Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/Season 9

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999–present) is a long-running crime drama, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Special Victims Unit, a special squad dealing with sex crimes and crimes against children.

Alternate [9.01]

Benson: What's going on?

Captain Cragen: I've been temporarily reassigned. Chief of D's office.

Benson: Why?

Captain Cragen: You aided your fugitive brother, Elliot covered up his kid's DUI, Fin's stepson butchered two people and walked. Somebody's gotta take the heat.

Benson: But we're the ones who screwed up.

Captain Cragen: On my command. 1PP calls that "failure to supervise".

Benson: That's insane!

Stabler: You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.

Munch: I had nothin' to do with that! If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.

Fin: You are lyin' like a politician. You took the Sergeant's' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?

Munch: I took it last year on a bar bet.

Captain Cragen: [hands Munch his key] Enjoy your new office, Sergeant Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.

Lake: It was an honor serving under you, sir.

Captain Cragen: I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.

Stabler: We'll get you back, Captain.

Captain Cragen: Try and behave yourselves.

Munch: I knew there was something hinky about her. It was so obvious.

Fin: Did superpowers come with that promotion?

Dr. Huang: [about Janis] Tell me about her alters.

Benson: So far we've seen Dr. Young, a little girl, and a mean Russian.

Stabler: And I bet she does a great Christopher Walken too.

Lake: [to Fin] I'm not saying I didn't see crazies in Brooklyn, but you guys are cuckoo magnets.

Avatar [9.02]

Eric: I'm about to seriously freak out 5,000,000 people.

Lauren: I've loved him since I was 15. What? You think a 15 year old can't fall in love.

Stabler: I have teenage daughters who fall in love all the time.

Impulsive [9.03]

Benson: Casey, you're drowning right now and, unless Stabler can convince that guy to change his mind, I can’t even throw you a life jacket.

Novak: I'm a big girl. I know how to swim.

Stabler: Earl Romaine, you're under arrest for the rape of Shane Mills.

Romaine: Screw you.

Lake: Sorry, you're not his type.

Savant [9.04]

[Detectives attempt to solve the horrible beating of a woman, the only witness to which is her mentally impaired daughter, who has Williams Syndrome.]

Katie: I'm Katie.

Munch: Sergeant Munch.

Katie: Munch. That's funny. Can I have a hug, Munch?

Munch: No, you may not. I'm a stranger. You shouldn't even be talking to me.

Katie: Okay. Bye.

[she walks up to Fin's desk]

Fin: Somethin' I could do for you?

Katie: Are you mad at me?

Fin: Didn't Sergeant Munch just tell you not to talk to strangers?

[Katie nods; Fin winks at her and signals her to leave him]

[After interviewing a group therapy group for parents of neuro-atypical children]

Benson: How's Kathy?

Stabler: Over 40 and having a baby. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.

Benson: So why don't you see a doctor?

Stabler: We're Catholic. Means it's better not to know.

Woman in clinic: [To Fin and Lake] Has the doctor told you if it's a boy or a girl?

Fin: Excuse me?

Woman: It's so hard for gay couples to adopt. A surrogate's really your only option. [Fin and Lake look at each other.] I don't get why they think that it's better to keep kids in the system than to send them into a gay home. You seem like a nice couple to me.

[Lake grins broadly and puts his hand on Fin's thigh. Fin looks incredulous.]

Stabler: And now we can't touch him?

Captain Cragen: The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.

Porter: You'll force me to make a formal complaint.

Fin: Where you shove that is up to you.

Novak: What would I be up against using Katie as a witness?

Munch: Anxiety, ADD, and they have trouble taking criticism.

Fin: That sounds like you, Munch.

Nicholson: [Opens his door to find Novak, Stabler, and Fin standing outside] Get the hell away from my door. You've got people thinking I tried to kill my wife.

Stabler: We need to speak to your daughter.

Nicholson: No, you will not speak to her. Not now, not ever. You've got her anxious and upset now leave her alone. [Tries to close door]

Novak: [Blocks the door] I'm Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Here's how this is going to play out. Now we will end up at a hearing and the judge will side with me, because you cannot stop us from questioning the only witness to the attack.

Nicholson: I'm her father.

Novak: And your also a suspect Mr. Nicholson. It's about time you faced facts.

