Mom (TV series)
American sitcom created by Chuck Lorre for CBS
Mom (2013–2021) is an American sitcom, airing on CBS about a newly sober and a single mom raising two children, whose mom, also a recovering drug and alcohol addict, returns to work on her relationship with her daughter.
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Season 1
editPilot [1.01]
edit- Christy: While other mothers were cooking dinner, you were cooking meth.
- Bonnie: Otherwise known as working.
- Christy: Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady.
- Christy: Mom, I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet.
- Bonnie: It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear.
- Christy: Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.
- Violet: Mom, I'm not having sex.
- Christy: Uh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets.
A Pee Stick and an Asian Raccoon [1.02]
edit- Christy: That's how you get into heaven, letting a little guy go up on you.
- Bonnie: I wish. All he wanted to do was spank me.
- Christy: Well, no good deed goes unpunished.
- Violet: I'll have the test results in two minutes.
- Christy: That's great. I mean the time to worry is so much less. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 20 minutes.
- Violet: Really?
- Christy: Yeah, that's how far science has come. So, that's great! [to Bonnie] We'll know the test results in 2 minutes.
- Bonnie: Wow. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 2 hours.
- Christy: Really?
- Bonnie: Yeah, that's a long time to wait in a gas station bathroom.
A Small Nervous Meltdown and a Misplaced Fork [1.03]
edit- Bonnie: You know, I had sex with a missionary once and oddly -- he wasn't a fan of the position.
- Bonnie: [holding up one of Christy's dresses] Were you sober when you bought this?
- Christy: I don't even remember. I hate all my clothes, they're all from when I was drinking.
- Bonnie: [holds up red plastic dress] What were you when you bought this?
- Christy: Popular.
- Roscoe: [playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money.
- Bonnie: No money? Or no money ON you?
- Roscoe: Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank.
- Bonnie: Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it?
- Bonnie: So how'd it go with your boss?
- Christy: I broke his leg *and* his nose.
- Bonnie: It felt good, didn't it?
- Christy: No, it didn't.
- Bonnie: A little bit?
- Christy: ...A little.
Loathing and Tube Socks [1.04]
editSix Thousand Bootleg T-Shirts and a Prada Handbag [1.05]
edit- Christy: Regina, I know this is difficult for you, but I just want you to know, I think you're doing great.
- Regina: Really? 'Cause I think I might snap and kill you and your mother in your sleep.
- Bonnie: Recovering from the fatal disease of alcoholism doesn't mean I can't get some strange every once in a while.
- Christy: You should sew that on a pillow.
Abstinence and Pudding [1.06]
edit- Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
- Bonnie: Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own?
- Marjorie: Four.
- Luke: I'm telling you, I walked in on my parents having sex once and it traumatized me.
- Violet: This isn't the same thing.
- Luke: Yeah, it's worse, the kid can't run out of the room screaming.
- Violet: [Christy enters] Mom, tell Luke he's not going to hurt the baby.
- Christy: ...If I do that, he'll have sex with you. [to Luke] Stick to your guns.
- Bonnie: [Christy doesn't want to talk about her relationship] So how about you, Luke still worried he'll poke the baby's eye out?
- Violet: Luke is a very caring and sensitive person, and I don't want to talk about it.
- Bonnie: [pause] Well since nobody's going to ask me, I'll tell you, I took home a vice cop last night and I do want to talk about it.
Estrogen and a Hearty Breakfast [1.07]
edit- Christy: [speaking to Luke's parents] All right, I just want to say that we've all come to really love your son, and I know my daughter is crazy about him, so... I'm sure there's a happy ending in here somewhere.
- Bonnie: If Violet just gave him a happy ending we woul...
- Christy: Mom!
- Christy: [as Luke's parents are leaving] By the way, Pastor. We're going to raise the baby Jewish.
- Bonnie: And we're not Jews.
- Christy: Shalom, bitch!
- Bonnie: [as Christy tucks her in] Am I pretty?
- Christy: What? Of course you are, you're beautiful.
- Bonnie: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a man trapped in a man's body.
- Christy: That's all in your head.
- Bonnie: Are you saying I'm crazy?
- Christy: Not in this context. Go to sleep, things will look a lot better in the morning.
- Nathan: We're not sure that Luke is the only boy who has slept with this temptress.
- Bonnie: Now hold it right there, I can assure you that with every generation of our family, the women get better. Now, I may have been a drunken slut.
- Christy: She was.
