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Rizzoli & Isles

television series

Rizzoli & Isles (2010–2016) is a TNT television series starring Angie Harmon as police detective Jane Rizzoli and Sasha Alexander as medical examiner Dr. Maura Isles. The one-hour drama is based on the Rizzoli/Isles series of novels by Tess Gerritsen. It premiered on July 12, 2010.

Season 1 edit

See One, Do One, Teach One [1.01] edit

Rizzoli: I'm sorry, did the vacuum wake you?
Marissa: No, no! I was up studying.
Rizzoli: Come in, come in. How's law school?
Marissa: Awful. Remind me again why I wanted to be a lawyer.
Rizzoli: [laughs] I know, right? Where the hell was I on career day?
Marissa: Just making sure you're okay.
Rizzoli: Yeah. Why would you ask?
Marissa: You always vacuum when you have a tough case.
Rizzoli: Huh.
Rizzoli: Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?
Isles: No.
Rizzoli: Did you ever have a best friend?
Isles: No.
Rizzoli: You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?
Isles: No, I don't think I would.
Rizzoli: [laughs]
Isles: I'm not seeing him. [referring to FBI Agent Dean]
Rizzoli: Yet.
Isles: Somebody should, don't you think?
Rizzoli: Yep.
Isles: Should we draw straws?
Rizzoli: Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide? [they laugh]
Isles: Who is Henry Deduboto?
Rizzoli: Ted Bundy!
Isles: That's... five letters too many for that anagram.
Rizzoli: How do you do that?!
Rizzoli: We're going to surveil this body.
Isles: What, you mean leave her here?
Rizzoli: Yes. I said you wouldn't like it. Let's go.
Isles: No. I'm calling my team.
Rizzoli: Maura, they weren't expecting anyone to find this body! Look at where she's hidden! Hear me out. Hear me out! We get the hell out of here, we put both the park entrances under surveillance!
Isles: What makes you think Hoyt isn't watching you right now?
Rizzoli: He might be! I'm willing to take that gamble!
Isles: What? By leaving this body here in hopes that he'll return? No. No! Every second she stays here more forensic evidence is lost!
Rizzoli: Maura, please. The faster we get out of here the better chance we have of not being discovered, okay? Because if we don't do this, we got nothing! If we take this body back now all we'll find out is, yep, she's dead and they killed her! Please! Do this for me!

Boston Strangler Redux [1.02] edit

Rizzoli: Was she dead before she was tossed?
Isles: I'd be guessing.
Rizzoli: I won't tell.
Isles: Ballpark, two hours?
Detective: Ballpark? I guess I do owe you dinner.
Isles: I love modern Foie de veau.
Rizzoli: Oh, my God, you're flirting over a dead body.
Isles: When else am I going to do it?
Isles: Do you want to know what I'm thinking?
Rizzoli: [sarcastically] It's so weird, I do!
Isles: I think I know why you're making such a big deal that Grant's your new boss.
Rizzoli: I don't want to know what you're thinking!
Isles: You two like each other!
Rizzoli: No! Do you know what that ass used to call me? Frog face! It's not funny, Maura! No!
Isles: [laughing] It's not funny.
Rizzoli: I'm not a frog face!
Isles: Of course. No!
Frost: Korsak's calling me BBK. Barfbag kid. Crow's leaving plastic puke everywhere.
Isles: You're not the first detective to be sickened by death. You just have to find your morgue legs.
Frost: I read a study that said people can conquer this kind of thing with repeated exposure, like when you're afraid of dogs or flying.
Isles: Oh, immersion therapy! Very effective! It worked for me.
Frost: What were you afraid of?
Isles: People. Live ones. [looks down at dead body] She'll never judge me, tease me, and I can help her. I can speak for the dead.
Rizzoli: Maura, what do you see?
Isles: A reddish brown stain.
Rizzoli: In other words: blood.
Isles: No, a reddish brown stain. The crime lab will determine what it is. No signs of lacerations or abrasions on the victim.
Rizzoli: So it's not hers? Which means we might have gotten lucky and the killer was bleeding.
Isles: [makes a face]
Rizzoli: Or smearing reddish brown stuff!
Grant: Yeah. I owe you a massive apology. I’m sorry.
Rizzoli: Yeah, I can tell from the nasty face you’re makin’.
Isles: Oh, that’s not because of you, Jane. He has bolus lesions.
Grant: I have what?
Isles: Blisters.
Isles: [talking about Grant] Perhaps he’s a little nicer off the mound?
Rizzoli: Oh yeah, he’s fantastic! I wanna kill myself; what’s the best way?
Isles: Uh, atlanto-occipital disarticulation is very fast.
Rizzoli: No idea what that is; what else you got?
Isles: You were limping.

