- This article includes quotes from the video game Portal. For portals inside Wikiquote, see Wikiquote:Portal.
Portal is a first-person action/puzzle video game that was released as part of The Orange Box in October 2007. The game consists primarily of a series of physics puzzles that must be solved by teleporting the player's character and other simple objects using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (dubbed the "Portal Gun"), a unit that can create an inter-spatial portal between flat planes. The player character is challenged by an AI named "GLaDOS" (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) to complete each puzzle in the "Aperture Science Enrichment Center" using the Portal Gun, with the promise of receiving cake when all the puzzles are completed.
Test Chamber 00Edit
- Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that, although fun and learning are the primary goals of of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from (garbled and voice edited Spanish) Stand back. The portal will open in 3, 2, 1...*
Test Chamber 06Edit
- Unbelievable! You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown here]!
Test Chamber 08Edit
- Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an "unsatisfactory" mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!
- [after Chell completes test chamber] Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience.
Test Chamber 09Edit
- The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. Make no attempt to solve it.
- [after Chell completes test chamber] Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism.
Test Chamber 10Edit
- Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms: speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
Test Chamber 11Edit
- The Enrichment Centre promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments the Enrichment Centre promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.
Test Chamber 15Edit
- Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!
Test Chamber 17Edit
- The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
- You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.
Test Chamber 18Edit
- The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, (Subtitles read: "Garbled")and then there will be cake.
Test Chamber 19Edit
- Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees [sic] Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. [The player's platform is lowered into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.
- Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like, [deep voice] "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going to murder you." That was great.
Central AI ChamberEdit
- During these quotes, the screens behind GlaDOS, show images that sometimes match with what is said [Upon entering the Main Hall] Well you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behaviour, the only thing you've managed to break so far, is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen. You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in five, four… [morality core drops to the ground] Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise… I've never seen it before. Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later… By myself… Because you'll be dead.
- [After picking up the morality core] Where are you taking that thing? I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow. I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone. Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now. Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me. Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later. That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it. Maybe you should marry that thing, since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel? Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone. I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol. Just ignore that thing and stand still. Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it? Are you even listening to me? I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone.
- [After burning the morality core] You're kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing that … whoa. Whoa, whoa … [Cackles, voice changes] Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
- Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is [static] … ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!
- I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. "Shall not be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny too.
- Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste. What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you – which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on. [Silly voice] "Hellooo!" That's you! That's how dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?
- Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct.
- In the later stages of the game, the player comes across graffiti written by Doug Rattmann, a scientist who survived the initial wave of personnel killings.
- The cake is a lie
- Not in cruelty, not in wrath
The Reaper came today
An angel visited this gray path
And took the cube away.
- This was a triumph.
- I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
- It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
- Aperture Science
- We do what we must because we can.
- For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead.
- But there's no sense crying over every mistake
- You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
- And the Science gets done and you make a neat gun
- For the people who are still alive.
- I'm not even angry.
- I'm being so sincere right now.
- Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
- And tore me to pieces
- And threw every piece into a fire.
- As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
- Now these points of data make a beautiful line
- And we're out of beta we're releasing on time
- So I'm GLaD I got burned, think of all the things we learned
- For the people who are still alive.
- Go ahead and leave me.
- I think I prefer to stay inside.
- Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
- Maybe Black Mesa...
- THAT WAS A JOKE. HA HA. FAT CHANCE.
- Anyway, this cake is great; it's so delicious and moist.
- Look at me still talking when there's Science to do
- When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you
- I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
- On the people who are still alive.
- And believe me I am still alive.
- I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
- I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
- While you're dying I'll be still alive.
- And when you're dead I will be still alive.
- STILL ALIVE
- STILL ALIVE.
- The Official Portal Site