- Bonnie: And my daughter may also have been a drunken slut.
- Christy: Hey!
- Bonnie: What?
- Christy: Sorry, go on.
- Bonnie: But this angel was pure as snow until she smoked your son's blunt, drank his tequila and made mad passionate love to him for about 2 minutes. [to Violet] Am I right so far?
- Violet: [uncomfortably] Pretty much.
Big Sur and Strawberry Lube [1.08]
editZombies and Cobb Salad [1.09]
editBelgian Waffles and Bathroom Privileges [1.10]
edit- Christy: Dammit, I forgot I have to take Violet to her doctor's appointment!
- Bonnie: I know, I had Luke take her in early. She's gained 3 pounds, the baby's the size of an heirloom tomato.
- Violet: Do we have a Bible?
- Christy: We have one that's hollowed out.
- Violet: Why would it be hollow?
- Christy: ...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible.
- Violet: Never mind, I'll just get one at the library.
- Christy: Why do you want to read the Bible?
- Violet: Because I'm curious.
- Christy: What? I didn't raise you to be curious.
- Violet: Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul.
- Christy: Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass.
Cotton Candy and Blended Fish [1.11]
edit- Christy: Marjorie, how many cats do you own?
- Marjorie: Oh, you don't own cats. You love them.
- Christy: Okay... How many cats do you love?
- Marjorie: [pointing and gesturing] Well, let's see. That's Carlos Santana, and that's Grace Slick, and that's Boz Skaggs, and Steve Miller, and these three are the Tower of Power horn section. And this fat little trouble-maker is Jerry Garcia. So... eight.
- Christy: [walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door!
- Luke: No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her.
- Christy: What?
- Violet: None of my stupid pants fit!
- Christy: Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen.
- Violet: I did but I still wanted to be hot.
- Christy: You were hot, that's why you're pregnant.
Corned Beef and Handcuffs [1.12]
edit- Rudy: But the real magic happens when we start to combine flavors. For example, take a simple cherry tomato, squirt a little aged balsamic vinegar into its fleshy center...
- Bonnie: Cherry. Squirt. Fleshy. You can't help yourself, can you?
- Rudy: It's very hard.
- Christy: Rudy said he doesn't want to see you anymore.
- Bonnie: What? Wait, why are you telling me this and not him?
- Christy: Because he has an emotionally crippling mother.
- Rudy: So why don't you drink?
- Bonnie: I'm allergic to alcohol, any time I drink it I break out in handcuffs.
- Rudy: What a shame, I happen to have a large collection of both wine and handcuffs.
Hot Soup and Shingles [1.13]
editLeather Cribs and Medieval Rack [1.14]
edit- Christy: [Christy and Bonnie are confessing long-held secret to each other] Okay, I got one. Remember that kilo of hash that was stolen from your car?
- Bonnie: Yeah?
- Christy: Best. Junior Prom. Ever.
- Bonnie: Are you crazy? I was almost KILLED for that.
- Christy: Oh, I'm sorry.
- Bonnie: I had a GUN to my head in the desert, they made me dig my own grave!
- Christy: That's too bad. I was voted queen of the prom!
- Luke: This ass was spanked a lot as a kid and it's a better ass for it.
- Violet: Well I want to raise our baby with patience and understanding.
- Luke: Why? You weren't raised that way.
- Violet: I know. I want to do better by our child. I want to be able to break the cycle.
- Luke: Wow, that's ambitious.
Fireballs and Bullet Holes [1.15]
edit- Alvin: [Knocks on door. Violet answers] Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here?
- Violet: You a bill collector?
- Alvin: No.
- Violet: Subpoena?
- Alvin: No.
- Violet: Are we being evicted again?
- Alvin: No. What do you mean "again"?
- Violet: Never mind. She's not here.
- Alvin: Oh, okay. You, uh... you must be her daughter.
- Violet: Listen pal, we're not joining your church.
- Alvin: I'm not... Forget it. I'll come back another time.
- Violet: Whatever. [Slams door]
- Alvin: Wow. My granddaughter's a joy.
Nietzsche and a Beer Run [1.16]
edit- Christy: [ driving a firetruck stops at a red light]
- Bonnie: [following Christy) What are you doing?
- Christy: What it's a red light.
- Bonnie: You're in a firetruck.
- Christy: Oh right. [turns on sirens]
Jail, Jail and Japanese Porn [1.17]
edit- Christy: I can't believe they found you guilty.
