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North (1994 film)

1994 comedy film by Rob Reiner

North is a 1994 American comedy film about a boy named North who falls asleep and dreams of divorcing himself from his parents and finding new parents more suitable to his liking.

Where the hell are my parents?
~ North
Directed by Rob Reiner, screenplay by Alan Zweibel and Andrew Scheinman, based on the novel North: The Tale of a 9-Year-Old Boy Who Becomes a Free Agent and Travels the World in Search of the Perfect Parents by Alan Zweibel.
A family comedy that appeals to the child in everyone.  (taglines)

Joey Fingers

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A bird in the hand is always greener than the grass under the other guy's bushes.  It's a metaphor used by gardeners and landscaping people in general.
~ Joey Fingers

Dialogue

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North: Where the hell are my parents?
Winchell: North, did you say the word hell? My, the summer's really broadened you.
North: Winchell, I've got exactly 10 minutes to find my parents, and if you don't tell me where they are, I'll show you how the summer's broadened me, you little asshole!
North: How does that get me into a good college?
Governor Ho: Well since we don't use the letters B, C, D, and F, you're pretty much guaranteed to get straight As.
North: What are you doing here?
Gabby: Well, I finished all my chores, I thought I'd get a little shootin' in.
North: No, I mean, have you ever been an Easter Bunny?
Gabby: Easter Bunny?
Pa Tex: Careful, son, Gabby's killed men for less than that.
North: Oh, sorry.
Gabby: No harm done.
Ma Tex: [to North] We'd like you show you how much we're looking forward to having you as our new son. Ready, Pa?
Pa Tex: Ready, Ma!
Ma Tex: [singing] We had a son who was trampled by a ton of longhorns, but you're very cute to fill his boots as flat as they may be.
Pa Tex: [singing] You'll yell "yippee-yi=yo" with the rodeo 'til the day's done.
Ma Tex: [singing] Then you'll make a lot of pals with buffalo gals.
Pa Tex: [whispering] Just leave some for me!
Ma Tex: Hey, there!
Ma Tex, Pa Tex: [singing with a chorus] We'll barbecue steaks and stew, feed you pumpkin pie, 'til your can's bigger than the big ol' Texas sky!
Ma Tex: [singing] You'll grow tall and play football, be famous!
Pa Tex: [singing] You'll grow more, own a chain of stores, marry Betty Lou!
Ma Tex, Pa Tex: [singing with a chorus] Oh, North, North! Grow more!
[song ends]
Pa Tex: 'Nother rib, son?
News Reporter: Arthur Belt, the rising politician who drafted the bill...
Arthur Belt: [Winchell shuts off the TV] Wait! They were talking about me!
Winchell: Relax, Arthur, pretty soon you'll be hearing your name so much even YOU will be sick of it.
Arthur Belt: I highly doubt it.

Taglines

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Quotes about the film

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I hated this movie.  Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie.  Hated it.
~ Roger Ebert
  • I hated this movie.  Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie.  Hated it.  Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it.  Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it.  Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
  • The premise of North sounds flat, the previews look insipid, and, while the movie doesn't turn out nearly as bad as either would lead you to believe, North is still a lackluster production.

Cast

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