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Mom (TV series)

American sitcom created by Chuck Lorre for CBS

Mom (2013 - ) is an American sitcom, airing on CBS about a newly sober and a single mom raising two children, whose mom, also a recovering drug and alcohol addict, returns to work on her relationship with her daughter.

Contents

Season 1Edit

Pilot [1.01]Edit

Christy: While other mothers were cooking dinner, you were cooking meth.
Bonnie: Otherwise known as working.

Christy: Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady.

Christy: Mom, I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet.
Bonnie: It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear.

Christy: Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.
Violet: Mom, I'm not having sex.
Christy: Uh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets.

A Pee Stick and an Asian Raccoon [1.02]Edit

Christy: That's how you get into heaven, letting a little guy go up on you.
Bonnie: I wish. All he wanted to do was spank me.
Christy: Well, no good deed goes unpunished.

Violet: I'll have the test results in two minutes.
Christy: That's great. I mean the time to worry is so much less. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 20 minutes.
Violet: Really?
Christy: Yeah, that's how far science has come. So, that's great! [to Bonnie] We'll know the test results in 2 minutes.
Bonnie': Wow. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 2 hours.
Christy: Really?
Bonnie: Yeah, that's a long time to wait in a gas station bathroom.

A Small Nervous Meltdown and a Misplaced Fork [1.03]Edit

Bonnie: You know, I had sex with a missionary once and oddly -- he wasn't a fan of the position.

Bonnie: [holding up one of Christy's dresses] Were you sober when you bought this?
Christy: I don't even remember. I hate all my clothes, they're all from when I was drinking.
Bonnie: [holds up red plastic dress] What were you when you bought this?
Christy: Popular.

Roscoe: [playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money.
Bonnie: No money? Or no money ON you?
Roscoe: Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank.
Bonnie: Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it?

Bonnie: So how'd it go with your boss?
Christy: I broke his leg *and* his nose.
Bonnie: It felt good, didn't it?
Christy: No, it didn't.
Bonnie: A little bit?
Christy: ...A little.

Loathing and Tube Socks [1.04]Edit

Six Thousand Bootleg T-Shirts and a Prada Handbag [1.05]Edit

Christy: Regina, I know this is difficult for you, but I just want you to know, I think you're doing great.
Regina: Really? 'Cause I think I might snap and kill you and your mother in your sleep.

Bonnie: Recovering from the fatal disease of alcoholism doesn't mean I can't get some strange every once in a while.
Christy: You should sew that on a pillow.

Abstinence and Pudding [1.06]Edit

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
Bonnie': Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Four.

Luke: I'm telling you, I walked in on my parents having sex once and it traumatized me.
Violet: This isn't the same thing.
Luke: Yeah, it's worse, the kid can't run out of the room screaming.
Violet: [Christy enters] Mom, tell Luke he's not going to hurt the baby.
Christy: ...If I do that, he'll have sex with you. [to Luke] Stick to your guns.

Bonnie: [Christy doesn't want to talk about her relationship] So how about you, Luke still worried he'll poke the baby's eye out?
Violet: Luke is a very caring and sensitive person, and I don't want to talk about it.
Bonnie: [pause] Well since nobody's going to ask me, I'll tell you, I took home a vice cop last night and I do want to talk about it.

Estrogen and a Hearty Breakfast [1.07]Edit

Christy: [speaking to Luke's parents] All right, I just want to say that we've all come to really love your son, and I know my daughter is crazy about him, so... I'm sure there's a happy ending in here somewhere.
Bonnie: If Violet just gave him a happy ending we woul...
Christy: Mom!

Christy: [as Luke's parents are leaving] By the way, Pastor. We're going to raise the baby Jewish.
Bonnie: And we're not Jews.
Christy: Shalom, bitch!

Bonnie: [as Christy tucks her in] Am I pretty?
Christy: What? Of course you are, you're beautiful.
Bonnie: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a man trapped in a man's body.
Christy: That's all in your head.
Bonnie: Are you saying I'm crazy?
Christy: Not in this context. Go to sleep, things will look a lot better in the morning.

