2006 Royal Rumble match!
Jerry: Well, without a doubt the biggest win in Rey Mysterio's career, but it could lead to an even bigger win at WrestleMania.


Jerry "The King" Lawler: Was that a scream of joy from Melina?
Jim Ross: I haven't made a lot of women scream, so I can't tell you.

Michael Cole: It's been well-documented, JBL, that when Mr. Kennedy can target a body part, he will be relentless and rabid on the assault throughout the match-up, and that's what he's doing here.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Just what I said. Just exactly what I said! I'm sitting out here with a damn parrot!

JBL: Somebody call the San Antonio sheriff because Kennedy was robbed tonight!
Michael: Kennedy wasn't robbed. He was beaten by a game champion, by the World Heavyweight Champion, the Animal Batista.
JBL: No, he was beaten 'cause Nick Patrick had his head up his ass and laid down...ignored a World Championship count!
Michael: I guess you didn't see the low blow.
JBL: I saw the low blow! So what? You get hit in the mouth, you get hit low, that's what happens in World Championships! Kennedy, after a year of beating six World Champions, had a shot with the lights on bright, he danced his ass off, and he deserves to be walking out with that gold right now, going to WrestleMania!

JBL: The hard thing about the Rumble—and you know this, King—is you're out there, you're tired, you're trying to eliminate people, and all of the sudden, someone fresh comes out there and comes after you.
Michael: You guys know all about, being well, in Rumbles for a long time. JBL, you lasted 40 minutes in one Rumble; King, you lasted over 36 minutes in another.
Jerry: Yeah, but I hid for 30 minutes under the ring.
Michael: Well, you stole the punchline from JBL.

JBL: [on CM Punk] They say he doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs; I call that boring, But that's okay, he's real talented.
Michael: But he's a hell of an athlete...
JBL: He's a great athlete. Obviously doesn't have much of a social life.

Michael: King Booker claiming he never got his one-on-one rematch with Batista...
JBL: "Claiming"?! He never got his one-on-one rematch! That guy right there got robbed of the World Championship. He should be the one fighting Batista, not having to come out here in the Royal Rumble, but what he has the opportunity to do—[as Booker eliminates Gregory Helms] Goodbye, Gregory Helms, see you later!—what he has the opportunity to do is add one more accolade to a Hall of Fame career!

Michael: And the Hardys, who have a long history with Edge, going to work on Rated-RKO.
JBL: Well, they stole all their girlfriends.

JBL: [King Booker eliminates Kane, even though Kane already eliminated him] It's legal to bring a Singapore cane in there, it's legal to bring a chair in there, it's legal to come back in and you can do it!
Michael:, does that mean Kane's eliminated?
JBL: Kane is eliminated, he's over the top rope, Kane is out!
Michael: This is ridiculous!
JBL: It's not ridiculous, it's fact, Michael! It is what it is!
Jerry It's the Royal Rumble!
[Buzzer sounds, signaling entry #19: Viscera]
Michael: Uh-oh!
JBL: Here comes Visagra.
Jerry: But I don't think he's bringing any love to the Royal Rumble.
Michael: Booker and Kane are still going at it here at ringside! Booker incensed that the Big Red Machine eliminated him...
JBL: How the hell could he not be incensed? He should have never had to been in the Royal Rumble anyway!
Michael: Oh, come on, John, call the damn match!
JBL: Takes a cheap shot at him and throws him out!
Michael: That's part of the match and you know it!
JBL: He should've had...he should not have had to been in the Royal Rumble, Michael! I'm begging you to be unbiased!

Jerry: Is there anybody in there capable of lifting Viscera over the top rope?
Michael: Like I said before, seven men it took in Viscera's debut.
JBL: I don't know how many men Viscera's gonna eat.

Jerry: JBL, did Michael Cole just compare Rob Van Dam to Gumby?
Michael: I said he was Gumby-like.
JBL: Disgusting. I deal with this every week.

Jerry: CM Punk is a popular young star. He's got a huge future ahead of him, whether he wins this Royal Rumble or not.
JBL: Needs to start drinking though.

Michael: Here comes Miz, at #29.
Jerry: Miz!
JBL: Don't worry, King, I hate him too.
Michael: And Miz... [The Great Khali picks Miz up and tosses him out of the ring, eliminating him] Well, he may have set a record.
JBL: The Warlord had the record at three seconds—did Miz just beat it?

Michael: [The Great Khali has eliminated seven men, and four lie in the ring] The power, the strength, who can stop the Great Khali?!
JBL: Absolutely nobody.
Jerry: [as the buzzer sounds for entry #30] I'd have second thoughts about coming out...
[Funeral bell sounds, meaning only one man...]
JBL: Here we go!
Michael: Maybe there is someone! Maybe there is someone! The legendary Phenom, the Undertaker!
JBL: But nobody has come in at #30 and won the Royal Rumble ever.
Michael: It's never happened, but Undertaker has faced, he has battled, he has taken out Khali before.
JBL: The roof is about to blow off this place!
Jerry: It doesn't get any better than this!
JBL: Throw some gasoline on the fire! My God, I love it!

JBL: Who would believe that the 20th Royal Rumble, the most star-studded, is quite frankly the best of them all?!
Jerry: JBL, right now, who do you think? Who's got the most gas left in the tank?
JBL: [as Shawn prepares to superkick the Undertaker] This is how Shawn Michaels eliminated Diesel! Here we go!
Michael: Shawn Michaels eliminated Edge like that! [Undertaker catches him] Went for Sweet Chin Music! Got caught! [Undertaker picks him up, and throws him out, winning the Rumble] And Undertaker has eliminated Shawn Michaels! Undertaker is going to WrestleMania!
Jerry: Oh my gosh!
Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner of the 2007 Royal Rumble: The Undertaker!
Michael: For the first time in his illustrious career, the Undertaker has won the Royal Rumble match!
JBL: Going to WrestleMania, the main event. The Undertaker, 14-0 in WrestleMania!

JBL: You wanna go to the top of the mountain? Get this tape and watch it over and over and over again because that is the best in the business and how they fight!

JBL: (after Undertaker wins the Royal Rumble) Get ready, WrestleMania! The Deadman's coming!


Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, from the mecca of sports and entertainment, Madison Square Garden, New York City, this is the moment the world has been waiting for: the 2008 Royal Rumble! The rules are as follows: the superstars who drew #1 and #2 will start. Once the match begins, another superstar will enter every 90 seconds based upon the number drawn earlier tonight. This will continue until all 30 superstars have entered the ring. The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope with both feet hitting the ground. The last man in the ring will be declared the 2008 Royal Rumble winner. And along with his triumphant place in history, he will be awarded a championship match at WrestleMania XXIV!
And now, the time has arrived. 30 superstars shall enter this ring, but only one will be victorious. Are you ready?! [The crowd cheers] Madison Square Garden, New York City, USA, [drawing it out] ready?! [Another cheer] For the sold-out, standing room only thousands in attendance here at the Garden and the millions watching around the world, ladies and gentlemen...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!'

Joey Styles: How would you like to share a subway car with Snitsky at about midnight?
Jim Ross: I wouldn't want to share a Subway sandwich with Snitsky at midnight.

[Buzzer sounds for #30. The music plays and doors open for...]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: What?!
Jim: Wait a minute. What the hell?!
Tazz: What is this?!
Jerry: Oh my gosh!
Joey: This is unbelievable!
Tazz: You gotta be kiddin' me!
Joey: Oh, my God!
Michael Cole: Triple H's expression told the entire story!
Jim: The roof is exploding off of Madison Square Garden! John Cena, the 30th entrant in the Royal Rumble match! And yes indeed, business just picked up!

Jim: These men, somehow, someway, are able to stand, and it's the Game who rises first. [Triple H hoists John Cena on his shoulders and attempts to throw him out, but Cena holds on to the bottom rope] Cena! Cena now in a precarious position! Cena holding on to the top rope, but the Game, so strong, so powerful, with the heart and the soul to headline WrestleMania! [Cena gets off Triple H's shoulders and attempts to FU him] And Cena counters!
Jerry: Whoa! WHOA!
Jim: But not for long, Cena countered! [Triple H attempts the Pedigree, but Cena counters and hoists Triple H on his shoulders] The counter... OH, A SHOW OF STRENGTH! [Cena FU's Triple H over the top rope, winning the Rumble]
Jerry: WHOA!
Jerry: WHOA-OH-OH!
Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, the 2008 Royal Rumble winner is JOHN CENA!
Jim: When we started this historic night, the last man I thought that would headline WrestleMania would be John Cena because I didn't think John Cena was physically able to return to combat in the WWE! And, my, my, how wrong I was!
Jerry: Not only did John Cena return, he has prevailed! Unbelievable!