Novak: The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Stabler: Do you care at all or is this guy just a pawn to you?

Porter: You're a bastard.

Stabler: I get that a lot.

[Novak is attempting to prove that Katie can sworn-in at a trial]

Novak: Your honor, I submit that this witness can be sworn.

Judge Petrovsky: So ordered. [bangs gavel]

Katie: [puts her hands over her ears in pain] Don't do that!

Novak: She has very sensitive hearing.

Judge Petrovsky: I... I'm sorry.

Katie: That's okay. Can I have a hug?

Judge Petrovsky: [awkwardly] No. Maybe later.

Harm [9.05]

Stabler: Security cameras across the globe. Munch'll never leave his house again.

Dr. Warner: [about the torture Sutton performed on Iraqi prisoners] So much for 2500 years of 'first do no harm'.

Dr. Huang: That's a little black and white.

Dr. Warner: Sorry, I didn't realize the Hippocratic Oath was written in shades of grey.

Dr. Sutton: Our country is at war. I have skills that can help. Do you really expect me not to use them?

Dr. Warner: You took an oath. You don't get to take a time-out because we're at war, because it's difficult to uphold. The oath was written for times like these.

Svengali [9.06]

Benson: You mutilated women.

Morten: There's beauty in everyone. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find it.

Fin: Someone tried to bust my eardrums, I'm gonna bust they ass!!

Novak: Well, you were great.

Morten: Did you like it? Bet you didn't know what was gonna happen next.

Novak: You put on quite a show. You got her off, she's going to a psych ward.

Morten: Is that a frown on your pretty face?

Novak: Actually, I think Cecilia is going exactly where she belongs. So are you.

Morten: You're backing out on the deal.

Novak: No, you're being transferred to a federal prison.

Morten: I thought you'd be a sore loser.

Novak: You're gonna love Florence Super Max. 23-hour lockdown, no visitors, no mail, no phone calls. No human contact for the rest of your life.

Morten: You can't do that to me.

Novak: Why don't you wave bye to all of your fans?

Morten: We made a deal.

Novak: And it's a masterpiece. How do you like my work?

Morten: [as the cops take him to their squad car] You used me. You set me up! This isn't right! It's not fair!

Blinded [9.07]

Stabler: You know, I'm gonna have a child in a month. That's scary enough. But the thought that I was never gonna be able to see that child, that terrified me. Saul Picard? Bring him on.

Saul: I don't deserve to live. Don't you understand? If the state thinks that killin' me will stop one pervert from doing what I did to those poor little girls, then it's worth it. Please. Let me go home to die.

McCoy: Congratulations.

Novak: For what?

McCoy: The excellent job you did as Saul Picard's defense attorney. Judge Bradley called me.

Novak: Jack, I...

McCoy: I told him he must be mistaken, since I only have prosecutors working in this office. At least I thought I did. Until I got this. [hands Novak a notice]

Novak: Who gave this to you?

McCoy: What matters is what's in it. 5 years ago, the cops responded to a disturbance call in your apartment. You told the officers it was a mistake, but it isn't true, is it?

Novak: My fiancee Charlie, he attacked me. He was a schizophrenic, and he was off his medication. When the police saw the cuts and bruises on my face and neck, they wanted to arrest Charlie. But I thought I could help him. So, I identified myself as an ADA, and I begged them not to take him in.

McCoy: You abused the authority of this office for personal reasons back then, just like you're doing now!

Novak: Sick people like Saul Picard shouldn't be put to death!

McCoy: The last time I checked, the Supreme Court still says you can't execute a mentally ill person in this country.

Novak: And what if a jury found him responsible, because he was lucid when he decided to stop taking his medication?

McCoy: That's not your problem. That's why he has a defense attorney.

Novak: No defense attorney could make a jury see past what he did to those little girls.

McCoy: So you weren't about to take a chance he'd be convicted?

Novak: Because he belongs in a hospital, not a prison cell, and you know it.

McCoy: I'll tell you what I know. You're going to stay on this case through the 730 hearing, and you're going to behave yourself, because if you don't, I'm not only going to fire you. I'll make sure the bar yanks your license. And if you don't think I have the juice to do it, try me.

Fight [9.08]

Fin: [Looking at an internet photo of Lake in a boxing ring.] Get outta here. That's not you.