Nathan: We're not sure that Luke is the only boy who has slept with this temptress.
Bonnie: Now hold it right there, I can assure you that with every generation of our family, the women get better. Now, I may have been a drunken slut.
Christy: She was.
Bonnie: And my daughter may also have been a drunken slut.
Christy: Hey!
Bonnie: What?
Christy: Sorry, go on.
Bonnie: But this angel was pure as snow until she smoked your son's blunt, drank his tequila and made mad passionate love to him for about 2 minutes. [to Violet] Am I right so far?
Violet: [uncomfortably] Pretty much.

Big Sur and Strawberry Lube [1.08]Edit

Zombies and Cobb Salad [1.09]Edit

Belgian Waffles and Bathroom Privileges [1.10]Edit

Christy: Dammit, I forgot I have to take Violet to her doctor's appointment!
Bonnie: I know, I had Luke take her in early. She's gained 3 pounds, the baby's the size of an heirloom tomato.

Violet: Do we have a Bible?
Christy: We have one that's hollowed out.
Violet: Why would it be hollow?
Christy: ...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible.
Violet: Never mind, I'll just get one at the library.

Christy: Why do you want to read the Bible?
Violet: Because I'm curious.
Christy: What? I didn't raise you to be curious.
Violet: Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul.
Christy: Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass.

Cotton Candy and Blended Fish [1.11]Edit

Christy: Marjorie, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Oh, you don't own cats. You love them.
Christy: Okay... How many cats do you love?
Marjorie: [pointing and gesturing] Well, let's see. That's Carlos Santana, and that's Grace Slick, and that's Boz Skaggs, and Steve Miller, and these three are the Tower of Power horn section. And this fat little trouble-maker is Jerry Garcia. So... eight.

Christy: [walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door!
Luke: No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her.
Christy: What?
Violet: None of my stupid pants fit!
Christy: Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen.
Violet: I did but I still wanted to be hot.
Christy: You were hot, that's why you're pregnant.

Corned Beef and Handcuffs [1.12]Edit

Rudy: But the real magic happens when we start to combine flavors. For example, take a simple cherry tomato, squirt a little aged balsamic vinegar into its fleshy center...
Bonnie: Cherry. Squirt. Fleshy. You can't help yourself, can you?
Rudy: It's very hard.

Christy: Rudy said he doesn't want to see you anymore.
Bonnie: What? Wait, why are you telling me this and not him?
Christy: Because he has an emotionally crippling mother.

Rudy: So why don't you drink?
Bonnie: I'm allergic to alcohol, any time I drink it I break out in handcuffs.
Rudy: What a shame, I happen to have a large collection of both wine and handcuffs.

Hot Soup and Shingles [1.13]Edit

Leather Cribs and Medieval Rack [1.14]Edit

Christy: [Christy and Bonnie are confessing long-held secret to each other] Okay, I got one. Remember that kilo of hash that was stolen from your car?
Bonnie: Yeah?
Christy: Best. Junior Prom. Ever.
Bonnie: Are you crazy? I was almost KILLED for that.
Christy: Oh, I'm sorry.
Bonnie: I had a GUN to my head in the desert, they made me dig my own grave!
Christy: That's too bad. I was voted queen of the prom!

Luke: This ass was spanked a lot as a kid and it's a better ass for it.
Violet: Well I want to raise our baby with patience and understanding.
Luke: Why? You weren't raised that way.
Violet: I know. I want to do better by our child. I want to be able to break the cycle.
Luke: Wow, that's ambitious.

Fireballs and Bullet Holes [1.15]Edit

Alvin: [Knocks on door. Violet answers] Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here?
Violet: You a bill collector?
Alvin: No.
Violet: Subpoena?
Alvin: No.
Violet: Are we being evicted again?
Alvin: No. What do you mean "again"?
Violet: Never mind. She's not here.
Alvin: Oh, okay. You, uh... you must be her daughter.
Violet: Listen pal, we're not joining your church.
Alvin: I'm not... Forget it. I'll come back another time.
Violet: Whatever. [Slams door]
Alvin: Wow. My granddaughter's a joy.

