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Rat Race (film)

2001 film by Jerry Zucker

Rat Race is a 2001 American comedy film about six teams of people racing to a remote location to win a large sum of money in a locker.

Directed by Jerry Zucker. Written by Andy Breckman.
563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!(taglines)

Nick Schaffer

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  • My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.

Owen Templeton

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  • [Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl] It's really a commemorative coin.
  • I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!! I DO NOT WORK FOR THE BUS COMPANY!!! ALL RIGHT?!!! I--I NEEDED A RIDE TO NEW MEXICO, SO I STOLE THIS UNIFORM!!! SEE THIS JACKET?!! THIS IS NOT MY JACKET!!! REMEMBER MARTY, THE BUS DRIVER?!! HUH?!! THIS IS HIS SHIRT!!! I STOLE IT!!! AND THESE PANTS, YOU THINK I'D WEAR THESE PANTS?!!! THESE AREN'T MY PANTS!!! THESE ARE MARTY'S PANTS!!! I STOLE THEM!!! I AM NOT...a bus driver!

Duane Cody

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  • [Looking at a map, a plane lands behind him] Where the hell is the airport?!

Blaine Cody

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  • [When he and Duane accidentally drive into the middle of a monster truck rally] WHEY DA FU AR WEY?!
  • [To Duane] Duane, Mom's watching 'ou from 'eaven righ' now. Wha' would 'he doo? For starving children, Duane. 'O it for mom.

Vera Baker

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  • Oh good! A scam!!
  • [to Owen] I knew I recognized you, you're the referee, the bonehead!
  • We should've bought a squirrel.

Randy Pear

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  • They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job.
  • Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!
  • I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!
  • You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield! Yay!
  • Bev, Bev, wake... Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on. Get down. You wanna have a nice life. Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot.

Kimberly Pear

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  • Dad, I don't have to pee, it's number two!
  • Dad, I'm prairie-dogging!
  • Look dad, I'm Mrs. Hitler!
  • Dad, it's been a living hell.

Donald Sinclair

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  • Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet. [Everyone looks shocked for about five seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist!
  • You haven't missed much, we're just cutting to the chase [Chuckles] "Cutting to the chase" [Laughs hysterically, then sees everyone else is silent] Eh, you'll all laugh later.
  • Now, as you all know, the odds of winning the state lottery or a jackpot at one of our casinos are astronomical, I mean, millions-to-one; the average sensible person doesn't even bother. However, today you have the chance of playing a game where the odds of winning are one-in-six. One...in...six. That's one throw...[Tosses a dice onto the table] of the dice.
  • [to Owen] I can do anything I want Nick. I'm eccentric! [growls like a tiger] Go!
  • Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's nearest to the door!
  • And, they're off!

Enrico Polinni

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  • [Entering room] Am I too late? Look I won a coin! A gold coin! [looks around] Uh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room. What a beautiful room! Have you seen this room?
  • [Introducing himself] I am Enrico Polinni. Now I know what you are thinking, Enrico is a girl's name. No pun intended.
  • I am getting goose pimples.
  • It's a race! It's a race! I hope I win!
  • Is a race! I am winning, I am winning! [slows down and falls asleep standing up in the middle of the hotel lobby]
  • I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.
  • Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!

Others

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Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? [to her squirrels] I was talkin' to Vera!

Dialogue

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[A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill]
Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
Employee: Uh, those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch any movies.
Employee: Okay, let's see..."Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk: It's not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it?
Nick Schaffer: Uh, none! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
Nick Schaffer: No, I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows] I didn't!
[Duane and Blaine Cody walk up to the top of a flight of stairs, Duane places a glass on the ground]
Duane Cody: Okay, see that shot glass? Walk across the lobby, slip on the glass, let gravity do the rest.
Blaine Cody: I-ight 'eak y eck!
Duane Cody: It's true, you could break your neck, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.
Blaine Cody: Hy ont u oo it?
Duane Cody: Because, Einstein, one of us needs to be the victim and one of us needs to be the witness! What kind of witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying. How's your tongue, let me see.
[Blaine opens his mouth, showing a blackened tongue with a stud in it; Duane cringes]
Blaine Cody: Ows it ook?
Duane Cody: ...It looks good, getting better.
Randy Pear: [seeing Blaine's infected tongue] Oh my God! You ought to sue somebody!
Blaine Cody: Ay id it y-elf!
Randy Pear: What?
Duane Cody: He said he did it himself. Sent away for a kit.
Donald Sinclair: [after explaining the game] The first one there, keeps it all! Oh, by the way, I put little tracking devices on your key rings so I'll always know where you are and...that's it! Go.
Owen: Y-You can't just pick people at random!
Donald Sinclair: I can do anything I like, Owen! I'm eccentric! [Growls] Go!
Randy Pear: Wait. So, it's like a race? [Sinclair points to him with an "Ah-ha!" expression]
Enrico Pollini: A race! It's a race! I hope I win!
Duane Cody: Uh, what are the rules?
Donald Sinclair: There's only one rule. Are you ready? Here it is: There are, no rules! Go! [Nobody moves] Go!!
Merrill: So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving, [looks at his watch] theoretically you have been racing for about forty-five seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.
[Everyone continues staring at Sinclair, visibly confused. Finally, he sighs in frustration, pulls out a revolver, and fires it into the ceiling.]
[In the initial stage of the race, everyone, with the exception of Nick and Enrico, try to beat each other down the stairs and fall over one another into a pile on a landing]
Owen: Hey, wait-wait-wait! Wait! This is crazy! Listen, if we're all going to go for it, why don't we go for it together? You know, split the money fifty-fifty?
Blaine Cody: Fifay-fifay?
Owen: Oh, you know what I mean. Fifty-fifty; whatever!
Vera: Yes, yes, that's a good plan.
Enrico: [Running down the stairs] It's a race! It's a race! [Goes past everyone on the landing] I am winning! I am winning!
[After a pause, everyone runs after him]
Kimberly Pear: Dad, I'm prairie-dogging it!!
Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear: Oh...Oh, God, I do not want to picture that!
Randy Pear: That's Hitler's harmonica; you can't play Hitler's harmonica.
Jason Pear: Well, you're driving his car.
Randy Pear: Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not sucking on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!
Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails and you shave my buttocks.

Taglines

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  • 563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!
  • Make a Dash, for the Cash
  • Join the Race August 2001

Cast

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Six Racers

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  • Nick Schaffer and His love interest Tracy Faucet
  • Owen Templeton
  • The Cody Brothers: Duane & Blaine
  • Vera Baker and Her biological daughter Merrill Jennings
  • The Pear Family: Randy, Bev (wife), Jason (son) & Kimberly (daughter)
  • Enrico Pollini
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