My Parents Are Aliens (1999-2006) is a British children's comedy airing on CiTV. The show follows the lives of a group of orphaned children and their eccentric alien foster parents.
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- Josh: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't.
- Brian: Yeah, what an idiot!
That was in crazy for you
- Lucy: You think you're a better father than God?
- Brian: Put it this way, he didn't exactly save his son from the Romans, did he? (looks worried) Don't worry, Lucy, if they come for you, I've got a plan.
- Brian: Today we plant the seeds of doubt, tomorrow we water the flowers of insanity.
- Pete: So, tomorrow's the big date.
- Mel: Date?
- Josh: [quickly] Fight.
- Mel: Pete wants to fight?
- Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me.
- Mel: But he was looking at me.
- Josh: He's got a squint.
- Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from?
- Sophie: [morphed as Mel] Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.
Crazy for you
- Trent: I merely encouraged a selection of fabulous ingredients to have a taste party at gas mark delicious.
- Brian: Cupid hath peirthed their heartth with hith arrowth.
- Sophie: Thorry?
- [Sophie snatches a pair of pants from Lucy.]
- Sophie: Those are my pants.
- [Brian snatches a bra from Lucy.]
- Brian: And that's my bra!
- Brian: Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet.
- [Sophie describes the wedding ring she wants.]
- Sophie: Something with gold and diamonds.
- Brian: Something like that, yeah.
- Sophie: No, something with gold and diamonds.
- [Brian has just grown antlers.]
- Brian: I am half-man, half-moose! I am a moose-man!
- Brian: Prick me! Do I not bleed?
- Josh: Yeah, but it's green.
- Josh: Your pants are on fire!
- Gavin: Are you calling me a liar, Barker?
- Josh: No, I'm saying your trousers are technically aflame.
- [Brian is talking on the phone.]
- Brian: Hello there. Do you have any dragons? [pause] Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? [pause] A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? [pause] No. Well, okay, can I come and chop off its head anyway? [pause] Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do that to yourself.
- Lucy: Apart from your foul cooking, you're the best mother we've ever had.
- Sophie: What — even better than your real one?
- Lucy: Well, I wouldn't know much about that.
- Sophie: But I probably am.
- [Lucy glares.]
- Sophie: Or...maybe not. Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard
- Alien Sophie: We're the alien freaks and she's the one eating the pencil!
- Sophie: (Snapping out of her state of confusion)it's them they're aliens
Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard
- Dinesh: [angrily] Hab SoSlI' Quch!
- Selena: I didn't know you fancied Duncan.
- Jaq: I don't.
- Selena: Then why are you blushing?
- Jaq: I'm not. It's a rash; I'm allergic to you.
- Jaq: You look like the mutant offspring of Paris Hilton and a polar bear!
- Trent: (sarcastically) My life changed the day I got my tongue stuck in my dad's DVD player.
- Trent: I wouldn't say I made this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious.
- Josh: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself.
- Brian: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...
- [Wendy is talking about Justin Timberlake.]
- Wendy: Oh Yes he's very entertaining — if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.
- [Mel calls for Lucy on the phone.]
- Brian: Yes?
- Mel: Brian, it's Mel. Put Lucy on.
- Brian: We're in the middle of a conversation. Don't interupt, it's rude.
(Brian Slams the Phone down) Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard
- (After Crashing on earth)
- Sophie: Where are we?
- Brian: Somewhere near the Coast
- Sophie: Great Brian, Now what do we do?!
- (Brian and Sophie look at each other)
- Sophie: Children's Home?
- Brian: Right Behind Ya!
A deleted scene from Aliens Go Home (which was re-used for the end of Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard where Brian and Sophie re-crash on Earth)
- (After receiving the annual Knitting For Boys 'Big Knit' award)
- Brian': It's more than a prize! It's telling me who I really am!
- Josh': A 'big nit'?