Mike Lange

Mike Lange (born March 3, 1948) is an ice hockey play-by-play broadcaster for the Pittsburgh Penguins of the NHL. He is known for colorful and bizarre expressions. His common sayings are referred to as "Langeisms." Lange was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on November 12, 2001. One of his most notable quotes were "scratch my back with a hacksaw".

Mike Lange

Sourced

• Scratch my back with a hacksaw!
  • Quoted in Bob Smizik, "Cow-kicked: FSN fires Lange as Penguins' TV voice", Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (2006-06-30)
  • According to Smizik in Tales from the Pittsburgh Penguins (Sports Publishing, 2006, ISBN 10:1582611998), Lange credits a Pittsburgh mall security guard with giving him the phrase. After giving Lange directions to a location in the building, the guard gave him a piece of paper with the phrase written down on it.

• Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, get me the brandy!
  • Quoted in Bob Smizik, "Cow-kicked: FSN fires Lange as Penguins' TV voice", Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (2006-06-30)
  • Stated upon the Penguins winning their second Stanley Cup in 1992

• Get in the fast lane, Grandma, the bingo game's ready to roll!
  • Quoted in Michael Hasch and Karen Price, Ladies and gentlemen, Lange has left the building, Trib Live Sports (2006-06-30)
  • Stated upon the Penguins winning their fourth Stanley Cup in 2016

• He beat him like a rented mule.
  • Quoted in Bob Smizik, Tales from the Pittsburgh Penguins (2006). Lange credited a stockbroker with saying the phrase to him when Lange asked him how his day was.
  • Noted as a phrase closely associated with Lange, as quoted in Shelly Anderson, "Lange signs 1-year Penguins radio deal", Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (2007-07-27)
• He's smiling like a butchers dog!
• It's a... HOCKEY NIGHT in Pittsburgh!
  • Quoted in Keith Barnes, "Lange's inimitable style makes him a broadcast legend", Tribune-Review (2008-01-20)
  • Lange's opening broadcast line since the first game he called in the 1974-75 season.

• Michael, Michael, Motorcycle.
  • Quoted in Keith Barnes, "Lange's inimitable style makes him a broadcast legend", Tribune-Review (2008-01-20)

• Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one, too!
  • Quoted in Keith Barnes, "Lange's inimitable style makes him a broadcast legend", Tribune-Review (2008-01-20)

• She wants to sell my monkey!
  • Quoted in Frank D, "Mike Langeisms," PensBurgh.com (2008-02-11)

• Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Crick!
  • "Mike Lange Still Going Strong in 33rd Season on Pittsburgh Penguins' Broadcasts", Associated Content. John S Chester Jr, (2009-04-03)
  • Turtle Creek, PA is a suburb of Pittsburgh. Lange pronounces "Creek" in Turtle Creek as "crick" consistent with Pittsburgh's dialect of American English, which is sometimes called Pittsburghese.

• (Insert Goaltender here) doesn't know whether to cry or wind his watch.
  • As noted on Sports Center's Top 10 Mike Lange Signature calls (undated)

• (Insert Goaltender here) just lost his liquor license.
  • As noted on Sportscenter's Top 10 Mike Lange Calls (2nd Version)

• Slap me silly, Sidney!
  • Sometimes said when Sidney Crosby scores a goal.
  • As noted on Sports Center's Top 10 Mike Lange Signature calls (undated)

• Make me a milkshake, Malkin!
  • Sometimes said when Evgeni Malkin scores a goal.
  • "Lange credits Manor boy with ‘Make me a milkshake, Malkin’ goal call", Tribune-Review (2013-01-19)

• Let's go hunt moose on a Harley!
  • As noted on Sports Center's Top 10 Mike Lange Signature calls aired on TSN (2009-03-11)

"Eddie Spaghetti! The Story Behind Mike Lange-isms"

Bob Pompeani, KDKA.com (2008-05-20). Article here.

• Oh no, Eddie Spaghetti!

• Donna needs a doughnut!

• He smoked him like a bad cigar
  • Given to Lange personally by Jaromír Jágr, the original Czech version was "Ten ho vykouril jako cigaretu!".

• And ladies and gentlemen, the kitchen is closed!
  • Lange described the call: "I went into a place to try and get something to eat and the lady very distinctly said to me, 'The kitchen is closed!' I said, 'Wow. There's the end, that's it, you can't eat any more, you haven't got a prayer.' I said, 'That's finality, baby!'"

• And ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has just left the building!

• Look out, Loretta.

• How much fried chicken can YOU eat?

• Book 'em, Danno!

• Hallelujah Hollywood

• Give me back my old Cadillac!

• Hop in the Cordoba, baby, we're going bowling!

• Never teach a pig to sing.
  • A singing pig played the Igloo once... Really!

• Get that dog off my lawn!

• Shave my face with a rusty razor!

• Great Balls of fire!

• And you can spit-shine your shoes Pittsburgh, you're going dancing with the Lord of Lords, Lord Stanley!

• The Stanley Cup has come to the city of Pittsburgh!
  • Stated upon the Penguins winning their first Stanley Cup in 1991

• Lord Stanley, scratch their names on your fabled Cup!
  • Stated upon the Penguins winning their third Stanley Cup in 2009

• Tell your ma, tell your pa, I'm gonna send you back to Arkansas!
  • Stated upon the Penguins winning their fifth Stanley Cup in 2017

• He's got more moves than Mae West!