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Mafia Mamma

2023 film directed by Catherine Hardwicke

Mafia Mamma is a 2023 American-Italian crime comedy film about an American mom who inherits her grandfather's mafia empire in Italy guided by the family hardliners who come into clash with cultural differences.

Directed by Catherine Hardwicke and written by J. Michael Feldman and Debbie Jhoon
From suburban mom to mafia Don.(taglines)

Kristin

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  • I was hoping to try gnocchi. I love gnocchi. And I promised myself that if I ever came to Italy, I would eat as much gnocchi as I could.
  • Is that a cannoli in your pocket?
  • [To Bianca] You could be a little nicer to me, you know. I just killed someone. I'm a very good person. I am a good mother. I would do anything for my son. I do everything for everyone. Even animals. I can't even kill a bug. I it under a little cup and take it outside and I whisper, "Go, be free! Go live your life." And I imagine them building a new home and a new life.
  • [To Lorenzo] Ooh, your pasta. It's the greatest thing I've ever had in my mouth.
  • [To Rome federal court judge] I came to this country at a time in my life where I completely doubted myself. Then, when I arrived here, I discovered that I had inherited a vineyard. It was shriveling and dying - much like me. So, I nurtured it and I came to realize that I inherited so much more than a vineyard. I inherited an opportunity to fulfill my purpose. So, I inherited me.

Hank

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  • That's who we should be marketing to: insecure men with lots of cash.

Bianca

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  • This means war.
  • [To Kristin] You look like a librarian in a library, not a porno.
  • You've been stress grape gathering all night!
  • Just because you're a mafia boss doesn't mean you have to be a bad person.
  • You can do a lot of good with the power you have. It's not about losing yourself. It's about - becoming yourself.
  • I just hope this is what you want. [Puts her arms around Kristin] Never let the man dictate - who you are or what you can do.

Fabrizio

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  • You terrified them. Last night was a true work of art. You have rage. Kirsten, wild, passionate, deep rage. I like it.

'Mammone' Romano

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Randy

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  • [Referring to laptop image] When was the last time you saw a thigh gap like that?

