Legion of Super-Heroes

The Legion of Super-Heroes is a comic book published by DC Comics.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 (1989-2000)

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #49

Secretary: Thank you for calling Eternal Damnation Life Insurance. "Like a friendly neighbor, Eternal Damnation is always there."

[Polar Boy is introducing Matter-Eater Lad to his team of heroes, the first being Policy Pam]

Policy Pam: Hello there, Mr. Kem!

Matter-Eater Lad: "Policy Pam"? What does she do?

Policy Pam: Say, you look like you could use a little home and casualty insurance...

Matter-Eater Lad: Yeah, I suppose...

Polar Boy: Not now, Pam.

Policy Pam: Aww!

Polar Boy: Pam can sell just about any insurance policy to anybody! She's very good!

Matter-Eater Lad: ...that's...that's amazing...

Spaceopoly Lad: Hi, I'm Spaceopoly Lad. I've got the ability to finish every game of Spaceopoly I start!

Matter-Eater Lad: ...whoa. Now, that's a power!

[Polar Boy is explaining to Matter-Eater Lad about Evillo's secret plans]

Polar Boy: There's no doubt about it. Evillo has to be stopped now... and I think we've got just the team to do it.

Sugyn: Who?

Policy Pam: He's talking about us.

Sugyn: Seriously?

Policy Pam: ...I guess you learned a little lesson today, didn't you?

Prince Evillo: Wha...

Policy Pam: You can never have too much home owner's insurance.

[Prince Evillo is being hauled away by Tartarus policemen]

Prince Evillo: Don't forget to read me my rights.

Officer: You abolished all prisoner's rights.

Prince Evillo: Oh, yeah.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #0

Rokk Krinn: More V.I.P.s.

Garth Ranzz: [whispering] And one B.A.B.E! I'm in L.O.V.E! Picture it... Her 'n' me in the starlight of Ventura... sipping konos in a dream-tub, wearing only--

Imra Ardeen: Don't. Even. Think about it.

Garth Ranzz: Ooog.

Rokk Krinn: Check the badge, Garth. We're on Titan.

Garth Ranzz: The mandatory Saturn I.D.! She's a telepath. And I'm a perv. Great.

Rokk Krinn: [thinking] Well, what do you know? Red here is a real live wire!

Garth Ranzz: [thinking] Magnetism? That is so cool!

Imra Ardeen: Hey! Hey! Don't let me interrupt all those good thoughts... but do you suppose you boys could ditch the mutual strokefest long enough to actually catch the bad guys?

Rokk Krinn: Superman! Even the Braalians have heard of the legendary Man of Steel!

Garth Ranzz: And him?

Rokk Krinn: Another twentieth-century champion. I believe they called him the Batman.

Imra Ardeen: Our host seems quite taken with yesterday's crime-fighters, doesn't he?

Rokk Krinn: Not a bad thing. At least someone remembers their legacy. It's been so long since we've known heroes like these.

R. J. Brande: Precisely. So what can we do about that?

R. J. Brande: You three were strangers to one another. Hell, two of you come from warring worlds. And yet, when the need arose, you put your differences aside and worked together. You were a team. With my financial backing -- and with the cooperation of the U.P. -- you can stay a team. At the spaceport, you took a chance. Take another. Use your special abilities to help others, and soon others like you will rally around. You'll found a legion of heroes. Super-heroes.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #62

Leviathan: ...depart as a team at eighteen hundred hours Earth standard. Any questions?

Live Wire: Yeah. How do you bend over with that broom up your--?

Cosmic Boy: Garth!

Invisible Kid: Problem, belt boy?

Kid Quantum: It's the outfit. Not the flair I'm accustomed to... but the fit shows off the muscles...

Triad Orange: [whispering] A little tight around the ego, isn't it?

Apparition: [whispering] *snicker* Stop it!

Triad Neutral: What was that?

Triad Purple: I don't know. Since we don't have three times the common sense between us...

Triad Neutral: ...Let's go check it out!

