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Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)

Rock Paper Scissors is an American animated comedy Nickelodeon television series created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

Season 1

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Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]

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Rock: Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
Paper: There will be twists. There will be turns.
Scissors: [while wearing dark sunglasses] But if we stick together, [the highlights appear and slide into his sunglasses] I promise… [it turns out they were looking at the children's menu] we will complete this maze for ages five and under.

Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]

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[While the trio are posing for meditation, they're interrupted by sounds from up the fourth floor]
Rock: What the heck was that?!
Paper & Scissors: [enviously] The Rat Bros.
[The trio show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]
Logan: [answers the door] 'Sup, losers?
Rock: Losers?
Paper: Come on.
Scissors: Man, you're cool.
Paper: What is going on in there?!
Logan: Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. [shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan, and Dirf, hopping up and down on their pogo sticks] We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… Oh, that's right, you don't have pogo sticks.
Rat Bros: Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]
Paper: [frustrated] Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
Scissors: We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]

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Paper: You can run but you can't fly! [laughs evilly; activating his drone]

Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]

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Scissors: [dramatic] You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! [playful] Ready or not, here I come! [annoyed] Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
[Rock notices and sighs sadly]
Paper: Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
Rock: You have to find me first. [laughs evilly]
Paper: I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
Rock: [notices] Okay! As long as I keep on playing.

The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]

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Rock: [pacing back and forth] What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
Paper: You seem very calm about this.
Rock: No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
Paper: I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? [Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead] Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]

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Rock: You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
Scissors: Oh, moral Rock. Doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
Paper: Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
Scissors: Oh, judgmental Paper. Calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
Paper: Why don't you ever want to find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
Scissors: [sharply] Hey!
Rock: Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh… sunglasses.
Scissors: Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
Paper: [weakly and stuffed] Scissors, did you… [stomach grumbles while he clutches; groans] get a job yet?
Rock: [pushes Paper aside, also stuffed] Please say yes.
Scissors: Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
Paper: Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. [pulls a giant pizza pie] We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
Rock: No!
Paper: The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. [Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused] It's so… [groans as he clutches his stomach as it grumbles; painfully] good.
Rock: [whimpers as Paper eats another slice] Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! [he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]
Scissors: [gets an idea] Wait. I know what I'm good at! [runs away, dropping his phone]
Paper: Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… [his stomach gurgles; groans] …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
Rock: No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]

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Paper: Why is it so hot in here?
Rock: Scissors crank the heater so he can show off his new tank top.
Scissors: Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. "If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."
Paper: You don't do the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. [opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind] You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… [the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance] Without me, you guys would not survive.
Scissors: It'll be fine. We can survive without heat for three days.
[The three friends enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]
Paper: Well, we can go stay with my mom.
Rock: New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
Paper: [trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting] It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
Scissors: By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
Paper: [groans annoyingly] Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. [to Scissors] You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot."
Scissors: [shivering; resisting the cold temperature] T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
Paper: And Rock is not taking this seriously.
Paper: Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
Scissors: [to Rock] How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
Scissors: [to Brody, Brogan, and Dirf while he and his friends are tied up to chairs] Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just want to say, I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
Paper: Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the Prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! [laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]
[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience, and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to press the button to fire the missile into space, with Dirf latched onto it]
Scissors: [coming to his senses] No. [deactivates the missile and sets Dirf down]
Paper: What?
Scissors: No more prank war! [the audience gasps] I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
Paper: Wait, that's what I said.
Scissors: Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
Paper: Is he doing my speech?
Scissors: As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]
Rock: Whoo!
Logan: [kneels down to Scissors] Good job, son. [he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]

Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]

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Scissors: [pukes in the trash can and moans] Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- [his belly rumbles and pukes in the trash again] …cumber.

The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]

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Scissors: You're the coolest person I know!
Catalina: That's how I feel about you!

Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]

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Paper: I can't believe that worked.
Scissors: I know. It went exactly like… [stomach gurgles and pukes] Oh, whatever.
Sandpaper: You're the vomit boy?
Scissors: That was one time and it hasn't happened- [stomach gurgles and pukes again] Oh, why?

Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]

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Paper: Why can't we take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went super saiyan.
Scissors: That year was awesome!
Paper: And the year Rock was dressed up as some old cartoon character.
[The last photo shows Rock dressed up as Rocko from Rocko's Modern Life]
Rock: You didn't enjoy "Rocko Paper Scissors?"
Paper: It was okay.
Scissors: I like that show. The main guy was always like… [impersonating Rocko] "Hey, mate. I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky." [chuckles; normally] Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
Rock: Wait. Where is your chain?
Scissors: Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!
Scissors: So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes?
Paper: Whatever do you mean?
Rock: Guys, let's be peaceful.
Scissors: I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
Paper: Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
Scissors: And the stethoscope?
Paper: I thought it was a necklace.
Scissors: Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
Rock: Scissors, take a breath.
Scissors: This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
Kid: Wow, a real live hero! [offering Paper to get his autograph] How can I be a doctor one day?
Paper: [signing his autograph] I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
Scissors: That's literally all he did!

Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]

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Scissors: Oh, naive Rock. Always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? [the background turns to a dramatic shade of crimson] You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting their deals for all… they're… worth! [laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash in front of him] Man, these deals make me a maniac.
Rock: Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
[Scissors wears a mustache made of curly fries and laughs evilly]
Logan: [enters the trio's apartment] I heard you guys got Stephernie. I got Stephernie!
Brody: I got Fire Hydrant.
Lou: [sliding in] I got Dave!
Scissors: Sure.
Logan: I see that.
Paper: Me too.
Rock: How? How do you see that?
Logan: Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm gonna put aside our differences if you want to come.
Lou: Hello, fellow Daves!

Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]

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Potato: I don't even know how I got here.
Scissors: Guys, drop any plans you had. It’s time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… are funny.

Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]

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Paper: [mumbling to himself while working] Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
Scissors: Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
Rock: [runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground] Scissors, are you alright?
Scissors: [sitting up] Ooh, my arm.

Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]

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Paper: [tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work] Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. [he goes to the roof instead] However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- [he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs triumphantly] I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. [whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster] Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. [accidentally breaks the chair] Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. [tries to push the fridge to make it fall] And is this fridge gonna fall? [straining] Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
Rock: Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?

Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]

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Scissors: How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
Rock: You did what?!
[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet while he throws up]

National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]

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Paper: [stretching himself] All right, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! [exits the apartment building and is surprised]
[The whole town is celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]
Rock: Happy International Rock Day!
Paper: International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
Rock: Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
Scissors: [leading a marching band] Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!
Paper: Hello? Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
Rock: [turning around in his chair, revealing himself] You bet it is!
Paper: [shocked] Rock?! You're on the committee?!
Rock: Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
Raspberry Cake: I'm cake.
Paper: [disbelieved] Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
[The representatives all laugh]
Rock: Paper, we don't just give out days.
Pencil: Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
Potato: I don't even know how I got here.
Pencil: Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.
[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]
Paper: Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
Scissors: [sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich] I would, but my hands are full.
Rock: Well, just put it down.
Scissors: [now holding a lamp] Now I have another thing.
Paper: Scissors!
[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]
Rock: Scissors, come on! Can you just help us one time?
[Footage shows Young Scissors at school, running down the hallway, and accidentally rips his pants before picking up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]
Young Scissors: Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! [gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]

The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]

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Rock: What just happened?
Scissors: I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
Rock: [getting angry] Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? [sadly] Who would do this to me?! [furiously] WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!

Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]

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Paper: Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
Scissors: Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
Paper: You don't have a cool reputation.
Paper: Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
Scissors: [sobbing] And mine was a huge success!
Rock: Yeah, we heard about that. It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
Scissors: How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! [Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's describing it] It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks hot, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… [Rock and Paper both sulk] Or Rock's.

Trash [1.20]

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Paper: [sniffs an unpleasant smell] What is that smell?
Scissors: [looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around] I think it's Rock.
Paper: Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
Scissors: [waving his hand; dismissively] Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
Paper: No, do it now.
Scissors: I'll do it really soon.

Cast

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