Sympathy for the Devil [1.03] edit

Isles: He's got a lot of pulp.
Rizzoli: Juice, we say guys got juice.
Isles: Well you're gonna be drinking yours out of a sippy cup if you don't lower your voice!
Isles: Look at that. [gazes at Jane's sandwich] Is it okay?
Rizzoli: Yeah!
Isles: [lifts half the sandwich and examines it] Look at this! What is that white substance?
Rizzoli: Fluff.
Isles: Light, downy particles of cotton?
Rizzoli: It's marshmallow, and the brown substance is called peanut butter. It's ground up, heavy, oily particles of peanuts. What, they didn't have that in your fancy boarding school?
Isles: This is really good!
Isles: Haven't you ever been afraid of anything?
Rizzoli: Uh, witches! My family went to Salem when I was little.
Isles: See, you were very impressionable.
Rizzoli: Yes, I had to sleep with a night light. Why, what were you scared of?
Isles: Chromobacterium violaceum.
Rizzoli: What's that?
Isles: It's a flesh-eating bacteria. It crawls inside your ear or your nose and it starts eating you from the inside out --
Rizzoli: Okay, okay! I got it! Thank you!
Isles: [whispering to Jane] You could have told me you had a warrant!
Frost: She didn't. We didn't have time.
Isles: You lied?!
Rizzoli: No! I said I was about to serve a warrant. I didn't say when!
Rizzoli: What the hell, Ma! Where's Pa and the Callernos?
Angela: They went to go pick up ice cream for later!
Rizzoli: [looks closely at her mother's face and is shocked to see she's lying] No, they didn't! There's no one else here?!
Angela: I made Ragu bolognese.
Rizzoli: You made me wear this dress for Joe Grant?!
Angela: What?! No! I don't know what you're talking about!
Rizzoli: Ma!
Angela: I need to know you're taken care of.
Rizzoli: By him?! Are you kidding??
Angela: He's cute!
Rizzoli: He's not cute!
Angela: He's very cute!
Rizzoli: So what?!
Rizzoli: Can you tie the genetics of the monkshood in Matt's body and match it to the plant that it came from?
Isles: No.
Rizzoli: Can you lie about that?
Isles: No. I don't lie.
Rizzoli: It's not a lie!
Isles: Yes, it is. I know when it is. I start to hyperventilate.
Rizzoli: It's a white lie!
Isles: [scoffs] It's still a lie.
Rizzoli: You've never lied to a guy and told him he was good when he wasn't?
Isles: No!
Rizzoli: Do you like this shirt with this jacket?
Isles: Not really, no.

She Works Hard for the Money [1.04] edit

Angela: So, you know, I never told you, but I'd be really good at solving cases.
Isles: Well, the forensic sciences can be quite complicated.
Angela: A little common sense goes a long way. I read so many crime novels and always know who did it.
Rizzoli: Thank you, Agatha Christie. Stay in the car.
Angela: I won't embarrass you!
Rizzoli: Thirty years of experience says otherwise.
Isles: Two centimeter singular gunshot wound, mid-chest.
Rizzoli: I bet we're looking for a 9mm. [looks defensive when Dr. Isles looks at her in exasperation] I'll have ballistics confirm, I just like to guess! [pause] And I'm usually right!
Rizzoli: [looks at a sandwich] Is this from the good fridge or the dead people fridge?
Isles: [smiles] Cold air is cold air.
Rizzoli: How old is it? No, don't tell me! I'm too hungry.
Rizzoli: Dr. Maura Isles: knuckle deep in germy bar snacks. I'm shocked.
Isles: Oh, I had representative samples tested. Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits. Do you want one?
Rizzoli: It must be very complicated to be you.
Isles: [smiles] You have no idea.
Rizzoli: I applied to BCU.
Isles: It's very hard to get into.
Rizzoli: I got in.
Isles: Why didn't you go?
Rizzoli: [shrugs] I wanted to be a cop.
Isles: What's the real reason?
Rizzoli: My father would have spent everything to send me there, and I couldn't do that to him.
Isles: Did you ever tell him?
Rizzoli: No, that would make him too sad.