Cosmic Boy: Look at the stars.

Leviathan: What?

Cosmic Boy: I said look.

Leviathan: Thousands and thousands...

Cosmic Boy: That's right. Every one of them marks a turning point... a step along the path that, hopefully, will take the Legion from dream to destiny. And every one of them marks a mistake we're going to make as we go.

Leviathan: That many, huh?

Cosmic Boy: Well... let's hope not quite. But if we're going to fulfill that destiny, we have to find the courage to learn from those mistakes... and be better because of them. Don't run out on us. Don't let James's death be in vain. And don't forget it. Make it our first and most important lesson. The Legion is a team. And teams stick together.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #63

R. J. Brande: Boys, I present to you Querl Dox, codename Brainiac 5! Say hello, Querl!

Brainiac 5: [muttering] ...buffer connected to the megadrive... ...Greetings... ...megadrive joined to the cybertram...

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #64

Brainiac 5: I suppose I'll hear from that Invisible Kid now... once more droning about the "practicality" of tactile engineering over the beauty of pure theory. Philistine.

Saturn Girl: Oh, great. Machismo runs in the Ranzz family...

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #66

Gates: I am not a political bargaining chip. I am a free sentient. I do not wish to join your commando unit.

Leviathan: We're not a -- we were told you -- wait -- wait-- AAAARGH! Why do we get the hard ones?

Gates: 'Porting now. Good luck manning your teenage death squad.

Marla Latham: Don't get discouraged, guys. Mr. Brande wants to know if you've chosen an Imskite...?

Triad Neutral: Not yet, Marla. Tell him we can't decide between the shy one, the rude one, or the murdered one.

Shrinking Violet: Do you really think they wouldn't figure you out?

Micro: I had to try something, damn it! God, I was desperate! I'm tired of being a runner-up! I'm tired of always being a loser! Do you know what it's like -- to be second best? [Violet kicks him in the face] UFFF!

Shrinking Violet: No.

Shrinking Violet: I liked Ion. A lot. What you did to her, and why... that was so very small.

Invisible Kid: And so the Legion membership stands pat -- for a while, at least. Eight girls to five guys.

Spark: I like those odds.

Leviathan: Actually, I'm okay with them, too.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #71

Starship Computer: Present options: none.

Kinetix: Grife. Grife. Grife. Computer, if I gradually slow to a stop, will I return to normal space?

Starship Computer: Theoretically. However--

Kinetix: Just do it. And don't tell me my chances of survival.

Starship Computer: Request denied.

Kinetix: What?

Starship Computer: This unit cannot conceal that which does not exist.

Above the heavens of Trom, twelve cold smiles underline two dozen pairs of red-hot eyes. The eyes blaze with hatred and fire, dimming the sun... reddening the sky... blackening the forests... churning the waters... charring the flesh...

...burning the world.

The red rays stab the surface like spikes, then spread out like a wall... then advance, a crimson tidal wave of flame... an unnatural disaster, powered by will, tracking its victims.

Some see it coming. They pray and plan and erect desperate barriers... but nothing can shield them from the cruel eyes above... not any element, nor courage, nor faith, nor love...

...for today belongs to hate.

R. J. Brande has seen many horrors in his long life... but none match these embers consuming the hallowed ground, this cook-smoke fouling the gentle breezes... this hell that was heaven.

Just hours before, he heard them praying. Now, in his memory, the people of Trom pray again.

For time brings not decay.

Time brings not death.

Time brings transmutation.

Time's changes are holy.

Time lifts us to the next state.

Time makes us wait to know.

"So now they know," whispers R. J. Brande...

"Now they know."

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #72

R. J. Brande: "Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." An unknown philosopher said that more than a thousand years ago... And just by looking out our windows today, we can see that he was right. The invaders and their pawns were driven by the terrible conviction that they mattered more than we... simply through the accident of their birth. In showing us their "superiority," they leveled hospitals, they toppled churches, they brought down schools. But these invaders broke more than plastic and steel and mortar... they broke our hearts. And so we gather, we of the Legion, we of the Workforce, we of the United Planets, we citizens of the civilized galaxy -- to bury two young women: brave Andromeda, who learned the truth -- that all who live are equal... and gentle Apparition, who never learned the lies.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #95

Brainiac 5: I was wrong. The Metal Men are living, feeling creatures. Only a barbarian would experiment on them. Doc, I apologize.

