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Nathan Barley

British television series

Nathan Barley is a Channel 4 sitcom written by Charlie Brooker and Chris Morris, starring Nicholas Burns, Julian Barratt, Claire Keelan, Richard Ayoade, Ben Whishaw, Rhys Thomas and Charlie Condou.

Season 1

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Episode 1

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Nathan Barley: It's been out for three weeks in Japan. Where's yours?
Nathan Barley: His trousers fall down and there's like a piss stain on his pants. Check it out yeah, it is well bum.
Nathan Barley: Peace and fucking. Believe.
Nathan Barley: Bum. Keep it livid. Keep it dense, yeah?
Nathan Barley: Check out my website, yeah? It's well fucking futile.
Nathan Barley: Keep it chopped out, yeah?
Nathan Barley: Check it out yeah, trashbat.co.ck, my web site. Dot cock yeah, registered in the Cook Islands.
Nathan Barley: Wasp T12. It's got a massive number five 'cause it's the most common number.
Nathan Barley: Futures, yeah?
Nathan Barley: Keep it dusty.
Nathan Barley: Twice in one day. Well coincimental.
Nathan Barley: It's an online urban culture dispatch.
Nathan Barley: I'm a self facilitating media node.
Nathan Barley: Renegade production node.
Nathan Barley: My desk, A.K.A.S. Main Hub.
Nathan Barley: That is well jackson.
Nathan Barley: OK, here's the credos. Trash, as in what's all around us... and... bat.
Dan Ashcroft: They babble into hand-held twit machines about that cool email of the woman being bummed by a wolf.
Dan Ashcroft: Welcome to the age of stupidity. Hail the rise of the idiots.
Dan Ashcroft: Yeah, you're going to fuck an idiot.
Dan Ashcroft: French, Italian, Spanish, Dutch, French... err ...Southern French. Danish.
Ned Smanks: Yeah, well plastic.
Ned Smanks: Keep it foolish.
Ned Smanks: Trojan measure mate, Trojan measure.
Toby Yeah, you pair of towels.

Episode 2

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Nathan Barley: Well cheeks, man, well cheeks.
Nathan Barley: You should come to the party Friday, it'll be well jackson.
Nathan Barley: You can come, you can come twice, you can come multiple times.
Nathan Barley: You should come, dollsnatch. It's gonna be totally fucking Mexico.
Dan Ashcroft: Shut up, fat arms.

Episode 3

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15Peter20: Hi, ho, hi. I'm 15Peter20 and I believe that pissing is like crying through your genitals.

Episode 4

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Nathan: I want a real special coffee today, yeah. Triple size, four shots in it, and the best foam you've ever squirted from your milky pumps.
Doug: Debut album by the Veryphonics. It's actually induced the first of many nervous breakdowns... all of which I've chosen to ignore.

Episode 5

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Nathan: (as Claire walks away) Still jealous. It's a shame. Try to nip it in the bud really Claire. Makes you lose your looks. Your face has gone sour.
Claire: Nathan. What is this saying about London's underclass?
Nathan: They're... not all ugly?
Mandy: (singing) Bad to have a bad uncle. Bad to have a bad uncle. Pain, pain of a monkey. Pain, pain of a monkey.

Episode 6

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Cast

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