Money for Nothing [1.05] edit

Rizzoli: [looking at a large mansion owned by the Fairfield family] Holy crap!
Isles: The castle in Scotland is much bigger. The place on the Cape is beautiful, too.
Rizzoli: You could have been a Fairfield. How did we not know this?!
Isles: Could you stop saying that?
Frost: Whooooo. This is a Spyker C8 Laviolette! That's 400 horses up under there! I don't see these in magazines.
Isles: Garrett's here. He's always liked the finer things in life.
Rizzoli: Yeah. He liked you.
Isles: What's your take?
Korsak: My take is that you are the chief medical examiner and this is not your first floater.
Isles: It is my, uh, forty third. Yes, my forty third.
Korsak: I've been a cop a long time. I know when people aren't telling me the whole story.
Isles: Jane's mad at me!
Korsak: Oh, boy.
Isles: She thinks I'm being biased because I'm acquainted with the family.
Korsak: Acquainted? I heard it was a little more than that.
Isles: It was.
Korsak: That's not it, though. When you grow up like Jane you're going to have an attitude about people who, uh, are entitled.
Isles: That's a form of prejudice!
Korsak: Where people like me and Jane come from, we didn't have a lot, but we had each other's backs. It sounds like to me all Jane wants to know is: do you have hers or not?
Rizzoli: Excuse us, gentlemen.
Coast Guard Officer: This boat was found in our waters. It's a federal investigation now.
Rizzoli: That's a nice ventriloquism act. [turns to look at the Fairfield family attorney] Yeah, I can barely see your lips moving!
CG Officer: Our tow boat is on the way to take this craft to our slip.
Frost: That craft is our crime scene.
Korsak: It's our jurisdiction. Move.
Rizzoli: You want kids?
Isles: I would move.
Rizzoli: [takes one flute of champagne from a server and drinks a sip] Wow! [grabs a second flute] Thanks! That is good!
Isles: Le Veuve Brut.
Rizzoli: Whoa. Can't get that at a 7-Eleven, can you? Man! How much?
Isles: How much?! I don't know.
Rizzoli: Guess!
Isles: No!
Rizzoli: A hundred bucks?
Isles: Maybe. I don't --
Rizzoli: A hundred bucks a bottle? Wow.
Isles: A glass.
Rizzoli: Really?! God, no wonder it's so good.

I Kissed a Girl [1.06] edit

Rizzoli: The pager's totaled.
Isles: That's not a pager. It's a glucose management system; insulin pump. She was diabetic. [looks at the victim's hand] Huh. Yeah, needle sticks. She probably had to check her glucose level about five to ten times a day. [leafs through a small notebook] Yeah, she kept careful records. Her last glucose level reading was over four hundred.
Rizzoli: Is that good or bad?
Isles: It's extremely high.
Rizzoli: Is that good or bad?
Rizzoli: I thought you said you couldn't lie!
Isles: What do you mean? I can't!
Rizzoli: You did!
Isles: Only one time when I said I'd finished my homework and I hadn't. I immediately went vasovagal. Fainted.
Rizzoli: Maybe I should be a lesbian.
Isles: Aw. Well, wishes can come true. Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your profile. I typed.
Rizzoli: You what?
Isles: If it wasn't for me, you'd be butch.
Rizzoli: You put my photo and profile on a gay dating website?
Isles: It's the best shot at getting DNA and breaking this case.
Rizzoli: No, it's our best shot. You're going with me.
Isles: No.
Rizzoli: Yes, Dr. Isles! I don't have time to train a female detective how to collect and preserve DNA. You're going!
[...]
Isles: I wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women.
Rizzoli: What?! Well, first of all, I would be the guy.
Isles: That's a cliche! Why would you be the guy?
Rizzoli: Because!
Isles: Because you're bossy?
Rizzoli: So are you!
Isles: No, I'm not!
Rizzoli: Yes, you are, you're just soft and polite when you're bossing people around.
Isles: Well, it's a good thing you're not my type.
Rizzoli: What do you mean I'm not your type?! That's so rude!
Isles: Mark Twain said the clothes make the man.
Korsak: He also said naked people have little or no influence.
Isles: This is serious.
Rizzoli: Maura, come on, it'll be fine. We're trained professionals. We know what we're doing. We've actually been undercover a few times before, so let me handle this.
Isles: Okay. Fine. If you don't want my help. It's like trying to dress a squirmy six-year-old, anyway. Everything's too short, too itchy, [high pitched voice] I can't walk in that.
Rizzoli: Maura, we all appreciate that you dress like you're about to strut down a Paris runway. It's -- it's interesting.
Frost: Endearing.
Korsak: Sexy!
Rizzoli: It's fashionable.
Isles: Oh, so that's what you think? You think this is all about fashion for me??
Rizzoli: Um, no? It's not about fashion?
Isles: No, it's not!
Rizzoli: What is it about, then?
Isles: I used to sit at the Musée d'Orsay for hours and just stare at it. Do you know what I mean?
Rizzoli: [sarcastically] Yes, the Rizzoli family vacations there every summer.
Isles: Have you ever tried to appreciate Euler's number e? You know, the beautiful equation that connects three constants of mathematics? Have you?
Rizzoli: Yeah, I tried it once. [Korsak laughs]
Isles: I am in awe of what human beings can do. I am in awe of the hand knit channel stitching on this sweater. I am in awe of the artisan who molded and shaped this shoe.
Rizzoli: [sarcastically] I cannot wait to see what you're going to wear.