Veridium: I... accept. I guess.

Cosmic Boy: Imra, did Brainy really just--

Saturn Girl: I'd answer you, but my brain is busy melting.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #100

Hey, readers! Here's a science project you should never attempt!

Take one responsometer...

(That's the computerized nervous system that animates the malleable Metal Men!)

One mother box...

(That's the living, matter-altering, space-bending computer that guides and protects the New Gods!)

One omnicom...

(That's the 30th-century portable computer that's standard Legion issue!)

And one puzzle: How can Brainiac 5 open a time-warp to return the Legion of Super-Heroes to their 30th-century home?

Put them all together and stand back -- because you've just created the Cyber-cerebral Overlapping Multi-Processor, Universal Transciever-Operator -- a living computer capable of reason--

--and rage!

Spark: ...have I made myself clear?

Live Wire: Well, let's see... 1) Imra and I are perfect together. 2) We should talk. 3) If we weren't such inertron-heads, we'd have talked ages ago. And 4) if I don't talk with Imra, you -- my very own twin sister -- will never speak to me again. Does that cover it?

Spark: Close enough.

Chameleon: Gates, wait up! I'd like to formally introduce you to Jeka Wynzzor of Orando.

Gates: Why?

Chameleon: Why?! Well, you--

Gates: Chameleon, as far as I'm concerned, your girlfriend is just another vertebrate! And a royalist, at that!

Chameleon: Sorry, princess.

Sensor: He's unique... I've been called many things in my travels, but never "just another vertebrate." Not even close.

Dyrk Magz: The day I became a Legionnaire was the proudest day of my life. When I lost my powers, I thought I'd lost everything. I felt lost. But you folks didn't let me stay lost. You kept me connected. It took a while, but I finally realized that with friends like you, I still have everything that really matters. Only if I leave will I lose everything... and I'm not leaving! Like Chuck said, it's an honor to work here.

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #114

Invisible Kid: You lick it!

Live Wire: You lick it!

...

Invisible Kid: Ferro, come here a minute.

Karate Kid: Oh, that's just mean.

Live Wire: No, it isn't! He's made of iron! He won't catch anything, and he can't taste it!

Legion of Super-Heroes v4 #121

Sensor: We got here as quickly as we could.

Invisible Kid: Been waiting long?

Gates: No, we just--

Brainiac 5: Yes. I was about to call in the Amazers.

Karate Kid: Karate Kid to Invisible. Empress is down.

Invisible Kid: What--? That's great, Val! How'd you beat that murder machine so fast?

Karate Kid: Her anticipation for the kill was so intense... I could hear her heart beat from a kilometer away.

Gates: Now this is a struggle worthy of Lenin! One little drone -- me, representing the proletariat, natch -- vs the ultimate individualist power! I feint right, teleport left -- always left -- and pow! I consign you to the dustbin of history! Gates to Element Lad. I did it. The imperialist is in position.

Element Lad: The who?

Brainiac 5: Do you know... why... the Legion will always crush... the Fatal Five... Tharok?

Tharok: You're mad! My sensors have located every Legionnaire on the planet -- and I still have power enough to slay a thousand of you!

Brainiac 5: Tell the man why we beat him, Dyrk.

[The lights go out.]

Tharok: "D-Dyrk"?

Dyrk Magz: Teamwork, Brainy?

Brainiac 5: That's correct, Dyrk.

Tharok: What--? You distracted me so this... this insect could cut the power?!

Brainiac 5: You forgot about Dyrk Magz, and all because he has no super-powers. And now -- neither do you.

