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Men in Trees

American romantic dramedy series for ABC

Men in Trees (2006–2008) is a romantic television dramedy series starring Anne Heche. The series is centered around relationship coach Marin Frist's misadventures upon relocation to the fictional town of Elmo, Alaska.

Season 1

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Pilot [1.1]

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Marin Frist: Here I've been telling single women to go to sports bars. I should've been telling them to go to Alaska.
Theresa Thomasson: Yeah, well, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Marin: What is this?
Jack Slattery: Observation hut.
Marin: What are you observing?
Jack: I was looking for a nocturnal bear, but instead I found a relationship coach.
Marin: Almost as dangerous.
Patrick O'Bachelorton: ...Patrick wheels out an old 3-speed bike towards Marin...
Patrick: The front brakes don't work. And you'll need this.
Patrick: ...He pulls out a canister and hands it to Marin...
Patrick: Bear spray.
Marin: ...Marin reacts, then sprays it all over herself like hair spray or perfume...
Patrick: Actually, you spray it on the bear. But that'll work.

Power Shift [1.2]

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Marin: Thanks for sleeping with me, Elmo.

For What It’s Worth... [1.3]

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Jack: I'm not exactly sure what kind of date you're expecting for $13,000, but I was thinking picnic.
Marin: Oh, that sounds sweet, but I actually have some other ideas.
Jack: Okay. What do you got in mind?
Marin: Let's start with the bed.
Jack: The--the bed?
Marin: Could you uh, move it...back against the wall?

Sink or Swim [1.4]

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Jane Burns: So what's the latest? Did the new town leave the old town for a younger town yet?

Talk for Tat [1.5]

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Patrick: Personally, I don't think you need all that therapy. You're not crazy.
Marin: [Marin doesn't answer]
Patrick: Are you?
Marin: [Marin shakes her head]
Marin: [to Jack] It's hot...

The Caribou in the Room [1.6]

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Marin: Can you think of a better way to celebrate this new chapter in our relationship?
Jack: We, uh, we have chapters?
Marin: Mm-hmm. Chapter one, 'strangers,' chapter two, 'sex'... chapter three, 'friends.

Ladies Frist [1.7]

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Liza Frist: Mmm, smell that?
Marin: What?
Liza: Mmm, man scent. Flannel and...Mmm, man!
Ben Thomasson: Yeah, some of these guys don't shower too regularly.

The Buddy System [1.8]

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Marin: The only person I trust to cut my hair is Serge, and he's 4,000 miles away. He's been doing me for 10 years. Longest relationship I have ever had.

The Menaissance [1.9]

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Jewel: Thank you, Elmo. Everybody knows there's no place warmer than Alaska.
Marin: You don't have to say everything you feel. I know this because I met Jack...the first real man I've ever known.

New York Fiction (1) [1.10]

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Amanda: I mean, I'll be honest. I've read your previous relationship books--cute, popular, like a...like a...
Quentin: The head cheerleader in high school.
Amanda: Exactly. But this new book--it could be like a...
Quentin: The girl who smoked behind the bleachers.

New York Fiction (2)[1.11]

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Jane: Honey, why in God's name are you on a pay phone? You know, they have more germs than a toilet seat.

The Darkest Day[1.12]

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a guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Annie O'Donnell: How do you feel about your mother?
guy: She--she's dead.
Annie: Okay. Sure.

History Lessons [1.13]

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Guy on the air: Um...and who's out there putting 'will you marry me?' into a random fortune cookie? That's like emotional terrorism.
[Final part]
Marin: History can be messy and painful but it's not our destruction. If we're lucky, it's our foundation. You just have to work your way through the mess to find what matters, to find the pieces of your past you still want to carry with you, and sometimes, if you have just the right view and just the right castle, you can build the foundation for your new history, all by yourself.

Bed, Bat & Beyond [1.14]

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[Marin calls Jane]
Jane: Hello? Marin?
Marin: Did I wake you?
Jane: Mmm, not exactly.
Marin: Oh, man. Were you having sex?
Jane: Oh, don't be silly.
Marin: Okay, I'm fine. Uh, no worries. Bye.

Take It Like a Man[1.15]

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[At the Chieftain]
Jerome: Will you quit bragging about all this phone sex you're having?
Marin: Have you been listening this whole time?
Ben Thomasson: We all have.
Marin: Ugh!
Buzz Washington: You say the word 'sex' around here, and ears perk up. It's like church bells ringing.

