Perfect Strangers (1986-93) is an American sitcom that ran for eight seasons from March 25, 1986, to August 6, 1993, on the ABC television network. Created by Dale McRaven, the series chronicles the rocky coexistence of midwestern American Larry Appleton (Mark Linn-Baker) and his distant cousin from eastern Mediterranean Europe, Balki Bartokomous (Bronson Pinchot).
- Balki Bartokomous: Well of course not, don't be ridiculous.
- Balki: Patience is a virgin.
- Balki: I'm in debt. I am a true American.
- Balki: Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!
- Balki: "America! Land of my dreams, home of the Whopper!" (from the debut episode)
- [Unknown to Sam, Balki has been hypnotised and thinks he is Elvis Presley]
Sam Gorphley: If you don't start acting like yourself by the time I count to three, you are out of a job! One...
Balki: For the money!
Balki: For the show! — "The King and I", Season Four
- Larry: ...We have the element of surprise.
Balki: You're right there, cousin: even we don't know what we're doing.
- Balki: Lier, lier, pants for hire.
- Balki: "Oh, give me a line of credit!"
- Balki: You know, I really admire you.
Larry: Why is that?.
Balki: Well, because first... you're willing to give up your bedroom to a woman I hardly know....
(Larry looks at Balki in surprise).
Balki: (cotd.) ... and then for me, your friend, you're willing to sleep on the hot side of the bed. .
(Larry begins to lie down, then thinks about it and sits back up again.).
Larry: What do you mean, the hot side of the bed?.
Balki: Well, about 6:00 in the morning... see that little hole in the drapes? The sun comes through that and bores a hole right through your head like a laser beam. — "Hello Baby", Season Two
- Larry: Oh, my Lord!
- Larry: I have...a plan.
- Larry: Watch...and learn.
- Larry: Say, Chuck, do you have a blueprint for your brain? I'm building an idiot.
Balki: [confused] Cousin, you didn't tell me you were building an idiot.
Larry: It was going to be a surprise. — "The Karate Kids", Season Three
- [Larry is hanging by the neck of his jacket.]
Larry: Alright, Balki, now help me down.
Balki: [excited] Cousin, do it for me, please?
Larry: [wearily] No, no...
Balki: Oh, please! Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way to the Emerald City?
Larry: 'Some people go that way, and some people go that way...'
Balki/Larry: '...But, of course, people do go both ways!' — "That Old Gang of Mine", Season Three
- Balki: Where are the instructions?
Larry: I threw them out.
Balki: You threw them out?
Larry: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.
Balki: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?
Larry: [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring. — "Pipe Dreams", Season Three
- Balki: Well cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [pause] Why aren't you laughing?
Larry: [stony-faced] It's hard to laugh with one lip. — "The Break In", Season Three
- Mary-Anne Spencer: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things. Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on.
- [Larry has asked the gang to help bake 2,000 Bibbi-Bobka's to be sold to a restaurant]
Jennifer Lyons: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?
Mary-Anne: [instantly] One-hundred and sixty-six and two-thirds dozen. [off their looks] My father was a carpenter.