Born to Run [1.07] edit

Isles: We're running for a charity! Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence. We're a team!
Rizzoli: Team P.U.K.E.?!
Isles: Yes, that is an unfortunate acronym.
Frankie Jr.: At least you're not a hot dog. Or a mustard.
Rizzoli: Stay out of this. Listen, I said I would do this because we said that we wanted to do something together, but I am not running as Lady P.U.K.E. Gaga! No!
Isles: Oh. I'm sorry. I should have realized. I didn't -- I'm sorry.
Rizzoli: Holy, crap! You're going to cry on me!
Isles: No, I'm trying not to, it's just that my amygdala and my lacrimal gland have a connection that I can't really control.
Rizzoli: Honey, there is no way in hell I am taking this off. I'm already running twenty-six miles with a camel toe.
Isles: Can you at least take off that baggy tee? Oh, come on! I'll let you walk up Heartbreak Hill!
Rizzoli: Oh, I'm walking Heartbreak. You're going to have to do better than that.
Isles: Okay. Name it.
Rizzoli: The next reddish brown stain you call blood before the labs come in.
Isles: [shocked] You want me to lie?!
Rizzoli: No, I want you to state the obvious.
Isles: Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine if it's possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood.
Rizzoli: I'll take that as a yes.

I'm Your Boogie Man [1.08] edit

Isles: [examining a dead body on a park bench] Body temp is low. He's been sitting here a while.
Rizzoli: [observing what the body is holding] It's today's paper. Was he reading the stock pages and slit his own throat?
Isles: There's something very odd about the edges of the wound.
Rizzoli: Well, yeah, the whole thing's odd! I mean, there's no blood. There's no sign of struggle. What, death by a sharp nap?!
Isles: The darkening of the nasojugal fold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiencies.
Rizzoli: [looking at the victim] Hmm.
Isles: You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?
Rizzoli: [flippantly] Thank you. You look nice, too.
Rizzoli: It looks like karma finally caught up to him.
Isles: Sanskrit word: a cycle of cause and effect. I think it originated in the Shri Mana tradition.
Rizzoli: Do you have to do that?
Isles: Do what?
Rizzoli: That! That word thing you do?
Isles: Etymology?
Rizzoli: You can't stop, can you?
Isles: Not really.
Isles: You're clearly trying to frighten me.
Hoyt: [smiles] I am.
Isles: I'm not afraid of you.
Hoyt: I know, because you're like me.
Rizzoli: You okay? Come on, Maura, talk to me. He's a freak. He gets to everybody.
Isles: I didn't -- I did a lot of research into his background; his childhood. Maybe he's not wrong.
Rizzoli: What are you talking about?
Isles: Maybe I am a little bit like him.
Rizzoli: You are nothing like him.
Isles: I don't -- I don't know, Jane. I was a weird kid.
Rizzoli: Were you killing small animals?
Isles: [laughs] No, but I dissected a lot of frogs.
Rizzoli: That's different.
Isles: I just started to think about things that I never really thought about before.
Rizzoli: Here it comes. There are bodies buried in your basement.
Isles: I spent a lot of time alone. I was adopted, my father was a professor and my mother she -- she came from a wealthy family and was an only child. I just realized something when I was reading about Hoyt. It just never occurred to be before. There was a lot of benign neglect. It's not that they didn't love me. It's just that I didn't ask for much. I don't think I really knew how, and the less that I would ask for the less time that they have for me. They were just very, very involved in their own lives and into each other. They sent me to boarding school when I was ten. I actually think that I sent away for the brochure myself. [smiles with Jane] They were delighted. I was really lost.
Rizzoli: Come here. [takes Maura's hand] No matter what happened to you, you are nothing like that monster, okay? You're a little anti-social maybe, goofy, but that's not the same thing.
Isles: [crying] Thank you.

The Beast in Me [1.09] edit

Frost: We're waiting on a warrant, can't touch the car.
Female commuter out of view: I've been here twenty minutes.
Jane: Yeah, yeah, you're in a hurry for your latte.
Male commuter out of view: Come on! I've got to get to work!
Jane: Hey, man, shut up! [looks into the car holding up traffic] Come on! How hard is it to get a warrant signed? Where's Maura?
Frost: Stuck in traffic.
Jane: She shouldn't wear high heels to a crime scene.
Maura: [walks into the scene] Why not? These are very comfortable.
Jane: I'll bet you can run in them, too.
Maura: [smiling] I don't think that's a good idea.
Maura: I sent the blood samples to the crime lab, but I have no doubt this man is my father.
Jane: Since when do you jump to conclusions?
Maura: Since I found out who I really am. [to photos on the table] Stabbed, shot, shot, shot. [twists ring on her finger] Oh, my God. Did you see what I did? He does that. He introduced himself as Mr. Selsi. That's Isles. It's my adoptive name spelled backward.
Jane: I know. You keep saying that.
Maura: He was toying with me from the start while he was staring at his murdered son!
Jane: Come on. He came to say a final goodbye to Colin, and he knew that you wanted a DNA sample so he gave you some of his blood. That's a guy with balls!
Maura: You're defending a stone cold killer!
Jane: No, I'm -- yes, I am. Uh, and I'm going to stop now. Look, I think that whomever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out. If it makes you feel better these were all bad guys.
Maura: He said Colin was too much like him. What about me? What I do for a living? I'm around more death than he is.
Jane: But you're not the one doing the killing.