Jim Ross [as Jeff Hardy starts to climb to the top turnbuckle]: Jeff Hardy, willing himself! [suddenly Vickie Guerrero appears and tries to pull Jeff down] Jeff Hardy living extreme-
Tazz: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wh-
Jim: And there's Vi-
Tazz: Vickie Guerrero!
Jim: The general manager! [Jeff kicks Vickie off of him] Our general manager-
Tazz: There's no disqualification.
Jim: Here to intervene!
Tazz [as Jeff hits the Swanton Bomb on Edge, who is down] Jeff Hardy!
Jim: Swanton Bomb! And that should do it!
Tazz: Can Jeff capitalize? Can Jeff sow it in for the cover?
Jim: Edge, down. Edge not moving.
Tazz [as the referee starts the 3-count] Got him, got him!-
[Vickie then grabs the referee to stop the count]
Jim: Aw, come on!
Tazz: Wow.
Jim [as Vickie is screaming at the referee]: The general manager interrupted the count, or I personally guarantee you this one would be over!
[suddenly Matt Hardy comes out to the ring, steel chair in hand, and pushes Vickie into the ring]
Tazz: Whoa, Matt Hardy!
Jim [as Matt corrals Vickie to the corner of the ring]: And now the tables got a little bit ho - set a little differently!
Tazz: Yeah, no disqualification here!
Jim: Jeff's brother Matt... [Matt hands Jeff the chair amidst Vickie's screaming] ...handing him a legal weapon. [Jeff prepares to hit Edge with the chair, but Matt stops him, then goes outside the ring to pick up the other chair laying on the floor] The Hardys...
Tazz: Ho-ho-ho-ha-ha!
Jim: Shades of TLC!
Tazz [as Jeff lays his chair under Edge's head] Con-chair-to city!
[suddenly Matt strikes Jeff in the head with the other chair. Jeff goes down and is out cold]
Jim: Oh, my God!
[the crowd boos loudly as Matt stares at his fallen brother. Edge comes to, looks at Matt, pulls Jeff in and, keeping one eye on Matt, covers Jeff for the three count]
Justin Roberts [as the referee hands Edge the WWE championship belt]: The winner of this match, and NEW WWE champion, the Rated-R Superstar, Edge!
[Edge celebrates with Vickie as Matt quietly leaves the ring and walks away]
Jim [after a long pause]: I'm absolutely in shock. I don't believe what we have just witnessed here tonight at the Royal Rumble.
Tazz: Staggering. I - [stammers] - I don't know what to say, I...
Jim: Jeff Hardy was living his dream. And now his dream has become a family nightmare.
Tazz: You know, JR, I-I don't think Edge had any idea, of any of this unfolding the way it unfolded, I - nor do I think Vickie had anything to do with this. In shocking fashion, we crowned a new WWE champion?

[Both members of Cryme Tyme enter the arena during the Royal Rumble match]
Jim: Which one's it gonna be? Big Shad or JTG?
Jerry "The King" Lawler: [as JTG pulls out a coin] There can only be one, they're gonna flip a coin. [JTG flips it, wins the toss, and goes to the ring] Is that a coin?
Jim: What did you think it was, a tooth?
Jerry: No telling. Could be a license plate this guys made. [Shad picks up the coin and can't help but smile when he sees that...] It's a double-sided coin!
Jim: JTG wins the toss and has elected to offend.
Jerry: It was a two-headed coin!

Jerry: In some of the pubs that Finlay frequents, this is the way they decide who picks up the tab.
Jim: Something you usually don't ever do.

Jim: [as Santino Marella, the #28 entry, charges to the ring] The king of the unibrow. No offense, King. [The very moment Santino enters the ring, Kane clotheslines him back out, eliminating him] OH!
Jerry: WHAT?!
Jim: Good lord!
Santino Marella: I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready! No! I wasn't actually prepared! I'm going back in!
[Most of the superstars stop fighting in the ring, amazed and/or surprised over Santino's elimination]
Jim: That was a record! I think the Warlord's record may have been broken!
Jerry: Err.. No redos, Santino! [Kane laughs as the replay of the elimination is shown on screen] Ha!Ha!Ha! Let's see if we can time this in our heads. 1, thousan...he didn't even last two seconds! About a second-and-a-half!
Jim: So Santino may have gone in the record books, but not in the way he would've liked.

[Triple H dumps Orton over the top, but he lands on the apron]
Jerry: There goes Orton!
Jim: Orton's gon... Orton's not gone! [Triple H Pedigrees Cody Rhodes] What a Pedigree! A Pedigree to Rhodes! [ Ted DiBiase runs at Triple H, but Triple H sends DiBiase flying over the top rope to the floor, eliminating him] DiBiase's gone! We're down to three! We're down to three!
[Triple H tosses Cody, eliminating him]
Jerry: There goes Rhodes! He's gone! Cody Rhodes is gone!
[Orton, now back in the ring, dumps Triple H out of the ring, winning the Rumble]
Jim: Triple gone! ORTON DID IT!
Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2009 Royal Rumble: Randy Orton!
Jerry: Randy Orton from behind! Just as the Game had eliminated Cody Rhodes, Orton struck!
Jim: The Game eliminated 2/3 of Legacy, but Randy Orton took advantage of opportunity to win the 2009 Royal Rumble! And you know what this means!
Jerry: [as Cody and Ted re-enter] It means that that man, Randy Orton, has a one-way ticket to the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania. But he didn't do it alone—there's his help.
Jim: The Game fought and fought and fought, tried to hang on, but it was too much. The odds were too much, and now Randy Orton's legacy is this—he is guaranteed a championship match at the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.
Jerry: [as Orton points to the WrestleMania sign] 48 minutes and 27 seconds it took Randy Orton to win this Royal Rumble.
Jim: Randy Orton is going to WrestleMania to become a champion, to compete in the main event, and it's guaranteed.


CM Punk: [after eliminating Evan Bourne and Dolph Ziggler, leaving him alone in the ring] Let me thank you all for joining me tonight in what will be the most historic moment my Straight Edge Society has ever seen. These are just the first of 29 other men that will be thrown over the top rope, or, if they have the courage that the WWE Universe lacks, they can be saved. [The clock counts down from ten seconds] But unfortunately, not everyone can win the Royal Rumble. Excuse me, it's clobberin' time.
Matt Striker: Who's the next sacrifice for Ben Grimm?

Jerry "The King" Lawler: [after Punk eliminates JTG] You know what the bad news there is, don't you? We're gonna have to listen to CM Punk again.
Matt: No, nothing wrong with that.
CM Punk: As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, not everybody can win the Royal Rumble match, just like not everyone can be saved. There are people here tonight that cannot, that will not ever have the reserve and dedication in their heart to follow in my footsteps. [The clock counts down again] Tonight I become the first ever straight edge Royal Rumble match winner.
[Buzzer sounds; entrant #5 is the Great Khali]
Michael Cole: Oh boy! The Punjabi Playboy.
Matt: Let's see if CM Punk can curry favor with the Great Khali.
Michael: 7'3", 420 pounds, making his fourth Rumble appearance.
Matt: CM Punk looking at his Mary Magdalene, Serena. How is Punk going to deal with the Great Khali?
CM Punk: Great Khali, Great Khali, Great Khali, I can save you. Great Khali, I can make you...I can make you greater! I can see the pain in your eyes—you need to be saved! Please, Great Khali, raise your right hand! [Great Khali raises his right hand] Do you accept straight edge into your life?
[With his right hand, Khali chops Punk down]
Michael: The straight edge chop.
Matt: CM Punk was only trying to save the Great Khali, but...[Khali starts crushing Punk's head] All Khali has to do is pick Punk up and throw him over the top rope.
Michael: The skull enveloped in those hands of Khali
Jerry: Who's gonna save CM right now?
Michael: [as the clock counts down] Who will enter at #6?
Jerry: Could crush his head like a grape.
[Buzzer sounds; entrant #6 is Beth Phoenix, who runs to the ring]
Matt: That's Beth Phoenix.
Michael: The Glamazon! Just the second woman in Rumble history.
Jerry: Are you serious?
Matt: [as Phoenix stares into Khali's eyes] Every Superstar is eligible but...really? [Khali picks her up and places her over the top rope onto the apron, pointing her to go back] Khali's the Punjabi Playboy. Gentle.
Michael: Chivalry is not dead.
[Beth kisses Khali in a mad embrace, pulling him over the top]
Matt: Why does Khali get all the good stuff?! [Phoenix pulls the Great Khali onto the floor, eliminating him, and gets back in the ring] Never trust a woman, look at that!
Michael: Beth Phoenix has eliminated the Great Khali!

Matt: CM Punk has so far eliminated four- well, three superstars and a diva.

Matt: Ground control to Major John, this could be Starship Pain.

Michael: Awaiting #20...
[Shawn superkicks Triple H out of the ring, eliminating him]
Matt: WOOOOOWWWWWW!!! [continues over]
Michael: Sweet Chin Music!
Jerry: Oh my God!
Michael: Shawn Michaels has eliminated Triple H! It is indeed every man for himself!

Michael: #29 on his way.
Jerry: Who's gonna join these guys? [buzzer sounds; Jericho gives a shocked look as Edge's music plays.]
Michael: HOLY–!!
Jerry: WHAT?!
Michael: OH MY!! The Rated:-R Superstar! The former World Champion!
Jerry: What?!
Matt: [refering to the immense cheers of Edge's return] Listen to the ovation!
Michael: It is thunderous in the Phillips Arena!
Matt: After what many thought to be a career-threatening injury, Edge has returned!

Jerry: Look out, here comes Edge!
[Edge clotheslines Michaels over the top rope, the momentum sending him over as well, with both landing on the apron.]
Michael: Both hang on, both hang on. For a moment. But look at...teetering precariously on the apron. Oh, this is dangerous. This is dangerous for both of these men.
[Michaels superkicks Edge over the top and back into the ring]
Matt: Whoa! Back into the ring, though!
Michael: Sweet Chin Music... [Batista attacks Michaels from behind, who still hangs on by one hand] Batista ambushing Michaels! [Batista knocks Michaels' hand away and Michaels falls to the floor, getting eliminated] NO!!!
Matt: NO!!!
Jerry: Shawn Michaels eliminated.
Matt: Hearts have been broken right now. Everyone wanted to see Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker, the rematch

Jerry: [as Michaels reenters the ring, referee Charles Robinson following him] What's he doing? He can't...
Matt: Shawn Michaels has been eliminated.
Charles Robinson: Get out! Get out! It's over, Shawn. Get out! All right? It's over. Get out.
Shawn: You don't understand!
Charles: I can't help you! You went over the rope! What do you want me to do about it?! Let's go!
[Michaels superkicks Charles and falls to the mat as referee Jack Doan implores him to leave.]
Jack Doan: Shawn, you gotta go. You gotta go.
Matt: This match meant everything to Shawn Michaels. [An inconsolable Michaels leaves the ring and makes his way up the aisle] It's the one thing in Shawn Michaels' career that he's never achieved.
Michael: That man, Batista.
Matt: Let's not lose sight of what this night is about, though—the road to WrestleMania.
Jerry: Yeah, but I'm worried about Shawn here.
Shawn: GOD!!! Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!
Michael: I can not help but feel for him. We are down to three, ladies and gentlemen; let's refocus on what's at hand.