Legionnaires v4 (1994-2000)

Legionnaires v4 #0

Garth Ranzz: Hey! We're info-tainment!

Garth Ranzz: What happened to the "Lightning Lad" name, Mr. Brande?

Imra Ardeen: I'm so embarrassed...

R. J. Brande: Marketing thought "Live Wire" was a fresher, more noticeable name, son.

Legionnaires v4 #19

R. J. Brande: Marla, what in Valor's name are you doing on your knees?

Marla Latham: S-sorry, R. J.... er, you said Brainiac 5 is joining the Legion?

R. J. Brande: Yes. And I'm guessing you're about to offer an unsolicited opinion.

Marla Latham: Well, is it wise? He worked for Brande Industries for -- what -- eight months? And all we had to show for it were five wrecked labs and a seven-figure repair bill!

R. J. Brande: The kid's a super-genius, Marla. He'll do fine. Besides, from now on we'll let the U.P. pop for repairs. They're the ones who wanted him.

Triad: It's starting. Leviathan, why are they lowering the flag?

Leviathan: Old Earth custom. Don't ask me what the significance is -- but I do know that Mr. Brande had the flagpole custom-made. It's pure inertron.

Triad: Does that symbolize something?

Leviathan: Immortality, I guess. The stuff's practically indestructible.

Triad: Maybe it'll remind us we're not.

Legionnaires v4 #21

Apparition: When you're right, you're right, Brainy. Shaft runs clear down to the central power grid.

Brainiac 5: I am frequently right, Apparition... and I am not called "Brainy".

Legionnaires v4 #22

XS: What are you doing?

Karate Kid: I'm probing for a weak spot.

XS: Oh, God. I'm asking too many questions, aren't I? Just tell me to shut -- In a force field?

Legionnaires v4 #23

Apparition: I haven't been dancing since I got to Earth. There's this club on the metrobahn I've been wanting to check out...

Triad Purple: Yes! We'll fly over!

Triad Neutral: We'll fly on the dance floor!

Apparition: So what do you say, every--

Leviathan: Cos, you want to hit the VR?

Cosmic Boy: Yeah.

Kinetix: Same on my world. You just can't get a boy to dance.

Kinetix: I kind of wish Leviathan was here to see this.

Spark: Ewww! What's he, your boyfriend?

Kinetix: You sound like a kid! Don't you think about boys yet?

Spark: All the time! I worry every day that they're all like my brothers!

XS: Come on, Spark... Garth's great.

Triad Purple: Oh? How great, Jenni?

XS: What?

Triad Purple: I thought you were... magnetically attracted to someone else!

XS: Triiii-ad!

Legionnaires v4 #26

Where is he? She arose at the ungodly hour of four to sneak out of HQ and fly all the way to Washington...

...and if he slept in, she'll kill him. He's 47 minutes late. She counts off his crimes to the tick of the clock.

One: He's late.

Two: He's already got a girlfriend.

Three: He gives bad gifts. A cactus, of all things--!

Four: He's late.

Five: He's already got a girlfriend.

Six: *

Ultra Boy: I'm late.

Apparition: Ultra Boy!

Ultra Boy: Please. Call me Jo.

Apparition: That's not all I'm going to call you. You're 48 minutes late!

Ultra Boy: [sheepishly] I know. I'm sorry.

Seven: He's adorable.

Apparition: Forget it. I'm glad you made it.

Ultra Boy: Me too. Really glad.

Legionnaires v4 #28

Cosmic Boy: Who are these people? What are they doing here?

Invisible Kid: White Triangles. We... I just captured them.

Leviathan: Playing loose cannon again, Norg? No one sent you on any mission...

Invisible Kid: We just... ran into them...

Cosmic Boy: Oh? Where?

Invisible Kid: ...Texas...

Legionnaires v4 Annual 1995

Fethro Jorn: You destroyed this vast city yourself. What was it called?

Suggin: Miami.

White Triangle Daxamite: You missed a spot.

Karate Kid: Their fear makes them rail against the immutable. Sentience at its worst.