When the Gun Goes Bang, Bang [1.10] edit

Jane: He's having trouble breathing. Do something.
Maura: I'm a pathologist. I am not a surgeon, Jane. I could make it worse.
Jane: [grabs a book from a shelf] What is it again? Say it again.
Maura: Tension pneumothorax. What are you doing?
Jane: [reads quickly] Tension pneumothorax results in death if not treated immediately. Oh, God.
Maura: Jane, I'm just guessing, okay? I would need to confirm it!
Jane: You don't have time to confirm it! Your guess is better than most doctors!
Maura: I could be wrong!
Jane: [continues reading] Aggressively manage with needle decompression to chest.
Maura: I've never done it!
Jane: Maura, please! Get a needle! Do it! Do it now!
Maura: All right. Get alcohol, get a cotton ball and tape.
Jane: I got it! I got it!

Season 2 edit

We Don't Need Another Hero [2.01] edit

Maura: You look terrible.
Jane: Thank you.
Maura: You're making everyone late.
Jane: Even you would look bad if a bullet had gone through you.
Maura: Hmm. Laceration to her peritoneum and small bowel could explain the jaundice color.
Jane: Okay, you may not casually discuss my privates.
Maura: Three months. You could have read all of Shakespeare, you know? Learned Finnish. Instead you've become a platinum member of the shopping channel.
Jane: I swear to God, if you start cleaning I will kick you out.
Maura: Is that why you banned your mother?
Jane: Is that what she said? Did she mention that all of her OCD banging and clanking around isn't restful. Wait, Finnish? Like Finland Finnish?
Maura: You know, the stress hormone cortisol suppresses your immune cells ability to activate telomerase.
Jane: So you say. Mine are fine.
Maura: Quite simply: keeping your brain busy aids recovery. Mind. Body.
Jane: Mind. Business.
Maura: You are my business.
Maura: [holds Jane's dress uniform] Put this on.
Jane: It makes me look like a man.

Living Proof [2.02] edit

Sailor Man [2.03] edit

Brown Eyed Girl [2.04] edit

Don't Hate the Player [2.05] edit

Jane: Hey. What does La Bode Truck? (Pronounces it wrong)
Maura: Five star french restaurant, brilliant nouveau take on escargot.
Jane: Is this okay? (Referring to her suit)
Maura: Are you out of your mind?
Jane: What? I'm meeting Jessie Wayde, He wants to do the interview there.
Maura: At La Bode Truc?
Jane: Yeah.
Maura: Le booty call. (Giggles)
Jane: (Smiles) What did you just say?

Rebel Without a Pause [2.06] edit

Bloodlines [2.07] edit

Frankie: I know Jane took Lily's cup. Where is it?
Maura: Don't be mad at Jane. She just did it because she loves you.
Frankie: Well what's your excuse?
Maura: Well, I have a bigger purse and access to superior paternity testing.
Jane: How is it that you can't lie, but you can talk me into spying on my brother?
Maura: We're not spying! We're not! We are gathering data to test a hypothesis, which is the first step of scientific inquiry.
Jane: Nice try. We -- you and I --we are snooping, meddling. We are sticking our noses where they do not belong.
[Frankie and his girlfriend pull up]
Jane: Oh, my God, I've turned into my mother.

My Own Worst Enemy [2.08] edit

Gone Daddy Gone [2.09] edit

Remember Me [2.10] edit

Jane: Any idea what the shiv was made of?
Maura: No. looks more like puncture wounds. The edges are surprisingly clean...something very sharp.
Man: Like Jane.
Jane: What the hell?!
Hoyt: Do your hands hurt, Jane?
Jane: No. It's like it never happened.

Can I Get a Witness? [2.11] edit

Isles: [examining stomach contents] Bad news: undigested iceberg lettuce.
Rizzoli: Oh, I should sit down. That is terrible news.
Frankie: It is?
Rizzoli: No. That's just Maura news.
Isles: Good news: undigested ground beef, but I can't tell what grade it is.
Rizzoli: [sarcastically] Yippee! Can you tell what market it came from?
Isles: I'm ignoring you.
Isles: The foremost expert in forensic entomology identified the larva on Dante's shoe.
Rizzoli: [looking into a microscope] What am I looking at?
Isles: The Asian Longhorned Beetle. It's an exotic pest. Do you realize what a big break this is?
Rizzoli: No. But I didn't spend my life playing with bug larva.
Isles: There has been a recent infestation of the Asian Longhorn
Rizzoli: Please don't tell me that they're marching to my apartment.
Isles: They're only found in this one area, Loyalist Park.
Rizzoli: Wait, are you saying Dante could have been killed in this park?
Isles: Oh, no. I'm only able to conclusively say that Dante's shoes were in Loyalist Park the night he was murdered.
Rizzoli: Okay, you know what? You are officially ridiculous. His shoes didn't go there by themselves. [begins to walk out] Come on, Maura.