Michael: John Cena's been in the match the longest, over 25 minutes thus far. Batista, remember, entered at #30, Edge at #29.
Matt: Well, HBK entered at #18, so he has to be in at least a minute longer than... [As he says this, Batista charges Cena, who grabs the top rope and pulls it down, sending Batista over to elimination] ...CENA! OH!
Jerry: Batista eliminated!
Michael: John Cena, a little payback from 2005. John Cena has eliminated Batista. We are now down to two.
Jerry: [as Edge preps from the other side of the ring] Watch your back, John.
[Edge runs to spear Cena...]
Michael: Here it is. [...but Cena catches him with a knee] Look at him take advantage. Cena...saw it coming... [Cena charges Edge, but Edge steps aside and tosses him out of the ring, winning the Rumble] OH NO! EDGE HAS DONE IT! EDGE HAS DONE IT! EDGE IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!
Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2010 Royal Rumble: The Rated-R Superstar, Edge!
Matt: Oh, my God! On this day, I see clearly. The Ultimate Opportunist, Edge, is going to WrestleMania!
Michael: I cannot believe it, ladies and gentlemen. Edge wasn't supposed to be here. Edge wasn't supposed to be back in action for months, and he came from out of nowhere, and he entered at #29, and he eliminated John Cena, and he's won the Royal Rumble match!


Matt Striker: [on Vickie Guerrero] She looks like a can of strawberry soda with botulism. Look at that top.

Michael Cole: [as Edge is about to spear Dolph Ziggler while the referee and Vickie are out cold] He can't do this!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh, yes he can!
Michael: No, he can't! It's illegal!
Matt: Remember, if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, it never happened.
[Edge spears Ziggler]
Michael: Somebody had to see that! Ref, get up! Edge isn't hurt! Edge is acting, he deserves an Oscar nomination here! Come on, ref, you fool!
Jerry: [as the ref slowly gets up] This is great.
Michael: How did the ref not see that?!
Jerry: What do you mean, "how did the referee not see that"? The ref was knocked down, Vickie Guerrero's knocked down.
Michael: This is ridiculous! This is a travesty!
Jerry: Somebody wake Vickie Guerrero up. She definitely needs to see this.
[Edge gives the Killswitch to Ziggler]
Matt: Look at this! A little shout-out to his buddy!
Michael: The cover. [The referee counts to three] You've gotta be kidding me!
Michael: It's too damn bad the Oscar nominations came out last week, because this man would be a frontrunner for Best Actor!
Jerry: How many times had Vickie Guerrero slapped, punched, and done all those things to Edge? I don't think that Edge...I don't know how he kept his composure. But right here, he realized Vickie Guerrero was down; he looked over, he saw the referee down.
Michael: But this is illegal! The spear is illegal!
Matt: The cat's away, the mice will play. The teacher didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Josh Matthews: Miz, you're just moments away from your title defense, however you requested this time to address the WWE Universe.
The Miz: Josh, my entire championship reign has been smeared with lies and accusations, from "if it wasn't for Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler would be Champion", "if it wasn't for Alex Riley, Randy Orton would be Champion." There is a reason why I'm a champion, and people like Randy Orton, Jerry Lawler, and even Tom Brady are not champions.
Alex Riley: The Miz can outbrawl Randy Orton, outwrestle him, outshine him, outsmart him, and outclass him. He's gonna beat Randy tonight, and he's gonna go on to WrestleMania the WWE Champion.
Miz: As I told Randy Orton as I stood over his barely conscious body two weeks ago, I'm the Miz...and I'm awesome.

Jerry: The Miz does not even realize that he's won.
Michael: It doesn't matter, he's still the WWE Champion. He's retained the WWE Championship.
Jerry: The Miz, fat lip and all, is asking the referee what happened. You gonna tell me, Cole, the Miz is gonna be a proud WWE Champion after that?
Michael: He should be proud—he's still the WWE Champ.

Matt: What's interesting about Daniel Bryan is that he spent twelve years honing his craft, toiling in the minor leagues; imagine what it would mean for Daniel Bryan to go to WrestleMania.
Michael: Minor leagues???
Matt: Yeah, before he came to the WWE, everything's the minor leagues.
Michael: Well, for CM Punk, he's in the big time now. CM Punk, the three-time World Champion and about to go to school on this dork Daniel Bryan.
Jerry: Yeah, if what you is right, then CM Punk was in the minor leagues.
Matt: Yeah, this is...a lot of the Internet loves this match-up right now.
Michael: The Internet loves this, the Internet loves that. Who cares about the stupid Internet?!

[Alternating chants]
Half of audience: DANIEL BRYAN!
Other half: CM PUNK!

Matt: From Merrick, Long Island; cocky and brash, even "The Situation" finds this guy annoying—Zack Ryder.

[On the Nexus working together and standing alone in the ring]
Jerry: Say what you want, this is not what the Royal Rumble is about.
Michael: Why not?!
Jerry: The Royal Rumble is supposed to be about every man for himself.
Michael: King, you would do this.
Jerry: No I would not.
Michael: You would do this.
Jerry: Yeah, if I could find four or five suckers that would play along with it, I might.
Matt: Just call up Mid-South.
Jerry [clearly unamused]: Not funny.

[The buzzer sounds for #32. The sound of an engine turning over causes the crowd to roar and the action to stop.]
Matt: Holy sh...!
[A big truck horn sounds, perfectly timed to censor Striker]
Michael: You've gotta be kidding me! Big Daddy Cool Diesel!
Jerry: WHAT?!
Michael: Diesel's back! Diesel's here! 6'11", 311 pounds, from Detroit, Michigan!
Matt: This is what it's all about! You never know who's gonna show up!
Michael: The former WWE Champion...
Matt: Look at the faces!
Jerry: Look at your face.
Michael: King, who will ever forget in 1994 when Diesel entered the Rumble match and eliminated seven men! Nearly seven feet tall! Diesel's back!

Miz: [unaware Riley was eliminated] Notice Alex Riley. Alex Riley is being very smart right now.
Jerry: Where is he?

Matt: You win the Royal Rumble, you headline WrestleMania. You have a choice—which championship do you go after? Which match do you want to be in?
Michael: You gotta win the Royal Rumble match first. One of these men looking to live their dreams...[Randy Orton eliminates Wade Barrett] Wade Barrett eliminated...
[Alberto Del Rio gets Randy over the top rope...]
Michael and Matt: Yes, do it! Do it!
[...and out to the floor, seemingly winning the Rumble]
Matt: YEAH!
Michael: Del Rio! Del Rio! Del Rio! Del Rio does it!
Matt: Vaya con dios, Alberto Del Rio!
Ricardo Rodriguez: Cabas y caballeros, su ganador de Royal Rumble eras ALBERTOOO DEL RIIIOOO! (Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the Royal Rumble is Alberto Del Rio!)
Matt: Alberto Del Rio is going to WrestleMania!
Jerry: I can't believe it. I can assure you I would've never made this...[Mike Chioda talks with Alberto in the ring after Santino re-enters] whoa, wait a minute.
Michael: Folks, remember, King, remember what you said earlier. Remember what you said earlier. Santino was never eliminated, remember? He never went over the top rope! He went underneath the bottom rope!
Jerry: Santino's still in this... [Alberto turns around and walks into Santino's Cobra]
Michael: The Cobra! The Cobra! Oh my God! Oh my God! The biggest upset in Rumble history! This is gonna be the biggest upset in Rumble history!
Jerry: Throw him out, Santino! Throw him out!
Michael: Santino is gonna go to WrestleMania! Oh my God, you gotta be kidding me!
Jerry: No, this is great!
Michael: You gotta be kidding me!
[Santino runs Alberto to the ropes, but Alberto reverse the run and sends Santino flying out of the ring, finally winning the Rumble]
Michael: Del Rio!
Matt: One more time! Alberto Del Rio is on his way to the main event at WrestleMania!

[In the ring, Rodriguez is singing Del Rio's praises in Spanish]
Michael: Viva Del Rio! Viva Del Rio!
Jerry: Can I press 1 for English?


Michael Cole: The thing is, Kane says Cena and, in turn, the WWE Universe not embracing hate is a cowardly act. And that's the words of Kane. They live lives filled with delusions, they all wanna cheer for John Cena or at least be a part of his life, or they wanna boo him. They want to live vicariously through Cena. That is a cowardly way out, in Kane's estimation.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Well, if you're gonna try to make sense out of anything that Kane thinks, good luck.

Michael: [after John Laurinaitis ejects Vickie Guerrero from ringside] Remember, CM Punk defeated Jack Swagger a couple of weeks ago. With that victory, it ensured that Swagger and Guerrero would not be at ringside for this match-up. Great move by Laurinaitis.
Booker T: I just think he's sucking up.
Michael: Here we go, Punk roll-up, shoulders down, and a kick-out. Sucking up? He followed the rules, Booker. I mean, give the man some credit for once in your life. What, did you have an issue back in the day of WCW with Johnny? That's why you're all upset with this man? Because he was a better worker than you? Because he was a better wrestler than you?
Booker: [clearly in disbelief] What? You gotta be kidding me.
Michael: I mean, come on now. John Laurinaitis is...he's awesome!
Booker: You're talking about a guy who has done nothing in this business, right?
Michael: Who, John? He was a world champion in Japan. That's what he was.
Booker: In Japan.
Michael: Yes.
Jerry: In the world of Japan.
Booker: Yeah, the world of Japan.
Jerry: John Laurinaitis right now... I know you say he's got a lot of things on his plate, a lot of things to take care and be concerned with, but he's got his phone out, he's texting out here.
Michael: He just texted me to tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing tonight and how glad he is to have me calling the Rumble.