Lake: Bet your ass it is.

Captain Cragen: [reads] "Naptime Wins in A.C."

Fin: What, they call you Naptime because your boring stories put everybody to sleep?

Fin: Kona woulda beat yo' ass.

Lake: I would've held my own ... for a couple of rounds.

Fin: I would've liked to see that. Don't expect me to cry at your funeral.

Fin: [studying a Confederate flag on a frat house's wall.] 'sup with that flag?

Frat boy: KDA was founded by a direct descendant of Jefferson Davis. We're very proud of our heritage.

Fin: You know you lost the war.

Clerk: Docket ending 2500. People v. Jadon Odami.

Judge Cohen: On the charge of murder in the second degree, how do you plead?

Woodrow: Not guilty, your honor.

Jadon: That's not what I told you to say.

Woodrow: You were coerced during interrogation.

Novak: Your honor, there was no coercion. The defendant freely confessed.

Woodrow: Really? What, his mother just happened to pop in during the middle of his interview?

Jadon: Your honor, I killed Julie Donovan. I plead guilty.

Judge Cohen: Listen to your attorney, son.

Jadon: [turns to his attorney] You fired. [unamused, Woodrow shakes his head and leaves the courtroom] Okay. He's not my lawyer now.

Paternity [9.09]

[Stabler and Benson just found out that Tommy isn't Jake's son and are walking through the precinct hallway while discussing whether or not to tell Jake]

Benson: He has the right to know.

Stabler: It's not our place to tell him.

Benson: Jake is raising a child that biologically isn't his. He's married to a woman who's being unfaithful. You think that ignorance is bliss?

Stabler: First of all, Tommy is his son. And Jake is the only father he's ever known. Now they love each other. Why do you want to mess with that?

Benson: Because it's not fair to Jake or Tommy.

Stabler: If Leah Keegan wants to tell her husband that Tommy's not his, that's her choice, not ours.

[Benson spots Jake sitting in a chair, having overheard what Stabler just said]

Jake: What do you mean? Tommy's not my son?

Stabler: Kathy wants to name him after me.

Benson: Just what the world needs. Another Elliot Stabler.

Snitch [9.10]

Sarah: In Northern Mozambique, women can have many husbands, so shouldn't it be my choice to decide what kind of marriage I want?

Stabler: And if you want to marry a cat?

King: [as Danielson walks by] Nice booty.

Danielson: Oh yeah? Watch it kick your ass!

Danielson: Please tell the jury what happened.

Chuckwei: I was walking home from work on 168th Street when I saw a man beat a boy with a metal pipe.

Danielson: [shows a photo of the victim] This is the victim, Damon Moore. Is he the boy you saw?

Chuckwei: Yes.

Danielson: And the man who beat him to death, is he in this courtroom?

[in a moment of silence, Chuckwei stares at King, who stares back; afterwards, Chuckwei points at him]

Chuckwei: That is the man. There.

King: He's a liar. The cops are makin' him lie!

Brayden: Dennis, shut up!

Chuckwei: No! NO! [jumps out of his seat] You murdered that boy in front of a crowd of people! And in front of GOD!!

King: [storms out of his seat, topples the table, and charges at Chuckwei] You're a dead man! You're a dead man! Ya hear me?!

[Stabler grabs King and pins him to the ground]

Judge: Order! ORDER! Get the jury out of here! Court officers!

[the court officers grab King]

King: Get 'em off! Get off me! [to Chuckwei] You're dead! Your family's dead! Everything you love is dead! You're dead!

Judge: Take the defendant to lockup!

[Benson and Stabler walk up to Chuckwei]

Benson: Are you okay?

Chuckwei: Yes. I'm no longer afraid.

Streetwise [9.11]

[The rape and murder of a wealthy teen seems to point detectives to a gang of street kids.]

Lake: The earring was hawked by Sunshine Smith, who lives at 6789 Peekaboo Lane. That's a fairy tale, friend.

Pawn shop owner: Now that you read it back to me, it does sound a tad bit suspicious.

[Reviewing pawnshop tape]

Lake: Man, you know it's illegal for underage kids to pawn.

Pawn shop owner: Hey, guy gotta eat.

Fin: You need to go on a diet.