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother [2.12] edit

Rizzoli: [referring to the victim] Who is he?
Korsak: Paul Langford, 34.
Isles: He suffered what appears to be a single gunshot wound to the chest. [leans forward] Oh, that's a shame.
Rizzoli: What?
Isles: Quite a bit of intra-abdominal fat. Belly fat. You know, it's linked to high cholesterol, high insulin levels.
Rizzoli: I don't think he's worried about his cholesterol level, Maura.
Frost: Blood spatter indicates he was shot inside this van.
Rizzoli: This is strange looking blood.
Isles: Do you see why I will only commit to a redish brown stain? This is not blood.
Rizzoli: Well what is it then, Dr. Smarty Pants?
Isles: Paint. Yeah. I see flecks of avocado green, Tiffany Blue --
Rizzoli: Enough, Picasso.
Rizzoli: Tommy was telling the truth: John was painting yesterday morning. If he was doing that he couldn't have possibly be robbing a bank.
Isles: Unlike electrons, human beings can't be in two places at once. Some physical laws of quantum mechanics.
Rizzoli: I kind of love that you know that.
Isles: You do? So you don't hate me?
Rizzoli: No, I still hate you.
Isles: Okay. I'll work on hating you too.
Rizzoli: [finds herself presented with a bottle of wine] But I'm having grilled cheese.
Isles: But it goes with anything. It's a 1994 Château d'Yquem.
Rizzoli: Again? I'm so sick of that.
Isles: [laughs] It's sheer perfection. I've only had it once.
Rizzoli: Listen, I don't want to stand in the way of a great romance, okay?
Isles: What do you mean?
Rizzoli: You and Tommy. I mean, clearly opposites attract.
Isles: It's an evolutionary strategy to ensure healthy reproduction.
Rizzoli: Okay, why do you gotta go straight to breeding? All right? With my brother.
Isles: [laughs] Look, I like Tommy. A lot. But I love you, and I hate it when you hate me, so I don't want to do anything to compromise our friendship.
Rizzoli: Good, because I hate it when I have to hate you.

Seventeen Ain't So Sweet [2.13] edit

Jane: What do you think? Did she kill herself?
Maura: The bruising and deep-tissue injury around the ligature exceeds the circumference of the noose.
Jane: Fifteen words where one would do.
Maura: Not a suicide. She was strangled by the rope and posed in the chair.
Jane: Looks like we'll be bringing in Eddie after all.
Korsak: We still don't have enough on him. [grabbing his lower back in pain] Oh!
Maura: Lower back pain, sergeant?
Korsak: Ah, too much of this downward-doggy thing with Melody.
Maura: You know back pain is the second most common ailment in the United States.
Jane: What's the most common ailment? Your fun facts?
Maura: Headaches.
Jane: So she's got you doing yoga? This is getting serious.
Korsak: I've never known her to stick with anything. Maybe she's changed.
Maura: By acknowledging her change, you let go of past anger and focus on the present.
Jane: Thank you Deepak Maura
Frost: Maria Korkman was a preschool teacher.
Jane: The same preschool Steve Sanner was calling?
Frost: Yeah. Counted three calls in the last week. He wanted to talk to her.
Jane: Bad. I wonder why?
Maura: Badly.
Jane: I hate it when you correct me.
Maura: Well, I hate when you forget about Mr. Adverb.

Don't Stop Dancing, Girl [2.14] edit

Maura: I X-rayed her skeleton to make sure I hadn't missed any surgeries. And I found evidence of repetitive spiral fractures to both her wrists. At least three.
Jane: So she's a battered spouse.
Maura: Perhaps. But spiral fractures are also a common skiing injury in the lower leg due to the inflexibility of a boot...
Jane: Maura, I don't think she's doing handstands in her ski boots.
Maura: Probably not.

Burning Down the House [2.15] edit

Rizzoli: [watching Maura inspect the body] Never understood why guys would want to run into burning buildings.
Isles: You …chase murderers.
Rizzoli: Not if they’re on fire.
Isles: [smiles] Do you know why firefighters call their outfits ‘bunker gear’?
Rizzoli: Their 'outfits'? Yes, because they keep their ‘outfits’ next to their bunks.
Isles: : Darn. [beat] Hey, did you know that the first helmet was developed by luggage maker, Henry Gratacap?
Rizzoli: Does your brain ever get tired?
Isles: No, why?
Rizzoli: Well just, with all the useless information…[off Maura’s confused look]... No?
[Maura smiles, they get back to the investigation]
Isles: [gestures to the computer screen] The soot buildup on the walls and windows, that’s evidence of a low oxygen fire. But his face shield and lungs say it’s a high oxygen fire….I wrote about this once in the journal of Combustible Science.
Rizzoli: Yes. Fabulous article, loved the photos.
Isles: [delighted look] I’ll print it out for you.
Rizzoli: M-Maura, look, why waste paper? I’ll read it online.
Isles: [stops smiling] You’re not gonna read it.
Rizzoli: : No, probably not.
Isles: [excited again] But, you are going to dinner with Gabriel.
Rizzoli: How did you know I was going to dinner?
Isles: You brushed your teeth.
Rizzoli: I…I always…..brush my teeth. [beat] At work. Sometimes.
Isles: I have a reservation at the Ivory Table. I could call, make it for four, we could double date?
Rizzoli: Really? Why, who’s your date?
Isles: My mother.
Rizzoli: Ah, so you, me, Gabriel...and your mother.
Isles: mhm.
Rizzoli: How could I say no?
Isles: [turns around and glares at Jane] You’re being sarcastic aren’t you?
Rizzoli: Very. If it was anyone but you I’d say it was the creepiest idea ever.