Jerry: [on Vickie Guerrero] She's quite enamored with Dolph Ziggler. Unfortunately, he's already found the love of his life; too bad he can't marry himself.

CM Punk: [to Laurinaitis] Next GTS is for you, Clownshoes!

The Miz: Every Superstar backstage has been snickering at me all day. They think I'm actually bothered by the fact that I'm the #1 entry in the Royal Rumble match. They think it scares me. They think I'm intimidated by it. They think I don... they don't think I will make it to the end. But those are the same people, the same Superstars that told me I would never main-event WrestleMania, that I would never be in the main event, that I would never be in this ring a WWE Champion! Every time they have denied me, I have went above and beyond and proved them wrong, and tonight will be no different. I may be the first one out here, but I will be the last man standing, and I will go on to headline WrestleMania XXVIII because I'm the Miz, and I'm...awesome!

[Buzzer sounds for entry #8. Alberto Del Rio's music plays]
Michael: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Booker: What the hell?
Michael: Alberto Del Rio's back! Alberto Del Rio, last year's Royal Rumble match winner, is back! [Car horn honks] Oh, this is gonna be awesome!
[The car producing the horn drives out.]
Jerry: What is that?!
Booker: What the hell? We got an old 280 Datsun? 280ZX?
Jerry: Hey, that's not Alberto Del Rio! Look!
Booker: Worth about $600.
Michael: [as the driver reveals himself to be...] Is that... is that Ricardo?!
Jerry: I don't know, but his back window is a Hefty bag.
Michael: It's Del Rio's personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez.
Jerry: And that's his car?!
Michael: Well, yeah, you know, he's...never been champion.
Booker: Wow, a vintage 1985 Datsun 280Z.

Michael: Kofi in trouble from the top rope.
Booker: He needs a little bit of help right now. Kofi needs a little help.
[Buzzer sounds for entry #12. Jerry's music plays]
Jerry: Yes, he does, and you know what? What would a Royal Rumble be without a little royalty?!
Michael: [as Jerry removes his headset and sweatshirt] You've gotta be kidding me! What are you doing?!
Booker: You didn't tell me you was in it, King!

Booker: [after Jerry drops a fist on the Miz] Vintage King right there, baby.
Michael: Oh, now you're stealing my lines!

Michael: No announcer should enter the Royal Rumble match.

Michael: As we get ready for #17.
Jerry: Who's it gonna be?
[Buzzer sounds. Booker T.'s music plays]
Jerry: WHAT?!
Jerry: Go get em, Booker! Go get em, sucka!

Michael: Kofi still alive. Hands on the floor. Remember, both feet have to hit the floor. [Miz pushes Kofi's legs away] Oh, my God. Dangerous situation.
[Kofi, now out of the ring, walks on his hands to the steps]
Jerry: Oh, look at this!
Michael: Oh, my God.
Michael: [as Kofi lands his feet on the steps, crawls backwards onto them, and reenters the ring] ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Jerry: He saved himself!
Jerry: Kofi Kingston, what a move!
Michael: That's gotta be the greatest thing I've ever seen!

Michael: Who's gonna enter at #20? I think I know. I got a hunch. I got a hunch. [Buzzer sounds, Nickelback's "Burn It to the Ground" plays, and Michael Cole is revealed as #20. He immediately undresses, revealing his orange singlet] YES! YES! YES!
Jerry: Oh, tell me this is not so. Tell me that Michael Cole is not entering...
Booker: What the hell you doing? You're not in the Rumble!
Jerry: Keep your pants on, nobody wants to see... just get in there!

Jerry: Look at Cole avoiding any contact with anybody.
Booker: Look at his stomach. I mean, he looks like he's been eating donuts all month.
Jerry: That's the way he works out. [Buzzer sounds for #21] Somebody get in there and get him.
Booker: Don't that just break your... [A cackle is heard and Michael Cole is instantly afraid] ohhhh....
Jerry: WHAT?! Wait a minute there, am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?
Booker: [as #21, Kharma, walks to the ring] Aww, wait a minute!
Jerry: [laughing] Kharma!
Booker: King, check this out. This is only the third time something like this has ever happened. Kharma is about to break somebody off a little something proper-like, dog!
Jerry: Oh, I hope she goes right after Cole!
Booker: I hope she just eat him like a piece of chicken!
Jerry: Michael Cole is already crying, I see tears running down... [Kharma clotheslines Michael] Oh, yes! She knocked his headgear right off!
Booker: She's looking at that boy like a chicken bone! She's fixing to eat!
[Michael climbs over the ropes]
Jerry: Oh, look at Cole.
Booker: King, come on.
[As Michael begs Kharma to go easy on him, Jerry and Booker leave the table and take his legs out from under Michael, eliminating him]
Booker: Cole, you okay?
Michael: You guys just cost me my spot at WrestleMania! I was gonna win the thing!
Booker: Trying to help you out, dog.
Michael: I didn't wanna touch a woman, that was why I climbed over the top rope!

[As Chris Jericho tries the Codebreaker on Sheamus, he gets caught and dumped over the top rope, but hangs on, avoiding the floor]
Michael: No, they didn't hit. The referee's right there; his feet did not hit the floor. This match continues.
Jerry: [as Jericho gets back onto the ring] Once again, Jericho teeters and holds on for dear life.
[Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick on Jericho]
Michael: Oh, Brogue Kick!
[Jericho falls to the floor, winning the Rumble for Sheamus]
Booker: Oh my goodness!
Michael: Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!
Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble: Sheamus!
Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, the Great White is gonna be on the prowl on South Beach! Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!


Kane: They said we were dysfunctional, but we're still the Tag Team Champions!
Daniel Bryan: Still the Tag Team Champions!
Vickie Guerrero: Excuse me. Excuse me! Daniel, Kane, as managing supervisor of Raw, I am happy to give you your entry numbers into the Royal Rumble match. [Hands over two sealed envelopes] Good luck.
[She chuckles and leaves as Daniel and Kane open their envelopes. Kane looks at his and shrugs while Daniel points at his.]
Kane: Interesting.
Daniel: Well?
Kane: Well, what?
Daniel: Aren't...aren't you gonna show me?
Kane: Show you what?
Daniel: Show me your number.
Kane: Oh. Let me think about it for a second. No!
Daniel: "No"? What do you mean, "no"?! It's the rules!
Kane: Trust me. You would feel very inadequate.
Daniel: Wh...what does that mean? Just show it to me!
Kane: Daniel, it's bad strategy to reveal your number before a Royal Rumble match to anyone! See you out there, partner.
Daniel: Not if I see you first!
Kane: [holding up envelope] Yeah, that's highly unlikely.

Dolph Ziggler: I stand before you all alone in the spotlight, exactly where I belong. And tonight, when this Royal Rumble match comes to a close, it's gonna be exactly the same—me standing in the middle of this ring all by myself as the winner of the Royal Rumble match!
Michael Cole: Only twice in history has someone won from the #1 spot. Only twice in history...
Dolph: And I don't even care who #2 is, so just send him out already.
Michael: Well, only twice in history has someone won from the #2 position. The question is, who will be the man to start the Rumble match against Dolph Ziggler?
Michael: Oh, my!

Crowd: [chanting] YOU'VE STILL GOT IT!
Chris Jericho: I never lost it, baby!

Michael: [on entry #9] It is the Harvard Law School graduate, David Otunga.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: All right! Jennifer Hudson's husband!
Michael: Otunga entering his third Royal Rumble match. All three of us here at ringside have been part of the Royal Rumble match. John, you've actually been in five in your career; one year, you lasted nearly 36 minutes, as Otunga goes right after Goldust.
JBL: You'd been in one, hadn't you, Michael?
Michael: Yeah, last year, I lasted...
JBL: How long did you last?
Michael: Almost two minutes.
JBL: Did anybody last less than you?
Michael: Yes.
JBL: Who?
Michael: Jerry "The King" Lawler.
JBL: How long did he last?
Michael: Less than a minute.
JBL: You lasted longer than Jerry Lawler?
Michael: Yes.
JBL: Wow. Did you beat him at WrestleMania too?
Michael: Yes.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Hey, listen. I've stopped listening, you can stop talking.

