American software developer
- A bug! A bug! Isn’t it just so satisfying to discover bugs in other people’s programs? Especially people from Microsoft. I don’t know why, it’s probably some kind of Freudian code-envy thing.
- ...my Trusty Friends in Redmond...
- ...perhaps this is a "feature", not a bug....
- To be honest, there's something a little weird about this. (1995/4)
- But hey, I only work here. Besides, it works. (1995/6)
- Pretty simple. Except for one little problem: it doesn't work! (various)
- Reusability, man. (1995/10)
- So? If you don't like it, write your own [program]. (1995/10)
- It may seem kludgy, but hey - it works! (1994/3)
- Don't do it! (1993/10)
- The implementation is brainless (various)
- ...[some code] looks disgusting, but that's life. (1993/6)
About the readersEdit
- ..even MSJ readers will tire of watching Bill Gates adjust his glasses. (1995/10)
- ...why are you doing these things? Don't. (1993/12)
- What are you doing, anyway? Writing code for IBM? (1996/1)
- Stop beating your head, you might hurt yourself. (1995/8)
- ...you'll screw everything up. (1994/10)
- Like I said, you're damned either way. (1993/10)
- OK, I admit it. I'm like you.
- I'm a nit, what can I say? (1994/12)
- I was once hired to develop a Windows-based chemistry library for a company that builds reactors that burn toxic metal waste into harmless substances (really). (1993/11)
- ...I hate typing... (1993/6)
- ...yucky assembly language mucky-muck.
- Isn't C++ wonderful?.
- ...this baroque language...
- on C++, 1994/5
- ...a little-known piece of C++ trivia you can use to impress your friends and loved ones.
- ...a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...
- on being someone who is writing a C++ compiler, 1993/2
About the IndustryEdit
- ...your 90MHz Pentium won't have any trouble doing arithmetic (except for certain divisions).
- The question remains: how?
- ..flibbertiwidgets are free...
- ..play Beethovens Fifth Symphony if the user clicks the control that contains 'Da-da-da-dum'
- If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia. If not, I don't know who wrote it
- ..I'll be laughing when I'm old and and all my programmer friends have gone alexic from staring at too many tiny pixels
- on using high screen resolutions, 1996/3
- ..your two-year-old could've done that with one thumb in her mouth.
- ..sometimes you have to be bad
- Sometimes it really is easy to program MFC
- Everything is hunky-dory and your program works fine.
- If you're totally confused, don't worry, it means your brain is functioning normally.
- Well bowl me over and turn me into a pumpkin! Scrape me off the pavement and fetch my asbestos anti-flame suit, quick!
- That's no fun.
- ...the harmony of the universe is preserved...
- We've use a number of different adjectives to describe Span, but "cool" has never been one of them.
- ...blathering store clerks who can't stop saying "Have a nice day"...
- on annoying behaviour, 1994/5
- That's left as an exercise for the reader.
- You can't expect me to do everything.
- ...everything I've said so far is fine and dandy...
- Does that remind you of anything? No? Give up?