[As Stabler handcuffs Cole]

Cole: You're gonna break my wrists!

Stabler: I'm Irish, but I'm not that lucky.

Signature [9.12]

[Benson works with FBI profiling agent Lauren Cooper when a dead man and woman are found in central park due to an anonymous tip. The woman is though to have been killed by a serial killer called 'the woodsman'.]

Agent Cooper: I don't think we need to hear anymore.

Dr. Warner: I speak for the dead and I'm not done.

Agent Cooper:[about woman's body] At least he didn't chop her up into little pieces. At least he let her keep her head.

Benson: Are you Lavender?

Lavender: Its La-van-der! Do I look like a damn flower to you?

Benson:[to Cooper] Are you okay?

Cooper:[crying] No. I said I wasn't used to dealing with victims.

[Benson is preparing to interrogate Cooper]

Cooper: You must get a lot of confessions in here. Can't wait to unburden the soul, confirm your deepest suspicions. They want absolution. They want to be able to sleep at night.

Benson: Can you sleep at night, Lauren?

Cooper: I sleep. Just. Fine.

Lake: [to himself] I'm gonna blow your freakin' brains out.

CSU Tech: [Overhearing] You better not be talkin' to me.

Benson: Just how close were you 2?

Cooper: He was like a father to me!

Benson: Is that what they're calling it these days?

Cragen: (about Agent Cooper) She executed Mr. Moore

Chief Muldrew: You mean the serial killer.

Novak: It doesn't matter what he did, Larry Moore was murdered. That is a Class-A fellony.

Lydia: I presume you live on Planet Earth. Where're you going to find a jury pool that doesn't think the guy deserves to die?

Novak: That has no baring on the law.

Lydia: Explain that to John Q. Public. There'll be months of media spinning. Trotting out the murdered womans family members in support of a rogue FBI agent.

Novak: Agent Cooper stalked and shot a man in Central Park and you want to give her a pass?

Lydia: This office is not going to let you spend $2,000,000, on a case you can't win.

Cooper: [As Lake and Benson arrive to arrest her] Proud of yourself?

Benson: I would have been proud to help you collar the bastard who murdered 24 women. That would have satisfied me.

Cooper: That wasn't good enough.

Benson: [Quickly takes away Cooper's gun] Why not?

Cooper: You know why. How many dead babies have you stood over? How many rape victims? You can't tell me you never wanted to put your gun under the bastard's chin who raped a 2-year old.

Benson: [pause] I have too much to lose.

Cooper: I don't.

[Benson begs Cooper to make a deal and mitigate her sentence]

Benson: Take the deal, Lauren. It's a way out.

Cooper: No.

Benson: Why the hell not?

Cooper: Because those who fight monsters better make damn sure they don't become them. [pulls out her gun]

Lake: GUN!!

[Cooper shoots herself]

Unorthodox [9.13]

[A 12-year old Jewish boy is sexually assaulted, and the search for his rapist leads Benson and Stabler into the Hassidic community.]

Stabler: You know, I was up all night with the baby. And it got me thinking.

Novak: You want me to send Jack to Family Court.

Stabler: I want to do what's right, Casey.

Novak: Sleep deprivation's making you soft, Elliot.

Munch: You can tell the Grand Rebbe he can kiss my tuchus. My Yiddish is a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure they just told our friend here to keep us away from the synagogue.

Inconceivable [9.14]

Benson: What they are doing is trapping her in a child's body forever.

Stabler: Parents have to make hard choices. This last pregnancy, Kathy was over 40. That carries a higher risk of things like Down Syndrome.

Benson: And, you know what? Eli turned out perfect, so spare me the perils of women over 40 having babies.

Clerk: Docket ending 25801. People vs. James and Victoria Grall. One count assault in the second degree, one count grand larceny, one count burglary.

Judge Petrovsky: How do you plead?

James: Not guilty, your honor.

Eva: They should be charged with murder!

Judge Petrovsky: Court officers, remove this woman!

[the court officers escort Eva out of the courtroom as James and Victoria look on with remorse]

James: She's right. We should be charged with murder.

Judge Petrovsky: Would the People like to amend the charge?

Novak: No, your honor. The defendants are only grandstanding to further their political agenda.

James: If you were fit for your job, you'd seek justice for these lost souls.