Season 3 edit

What Doesn't Kill You [3.01] edit

Maura: You shouldn't be here. Not while they're investigating.
Jane: Why? What did you say to Connors?
Maura: Well, you know I can't say anything.
Jane: Ma, get your stuff.
Angela: Jane Clementine Rizzoli.
Maura: Your middle name is Clementine?
Jane: [to her mother] Thank you. Thank you very much.
Jane: You're back.
Maura: Did you ever return my book "Soothing Paint Choices For The Home?"
Jane: Yeah, a long time ago... So you're back.
Maura: That's odd because I can't seem to find it.
Jane: Did you ever return my "Guns Of The World Digest?"
Maura: I ALWAYS return things I borrow.
Jane: You sure?
Maura: Of course I'm sure. Maybe you lost it. You do lose things.(Sigh) Has Dr.Pike been sitting in my chair?
Jane: Could be, Why? Is it broken? Do you want me to find out if he's been sleeping in your bed too?
Pike: Where you looking for me?
Jane: What about your food? Dr.Pike, have you been eating Maura's porridge?
Pike: Of course not!
Maura: I'm glad that you think you're SO funny.
Jane: It's better being funny than "poindexter" the know-it-all.
Maura: Well.. I'd rather be "poindexter" the know-it-all than the "hoi-polloi!"
Jane: Good one Maura.
Maura: You don't even know what it means.
Pike: It means "common." Literal translation is "The Great Unwashed"
Jane: Classy. Hide your insults in Latin.
Maura: It's Greek.
Jane: Oh! The geek that knows Greek. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You know people laugh at you behind your back!
Maura: Really?!? Well they call you a bitch behind yours!
Jane: Well at least when my father gets pissed off he doesn't stab people with an ice pick!
Maura: Well at least my father didn't move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he met at a pizza parlor!
Jane: Maura!
Maura: Or was it a massage parlor?
Jane: Ohh! Look at you! Going all trailer trash Snooki!
Maura: I watched that show once! ONCE! It was for ethnographic research!
Angela: Remember when you thought you and Becky Zisti were never gonna be friends again?
Jane: Yeah, well, I didn't shoot Becky Zisti's father.
Angela: Here, do you want some tea? It gets its flavor from pandas!
Jane: How does it get its flavor from pandas?
Angela: Maura says that the pandas fertilize the tea plants.
Jane: That means they grow in panda poop, Ma.
Angela: I'm not talking to you until you say three good things!
Jane: Okay! Okay! I, uh, found all of the lids to my Tupperware, I--don't have leprosy, and my wonderful mother left the comfort of her free guest house to come stay with me in my crappy little apartment because she loves me.
Angela: [smiling] Yes, she does.
Jane: And this is where you say, "It's not a crappy little apartment."
Angela: [makes a face and shakes her head no]
Jane: Ma.
Angela: Uh-uh.

Dirty Little Secret [3.02] edit

Maura: It is more energy efficient if we take one car.
Jane: Fine, but I'm driving.
Maura: Why do you get to drive?!
Jane: Because it's an unmarked, and because I'm a cop, and because...just get in the car, Maura!
Frost: Have a good time, girls.
Maura: I am not listening to Led Zeppelin.
Jane: I'm not listening to Yo-yo Ma.
Maura: I don't listen to Yo-yo Ma! In the car.
Jane: Oh, that's right. Pardon me. Yo-yo Ma is just for the jacuzzi. Put your seatbelt on!
Maura: It's on!

This Is How a Heart Breaks [3.03] edit

Jane: [sighs] I hate taggers.
Maura: That's not tagging, it's graffiti.
Jane: Same thing.
Maura: No, it is not. Wow. What a powerful piece of street art.
Jane: What a powerful example of felony vandalism.
Maura: Jane, this is contemporary art.
Jane: Says the woman who paid $1500 for old Pinto parts.

Welcome to the Dollhouse [3.04] edit

Maura: [referring to Jane's first meeting with Casey and Jane's discovery that Casey is partially paralyzed] How did it go?
Jane: I asked him to go rollerblading.
Maura: Shut the front door. You did not.
Jane: Oh, yeah. I did. I think I may have also suggested running.