Nietzsche and a Beer Run [1.16]Edit

Christy: [ driving a firetruck stops at a red light]
Bonnie: [following Christy, the calls her] What are you doing?
Christy: What it's a red light.
Bonnie: You're in a firetruck.
Christy: Oh right. [turns on sirens]

Jail, Jail and Japanese Porn [1.17]Edit

Christy: I can't believe they found you guilty.
Regina: I can. I stole three million dollars.
Christy: Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails.
Regina: Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar.
Bonnie: Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing.

Regina: Where do you think Christy is?
Bonnie: I think she's unrolling a fire hose.
Regina: What?
Bonnie: She's dating a fireman.

Sonograms and Tube Tops [1.18]Edit

Toilet Wine and the Earl of Sandwich [1.19]Edit

Clumsy Monkeys and a Tilted Uterus [1.20]Edit

Broken Dreams and Blocked Arteries [1.21]Edit

Smokey Taylor and a Deathbed Confession [1.22]Edit

Season 2Edit

Hepatitis and Lemon Zest [2.01]Edit

Figgy Pudding and the Rapture [2.02]Edit

Chicken Nuggets and a Triple Homicide [2.03]Edit

Forged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage [2.04]Edit

Kimchi and a Monkey Playing Harmonica [2.05]Edit

Crazy Eyes and a Wet Brad Pitt [2.06]Edit

Soapy Eyes and a Clean Slate [2.07]Edit

Free Therapy and a Dead Lady's Yard Sale [2.08]Edit

Godzilla and a Sprig of Mint [2.09]Edit

Nudes and a Six Day Cleanse [2.10]Edit

Three Smiles and an Unpainted Ceiling [2.11]Edit

Kitty Litter and a Class A Felony [2.12]Edit

Cheeseburger Salad and Jazz [2.13]Edit

Benito Poppins and a Warm Pumpkin [2.14]Edit

Turkey Meatballs and a Getaway Car [2.15]Edit

Dirty Money and a Woman Named Mike [2.16]Edit

A Commemorative Coin and a Misshapen Head [2.17]Edit

Dropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne [2.18]Edit

Mashed Potatoes and a Little Nitrous [2.19]Edit

Sick Popes and a Red Ferrari [2.20]Edit

Patient Zero and the Chocolate Fountain [2.21]Edit

Fun Girl Stuff and Eternal Salvation [2.22]Edit

Season 3Edit

Terrorists and Gingerbread [3.01]Edit

Thigh Gap and a Rack of Lamb [3.02]Edit

Mozzarella Sticks and a Gay Piano Bar [3.03]Edit

Sawdust and Brisket [3.04]Edit

A Pirate, Three Frogs and a Prince [3.05]Edit

Horny-Goggles and a Catered Intervention [3.06]Edit

Kreplach and a Tiny Tush [3.07]Edit

Snickerdoodle and a Nip Slip [3.08]Edit

My Little Pony and a Demerol Drip [3.09]Edit

Quaaludes and Crackerjack [3.10]Edit

Cinderella and a Drunk MacGyver [3.11]Edit

Diabetic Lesbians and a Blushing Bride [3.12]Edit

Sticky Hands and a Walk on the Wild Side [3.13]Edit

Death, Death, Death and a Bucket of Chicken [3.14]Edit

Nazi Zombies and a Two-Hundred Pound Baby [3.15]Edit

Cornflakes and the Hair of Three Men [3.16]Edit

Caperberries and a Glass Eye [3.17]Edit

Beast Mode and Old People Kissing [3.18]Edit

A Catheter and a Dipsy-Doodle [3.19]Edit

Pure Evil and a Free Piece of Cheesecake [3.20]Edit

Mahjong Sally and the Ecstasy [3.21]Edit

Atticus Finch and the Downtrodden [3.22]Edit

Season 4Edit

High-tops and Brown Jacket [4.01]Edit

Sword Fights and a Dominican Shortstop [4.02]Edit

Sparkling Water and Ba-dinkers [4.03]Edit