- Regina: I can. I stole three million dollars.
- Christy: Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails.
- Regina: Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar.
- Bonnie: Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing.
- Regina: Where do you think Christy is?
- Bonnie: I think she's unrolling a fire hose.
- Regina: What?
- Bonnie: She's dating a fireman.
Sonograms and Tube Tops [1.18]
edit- Christy: I thought this baby was going to be my second chance.
- Violet: How would that happen?
- Christy: Well, this time I wouldn't be drunk. I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting, at the wrong school.
- Violet: [dryly] Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing.
- Christy: The baby shower's going to be great, fun and games and free stuff for the baby.
- Violet: I don't need it.
- Christy: Violet, I'm stealing food from work, trust me, we need it.
- Violet: No we don't.
- Christy: Why not?
- Violet: ...I've made a decision. I'm giving this baby up for adoption. [leaves]
- Christy: I feel like I just got punched in the heart.
- Violet: Dumbass crackers!
- Christy: What's the matter?
- Violet: Luke's parents. First they say they don't want a thing to do with this baby, and now they're freaking out because I'm giving up their "beloved grandkid".
- Bonnie: What about Luke?
- Violet: He was useless. Oh, and get this. [snarkily] Now his parents are insisting that they're going to adopt the baby!
- Christy: What'd you tell them?
- Violet: I told them that I don't want my kid being raised by religious fanatics. I want it raised by homosexuals! [leaves]
Toilet Wine and the Earl of Sandwich [1.19]
edit- Regina: Do you know what the worst part of being in prison will be?
- Bonnie: Being in prison?
- Regina: No, that I won't get to see my son grow up.
- Bonnie: Oh... I'm gonna stop talking now.
- Marjorie: Don't say it if you don't mean it.
- Christy: When did you last see your son?
- Regina: Before my trial.
- Marjorie: But that was months ago!
- Regina: My ex-husband won't let me see him, not that I blame him. He just turned 10. He's going to be a teenager by the time I get out.
- Christy: Where's your ex live?
- Regina: In Stockton, about a hundred miles back.
- Christy: [pause] Hell with it. [turns the car around] We're going to Stockton!
- Regina: But I'll be late to turn myself in.
- Christy: What the hell are they gonna do, Regina? Throw you in jail?
Clumsy Monkeys and a Tilted Uterus [1.20]
editBroken Dreams and Blocked Arteries [1.21]
edit- Violet: Hey.
- Alvin: Hey. Your mom tells me you've got a prom coming up.
- Violet: Um-hmm.
- Alvin: That sounds like fun.
- Violet: Yep.
- Alvin: What's the theme?
- Violet: Broken condoms, broken dreams.
- Alvin: [Nodding] Oh, okay. You've got a shot at being the Queen.
Smokey Taylor and a Deathbed Confession [1.22]
edit- Christy: Shouldn't Luke be here by now?
- Violet: He didn't drive, he's high, so he took the bus.
- Christy: He smoked pot on the day you're having the baby?
- Violet: He smokes pot every day, it's not a big deal.
- Luke: [in the hall] Violet?
- Violet: I'm in here!
- Luke: [walks right by] Violet?
- Violet: I'm in here!
- Luke: Violet?
- Violet: You literally just walked past me!
- Luke: Violet?
- Christy: Everyday, huh?
- Violet: I changed my mind!
- Christy: I told you, you can't go home, you have to have this baby.
- Violet: No, I changed my mind, I'm keeping this baby!
- Christy: [she and Bonnie look at each other] Are you sure?
- Violet: I'm never going through this much pain again, so I need to keep this baby!