Osakaplex Cove. The largest beach in Japan.

Once.

And though Legionnaire XS gives Suggin's victims her all, she prays -- with great shame -- that the thunder of the wave will drown out the screams of those she cannot save.

Apparition: Bloody nass! Are you all right?

Ultra Boy: ...oooooooh... Who's asking? There's three of you...

Apparition: I'm the one in the middle. Talk to me.

Live Wire: The Daxamites will cut through us like butter! If we're lucky.

Saturn Girl: We were the first three. We're going to be the last three, aren't we?

Cosmic Boy: Maybe. Probably. I'm sorry, guys.

Saturn Girl: For what? For giving us a chance to be heroes? Don't apologize.

Live Wire: What she said. Besides, I once heard a Legion Leader say something I'll never forget. "Are we still alive? Then there's hope."

Ultra Boy: I hadn't... even... even done anything to deserve her yet...

Legionnaires v4 #44

Magno: You've got to try this, you two -- 'cause this cruiser handles amazingly!

Umbra: Does everything amaze you, Magno? And don't you ever weary of telling us about it?

Legionnaires v4 #66

Charma: First, tell me why you're here.

Invisible Kid: Well my mom and my dad really loved each other, y'see, and...

Charma: Wouldn't you -- nhh -- just die for me, Lyle?

Invisible Kid: Not today, thanks -- hkkh -- Not really my type, y'know?

Legion Worlds (2001)

Legion Worlds #3

Vin Kolkin: We had a saying on my world: "Don't eat the yellow snow."

Dyrk Magz: Says a whole lot about your world, Kolkin.

Dyrk Magz: Snow tastes of metal here. I missed it.

Cosmic Boy: I wanted to help, to make a difference. The galaxy's a bad place these days. Braal's a mess, Dyrk. You must have seen that. Drugs everywhere... gang-rule, law-breaking...

Dyrk Magz: Vigilantism carries a mandatory three. You can add another two for abuse of post-human abilities. You know that's going to get you sent to Takron-Galtos automatically? You'll stand trial there, not on Braal! Was it worth it, Rokk?

Cosmic Boy: I hoped it was. I couldn't stand by and watch everything go to hell. The Legion used to count for something. We were able to use our powers to make the United Planets dream real. But there isn't a Legion any more. That dream died, and the best of us died with it. And for the survivors, what? An "honorable discharge"? What is that?

Cosmic Boy: Don't you remember what it felt like? We mattered. We really did.

Dyrk Magz: I remember, Rokk. That's why I put on this uniform.

Cosmic Boy: We're out of time, Dyrk. I know it's asking a lot... but you could make our cover story complete.

Dyrk Magz: But why the subterfuge, Rokk? Why the deceit?

Cosmic Boy: Dyrk, these are bad times. There are dangers you can't even see. The only people we can trust are ourselves.

The Legion (2001-2004)

The Legion #3

Brainiac 5: Drawing a huge amount of power, but holding. Like I predicted.

Invisible Kid: You must be very smug. I mean pleased.

The Legion #8

R. J. Brande: This is R. J. Brande, contacting you from Legion World. Sorry for the bumps -- we're not used to maneuvering a planet-sized mass into an orbital hold to counter-balance the moon. But by damn, you never know you can do something until you try, right?

The Legion #11

Sharn Nux: We have to get through the planet shield.

Invisible Kid: With all due respect, Sharn Nux... a-duh.

The Legion #29

Star Boy: 'Least this all proves I don't lie, babe!

Dreamer: What?

Star Boy: I promised I'd love you until the end of time.

The Legion #35-38

Chameleon: I'm staying, but if you can get away, do so. Hurry! That's an order, Nightwind!

Nightwind: We're Legion cadets, sir. We never listen to authority.

Lantern: Hey, I got one! That was sprockin' great! Did you see that?

Arrow: Still breathing.

Chameleon: Nice job, gentlemen. Now I'd like you to meet one of our most promising cadets... Her name is Drura Sepht, but we like to call her... Infectious Lass.

