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Lost Boys: The Thirst

2010 film by Dario Piana

Lost Boys: The Thirst is a 2010 American black comedy action horror film. It is a sequel to Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008) and the third and final film of The Lost Boys trilogy.

Directed by Dario Piana. Screenplay by Evan Charnov and Hans Rodionoff, and based on a story treatment by Evan Charnov.

Edgar Frog

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  • I know who you are. You're Gwen Lieber, best-selling author of the Eternity Kiss series. First of which is about to be made into a major motion picture, coming soon to a theatre near you.
  • My problem is you glorify vampirism. You make being a vampire look... sexy.
  • All right, everybody. According to the blueprints, there's an entrance to the slaughterhouse through a series of underground tunnels which will lead us directly to where the rave is. Now remember, everyone, there will be a lot of civilians around. Toadies, not familiars. Just innocent partygoers who are all there because they think they're gonna have... fun. Because of this, you will be armed with weapons that are non-lethal to anything with a heartbeat. This is a sawed-off, pump action, Soak and Destroy water gun. Patent pending. Turns holy water into holy slaughter. Zoe, you take it. Claus, this is a high-powered UV torch. Tie it around your waist. You'll thank me later.
  • All right, everybody, listen up! The party's officially over! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!

Alan Frog

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  • Edgar, since I know I'll never be able to talk you out of what you're about to do, I can't let you go up against a potential head vampire without giving you this. One of the first books on vampire hunting ever written. It'll hopefully keep you safe. Watch your back. Alan. P.S. If you're still alive on Tuesday, be sure to call Mom. It's her birthday.

Gwen Lieber

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  • You sure don't look like a cold-blooded, meaner-than-hell, bad-for-nothing vampire killer.
  • Well... there's always been an element of eroticism in vampire mythology.
  • Edgar! I hope you brought your bathing suit. I thought we should blend in with the other partygoers.
  • Oh, I bet you did not see that coming.
  • I've brought you Edgar Frog, just like you asked. Now it is your turn. Remember your promise to me. I just don't want to grow old. Sorry.

Peter

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  • Thanks to you. If X had been able to drink my blood during the Blood Moon, my power would've passed to him... and that would've been a shame. I've been the Alpha for a long, long time.
  • I'm disappointed in you, Edgar. This is no way to treat your savior.
  • A father can't murder his own children. That would be in bad taste. Even an impertinent little wimp like DJ X. I told him, "You can't turn all the cattle into cowboys. You'll wind up with too many cowboys." But he didn't listen. And now, thanks to his damned raves, there are going to be far too many vampires roaming the Earth. That's where you come in.

DJ X

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  • Are you ready for a sacrifice?
  • Very creative, Frog. But when it comes to killing, I prefer more traditional methods... like impalement.

Others

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  • Kirk O'Dale: Is this it? I've been waiting 300 years for a good fight!