Nice Girls Finish Frist [1.16]

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Cash: I'm not a stranger. We've had two conversations. Three, if you count the last two minutes. That's enough to marry people off in some countries.
Marin: Oh, thanks for the offer, but no.

The Indecent Proposal [1.17]

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Marin: Oh, wow. I'm moving out. I have been through a lot in this room.
Annie: I know! You broke your engagement, slept with Jack, broke up with Jack, had phone sex with Stuart.
Marin: How do you know all that?
Patrick: Thin walls.

Season 2

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A Tree Goes in Elmo [2.1]

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[Marin and Cash are visiting a guru]
Marin: Uh, may I ask where you got your therapy degree, where you went to school?
The guru: "Devry.
Marin: The technical institute? You went to study therapy there?
The guru: Semiconductor manufacturing.

Chemical Reactions [2.2]

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Marin: So you kinda do for animals what I do for people?
Jack: Well...you film people having sex?
Celia Bachelor: (knocks)
Dick: (opens the window of the car)
Celia What are you doing?
Dick: I am an emotional eater, okay? I eat to stuff down my emotions.
Celia: Look, I don't pretend that you understand what I just did, you are not a mother!
Dick: You infringed the law!
Celia: Well, it's probably better that we call it quits, it's not like we were in love or anything, right? (looks up to the right)
Dick: (gets out of the car in deep emotion) I saw that!!
Celia: What?!
Dick: You did it again, you do love me!
Celia: No I didn't.
Dick: Yes, you did.
Celia: No, I didn't.
Dick: Yes, you did.
Celia: No I didn't...okay! Fine, I did, I love you!!
Dick: And for the record , I love you too.
Cash: I make a kick-ass stew.
Marin: My kick-ass stew could kick your kick-ass stew's ass.

No Man Is An Island [2.3]

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[Celia to Dick]
Celia: Look...I'm older than you by a number of years. So, you know, let's say when you're 60, I'm gonna be...[whispering] and when you're 70, I'm gonna be...[whispering] and when you're 80, I'm gonna be...dead.

I Wood If I Could [2.4]

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Marin: Patrick, we have got to talk about your bachelor party, or your O'Bachelorton party, as I like to call it. Have you thought about what you would like to do or...have?"
Patrick: Uh, beer. Ping-pong. Beer-pong!
[Marin finds Jack building a swing on her porch]
Marin: I thought I made myself clear with the wood.
Jack: Yeah, you did.
Marin: I said I didn't want any romantic gestures, right?
Jack: Yeah, I know.
Marin: So you are just ignoring what I said?
Jack: Yeah, pretty much.
Marin: Wow, you got a lot of nerve buddy.
Jack: Only when it comes to stuff I really want.
[At the Chieftain]
Annie: Patrick, tag me in!

The Girl Who Cried Wolf [2.5]

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[Jerome answering the phone at the Chieftain]
Jerome: Chieftain. Well, y-yeah, this is the, um, official bar of the Alaska Huskies. Please hold. [To Ben] Some guy with an accent.
Ben: Russian or Polish?
Jerome: Could--could you say, uh, 'the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain?'" [To Ben] "Definitely a Russki."

Nice Day For A Dry Wedding [2.6]

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Mary Alice: Oh, Jerome, where have you been all my life?
Jerome: : At the Chieftain?
Danny: I thought about you at the rehab, that kept me straight.
Jane: Oh...sweet!
Danny: Anyway, you are at my sister's wedding, all shiny, I'm ah...
Jane: ...sober?
Danny: More or less!
Jane: You can be more or less sober?
Danny: (smiles) You know, back in Queens, I really thought we were heading somewhere...
Jane: You were headed to a facility...and the only thing that I'm interested right now is in being single, sorry.
Danny: Oh, please, I get it! Totally!!
[After kissing Jack]
Marin: Don't forget me!
Jack: I won't, certainly not after this.

Sea Change [2.7]

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Annie: I tried to reconnect with your son in the bedroom, per your instructions.
Celia: And?
Annie: And...it was great, okay! Your son is a fantastic lover!
Celia: So what's the problem, red?
Annie: That man is not Patrick!

Sweatering it Out [2.8]

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Annie: I mean, you have slept with so many more guys than me. Tons, probably.
Marin: Oh, yeah, a thousand.
Annie: (looks at Marin)
Marin: I'm kidding.