Throwing Down the Gauntlet [3.05] edit

Jane: They had to bring in Sister Bitcher. The "Lord's work", yeah. That's what she said when she hit me with a ruler because I misspelled flamboyant!
Maura: Why was the word flamboyant on a second grade spelling test at a Catholic school?
Jane: I don't know!
Jane: [referring to the murder victim] No one has reported her missing. Why not?
Maura: Well, she has a depressed skull fracture.
Jane: Must have been a hefty weapon.
Maura: Not a weapon.
Jane: So she woke up this morning and after she brushed her teeth she thought, gee my head hurts. [smiles]
Maura: No. She had a contrecoup contusion from a massive fall. Contrecoup means --
Jane: It's not my first rodeo. It means her brain bounced around inside her skull.
Maura: After striking a hard object.
Jane: So, not a pillow?
Maura: [deadpan] It takes longer when you make jokes.
Jane: I would poke my eyes out with a scalpel if I didn't make jokes.

Money Maker [3.06] edit

Maura: I think we're a match.
Jane: You're not really my type.
Maura: [smiles] Me and Cailin.
Jane: I think we're having different conversations.
Maura: Cailin needs a kidney.
Jane: So you're going to make it out of that cake?
Maura: Of course not. I needed a sample of her DNA.
Jane: You're not going to give her a kidney.
Maura: It's my kidney. I can give it to whomever I please.
Jane: Oh, so you told Hope?
Maura: I'm going to donate anonymously.
Jane: Do you need help getting it out or are you going to do that by yourself too? No! Maura, what are you thinking? No!
Maura: Cailin's dying, Jane, and Hope is overwhelmed. The last thing she needs is to relive the worst day of her life: my birth and death.
Jane: I guess I just don't get it.
Maura: If I tell her who I am I'll be a reminder of her tragic past. I'll never be anything else to her. I mean, what? We only need one kidney.
Jane: You're incredible.
Maura: You'd do the same for one of your brothers.
Jane: Maybe, but they'd have to be really, really nice. I'd definitely do it for you, though.

[Jane and Maura are at an extremely fancy restaurant]

Jane: What is "Little Birds and Gems?"
Maura: Lettuce.
Jane: Lettuce? We don't call those "solid vertical wall separators."
Maura: Oh, you mean the walls?
Maura: I'm all cried out. I'm done. I'm done and actually I'm a little insulted.
Jane: What'd I do?
Maura: That girl rejected my kidney.
Jane: The nerve.
Maura: I know, right? It's a very nice kidney.
Jane: I'm sure it is. You should keep it. In your body.

Crazy for You [3.07] edit

Jane: Maura, this is very serious.
Maura: It is?
Jane: No! You haven't started the autopsy yet?!
Maura: Pike is handing out hats, and pens, and travel mugs. This is swag, detective.
Jane: I'll get our swag unit on it.

Cuts Like a Knife [3.08] edit

Maura: So you must have had a wedding fantasy when you were little. Come on, every little girl has one.
Jane: Okay. It wasn't really a fantasy. It was -- I had this dumb idea that I would say my vows at Fenway over homeplate. In a Red Sox jersey. [laughs]
Maura: [laughing] It's not dumb. It's not exactly elegant, but at least it's colorful.
Jane: We would have the reception on the pitcher's mound, and we would serve foot-long hotdogs and frozen lemonade. The guests would throw peanuts at us instead of rice.
Maura: Can I come?
Jane: Maybe!
Maura: A Red Sox jersey?
Jane: Okay, you're in my fantasy. You cannot tell me what to wear!

Home-town Glory [3.09] edit

Melt My Heart to Stone [3.10] edit

Maura: Okay, let's go. It starts in fifteen minutes.
Jane: What starts?
Maura: The book signing.
Jane: The one you're not going to?
Maura: I changed my mind.
Jane: I didn't!
Maura: The lab results are going to take about thirty minutes. I haven't had a lunch break in three years!
Jane: I'm not spending a lunch hour that I never take listening to Dennis "I love myself" Rockmond. That sounds like a character from the Flintstones. [affects a hoity-toity accent] Hi, I'm Dennis Rockmond.
Angela: [to Jane and Maura] Ugh. Why couldn't you two do something else for a living?
Jane: I thought about being a ballerina.
Angela: Yes, you did, and you were so good at the Foité.
Jane: [looks away, wistful] And then I wanted to be goalie in the NHL.

Season 4 edit

[4.1] edit

Maura: "Well, the intake vacuum pressure pulls the fuel through and mixes liquid with air, before it sucks it into the combustion chamber.."
Jane: "Mm, go on.."
Maura: "Violent explosion.. rams the big piston down with great force. The long connecting-rod forces the crank-pin into rotation, which is what. you. want.."
Jane: "God, I would love to have my crank-pin rotated right about now."
Maura: "I knew you'd miss him"
Jane: "Mm"

Cast edit

External links edit

 
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