Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2024 TV series)

Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a 2024 romantic action comedy drama series starring Donald Glover and Maya Erskine, based upon the 2005 of the same name. Two strangers independently agree to become secret agents for a mysterious organization under cover as a married couple using the names "John" and "Jane" Smith. The couple must work through missions as their espionage skills, and developing relationship, are put to the test. All instructions are received from an anonymous source via text.

Season 1

First Vacation [1.03]

Jane: I hate vacation friends. The whole point of vacation is to leave your friends behind, not make new ones.

Couples Therapy (Naked & Afraid) [1.06]

John: I'm condescending and controlling?

Jane: Yeah.

John: Jane, you don't even let me eat you out without telling me how to do it--

Jane: I have to tell you how to do it because--

John: --every fucking time, like I've never seen a fucking vagina before.

Jane: You don't know how I like it, so I have to tell you how to do it!

John: Every fucking time?!

Jane: If you learned and listened, maybe I wouldn't have to fucking say how to lick my pussy!

John: This is classic Jane, "I have to emasculate you so I feel worth it".

Jane: I have to teach you everything because you don't know how to do a lot of things!

John: You don't have to teach me shit!

Jane: I-- You act like a baby!

John: You're sitting underneath a shelter that I made. I made this fire, I got you this fish--

Jane: "Oh! Oh, I'm man! I build shelter, food, fire, water!

John: Fuck you.

Jane: Nice.

John: Why are you like this? Why do you do that? I ju-- I just don't get it.

Jane: I just have deeper priorities.

John: You co-- You have-- You have "deeper priorities"?

Jane: Yeah, you don't have the capacity to understand it, so...

John: Just shut up! You're always trying to make somebody feel stupid!

Jane: "Shut up." "Shut up, fuck you", is that how your Mom taught you how to talk to women?

John: You're obsessed with my Mom.

Jane: Wait, wait... You're saying--

John: Not me!

Jane: You're saying I'm obsessed with your Mom? You call her five times a day! I-- It's a little unhealthy, and it's... You need boundaries, but...

John: O-- Oh, like, the boundaries thing?

Jane: Yeah, you need them!

John: Is that-- That's the whitest thing that you-- You always, like-- and-- you--

Jane: Oh, what a fucking cool dig.

John: But you don't even know... w-what that means. Her husband died. I'm the man in her life. I take care of her because I came out of her. What did you for your dad when your mom died, other than not talk to him ever again? She's a good mother. You wouldn't know anything about that 'cause you're too busy gallivanting around with a fucking cat. So don't talk about her. Don't fucking bring her up, every time we have a disagreement, because you don't understand feelings. You don't know what it's like to care about somebody, you just pretend and fucking robotic mimic everything somebody else does. I don't know if you're on the spectrum or what, but it's fucking weird and all you do is make other people feel bad for feeling shit. You said it yourself, you wouldn't be a good mom. So don't come here and talk that shit to me. We already failed this fucking mission anyway.

Jane: Who is your emergency contact?

John: ...What?

Jane: Who is your emergency contact?

John: My Mom.

Jane: You're mine!

Infidelity [1.07]

Bev: He does say that he wonders whether or not you guys are compatible. But he also says he wants to be with you incompatibly. He says that a lot.

Infidelity [1.08]

Jane: Hey, John. John.

John: I'm awake.

Jane: Look at me -- I wanna tell you something important. We can have one kid. Alright?

John: Five.

Jane: Two. And that's it, I'm not negotiating.

John: I wanna live in the mountains. We have to find a place for my mom.

Jane: Mm-hm. Yeah...

John: What's your real name?

Jane: Alana.

John: I like "Jane".

Jane: I like "John".

External links

• Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2024 TV series) quotes at the Internet Movie Database