Charity Case [2.9]

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Jane: (to Marin about getting back Sam's favorite shirt) I don't want him to discover what a terrible person I am. We have only been married a few weeks. It's too soon.
Marin: When Alaska was just a land of trees, tribes created community through barter -- beads for a fur, a canoe for a cow. Trading partners became friends. Friends became family. As far as I can tell, not much has changed up here. We're still giving and receiving in equal trade. When the system is working, both sides come away happy, neither feeling like they've compromised. But rather, getting something better in the deal. In those moments, we are just a community of people -- sharing. Proving every day that it can be just as fulfilling to give as to receive. Sometimes just as hard.

Sonata in Three Parts [2.10]

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Marin: Regret is a funny thing. You try your best in life to avoid it. But sometimes it's the hard things in life that teach us the most... which makes you wonder, if given the chance, how many of us would do things differently. For some, regret is the very thing that helps us push past our fear and move into the future. For others, it's the thing that allows us to re-explore out past. At its best, regret can be the catalyst for a new beginning, where anything and everything is still possible.
Jerome': Love has a funny way of coming around again. It's kind of like a sonata, but...
Annie: What do you mean?
Jerome: Oh, every sonata has three movements, and the first one, the melody, is new... often lively. But the second part, the part you're hearing right now, things can get a little dark and murky, and you can't always hear the theme. But the third part always comes back to the beginning. Things have a way of working themselves out.

Home Seized Home [2.11]

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Marin: Patrick and I were just discussing the term "carpe diem" or seize the day, an idea so old it comes to us in Latin. Live for today. Don't let opportunity pass you by. Just do it. Which is all well and good, but what happens the day after when you seize the day, wake up, and face the consequences. What do you think? Given the choice, would you rather look or leap?
Marin: Moving to Elmo was one of those seize-the-day moments for me. The thing is, while Alaska is beautiful to look at, I don't spend my days looking. I spend my days living. Like life anywhere, in Elmo there is fighting, and there is making up. There's joy and there is devastation. And once in awhile, amidst all of that, there will be brief flashes where everything just feels right. Serenity. Kind of like a vacation. And, while it's nice to go away, away wouldn't be nearly as nice if you couldn't come home.

Read Between the Minds [2.12]

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Marin: How can you ever really know where someone is coming from? People say it's important to listen, but how can you listen if nothing is being said. Tell me, Elmo, in a relationship do you have the right to remain silent?
Marin: As children, we're taught to express ourselves. We're told to use our words to be specific and not to assume that others know how we feel. Because, the truth is, it takes our saying things aloud to know what we mean to know what we feel ourselves. As adults, there are those times when words fail us. In times like these, we put our words away and show how we feel because actions speak louder than words, and that's saying a lot.

A Tale of Two Kidneys [2.13]

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Marin: Hey Elmo! Patrick and I were just talking about how you show someone you care. Are big grand gestures the way to go or is it the little things that count? We've all had times when we felt like we didn't get enough of someone else's attention, but what about the flip side? Can you actually give too much of yourself to somebody else?
Terri: (discussing his kidney donation with Cash) Besides, I've had it with the volunteering. I'll do the kidney thing and be done with this karmic-payback crap in one fell swoop.
Marin: It is rare to get the chance to actually save someone's life. For most of us, our days are filled with a series of smaller gestures... like a place to lay your head or a beer for a thirsty friend. Then there are times when life calls for a bigger gift, whether you give a fresh start to yourself or a second chance to someone else. But, at the end of the day, perhaps it is our small gestures that will add up to something big... to a life saved or at least a life bettered. Because sometimes the grandest gestures can be the smallest one of all.

Get a Life [2.14]

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Marin: Hey, Elmo. Patrick and I were just discussing movie magic. There's just something about sitting down in a dark theater that lets you escape the reality of your own life and live in the fantasy of someone else's story but what if the cameras were turned on you? In the movie of your life, do you like what you see?
Ivan: (to Annie) You remind me of my country. Beautiful face, but with a complicated history.
Marin: We all love to lose ourselves in a good movie. When I was a girl, I loved The Wizard of Oz. Especially the moment when Dorothy opens the door into that fantastic world. But once Dorothy appreciated how bright and beautiful everything was, she realized she had a bit of a mess on her hands. One of the classic examples of "Be careful what you wish for." Spend five minutes in a fantasy and you might just find yourself wish for your old life back. We miss what's right in front of us when we're busy looking over the rainbow. But sometimes it takes stepping into someone else's world to realize how much you love the life you have. Because no matter how magical the movies are, there is no place like home.