Curious George and the Big Red Nightmare [4.04]Edit

Blow and a Free McMuffin [4.05]Edit

Xanax and a Baby Duck [4.06]Edit

Cornbread and a Cashmere Onesie [4.07]Edit

Freckled Bananas and a Little Schwinn [4.08]Edit

Bad Hand and British Royalty [4.09]Edit

A Safe Word and a Rib Eye [4.10]Edit

Good Karma and the Big Weird [4.11]Edit

Wind Chimes and a Bottomless Pit of Sadness [4.12]Edit

A Bouncy Castle and an Aneurysm [4.13]Edit

Roast Chicken and a Funny Story [4.14]Edit

Night Swimmin' and an English Muffin [4.15]Edit

Martinis and a Sponge Bath [4.16]Edit

Black Mold and an Old Hot Dog [4.17]Edit

Tush Push and Some Radishes [4.18]Edit

Tantric Sex and the Sprouted Flute [4.19]Edit

A Cricket and a Hedge Made of Gold [4.20]Edit

A Few Thongs and a Hawaiian Funeral [4.21]Edit

Lockjaw and a Liquid Diet [4.22]Edit

Season 5Edit

Twinkle Lights and Grandma Shoes [5.01]Edit

Fish Town and Too Many Thank You's [5.02]Edit

A Seafaring Ancestor and a Bloomin' Onion [5.03]Edit

Fancy Crackers and Giant Women [5.04]Edit

Poodle Fuzz and a Twinge of Jealousy [5.05]Edit

Smooth Jazz and a Weird Floaty Eye [5.06]Edit

Too Many Hippies and Huevos Rancheros [5.07]Edit

An Epi-Pen and a Security Cat [5.08]Edit

Teenage Vampires and a White Russian [5.09]Edit

A Bear and a Bladder Infection [5.10]Edit

Bert and Ernie and a Blessing of the People [5.11]Edit

Push-Down Coffee and a Working Turn Signal [5.12]Edit

Pudding and a Screen Door [5.13]Edit

Charlotte Brontë and a Backhoe [5.14]Edit

Esta Loca and a Little Klingon [5.15]Edit

Eight Cats and the Hat Show [5.16]Edit

Crazy Snakes and a Clog to the Head [5.17]Edit

Spaghetti Sauce and a Dumpster Fire [5.18]Edit

A Taco Bowl and a Tubby Seamstress [5.19]Edit

Ocular Fluid and Fighting Robots [5.20]Edit

Phone Confetti and a Wee Dingle [5.21]Edit

Diamond Earrings and a Pumpkin Head [5.22]Edit

Season 6Edit

Pre-Washed Lettuce and a Mime [6.01]Edit

Go-Go Boots and a Butt Cushion [6.02]Edit

Ambulance Chasers and a Babbling Brook [6.03]Edit

Big Sauce and Coconut Water [6.04]Edit

Flying Monkeys and a Tank of Nitrous [6.05]Edit

Cottage Cheese and a Weird Buzz [6.06]Edit

Puzzle Club and a Closet Party [6.07]Edit

Jell-O Shots and the Truth about Santa [6.08]Edit

Pork Loin and a Beat Up Monte Carlo [6.09]Edit

Flamingos and a Dance-Based Exercise Class [6.10]Edit

Foot Powder and the Barrelworks Pirates [6.11]Edit

Hacky Sack and a Beautiful Experience [6.12]Edit

Big Floor Pillows and a Ball of Fire [6.13]Edit

Kalamazoo and a Bad Wedge of Brie [6.14]Edit

Sparkling Banter and a Failing Steel Town [6.15]Edit

Skippy and the Knowledge Hole [6.16]Edit

Cincinnati and a Toe Situation [6.17]Edit

Soup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose [6.18]Edit

Lumbar Support and Old Pork [6.19]Edit

Triple Dip and an Overhand Grip [6.20]Edit

Fingers Guns and a Beef Bourguignon [6.21]Edit

Crazy Hair and a Teeny Tiny Part of Canada [6.22]Edit

Season 7Edit

Audrey Hepburn and a Jalapeño Pepper [7.01]Edit

Pop Pop and a Puma [7.02]Edit

Goat Yogurt and Ample Parking [7.03]Edit

Twirly Flippy Men and a Dirty Bird [7.04]Edit

Fake Bacon and a Plan to Kill All of Us [7.05]Edit

CastEdit

External linksEdit