Season 2
editHepatitis and Lemon Zest [2.01]
editFiggy Pudding and the Rapture [2.02]
editChicken Nuggets and a Triple Homicide [2.03]
editForged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage [2.04]
editKimchi and a Monkey Playing Harmonica [2.05]
editCrazy Eyes and a Wet Brad Pitt [2.06]
editSoapy Eyes and a Clean Slate [2.07]
editFree Therapy and a Dead Lady's Yard Sale [2.08]
editGodzilla and a Sprig of Mint [2.09]
editNudes and a Six Day Cleanse [2.10]
editThree Smiles and an Unpainted Ceiling [2.11]
editKitty Litter and a Class A Felony [2.12]
editCheeseburger Salad and Jazz [2.13]
editBenito Poppins and a Warm Pumpkin [2.14]
editTurkey Meatballs and a Getaway Car [2.15]
editDirty Money and a Woman Named Mike [2.16]
editA Commemorative Coin and a Misshapen Head [2.17]
editDropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne [2.18]
editMashed Potatoes and a Little Nitrous [2.19]
editSick Popes and a Red Ferrari [2.20]
editPatient Zero and the Chocolate Fountain [2.21]
editFun Girl Stuff and Eternal Salvation [2.22]
editSeason 3
editTerrorists and Gingerbread [3.01]
editThigh Gap and a Rack of Lamb [3.02]
editMozzarella Sticks and a Gay Piano Bar [3.03]
editSawdust and Brisket [3.04]
editA Pirate, Three Frogs and a Prince [3.05]
editHorny-Goggles and a Catered Intervention [3.06]
editKreplach and a Tiny Tush [3.07]
editSnickerdoodle and a Nip Slip [3.08]
editMy Little Pony and a Demerol Drip [3.09]
editQuaaludes and Crackerjack [3.10]
editCinderella and a Drunk MacGyver [3.11]
editDiabetic Lesbians and a Blushing Bride [3.12]
editSticky Hands and a Walk on the Wild Side [3.13]
editDeath, Death, Death and a Bucket of Chicken [3.14]
editNazi Zombies and a Two-Hundred Pound Baby [3.15]
editCornflakes and the Hair of Three Men [3.16]
editCaperberries and a Glass Eye [3.17]
editBeast Mode and Old People Kissing [3.18]
editA Catheter and a Dipsy-Doodle [3.19]
editPure Evil and a Free Piece of Cheesecake [3.20]
editMahjong Sally and the Ecstasy [3.21]
editAtticus Finch and the Downtrodden [3.22]
editSeason 4
editHigh-tops and Brown Jacket [4.01]
editSword Fights and a Dominican Shortstop [4.02]
editSparkling Water and Ba-dinkers [4.03]
editCurious George and the Big Red Nightmare [4.04]
editBlow and a Free McMuffin [4.05]
editXanax and a Baby Duck [4.06]
editCornbread and a Cashmere Onesie [4.07]
editFreckled Bananas and a Little Schwinn [4.08]
editBad Hand and British Royalty [4.09]
editA Safe Word and a Rib Eye [4.10]
editGood Karma and the Big Weird [4.11]
editWind Chimes and a Bottomless Pit of Sadness [4.12]
editA Bouncy Castle and an Aneurysm [4.13]
editRoast Chicken and a Funny Story [4.14]
editNight Swimmin' and an English Muffin [4.15]
editMartinis and a Sponge Bath [4.16]
editBlack Mold and an Old Hot Dog [4.17]
editTush Push and Some Radishes [4.18]
editTantric Sex and the Sprouted Flute [4.19]
editA Cricket and a Hedge Made of Gold [4.20]
editA Few Thongs and a Hawaiian Funeral [4.21]
editLockjaw and a Liquid Diet [4.22]
editSeason 5
editTwinkle Lights and Grandma Shoes [5.01]
editFish Town and Too Many Thank You's [5.02]
edit- [The end credits scroll up. The logo reads: Chuck Lorre Productions, #570]
- Emoji: Believe me.