Dialogue

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Alan Frog: Hello, Edgar. What brings you all the way down here?
Edgar Frog: Now I have to have an excuse to visit my own brother?
Alan: At one in the morning, yeah.
Edgar: I figured you'd be up. I've recently learned there's a nightcrawler who's created a new designer drug that he's handing out to kids at raves. The only problem is it's not a drug; it's vampire blood. He's breeding an undead army. And the only thing that stands between him and the annihilation of the entire human race, potentially, would be us. The Frog Brothers.
Alan: We haven't been the Frog Brothers for a long time.
Edgar: I just... I can't do it without you.
Alan: What about Sam?
Edgar: Sam's gone. He turned, and, uh, I had to do what I had to do.
Alan: I guess that cancels out Michael and Star.
Edgar: Yeah. I'm pretty much persona non grata with the entire Emerson family at this point.
Alan: Laddie?
Edgar: He's moved on. He's got a wife, kids. He's got a real life now.
Alan: Yeah, well, so do I!
Edgar: You call this a life?!!
Alan: This from a guy who lives in a trailer!
Edgar: Okay, so I've got nothing. But at least I know what side I'm on!! Alan, if this is the head vampire, then maybe we can kill him.
Alan: If we kill him, and then we just gotta find the one that's above him and then on and on like that forever!
Edgar: They are telling me that this is the Alpha. The O.G. of all bloodsuckers, the head vampire.
Alan: It's a pyramid scheme, Edgar. Always has been.
Edgar: What if this is it, though? What if this really is the head vampire?
Alan: Get this, and get it good, Edgar. As far as I'm concerned... [his face transforms from human to half-vampire and his eyes turn yellow] ...there's no such thing as vampires.
[Johnny Trash is having an online interview with the vampire DJ X]
Johnny Trash: Hola, Trashynistas. I'm sitting here with the one, the only DJ X. I'm sorry for those of you who have a shoddy connection. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it when I tell you the man's absolutely scrumptious.
DJ X: They'll just have to come and see me in person.
Johnny: Yeah, well, they'll just have to get in line. Ha, ha. So, DJ X, why do you think the detached and the, you know, the disconnected youth of today have latched on so fervently to your parties?
DJ X: Because I create a place where all the lost souls of the world can come together. A place where they can do what they want, whenever they wanna do it.
Johnny: Yeah, you heard it straight from the man himself, all you lost boys and girls. This is gonna be the biggest rave of the century. And we'll let you know where it's gonna be an hour before this event, so stay tuned to this website for the deets. That was a great interview, X. Thank you so much.
DJ X: No, no. Thank you for getting the word out. I wanna have as many people at this event as possible.
Johnny: It's my pleasure. And I mean that. So anyhow, what do you guys have to drink in this jalopy?
DJ X: Not much. Just... [his teeth suddenly transform into fangs] ...you!! [bites Johnny Trash on the neck as he mauls him to death]
Gwen Lieber: So aren't you the least bit curious on how I know so much about vampires?
Edgar: Not really. I know who you are. You're Gwen Lieber, bestselling author of the Eternity Kiss series. First of which is about to be made into a major motion picture, coming soon to a theater near you.
Gwen: Oh, you've heard of me. I'm flattered.
Edgar: Well, don't be. Because your books suck.
Gwen: I'm sorry you feel that way.
Edgar: It doesn't really matter what I think. You've got millions of emo-goth sheep all over the world who eat up every last word of it, and keep coming back for more. I'm sure you've made quite a nice living off your supernatural bodice-rippers.
Gwen: I'll have you know, I have gotten glowing reviews from every major periodical.
Edgar: Bought and paid for, I'm sure. Just like me.
Gwen: What the hell is your problem, Frog?!
Edgar: My problem?! My problem is you glorify vampirism. You make being a vampire look... sexy.
Gwen: Well... there has always been an element of eroticism in vampire mythology.
Edgar: There's nothing sexy about being a member of the undead.
Gwen: Well, perhaps I have made a serious mistake in coming to you.
Edgar: If you came to me expecting me to ask for your autograph, then yes, you did. But if you came to me expecting me to destroy a squadron of vampires, that, I can do.
Edgar: Lars von Goetz?! You hired Lars von Goetz?!!
Gwen: I thought you'd be happy.
Edgar: Happy?! First, you expect me to kill a head vampire. Then you expect me to babysit some reality show reject?!
Gwen: You're not going to have to babysit him. Haven't you seen his show? The man's wrestled a grizzly bear, a lion and an alligator. He's amazing.
Edgar: That was staged. All reality shows are staged, okay? Lars von Goetz, whatever his name is, he's a fraud. Vampires are, like, ten times much more stronger than grizzly bears.
Gwen: Well, I think he can take care of himself.
Edgar: We'll see about that.
[Edgar Frog is visiting Sam Emerson's grave with a copy of Batman issue #14 in his hand when he recalls a conversation he had with Sam and Alan Frog at a comic book store in Santa Carla many years ago, via a flashback scene from the 1987 film The Lost Boys]
Edgar: Listen, buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar, it went out of business last Summer.