Infectious Lass: Hi, fellas. You're now officially walking hot zones.

Arrow: Urg.

Lantern: Grrallph.

Chameleon: Now why do I get the feeling neither of you is smart enough to make this happen by yourselves? Let's chat, shall we?

Chameleon: My friend Infectious Lass here... she can do much worse, you know. You'll wish you'd died of radiation poisoning like the rest of us.

Infectious Lass: Bubonic plague, syphilis, Spanish flu, all manner of mutant sexual diseases...

Chameleon: ...And those are just the Earth maladies, guys.

Arrow: [weakly] I'm... I'm willing to die for my cause.

Chameleon: Oh, you'll die. We'll all die someday. The issue is, do you want to die in your bed surrounded by loved ones... or bent over in this alley with a woefully inadequate supply of tissues?

Pinter DeRoy: Look, kid. Your guard friends is out or dead, and I still got a reg'lar platoon of bad cases behind me. And let's not forget... when you took us on before the fall, you was losin'.

Karate Kid: All those things are true... but I wasn't mentally prepared then.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds (2008-2009)

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #3

[Blok is lifting some debris off of Ultra Boy]

Blok: I heard you complaining under there.

Ultra Boy: And Tinya says that never helps.

[The three Legion founders are going up against Earth-Man's Justice League]

Cosmic Boy: You've sworn death to all aliens yet you team up with a Kryptonian boy from parallel universe. You see the hypocrisy in that, don't you?

Phantom Girl of Earth-Prime: Is that what Jo looks like when grows up? Ultra-Man is hot.

Phantom Girl of New Earth: Actually, he still goes by Ultra-Boy.

Apparition of Earth-247: That is so adorable.

[Ferro of Earth-247 files straight into Golden Boy and pummels him into the ground]

Ferro: I may not be worth as much as gold, but I am heavier. Yyut-Ta-Dah!

Gates: I see this world's political stronghold is as vibrant as our own. You'd think one world somewhere would provide a sprocking glimmer of infrastructural integrity.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #5

Sodam Yat: You have the right to remain silent, Prime. And if you don't invoke that right--I'll help keep your mouth shut.

Kid Flash: You and me. My cousin. A bajillion Legionnaires. How sweet is this, Conner?!

Superboy: Very. Do you want to say it, Bart?

Kid Flash: I'm dying to. TITANS TOGETHER!

[The Time Trapper is being beaten down by dozens of Legionnaires and those connected to the Legion from parallel worlds and alternate times]

Time Trapper: L.E.G.I.O.N.. Supergirl. Ultra-Boy in a dragon uniform? Colossal Boys?! COCKROACHES! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT...

Earth-Man: Throw them to me, Lightning Lord. I can absorb all of their abilities.

[Bouncing Boy appears on the scene and tackles the two in his inflated form]

Bouncing Boy: You sure you want mine, Adolf? That'd be a first!

Lightning Lad: All I was saying, Mr. President, is that you still haven't thanked me for saving your life.

President of Earth: Thanked you? Are Braalians blind? Those criminals came to Earth because of you.

[Lightning Lad's eyes begin to spark]

Lightning Lad: I'm not from Braal. I'm from Winath.

Saturn Girl: Gaaarth.

Lightning Lad: Nnn. Which is really lovely this time of year.

Adventure Comics v2 (2009)

Adventure Comics v2 #2

Lightning Lad: I apologized for shorting out the President's com-link.

Cosmic Boy: It was his State of the Earth address.

Lightning Lad: State of the Earth? Here's the state of the Earth: it's swarming with anti-alien sentiment and we've got a president who's a freaking human supremacist.

Cosmic Boy: You have read the Legion code, right? Superman said "diplomacy is the key to peace."

Lightning Lad: I sent him flowers to apologize.

Saturn Girl: You've never sent anyone flowers.

Lightning Lad: It's the thought that counts.

Saturn Girl: You didn't think about it.

External links

Wikipedia

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Legion of Super-Heroes