Michael: Kofi just landed on Tensai's back! Kofi's still alive!
JBL: Wait a minute, Kofi's not disqualified!
Michael: No, Kofi's still alive. [Tensai puts Kofi Kingston on the Spanish announce table] Kofi didn't hit the floor. Tensai...they gotta get Tensai out of here.
Jerry Now what's Kofi gonna do?
Michael: Oh, he's in a predicated now because Kofi's not been eliminated. But how the hell can Kofi Kingston get back to the ring? It's impossible.
JBL: He's like a bird when the world's on fire! Where do you land?! [Kingston is now standing on the table, considering jumping to the ring] What's he gonna do now?
Michael: What did they use to do in Star Trek, teleport themselves? That's what Kofi'd better try to do here.
JBL: Jump! Jump, Carl Lewis, jump for it!
Jerry: I don't think there's anybody that's gonna beam...
JBL: He's gonna try! Jump for it!
Jerry: ...beam him all the way into the ring.
[A few moments later...]
Kofi Kingston: [to JBL] The chair!
JBL: For what?
Kingston: Come on, just give me your chair!
JBL: Chair for what?
Michael: Come on, just give him your chair. He wants it.
JBL: [getting up] I gotta see this. I've gotta see this. [JBL hands his chair to Kingston] I gotta see this! I gotta see this! This is gonna be good! I don't know what he's gonna do!
[A few more moments later...]
Michael: Meanwhile, high drama, high drama building ringside.
JBL: [as Kingston stands on the chair] This is unbelievable!
Michael: Kofi's not been eliminated. Kingston is still alive.
[Kofi starts jumping with the chair towards the ring]
JBL: I love it!
Jerry: Look at the referees staring Kofi down.
JBL: This is awesome! This is incredible!
Michael: He's using the chair like a pogo stick!
JBL: I get an assist!
Michael: Kofi Kingston, give the assist to Bradshaw...
[Kingston gets onto the ring apron and the referees give the safe signal]
JBL: That's the craziest thing I've ever seen!
Michael: I can't believe it!
Jerry: Kofi's safe.
JBL: Kofi's still in the Rumble! Now give me my chair back!

JBL: [on entry #17: The Godfather, accompanied by two lovely ladies] From Vegas! He brought his Rat Pack!

[Ryback carries John Cena, who escapes and pushes Ryback...]
Jerry: Oh, whoa-whoa-whoa...
[...over the top rope to the floor, winning the Rumble]
Michael: Ryback eliminated!
Michael: John Cena is going to WrestleMania!
Justin Roberts: The winner of the Royal Rumble: John Cena!
Jerry: John Cena has done it!
JBL: The 10-time WWE Champion is going back to the dance, to the main stage, to the grandest of them all, WrestleMania!
Michael: John Cena has made history tonight. John Cena becomes only the fourth man to win two Royal Rumble matches.
[John points to the WrestleMania logo and the fireworks go off]
JBL: There was Austin, there was Shawn Michaels, there was Hogan, and now there's Cena!

Jerry: I think we are gonna see the most electrifying move in all of sports!
Michael: Look at the people! Look at the people!
Jerry: That's because it's the People's Elbow!
[Just before The Rock can hit the Elbow, the entire arena goes dark. The following is unseen]
JBL: What's happening?
Michael: What the... who the hell?! Wait a minute! Someone's destroying our announce table! Who the hell is that?! They're attacking Rock! Holy cow, King! King, look at who that is! Oh, my God, it's The Shield!
Jerry: No!
Michael: The Shield! The Shield! That was The Shield! And they just triple-powerbombed Rock through the table! [The lights come back on, revealing The Rock laid out on the dismantled announce table, CM Punk lying in the ring] Ladies and gentlemen, th...King, that was The Shield!
JBL: The referee didn't see it! The referee doesn't see it! He has no idea The Shield did that! He's got no idea!
Michael: [referee Mike] Chioda, that was The Shield!
JBL: Shut up, you stooge!
Michael: I think they did something to the referee too! I think The Shield did something to the referee!

Michael: It was The Shield! The Shield was out here, Punk, and put the guy through the table!
CM Punk: Who?
Michael: The Shield, that's who!
CM Punk: I have nothing to do with The Shield!

JBL: Day 435 will be tomorrow for CM Punk! Admit it now, Michael! He's the best in the world!
Justin: The winner of this match and still WWE Champion: CM Punk!
Michael: This is absolutely horrendous!
JBL: It's all fair, Michael, in love and war! CM Punk is the best in the world! Now would you please acknowledge...
Jerry: No, we're gonna acknowledge it.
Michael: How is that fair?! We watched The Shield, three feet away from us, walk out here and triple-bomb The Rock through a table!
JBL: Michael, I saw the exact same thing you saw! Michael Chioda, the referee, didn't see it! CM Punk is about to leave the Royal Rumble Champion!
Jerry: So you're saying it's not cheating if you don't get caught.
JBL: That is ex...oh, you're one to talk, King!

Mr. McMahon: Seems to me that, CM Punk, your celebration is over! I told you if The Shield got involved in your match-up, we would strip you of the Championship!
Michael: Yeah! Yeah!
Mr. McMahon: Oh, I know! I know, technically, we couldn't see The Shield involved, right? So that means we're all stupid, it wasn't The Shield? CM Punk, it is my duty as Chairman of the Board...
Jerry: Oh boy. Yeah!
JBL: Oh, shut up, cheerleader.
Jerry: Oh boy!
Mr. McMahon: officially...
The Rock: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We ain't ending this night like that. You don't take it from him. I am. Restart the match now!
CM Punk: This match is over!
Mr. McMahon: [after a few moments of deliberation] You heard the man, restart the match!
Michael: That's why The Rock's the People's Champion! Give the people what they want! Give them a conclusion!

Michael: This is vintage Rock!
Jerry: Here it comes! Another People's Elbow! [Rock hits the Elbow on Punk] Yes!
JBL: What do you gotta do to beat this guy?!
Michael: Cover, hook of the leg. [Chioda counts to three] THE ROCK HAS DONE IT! THE ROCK HAS DONE IT! THE ROCK HAS DONE IT!
JBL: [over Cole] You're kidding me! You're kidding me!
Justin: The winner of this match...and NEW WWE Champion: The Rock!
Michael: The ten-year wait is over!
JBL: Unbelievable!
Michael: The Rock is again People's Champion!
JBL: Ten years, just like Muhammad Ali came back and won the World Championship, The Rock, the Great One!


Jerry "The King" Lawler: [on Bray Wyatt's backwards crab walk] This freak needs an exorcist.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Yeah. Linda Blair.
Jerry: She was not the Exorcist.
Michael Cole: No, she was the one that needed to be exorcised. That was so long ago, I don't think anyone remembers. That was, like, the early 70s.

Fans: [chant during the Bryan-Wyatt match] THIS IS AWESOME!

Renee Young: Randy, tonight you put your championship on the line against John Cena. I mean, this is a man that is...
Randy Orton: This is a man, Renee, that I've beaten. But you already know that, everybody knows that. But after tonight, when I beat him again, John Cena goes to the back of the line.
Renee: That's actually an interesting choice of words, Randy, 'cause right now, it seems that there's quite a line formed to challenge you for your championship. Brock Lesnar's made it clear that he wants to come after your championship; Batista now back in WWE after being gone for four years, he wants a shot at your championship. If you retain your title tonight, the winner of the Royal Rumble will go on to face you at WrestleMania. And now with Bray Wyatt fresh off of his victory over Daniel Bryan, he's now thrown his hat into the ring.
Randy: Renee, Renee, when you're on top of the mountain, people are gonna want a shot. That's just how this business works, that's why that line is forming. But no one's gonna touch me. See, Brock Lesnar, Dave Batista, they're good, but they're not me. Bray Wyatt? I mean, he's a Duck Dynasty reject, for God's sakes. He's definitely not "face of the WWE" material, like me. I'm the true face, the one and only face. It's not Brock, Batista, CM Punk or Daniel Bryan, and it certainly isn't that deranged hillbilly who sits in a rocking chair every once in a while. No, and I'm gonna make sure tonight that once and for all, everyone knows that it is definitely not John Cena either.

[Chants during the Cena-Orton match]
[after the Wyatt Family's interference costs Cena the match] THANK YOU, WYATT!

Bray Wyatt: Behold the creators of the new world!

Michael: Kofi Kingston on the barricade. Kofi Kingston went over the top rope, guys, but remember he's not been eliminated.
JBL: That's right, Kofi Kingston's still in it.
Michael: Kofi Kingston has been a highlight reel of spectacular moves in the past...
Jerry: Guys, guys, come on, he's a mile away from the ring.
JBL: He is that.
Jerry: I know he's not out, but he might as well be.
JBL: Last year, he borrowed my chair.
[Kofi Kingston walks back on the barricade]
Michael: What is Kofi gonna do here?
JBL: He'll do what he can do. What's he trying to do?
Jerry: I don't think he can fly.
JBL: He can't fly. This is impossible.
Michael: Kofi King...
[Kingston runs on the barricade and leaps onto the ring and re-enters]
Jerry: WHAT?!
JBL: Kofi Kingston just turned into Bob Beamon!
Michael: He's hopped on chairs, he's walked on his hands, he's used a human bridge.
JBL: Unbelievable!
Michael: [cont'd] He's leaped from the barricade to the ring. He's the Royal Rumble Highlight Reel!
Jerry: Guys, I just said he can't fly, but I believe he can.

JBL: [after the buzzer sounds for entry #20] Los Matadores! Which one, though?
Michael: Diego and Fernando. And of course, [El Torito charges through their capes] they brought the bull. [El Torito charges to the ring] Hey, wait a minute! El Torito is in the Rumble?!
Jerry: I think he is!

JBL: [after Fandango nails El Torito in the head] PETA's gonna be upset about that. You can't abuse a bull. I hear Mantaur's his grandfather.

Jerry: JBL, you seem to know all your Royal Rumble facts. Has somebody won from every position of entering?
JBL: No, they haven't. #6, #7, #9, #10, there's a few spots that nobody has won.
Michael: You have way too much time on your hands.
JBL: It's called research, guys. It's what I do.
Jerry: He knows Willie Nelson's middle name.

Fans: [after all participants had entered the Rumble] DANIEL BRYAN!

Michael: It's a Roman Reigns moment. Is it his night? [Reigns flings Batista, but Batista reverses and tosses Reigns out, winning the Rumble] Roman Reigns eliminated! Batista's going to WrestleMania!
Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2014 Royal Rumble: Batista!
Michael: Batista is going to headline WrestleMania XXX for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship!
JBL: What a showing, though, by Roman Reigns. 13 Superstars eliminated by that one man.