Dialogue

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Jenny: Kristin, what do you masturbate to?
Kristin: Italian cooking shows. I mean, more specifically, "Stanley Tucci: Searching for Italy". There was this one episode where he went to this burrata factory and it was all creamy and he got his hands in all the milky stuff. It was so...
Paul: This is really hard for me to admit, but, I have - this illness. All I want to do is have sex.
Kristin: I mean, I want to have sex too. We haven't had sex in, like, three years!
Paul: Yeah, I know, but, what I mean with a new person.
Kristin: Shouldn't I stay here and work on my marriage?
Jenny: You should work on getting your pussy pounded.
Kristin: It's such an amazing time in your life. You can really become anyone you want to be.
Domenick: Mom.
Kristin: You could change the world.
Domenick: Mom.
Kristin: You could colonize the Mars!
Kristin: I just need a vacation. I just really want my: Eat, Pray, Fuck!
Bianca: Eat, Pray, Fuck?
Kristin: Yeah, it's a - play on words, you know, the book, "Eat Pray Love".
Aldo: Yeah, it's a very uplifting and moving memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Kristin: Yes! Yes, see, he knows! I want to make wine and I want to eat pasta and be romanced and...
Bianca: But, you came for a funeral.
Kristin: Yeah, I mean, you know, after the funeral.
Kristin: [Dante stomps on Kristen's cell phone] How is Lorenzo supposed to get in touch with me? How will I ever have sex!
Bianca: [Slaps Kristin] You cannot be speaking to random strangers. It's too dangerous.
Kristin: He's not a stranger. He's gorgeous.
Aldo: You can't leave. If the boss says you are the boss, you are the boss now.
Kristin: Yeah. Yeah, but, you know what, I am not a boss, like, not in any way shape or form. So, you know, especially, not in a mafia kind of way.
Kristin: I deserve this. I deserve this. I'm gonna go and I'm gonna have my own "Under the Tuscan Sun" or "Eat Pray Love".
Jenny: Fuck.
Kristin: What?
Jenny: Eat, Pray, *Fuck*. Say it.
Kristin: What? Eat, Pray - Fuck?
Jenny: Eat! Pray! Fuck!
Kristin: Jesus. Eat, Pray, Fuck.
Jenny: Say it again!
Kristin: Eat, Pray, *Fuck*!
Jenny: Louder. Fuck the Vagina!
Kristin: Eat, Pray, Fuck!
Kristin and Jenny: Eat, Pray, Fuck! Eat, Pray, Fuck! Eat, Pray, Fuck!
Bianca: We have machines to crush grapes now. But, this is the classic way.
Kristin: This does feel kinda nice, huh?
Bianca: You must stomp on the grapes to release their juices.
Kristin: Listen, listen, listen. It's Oreo.
Carlo Romano: Really? Two chocolate biscuits together - with cream?
Kristin: The cream - the cream is my favorite part.
Bianca: Kristin! Kristin! You can't run away from your destiny.
Kristin: Oh, yeah? Watch me. Which way is it?
Bianca: It can't be Fabrizio. He started the shootout. He's a hothead - with a horrible temper. Just like Sonny.
Kristin: Whose Sonny?
Bianca: From "The Godfather"!
Kristin: He tried to kill me.
Jenny: With his penis?
Kristin: No, no, with poison.
Jenny: Poison penis? Slow down, Lorenzo did what?
Kristin: No, no. Not Lorenzo. Carlo!
Jenny: Wait. Who the fuck is Carlo?
Kristin: Oh my God, he is a super, hot mob boss who I had dinner with.
Carlo Romano: You are a Balbano. My Uncle killed your father. One day, you will come for me and the rest of my family. Eventually, we both seek revenge. Like Vito Corleone.
Kristin: I never saw "The Godfather"
Carlo Romano: No. No! It was "Godfather Part 2". Stupid American woman!
Bianca: So you fucked him.
Kristin: No. He died first.
Bianca: You missed something. When he came, he screamed like a woman.
Carlo Romano: Do you like Limoncello?
Kristin: Oh, I'm more of a cherry jello person.
Kristin: Who's this? [Points at a photograph] Oh, yeh, he looks like such a naughty little hobbit.
Rudy AKA 'Lorenzo': Yeah, he's my Uncle Ernesto. He recently died.
Kristin: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Fabrizio: Drugs.
Bianca: Counterfeit bags.
Fabrizio: Guns, gambling.
Kristin: Ah, so far, I have heard nothing that is either legal or moral.
Fabrizio: You know, we are the fuckin' mafia!
Wayne: You got water. You got wetness.
Randy: A whole lotta wetness.
Randy: She looks lonely. She looks - she looks her age, bro.
Wayne: She does.
Hank: No woman should look her age.
Kristin: No. No intrada! Absolutely, no intrada! No.
Bruno: You like sausage...
Kristin: No. No sausages! I'm strictly vegetariano. No, thank you.
Bruno: Very spicy.
Kristin: Spicy? No, my God. Oh my God. No!
Randy: So, you know, she mindin' her business, walkin' through the desert, like people do.
Wayne: That's a great metaphor for a tired woman with a face that's all marked by time.
Kristin: I feel like Michael Corleone.
Bianca: You saw the movie!
Kristin: No. I read the Wikipedia summary.
Bianca: I thought once you had sex you would calm down a bit.
Kristin: Hey, I've been here two days and I've been almost murdered twice. That's one per day. I'm going to need a lot more sex to calm me down!
Fabrizio: It wasn't just blood on Bruno. It was mushy, thick, bits of his scrotum were stuffed in his side socket. And that's why the listen to you.
Kristin: Because he had bits of his scrotum stuffed in his side socket?
Fabrizio: Maybe. And that's how you earn; respect.
Paul: Who the hell are these people?
Bianca: They are her best grape squashers and I'm the label maker.
Kristin: Yes! I'm a vintner, now.
Kristin: Oh my God. Are you even a pasta maker? We were gonna run away together. We were gonna open a restaurant. I was gonna make the wine. You were gonna make the food. I was gonna get fat and you weren't gonna care. It was gonna heaven!
Rudy AKA 'Lorenzo': How fat?

Cast

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