- [Last lines]
A Seafaring Ancestor and a Bloomin' Onion [5.03]
editFancy Crackers and Giant Women [5.04]
editPoodle Fuzz and a Twinge of Jealousy [5.05]
editSmooth Jazz and a Weird Floaty Eye [5.06]
editToo Many Hippies and Huevos Rancheros [5.07]
editAn Epi-Pen and a Security Cat [5.08]
editTeenage Vampires and a White Russian [5.09]
editA Bear and a Bladder Infection [5.10]
editBert and Ernie and a Blessing of the People [5.11]
editPush-Down Coffee and a Working Turn Signal [5.12]
editPudding and a Screen Door [5.13]
editCharlotte Brontë and a Backhoe [5.14]
editEsta Loca and a Little Klingon [5.15]
editEight Cats and the Hat Show [5.16]
editCrazy Snakes and a Clog to the Head [5.17]
editSpaghetti Sauce and a Dumpster Fire [5.18]
editA Taco Bowl and a Tubby Seamstress [5.19]
editOcular Fluid and Fighting Robots [5.20]
editPhone Confetti and a Wee Dingle [5.21]
editDiamond Earrings and a Pumpkin Head [5.22]
editSeason 6
editPre-Washed Lettuce and a Mime [6.01]
editGo-Go Boots and a Butt Cushion [6.02]
editAmbulance Chasers and a Babbling Brook [6.03]
editBig Sauce and Coconut Water [6.04]
editFlying Monkeys and a Tank of Nitrous [6.05]
editCottage Cheese and a Weird Buzz [6.06]
editPuzzle Club and a Closet Party [6.07]
editJell-O Shots and the Truth about Santa [6.08]
editPork Loin and a Beat Up Monte Carlo [6.09]
editFlamingos and a Dance-Based Exercise Class [6.10]
editFoot Powder and the Barrelworks Pirates [6.11]
editHacky Sack and a Beautiful Experience [6.12]
editBig Floor Pillows and a Ball of Fire [6.13]
editKalamazoo and a Bad Wedge of Brie [6.14]
editSparkling Banter and a Failing Steel Town [6.15]
editSkippy and the Knowledge Hole [6.16]
editCincinnati and a Toe Situation [6.17]
editSoup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose [6.18]
editLumbar Support and Old Pork [6.19]
editTriple Dip and an Overhand Grip [6.20]
editFingers Guns and a Beef Bourguignon [6.21]
editCrazy Hair and a Teeny Tiny Part of Canada [6.22]
editSeason 7
editAudrey Hepburn and a Jalapeño Pepper [7.01]
editPop Pop and a Puma [7.02]
editGoat Yogurt and Ample Parking [7.03]
editTwirly Flippy Men and a Dirty Bird [7.04]
editFake Bacon and a Plan to Kill All of Us [7.05]
editWile E. Coyote and a Possessed Doll [7.06]
editPork Butt and a Mall Walker [7.07]
editHot Butter and Toxic Narcissism [7.08]
editTuna Florentine and a Clean Handoff [7.09]
editHiggledy-Piggledy and a Cat Show [7.10]
editOne Tiny Incision and a Coffin Dress [7.11]
editSilly Frills and a Depressed Garden Gnome [7.12]
editDammit Sandra and Viking Ancestors [7.13]
editCheddar Cheese and a Squirrel Circus [7.14]
editSomebody's Grandmother and the A-List [7.15]
editJudy Garland and a Sexy Troll Doll [7.16]
editBeef Baloney Dan and a Sarcastic No [7.17]
editA Judgy Face and Your Grandma's Drawers [7.18]
editTexas Pete and a Parking Lot Carnival [7.19]
editBig Sad Eyes and an Antique Hot Dog [7.20]
editSeason 8
editMy Kinda People and the Big To-Do [8.18]
edit- [The last lines of the series]
- Bonnie: This has been quite a day. I think I've had every feeling a person can have. Some of them great, some of them just awful. And never once thought about drinking or using. But that's not the miracle. The miracle is I never thought about myself. I was thinking about the people I love and how I can help them. And also some fish, which is ironic, 'cause I had sushi for lunch. I didn't care. It was... When I walked in that door eight years ago, I was so filled with fear and self-loathing, shame. But now, I kind of like me. I kind of love me. [Tears up] I love my husband, I love my daughter, my friends, my grandkids. I even love those two crazy bitches in the back row.
- Jolene: I think that's us.
- Shannon: It is.
- Bonnie: I've always heard people in meetings say how they're grateful alcoholics, and I never understood it. It actually kind of pissed me off. But now I get it. My name is Bonnie and I'm a grateful alcoholic. And if that pisses you off, just keep coming back. Thank you. [The groups applauds and Bonnie walks to the back] Would you guys join us for coffee?
- Shannon: Just say yes.
- Jolene: Yes.
- Wendy: Who else would like to share?
Cast
edit- Anna Faris - Christy Plunkett (seasons 1-7)
- Allison Janney - Bonnie Plunkett
- Sadie Calvano - Violet Plunkett (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4)
- Nate Corddry - Gabriel (regular seasons 1-2)
- Matt L. Jones - Baxter (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4)
- French Stewart - Chef Rudy (regular season 1-2, recurring season 6-7)
- Spencer Daniels - Luke (regular seasons 1-2)
- Blake Garrett Rosenthal - Roscoe (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4)
- Mini Kennedy - s Marjorie Armstrong (recurring season 1, regular season 2-8)
- Jaime Pressly - Jill Kendall (recurring season 2, regular season 3-8)
- Beth Hall - Wendy Harris (recurring season 2, regular season 3-8)
External links
edit- Mom (TV series) quotes at the Internet Movie Database
- Mom at TV.com