Michael Cole: [on entry #3: Bubba Ray Dudley] OH MY!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: WHAT?! Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!
Michael: Welcome home to Philly!

Crowd: [when Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper team up on Bubba Ray] WE WANT D-VON!
[after Daniel Bryan's somewhat early elimination] DANIEL BRYAN!

Bray Wyatt: [having eliminated four people] Open invitation! Everyone in the back, I hope you got the message! This is Bray Wyatt's year!

Michael: [as Bray Wyatt stands alone] Remember, Roman Reigns set the record last year—12 eliminations in a single Rumble.
Wyatt: [over Cole] Not a damn one of you's takin' it! Not a damn one of you's takin' it!
Michael: [cont'd] Bray Wyatt is at five.
Wyatt: All of you left, let's keep this Rumble going!
Michael: #10 will soon be on his way. What a performance so far, guys, by Bray Wyatt.
Jerry: Just waiting.
Wyatt: It's only gonna take me about half a minute!

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: [on Daniel Bryan] Chinese calendar says 2015 is the year of the goat; we're about to find out if that's true!

JBL: [on entry #18: Adam Rose, accompanied by his Rosebuds] First Royal Rumble. Three people had a 100% success rate in the Royal Rumble—Brock Lesnar, Big John Studd, and Mr. McMahon.
[As he says this, Rusev throws Kofi Kingston out of the ring over Adam's head, but Kingston is caught by the Rosebuds]
Michael: Lookit!
JBL: [as the Rosebuds carry Kingston around the corner] But Kofi's not on the ground. Kofi's not on the ground.
Jerry: Thrown all the way over the top rope, [Rusev flings Rose into the ring] but caught by the Rosebuds.
Michael: Both feet have to hit the floor, [The Rosebuds prop Kingston onto the ring, then make their way back] and Kofi Kingston...
JBL: Those idiot Rosebuds! How stupid can they possibly be?!
[As he says this, Rusev eliminates Rose on the same side as Kingston, who rolls back in]
Michael: Adam Rose eliminated by Rusev!
Jerry: And no Rosebuds to catch him!
JBL: Where were the Rosebuds?! Where did they go?! What a bunch of goofs. You can't trust a guy that dresses up like a hot dog!

Crowd: [furious, pissed off and frustrated, when Big Show, Kane, and Roman are alone in the ring] BULLSHIT!
Michael Cole: [hearing the negative chant reaction from the fans] WWE fans, of course, not happy with the elimination of the, the likes of Daniel Bryan and Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler here tonight, after the absolute dominance here in the last few minutes by Big Show and Kane.

[As Kane and Big Show try to eliminate Roman]
Jerry: Like you said, Michael, what's gonna happen between Kane and Big Show when they get rid of Roman Reigns? [Big Show tries to push Kane out with Roman] There's what's gonna happen! Look!
[Kane elbows Big Show, then confronts him]
Michael: Big Show, I think...I think he was trying to keep Kane in the match.
Jerry: I don't think so. I think he was trying to eliminate Kane and Roman Reigns at the same time.
[Kane and Big Show start trading blows]
Michael: That's what Kane believes.
Jerry: Here they go!
JBL: Haymakers landed by these two massive men. [Both grab each other by the neck near the ropes] This is a test of wills right here.
[Roman picks up both men's feet...]
Michael: Hey, Roman Reigns! Roman Reigns!
Jerry: He's got 'em! Can he do it?!
[...and pushes both over and out of the ring, seemingly winning the Rumble]
Michael: Eliminates both men! Eliminates Big Show and Kane! Roman Reigns!
Jerry: Roman Reigns has won the Royal Rumble!
JBL: Roman Reigns is headed to WrestleMania!

[As Rusev, who'd been out of the ring for a little over nine minutes, re-enters]
Michael: Guys, guys, guys, Rusev's in this! Spear! Looking back, Rusev was never eliminated!
Jerry: WHAT?!
Michael: Rusev is still in this match! Rusev entered at #15, and looking back at my notes...
Jerry: I thought he was gone!
Michael: No, Rusev was never eliminated!
Jerry: Well, wait a minute!
[Roman tosses Rusev out, finally winning the Rumble]
Michael: But now he is! Roman Reigns is going to WrestleMania!
Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner: Roman Reigns!
Michael: We have witnessed the advent of Roman Reigns! Last year, he tasted it as runner-up; this year, he wins it!
JBL: [on Brock Lesnar watching in the locker room] That's the prize that awaits Roman Reigns—Brock Lesnar.


[Buzzer sounds for entry #3. An unfamiliar theme plays and the crowd erupts at the entrance of...]
Michael Cole: Is it? Can it be?!
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: It is!
Michael: The Phenomenal One is here! AJ Styles!
Byron Saxton: Oh my God!
Michael: It has been rumored for weeks that the hottest free agent in sports entertainment was heading to WWE! Styles is here!
JBL: Former IWGP Champion, same as Brock Lesnar!
Byron: An 18-year veteran, a mastermind of offensive innovation.
Michael: A star around the world. Roman Reigns realizes what he faces now.

Michael: And entering at #12 is R-Truth. R-Truth's eighth Royal Rumble Match.
Bryon: I'm just happy he knew what day the Royal Rumble was on.
[Once R-Truth gets to the ring, he pulls a ladder out from underneath and pushes it in]
Michael: What is he doing? [R-Truth sets the ladder up in the ring] John, do you have any idea what he's doing?
JBL: I know what he's doing, Michael; I don't know why. He's...putting the ladder in the ring, but I don't know why.
[R-Truth climbs the ladder as everyone else in the ring stops to look at him.]
Michael: Wait, wait, wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no. [R-Truth reaches the top of the ladder and looks up to find nothing there.] I think R-Truth thinks this is a ladder match for the Championship.
JBL: That young man is not all there.
Michael: I think he was expecting the WWE World Title to be hung above the ring, and he'd climb the ladder to grab it.
[Kane pulls R-Truth down]
JBL: That's the wrong event.
Michael: [during this, Kane grabs R-Truth by the neck, and pushes to eliminate him] Either that or the briefcase, maybe he thought it was the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, and he's eliminated by Kane.

Kevin Owens: [to AJ Styles, before eliminating him] Welcome to the WWE!

[Sheamus is about to hit a second Brogue Kick on Dean Ambrose, but Ambrose ducks in the nick of time]
Michael: Sheamus missed; got hung up on the top rope! Sheamus barely hanging on. [Suddenly, Roman Reigns charges from behind and hits the Superman Punch on Sheamus. The momentum carries Sheamus over the top rope and eliminates him] SUPERMAN PUNCH! Sweet, sweet revenge!
Byron: [While Reigns' back is turned, Triple H (who entered at #30) dumps him over the top rope...] Whoa, wait a...
Michael: [...and eliminates him] ROMAN REIGNS ELIMINATED!
Byron: Oh my gosh. [Triple H performs the "DX Chop" in celebration]
Michael: Roman Reigns is no longer champion! We are guaranteed to have a new WWE World Heavyweight Champion, and it's going to be Triple H or Dean Ambrose! The Authority and Mr. McMahon finally did it!

Michael: Ambrose... [Dean Ambrose throws Triple H over the top rope] Triple H OVER THE TOP ROPE! AMBROSE'S GONNA DO IT! [But Triple H hangs on to the rope] AMBROSE'S GONNA DO IT!
Byron: Wait, he hung on! He hung on!
Michael: [Ambrose spears Triple H, but Triple H retains his grip on the rope] Triple H still hanging on! [Ambrose charges again] Is this gonna be it?!?
JBL: Here we go! [Triple H sticks his knee out, and Ambrose runs into it]
Michael: Triple H caught him with a knee to the face! How the hell is Triple H still in this match? [While Ambrose is stunned, Triple H takes Ambrose over the top rope]
Byron: Oh... oh... [Triple H eliminates Ambrose, winning the Rumble and the WWE World Heavyweight Championship]
Lilian Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, your Royal Rumble winner, and the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H!
Michael: Triple H is a 14-time WWE World Heavyweight Champion! Triple H will main event WrestleMania!
Byron: I can't believe what I'm seeing right now!
Michael: [Stephanie McMahon enters the ring and embraces Triple H, while Mr. McMahon stands on the apron] And Stephanie McMahon in the ring celebrating with her husband, as is Mr. McMahon.
JBL: What a great night for the Authority!
Michael: What an incredible Royal Rumble match!


Dean Ambrose: [after Sami Zayn asks to have his number read to him] 8. Sorry, I was holding it upside-down. [Turns the slip over] 8.

Enzo Amore: My name is Enzo Amore, and I am a certified G and a bona fide stud, and you can't teach that! And this right here?! This is Big Cass, and he's...
Crowd: [continuing] foot tall, and you can't teach that!
Enzo: And he is the #1 entry in the Royal Rumble Match, and you can't teach that! Bada boom, realest guys in the room! How you doin'!
Corey Graves: If it were up to me, Enzo would be searching for Pee Wee Herman's bike in the basement of the Alamo right now.
Enzo: [singing with crowd] The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart...
Crowd: ..of Texas!
Enzo: And there ain't no two stars shining brighter tonight than your boys Enzo and Big Cass! San Antonio, how you doin'!
Corey: King, I've had root canals I've enjoyed more than this.
Enzo: Cass, I've got a question for you.
Big Cass: What's that, Zo?
Enzo: Pretty much common knowledge, I think. What is it that they say about Texas?
Big Cass: Hmm, I think it goes something like this: everything is bigger in Texas!
Enzo: You're darn skippy, Cass! Because tonight is the biggest Royal Rumble Match of all time, and it has some of the biggest names in the history of the Royal Rumble!
Big Cass: What kinda names we talking here, Zo?
Enzo: [crowd shouts "how you doin'" after each name] Brock Lesnar, Braun Strowman, the Big Show, Goldberg, the Wyatt Family, the Undertaker. But I'll tell you what. None of that matters, 'cause Big Cass is entering this ring #1 like it's 1995 and he is HBK in his prime!
Big Cass: It doesn't matter if you're #2 or #30, 'cause the fact of the matter is this. When the dust settles, I will be the LAST man standing in that ring right there! Because I am winning the Royal Rumble Match, and I am going on to main-event WrestleMania.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Sounds pretty confident. Would that be your worst nightmare, Corey?
Corey: Yes.
Big Cass: And as for the 29 other men in this match, I will prove that there's only [crowd joins in] ONE WORD to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!
Crowd: SAWFT!