Wander/Lust [2.15]

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Marin: Travel is good for the soul. It opens your eyes. Takes your mind and body to new places. But what about the people who stay behind. How can we trust that you won't be seduced by these new sights and sounds. If you set something you love free, can you really trust that it will come back to you?
Marin: Humans are born with the desire to roam the earth. We crawl, then walk, then run, all in an effort to move further away from where they came from... home. I know firsthand the thrill of what changing one's surroundings can do for one's heart, and now I also know that sometimes staying home and letting others go can be its own fantastic journey. Because when you let go of something, you make room for something else entirely, something you never expected, something that makes "home" seem like its own unexpected adventure... A trip where new treasures are found around every old corner, for the world and all its complexities come right to your doorstep. Because, in the end, the power is not just with those who go away, but also in what they leave behind.
Jack: The humpback whale generally doesn't stay in long-term relationships. I know, it's like a typical guy... gets action and then moves on.

Kiss and Don't Tell [2.16]

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Marin: Opening your door to someone is, in many ways, a lot like opening your heart. It's not always easy. Some of us aren't used to opening up. It can hurt. But we do what we can for our guests. We try to be hospitable, giving them whatever they desire. Sometimes, all you can do is help them feel better while they wait to return home. And soon enough, the guest is gone, leaving us to move the couch, do the laundry, go back to our lives as usual, if that's possible.
Marin: It seems that everyone is taking in a guest these days. It's a tricky thing, sharing your space whether by choice or circumstance. We all want to bend over backwards to make our guest feel at home but what happens when our home stops being our own? How do you find space for yourself? You tell me, Elmo, is it possible to let someone in and still keep your distance?

New Dogs, Old Tricks [2.17]

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Marin: The mind is a funny thing. It's the place from which everything emanates yet no one can access anyone else's which means we've got to communicate. With animals, we use only the most straightforward language…but, between one another, things quickly get complicated. What we say is not always what we mean. And, at times, we have to fight through mixed messages or start all over again. But, no matter how hard it is and how often we feel misunderstood, it is our responsibility to keep fighting for clarity because, in the end, we teach people how to treat us, which means the responsibility to communicate lies not on the shoulders of others but on ourselves.
Marin: Hey Elmo! Annie and I were talking about matters of the heart. We all have emotional boundaries that we set for ourselves but, all too often, we cross them. With authority and repetition, we can train animals to think and act a certain way. What about when it comes to ourselves? Can we train our emotions to sit and stay?

Surprise, Surprise [2.18]

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Marin: There's an old saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you." But is that really true? Or can the things not said today haunt you tomorrow? Everyone knows the truth can be painful. But it can also set you free. It's a risk you take whenever you open yourself up to someone. I, for one, think that honesty is worth it. And who knows? You just might be pleasantly surprised.
Marin: Hey, Elmo! Before we get started today, I want to wish a warm "welcome home" to Patrick. A lot has happened since he left. We all know how unsettling change can sometimes be, especially when we learn something about a person we don't want to know. Can knowing too much be a deal breaker? What do you think, Elmo? In a relationship, is it better to be an open book or is something better left unread?

Taking the Lead [2.19]

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Marin: We are the daughters of the feminist movement, taught from an early age that nothing can stop us, that we can rise as high and achieve as much as any man. And in some ways that's true. We have taken great strides, stepping over traditional gender roles, and going after and getting exactly what we want but part of being powerful is knowing when to take the backseat and look at life from another perspective. Because the thing is, in a relationship, there is no C.E.O. It's a delicate dance, a push and pull, a back and forth, an up and down. But we endure because, at the end of the day, we don't want to go it alone and, when we find someone, a partner, we compromise, loving everything we can and putting blinders onto everything else because love isn't perfect. But it's the really great and perfect love that keeps us evolving, happy. And, in the end, isn't that what life is all about?
Marin: Hey, Elmo. My friend Patrick and I were just talking power dynamics. From the earliest age, we grew up with them – parent/child, teacher/student – but, as we get older, relationships become more complicated, less easily defined. We would like to imagine equality amongst friends, with spouses. But are we just fooling ourselves? You tell me, Elmo, in the dance of life, is it possible to have two equal partners or does someone always have to take the lead?

Cast

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