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- I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.
- as "Patient #3" to Dr. Katz in Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist
- Living with kids is like living in a frat house... everything's broken, nobody sleeps, and there's alot of throwing up
- on Everybody Loves Raymond