Jerry: Every time I see Braun Strowman, I wonder where he parked his blue ox.

[On entry #11: James Ellsworth]
Jerry: Wait a minute.
Michael Cole: Well, I guess the WWE Universe has spoken. James Ellsworth has been all over social media lobbying for a spot in this match-up. And there's, I guess, his new girlfriend, Corey? Carmella?
Corey: Carmella's the best possible thing that could've happened to Ellsworth. Ellsworth's career has skyrocketed since these two came together.
Jerry: This guy's a total waste of skin. How on Earth did he get a place in the Royal Rumble?
Corey: King, James Ellsworth has taken AJ Styles to the limit on multiple occasions.
Jerry: You just like him because you two obviously share the same barber.

Michael: Zayn with a big Helluva Kick!
Jerry: Caught him right in the jaw.
Michael: And now Corbin... [Baron Corbin clotheslines Braun Strowman out of the ring, eliminating him] ELIMINATES STROWMAN! CORBIN ELIMINATES STROWMAN! CORBIN ELIMINATES STROWMAN!
Corey: Michael Cole, you've been asking me for months: how do you stop Braun Strowman? You do it with a Lone Wolf!

[Brock Lesnar has beaten down everybody as the clock ticks down]
Michael: #27, the luckiest number in the field. Four winners over the years from this spot. Who has it?
[Buzzer sounds. Enzo Amore and Big Cass's music plays]
Corey: Wait a minute, King.
Jerry: What?
Corey: I think I know what this means.
Michael: Yeah, Corey, you could get your wish.
Corey: Oh, my God, this may be the greatest moment of my life. [Entry #27, Enzo Amore, enters] This idiot, Enzo Amore, is gonna have to go face-to-face with the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar.
Jerry: This poor schmuck, just turn around and go back to the locker room.
Corey: Keep running, Enzo. Keep running straight ahead into the storm. I am begging you, Enzo.
Michael: Lesnar with a big smirk on his face.
Corey: Put your shirt back on and go back home, Enzo.
Jerry: Or just use it as a blindfold because you're about to be in front of a firing squad.
[Enzo runs at Lensar, who clotheslines him]
Michael: Lesnar turned Enzo inside-out.
Jerry: Oh. He's history already. That didn't take long.
[Lensar nonchalantly tosses Enzo out of the ring, eliminating him]
Michael: Enzo eliminated by Brock Lesnar.

Michael: We are down to Reigns and Orton!
Corey: Reigns is gonna do it!
Michael: Will Roman Reigns win the Rumble match for the second time in three years?
Corey: I knew it all along. Roman Reigns is gonna...
[As Roman Reigns runs to spear Randy Orton, Orton catches him in the RKO]
Michael: RKO! RKO by Randy Orton! [As Reigns gets to his feet, Orton clotheslines him out of the ring, winning the Rumble] Randy Orton wins the Rumble! Randy Orton's going to WrestleMania!
Jerry: I was right!
JoJo Offerman: Here is your winner: Randy Orton!
Michael: The Viper strikes WrestleMania paydirt!
Jerry: This is a Randy Orton rebirth! Amazing!
Michael: Randy Orton becomes the seventh man to win two or more Rumbles. Randy Orton's won his second Rumble in eight years.


Michael Cole: [on the #11 entry, Sheamus] Representing The Bar, they have a Tag Team Championship opportunity later tonight, but it's the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus. Guys, back in 2012, Sheamus won the Royal Rumble Match.
Byron Saxton: Oh, not again, Heath.
[Sheamus tosses Heath Slater, who has been unable to enter the match in 11 minutes, into the ring]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: There, you got in the ring, Heath. He's in the ring. [The very moment Sheamus enters and stands upright, Heath clotheslines him out of the ring, eliminating him] AAHHH!
Corey Graves: Oh, no!
Michael: Oh, my God! Slater eliminated Sheamus on Sheamus's birthday! Tonight is Sheamus's birthday, and he was eliminated by Slater!
Corey: Sheamus's birthday's on Rusev Day?!
Jerry: That's the worst present ever. I can't believe it.

[Roman Reigns has Shinsuke Nakamura on his shoulders and is attempting to eliminate him]
Michael: Roman Reigns trying to power Shinsuke over the top. [Nakamura escapes Reigns' grasp and bounces off the ropes, missing a clothesline in the process] Reigns...
Jerry: [Nakamura slides and hits a Kinshasa on Reigns] Oh, no!
Byron: OH MY GOD!
Michael: Shinsuke connects, right in the face!
Jerry: Oh, no! No, Roman!
Michael: And now Shinsuke Nakamura...
Byron: Oh wait, he got him!
Jerry: No no no no no no, wait! ACK!
Michael: [Nakamura throws Reigns out, winning the Rumble] ...ELIMINATES ROMAN REIGNS! SHINSUKE NAKAMURA IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!
Byron: I called it! I called it!
Greg Hamilton: Here is your winner of the Royal Rumble match: Shinsuke Nakamura!
Michael: Guys, Shinsuke Nakamura lasted almost 45 minutes in this match to pick up the victory in his Royal Rumble match debut tonight!
Corey: As much as Nakamura has accomplished in his storied career around the world, there is nobody that gets in this industry that doesn't dream of doing it at WrestleMania. Congratulations to the King of Strong Style!
Byron: 2 years ago to the month, Shinsuke Nakamura signed his WWE contract, and now Shinsuke Nakamura is headed to WrestleMania!

Renee Young: So, Shinsuke, you've now won the right to face the champion of your choosing. So have you made a decision?
[Shinsuke pauses as the audience chant their choice]
Shinsuke Nakamura: A...J...STYLES!!!
Corey: YES!
Michael: Corey, it is gonna happen. The match that the WWE Universe has wanted is gonna happen.
Corey: I could not be more excited for WrestleMania! Get me to New Orleans already! Nakamura and Styles for the WWE Championship!
Byron: The dream match, ladies and gentlemen, is going to come true.
Michael: 44 minutes, 40 seconds: the exact time that Shinsuke Nakamura lasted in the Royal Rumble. And yes indeed, Shin, you're going to WrestleMania.

Corey: Boy, this has essentially become a singles match at this point. [Nikki Bella puts Asuka on her shoulders and prepares to throw her out] There's only one task left, and that's to throw your opponent over the top rope, which Nikki's about to do.
Michael: Asuka may be eliminated!
Stephanie McMahon: There she goes! There she goes!
Michael: [Bella takes Asuka over the top rope, but Asuka holds the top rope for dear life] Nikki Bella, with Asuka hanging on to the top rope, out to the apron!
Stephanie: She's still hanging on!
Michael: Asuka still barely in this match.
Stephanie: [Asuka stands up. Bella strikes Asuka, but Asuka continues to hold the ropes] OOH!
Michael: Nikki Bella again with a strong shot to the face, but Asuka lands on the apron!
Stephanie: I don't know how Asuka's hanging on, but she sure is. At least for now!
Corey: Disbelief on the face of Nikki.
Michael: [Bella charges at Asuka] Nikki Bella looking to use all of her momentum...
Stephanie: Here comes Nikki!
Michael: [Bella runs into Asuka's boot] ...Asuka caught her with a kick!
Corey: [Asuka uses her foot to grab Bella by the neck, and then attempts to take Bella over the top rope] Uh-oh. Uh-oh!
Michael: And look at Asuka!
Corey: What is...
Stephanie: ...What?
Michael: Asuka trying to eliminate Nikki in one of the most unique ways we've ever seen!
Stephanie: Oh my gosh! [Bella goes over the top rope, but falls to the apron] OH!
Michael: Nikki Bella to the apron! [Asuka loses her grip on the top rope and hits the apron] Asuka to the apron!
Stephanie: OH! Asuka almost fell!
Corey: Both women teetering on the side of the ring, just feet away from defeat.
Michael: [Bella gets up, and Asuka struggles to do the same] High stakes, high pressure! Asuka and Nikki Bella both on the apron. [Bella roundhouses Asuka, who falls back onto the apron] Both of them went over the top rope! Asuka floored! [Asuka kicks Bella's legs out from under her, sending her careening to the floor and winning the Rumble] ASUKA ELIMINATES NIKKI BELLA!
Stephanie: OH! ASUKA DID IT! [applauds Asuka]
Stephanie: Unbelievable!
Corey: [As he says this, the camera pans toward Raw Women's Champion Alexa Bliss and SmackDown Women's Champion Charlotte Flair, both sitting across from each other near the announcer's table] I knew it! I called it from the start! There was never any doubt! No one was ready for Asuka!
Michael: Asuka is a history-maker! Asuka is going to WrestleMania!


Corey Graves: Smart strategy by Banks, staying in close quarters with Ronda. I was questioning, I didn't know if that would be a great decision. Sasha's done it very, very well up to this point.
Renee Young: Wow, an accolade from Graves! I appreciate that.
Corey: I've never questioned Sasha Banks's talent or her abilities; I question her ability as a human being.

