My Parents Are Aliens

television series

My Parents Are Aliens (1999-2006) is a British comedy airing on CiTV. The show follows the lives of a group of orphaned children and their eccentric alien foster parents.

Unidentified episode

Josh: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't.
Brian: Yeah, what an idiot!

That was in crazy for you

Lucy: You think you're a better father than God?
Brian: Put it this way, he didn't exactly save his son from the Romans, did he? (looks worried) Don't worry, Lucy, if they come for you, I've got a plan.

Brian: Today we plant the seeds of doubt, tomorrow we water the flowers of insanity.


Pete: So, tomorrow's the big date.
Mel: Date?
Josh: [quickly] Fight.
Mel: Pete wants to fight?
Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me.
Mel: But he was looking at me.
Josh: He's got a squint.

Operation Date

Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from?
Sophie: [morphed as Mel] Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.

Crazy for you

Trent: I merely encouraged a selection of fabulous ingredients to have a taste party at gas mark delicious.

Brian: Cupid hath peirthed their heartth with hith arrowth.
Sophie: Thorry?

[Sophie snatches a pair of pants from Lucy.]
Sophie: Those are my pants.
[Brian snatches a bra from Lucy.]
Brian: And that's my bra!

Brian: Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet.

[Sophie describes the wedding ring she wants.]
Sophie: Something with gold and diamonds.
Brian: Something like that, yeah.
Sophie: No, something with gold and diamonds.

[Brian has just grown antlers.]
Brian: I am half-man, half-moose! I am a moose-man!

Brian: Prick me! Do I not bleed?
Josh: Yeah, but it's green.

Josh: Your pants are on fire!
Gavin: Are you calling me a liar, Barker?
Josh: No, I'm saying your trousers are technically aflame.

[Brian is talking on the phone.]
Brian: Hello there. Do you have any dragons? [pause] Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? [pause] A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? [pause] No. Well, okay, can I come and chop off its head anyway? [pause] Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do that to yourself.

Lucy: Apart from your foul cooking, you're the best mother we've ever had.
Sophie: What — even better than your real one?
Lucy: Well, I wouldn't know much about that.
Sophie: But I probably am.
[Lucy glares.]
Sophie: Or...maybe not. Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard

Alien Sophie: We're the alien freaks and she's the one eating the pencil!
Sophie: (Snapping out of her state of confusion)it's them they're aliens

Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard

Dinesh: [angrily] Hab SoSlI' Quch!

Selena: I didn't know you fancied Duncan.
Jaq: I don't.
Selena: Then why are you blushing?
Jaq: I'm not. It's a rash; I'm allergic to you.

Jaq: You look like the mutant offspring of Paris Hilton and a polar bear!

Trent: (sarcastically) My life changed the day I got my tongue stuck in my dad's DVD player.

Trent: I wouldn't say I made this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious.

Josh: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself.
Brian: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...

[Wendy is talking about Justin Timberlake.]
Wendy: Oh Yes he's very entertaining — if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.

[Mel calls for Lucy on the phone.]
Brian: Yes?
Mel: Brian, it's Mel. Put Lucy on.
Brian: We're in the middle of a conversation. Don't interupt, it's rude.

(Brian Slams the Phone down) Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard

(After Crashing on earth)
Sophie: Where are we?
Brian: Somewhere near the Coast
Sophie: Great Brian, Now what do we do?!
(Brian and Sophie look at each other)
Sophie: Children's Home?
Brian: Right Behind Ya!

A deleted scene from Aliens Go Home (which was re-used for the end of Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard where Brian and Sophie re-crash on Earth)

(After receiving the annual Knitting For Boys 'Big Knit' award)
Brian': It's more than a prize! It's telling me who I really am!
Josh': A 'big nit'?


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