Sam Emerson: Actually I'm looking for a copy of Batman issue #14.
Edgar: That's a very serious book, man.
Alan: Only five in existence.
Sam: Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three.
[Edgar Frog has just lost consciousness due to his injuries from his battle with the female vampires and is dreaming of a conversation he had with Sam Emerson and Alan Frog at a comic book store in Santa Carla many years ago, via a flashback scene from the 1987 film The Lost Boys]
Alan: Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet?
Sam: No. It's a pretty cool place... if you're a Martian.
Edgar: Or a vampire.
Sam: Are you guys sniffing on newsprint of something?
Edgar: You think you really know what's happening around here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know a lot, buddy.
Alan: Yeah. You think we just work in a comic book store for our folks, huh?
Sam: Actually, I thought it was a bakery.
Edgar: This is just our cover. We are dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters in a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way.
Edgar: You're right! Impalement is good!
Alan: Especially when you pierce the heart!!
Edgar: Claus! I need you to get Zoe to safety!
Zoe: Edgar!! I'm not leaving without you!
Edgar: If we don't kill Peter right now, there's gonna be over a thousand emo-goth vampires out there! I need you to warn the world... especially in case I don't survive.
Zoe: That's not an option. [long pause] I'll be waiting.
Edgar: Just go. [to Alan] Come on!
Peter: I'm disappointed in you, Edgar. This is no way to treat your savior.
Edgar: Savior?! You got a funny way of looking at things, kid.
Peter: I saved you from a life of loneliness. You didn't want to end up like Robert Neville, did you?
Edgar: Robert who?
Peter: You really should read more books, Edgar. The ones without pictures and word balloons. Robert Neville, the protagonist in I Am Legend. Last man on Earth in a world full of vampires. Is that really what you want to become?
Edgar: I'm not thirsty! You'll have to kill me first, just like you killed Gwen!
Peter: I will, if necessary!! But that would be a shame, especially since I owe you a debt for killing X.
Edgar: Why didn't you just kill him yourself when you had the chance?
Peter: A father can't murder his own children. That would be in bad taste. Even an impertinent little wimp like DJ X. I told him, "You can't turn all the cattle into cowboys. You'll wind up with too many cowboys." But he didn't listen. And now, thanks to his damned raves, there are going to be far too many vampires roaming the Earth. That's where you come in.
Edgar: Keep the population down to a manageable size. Plenty of blood to drink. Everybody's happy.
Peter: Precisely. Which is why I want you to keep on doing what you're already so very good at. Hunting and killing vampires.
Edgar: So you want me to be your own personal hemo-sucking hit-man, is that it?
Peter: Crudely worded, but yes, that's the general idea.
Edgar: And what makes you think that I won't just kill you myself?
Peter: Nothing. Except that you have no real reason. Think about it, Edgar. Your brother's already one of us. Everyone you care about is either dead or playing for my team. What do you say?
Edgar: I say... why don't you go screw yourself?!
Peter: Alan, kill your brother! You'll feel better.
Edgar: Alan, no! Don't do this! You're my brother. You're a Frog brother! Don't... make me... hurt you! I told you not to make me hurt you!
Peter: Last chance, Edgar!!
Edgar: You okay?
Alan: Yeah.
Edgar: Fang check. [search their own mouths for any fangs, only to find none] Death to all vampires?
Alan: Maximum body count.
Edgar: We are awesome monster bashers.
Alan: The meanest!
Edgar: The baddest! [he and Alan growl together, then hug each other] That's enough of that. Let's go pick up Gwen's body and get outta here.
Zoe: Hey. I thought you went to the beach with your brother.
Edgar: I did, actually, but, uh, he wanted to stay out there longer. He stays out much longer, he's gonna turn into a human piece of beef jerky.
Zoe: I guess he's making up for lost time.
Edgar: Yeah.
Zoe: Oh, guess what? I sold your copy of Destroy All Vampires #125 for 500 bucks.
Edgar: Yeah?
Zoe: Yeah.
Edgar: That's great. That should keep the bank off my butt for a while. Now, Zoe, there's something I need to ask you. How did you know vampires are real?
Zoe: Just a hunch. What are you reading?
Edgar: Oh, I'm actually scanning the book into my Kindle. I decided, you know... I might as well educate myself about all the possibilities of the dark underworld. For example, did you know that lycanthrope or... female werewolves, she-wolves, actually can change anytime they want to? They don't have to do it under a full moon. That's a myth. They can turn anytime they want to. They have complete control. They can do it in the middle of the day.
Zoe: [turns away from Edgar] Now, that's an interesting theory. [her eyes begin to glow]

Cast

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Wikipedia
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The Lost Boys franchise
  Films     The Lost Boys  (1987) · Lost Boys: The Tribe  (2008) · Lost Boys: The Thirst  (2010)
  Comics     Lost Boys: Reign of Frogs · The Lost Boys
  Related     Last words in The Lost Boys films
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