Lacey Evans: Tonight, y'all will witness history. My name is Lacey Evans, and I am the one and only true lady of WWE. And I am here to clean up this entire women's division.
Tom Phillips: Lacey Evans just soaking it in.
Renee: [as the music sounds for entry #2: Natalya] You don't get these moments very often, Tom, but now, Beth, your girl!
Beth Phoenix: I hope Lacey enjoyed it while she had it.

Beth: [on Corey as entry #3, Mandy Rose, enters] Look at the smile.
Renee: I'm so glad you're sitting next to him, Beth, and not me.
Corey: We are in the desert, but this is no oasis, it is real life! It is God's greatest creation, and the Royal Rumble Match just got downright amazing!
Beth: Do you ever talk to Mandy Rose in person, or do you just talk about her from here?
Corey: Listen, I get a little nervous, I sweat a lot, my tongue feels...swollen, I don't know.

Corey: Listen update, everybody: Mandy Rose is still in the ring.
Renee: Nobody asked, Graves, but thanks.

Corey: [on entry #14, Kairi Sane] Do the same rules apply about running with a telescope as they do with scissors?

Corey: [as Naomi, in danger of elimination, walks the barrier] This is incredible. Never mind the fact that I'm disconsolate because Mandy Rose got eliminated, Naomi still hasn't been. [Naomi wobbles a little] This is nuts.
Tom: Again, both feet have not touched the floor, Naomi is still technically not eliminated.
Corey: I don't trust that guy with the red beard, he's probably gonna try and trip her.
Beth: I feel like I should hold my breath.
Corey: [as Naomi eyes the ring steps] There is no way, that is way too far.
[Naomi leaps onto the steps]
Tom: Heck of a long jump for Naomi. Hey, wait a minute... [Mandy Rose yanks her down, eliminating her] Mandy Rose still eliminates Naomi!
Corey: That was magnificent!
Renee: Naomi's gonna beat her in the parking lot afterwards.
Corey: Hey, calm down over there! That was wonderful!

Corey: [on the mask and claws of entry #20, Zelina Vega] I've played Street Fighter a bunch of times, and I never remembered that Vega looking this good.

Corey: [As Charlotte Flair, who has been attacking an injured Becky Lynch (replacing Lana) for several minutes, prepares to charge at Lynch, who has to use the ropes to get up] The Queen has become fixated on the injured leg of Becky Lynch, and the Man can barely stand.
Beth: Charlotte Flair getting methodical, not giving any opportunities to Becky Lynch. She's measuring her.
Tom: [Flair charges at Lynch with a kick, but Lynch ducks and sends Flair over the top rope] Oh, Charlotte Flair... [Flair lands on the apron] Charlotte Flair sent over the top! Sent over the top!
Renee: [Lynch clotheslines Flair] OH!
Tom: Charlotte Flair...
Renee: [Flair falls to the floor, winning Lynch the Rumble] OH!
Greg Hamilton: Here is your winner: Becky Lynch!

[A nearly-eliminated Braun Strowman has just delivered a chokeslam to Seth Rollins and is about to throw Rollins out]
Michael Cole: Much like Strowman did at the Greatest Royal Rumble, looking to dominate again here tonight and eliminate Seth Rollins, and get the matchup and the champion of his choice at WrestleMania.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Brock Lesnar or Daniel Bryan? [Strowman dumps Rollins over the top rope, but Rollins stands up on the apron, and headlocks Strowman]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh, oh... W-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait! Wait! Wait!
Michael: And now Seth Rollins, now trying to eliminate Strowman! Strowman in trouble; top rope! Rollins trying to wrestle him down to the floor!
Jerry: Rollins has a death grip on his head!
Michael: [Rollins takes Strowman over the top rope, onto the apron] Strowman trying to hang on; both men are on the apron of the ring!
Jerry: Ohh… [Rollins, still with a headlock on Strowman, is overpowered by Strowman who lifts Rollins onto his shoulders]
Michael: And again, the power of Strowman. Look at Strowman! [Rollins slips out] Rollins, though...
Jerry: [Rollins pushes Strowman into the steel post] Whoa!
Michael: Posting Strowman! Strowman still on the apron.
Jerry: [Rollins superkicks Strowman in the gut, taking Strowman down] Oh!
Michael: Rollins to the midsection!
Jerry: One foot.
Michael: Strowman still staying alive! Rollins...
Jerry: [Rollins Curb Stomps Strowman] OH! ACK!
Michael: [Strowman careens to the floor, winning Rollins the Rumble] SETH ROLLINS WINS!
Jerry: OH MY GOD!
Jerry: Whoa-oh!
Mike Rome: Here is your winner: Seth Rollins!
Michael: Seth Rollins is going to WrestleMania! Seth Rollins has won the Royal Rumble match!


Tom Phillips: Right now, Baszler right in at... back in it, but Charlotte -
Corey Graves: [Charlotte Flair, on the apron, clamps the neck of Shayna Baszler with her legs and takes her over the top rope and out, winning the Rumble] Whoa!
Tom: Charlotte Flair is going to WrestleMania!
Mike Rome: Here is your winner: Charlotte Flair!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: I TOLD you guys I was right. This is awesome!
Tom: She lasted 27:19 from the #17 position, and it was enough to punch her ticket to WrestleMania!

Michael Cole: [Roman Reigns is trying to eliminate Drew McIntyre] Reigns is going to eliminate McIntyre and win his second Rumble! Very few men have won more than one; Roman Reigns looking to join the elite here tonight.
Booker T: [McIntyre holds on the top rope. Reigns eventually gives up and attempts a Spear] Wow, that's a lot of power by Dr- [Booker is cut off, as just as Roman is about to spear McIntyre, McIntyre suddenly delivers a Claymore Kick]
Michael: CLAYMORE! CLAYMORE BY McINTYRE! McINTYRE... [McIntyre throws Reigns out, winning the Rumble] WOW! DREW McINTYRE'S GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!
Greg Hamilton: Here is your winner: Drew McIntyre!
Corey: All I can say is that it is about damn time!
Michael: Drew McIntyre has never had an opportunity at a WWE or Universal Championship. He's going to get his chance, after winning the Royal Rumble!
Corey: And there is a standing ovation at Minute Maid Park, and deservedly so. Over 40,000 fans standing in appreciation for Drew McIntyre! What an effort!


Tom Phillips: And now Ripley and Belair, center of the ring... hold on a sec! [Rhea Ripley attempts to hit Riptide on Bianca Belair, but Belair escapes and takes Ripley up for the KOD] Looking for Riptide.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh no! Oh no!
Bryon Saxton: OH...
Tom: Belair!
Jerry: Oh!
Tom: Belair with the KOD... [Belair attempts the KOD, but Ripley lands on her feet] no! Ripley lands on her feet.
Jerry: Oh, this is great... Oh! Oh, no!
Tom: Ripley over the top...
Jerry: [Belair throws Ripley out, winning the Rumble] Oh, no!
Mike Rome: Here is your winner: Bianca Belair!
Bryon: I'm out of time... I told you, King! Congratulations Bianca Belair! The EST is headed to WrestleMania!

Michael Cole: [Seth Rollins has Edge set up for the Stomp] Rollins and Edge! And Rollins going for the Stomp! [But Edge catches Rollins before he can execute the Stomp, grabs his legs and tries to throw Rollins out]
Samoa Joe: Is he worth it? Oh!
Michael: Rollins trying to hang on!
Joe: Edge got him and trying to eliminate him!
Michael: Edge trying to eliminate Rollins... [But Rollins can't hold on, as Edge throws him out, seemingly winning the Rumble] ROLLINS ELIMINATED! EDGE HAS DONE IT! [But suddenly, Randy Orton comes in from behind and RKO's Edge] WAIT A MINUTE! OUT OF NOWHERE, AN RKO BY ORTON! ORTON'S BACK IN THE MATCH! Orton was never eliminated! Randy Orton... [Orton attempts to throw Edge out, but Edge counters it] EDGE!
Corey Graves: Oh... oh...
Corey: [Edge throws Orton out, finally winning the Rumble] WHAT?
Greg Hamilton: Here is your winner: the Rated-R Superstar, Edge!
Michael: Edge wins his second Royal Rumble, 11 years to the day from his first victory!
Joe: An absolute unbelievable, a monumental effort!
Corey: Edge just achieved the impossible!
Michael: Over 58 minutes Edge lasted this match, to pick up the victory. And he becomes the third person in history [after Shawn Michaels in 1995 and Chris Benoit in 2004] to win the Rumble match by running the table all the way from spot #1!


Bryon Saxton: [After staring down "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey for quite some time, Charlotte Flair charges at Rousey and attempts to kick her head off; Rousey, however, catches her] Charlotte Flair charging, getting caught by Rousey!
Jimmy Smith: Little too aggressive! Ronda Rousey underneath her... [Rousey throws Flair out, winning the Rumble] AND SHE'S ELIMINATED!
Corey Graves: NO!
Mike Rome: The winner of the Royal Rumble match, and the person who will main-event WrestleMania is: "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey!
Corey: We knew she was the baddest woman on the planet, and now, once again, she's the baddest woman to headline WrestleMania!
Bryon: We have not seen Ronda Rousey in action since she lost the Raw Women's Championship at Wrestlemania a couple of years ago, and she... now what a way to make your return! Ronda Rousey has punched her ticket to the main event!

Michael Cole: [Brock Lesnar has Drew McIntyre up on his shoulders] Lesnar with McIntyre up again! Drew McIntyre... [Lesnar F5's McIntyre out, winning the Rumble] DUMPED OVER THE TOP ROPE! Brock Lesnar's going to WrestleMania!
Samantha Irvin: The winner of the Royal Rumble match, and the person who will main-event WrestleMania: BROCK LESNAR!
Michael: 19 years after his first Royal Rumble win, Brock Lesnar repeats!

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