Victoria: It was an accident.

Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Hunter, control your clients.

Hunter: As your honor well knows, according to New York law, life does not begin until a baby draws breath.

James: It begins at the moment of conception.

Novak: Even in the cases of abandoned newborns, a murder charge cannot be brought if it's determined the infant was stillborn.

Judge Petrovsky: The charges stand.

Hunter: Actually, your honor, the grand larceny should be dropped to petty larceny. Human bodies cannot legally be sold, and therefore have no monetary value.

Novak: The couples who went to Hudson Cryobank each spent tens of thousands of dollars to get those embryos.

Hunter: That was for services provided. It wasn't a sticker price of an embryo.

Judge Petrovsky: That's an issue for your trial judge. I'll add on the lesser charge and hear the People as to bail.

Novak: $100,000 each.

Hunter: Excessive. The defendants are not a flight risk. They have ties to the community.

Judge Petrovsky: Bail is set at 10,000 each, cash or bond. [bangs gavel] Next case.

Undercover [9.15]

[Fin catches Harris trying to rape Benson]

Fin: Let her go now!

Harris: Get the hell outta here!

Fin: Police! Move away from her! Move away!

Harris: She's trying to escape!

Fin: And you had to drop your pants to stop her?

Benson: Lowell Harris, you're under arrest for raping Ashley Tyler.

Fin: And the attempted murder of a police officer.

Harris: You're a cop?

Benson: Who's the bitch now?

Benson: Seventeen years as a corrections officer. Eleven different prisons. It says here that the first ten stops were maximum security men's facilities.

Harris: I go where I'm told.

Benson: You go where you're not gonna get your ass kicked.

Harris: [pauses] What are you talking about?

Benson: I read your evaluations. They dumped you at Sealview because you didn't have the balls to handle men.

Harris: Shut up.

Benson: You know what I think? I think you hate women. That's why you rape them. And if you hate women so much, that must mean that you like men.

[Harris jumps up]

Harris: Shut up. Shut up, you filthy whore. Do you understand me?

Benson: Did I strike a nerve?

Benson: He almost killed me.

Hunter: He didn't know you were a cop.

Benson: And that gives him the right to attack me?

Hunter: The law gives Officer Harris every right to strike an inmate to force compliance!

Benson: But not the right to try and rape me!!

Dr. Warner: How'd you know to ask Ashley about the mole?

Benson: [evasive] She remembered.

Dr. Warner: But you couldn't have known she was right.

Benson: [pause] I saw it... when he had me in the basement.

Dr. Warner: Olivia, did he rape you?

Benson: [quietly] It's the closest I've ever come.

Closet [9.16]

Stabler: Where were you last night?

Ramirez: Hanging with friends.

Stabler: Doing what?

Ramirez: Stuff.

Stabler: Where?

Ramirez: Around.

Stabler: Okay, hey -- I want you to start answering my questions in complete sentences.

Balthus: My client doesn't know what happened that night, he's confused.

Novak: What, he confused committing murder with a little slap and tickle?

Lincoln: [after his brain damage has forced him to retire from football] I had it all. Career, someone I loved ... football gave me everything. Then took it all away.

Authority [9.17]

Munch: "Just following orders." That's the preferred defense of every war criminal from Eichmann to Milosevic.

[Rook is holding Benson hostage and trying to get Stabler to inflict pain on her via remote control]

Rook: I put my faith in a little god in a white coat and he killed my wife and son. PUSH THE BUTTON!

Stabler: No.

[Rook pushes the button and a female voice screams]

Rook: PUSH … THE … BUTTON!!!

Stabler: I can't do it.

Rook: No? Why?

Stabler: Too many people have suffered already.

Rook: Then you, Elliot Stabler, are a human being. Congratulations, you are not a sheep like I was. You're a man. Thank you.

Rook: Where are you taking me?

Benson: Central Booking.

Rook: May I tie my shoe?

[Benson and Stabler exchange an irritated glance]

Stabler: Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Rook: Thank you.

[Rook activates a detonator that is tied to his ankle causing the studio to explode; the blast knocks all three of them to the ground]

Trade [9.18]

Bartlett: Great body.

Benson: Excuse me?

Bartlett: The coffee. Though I`ll bet yours is smooth and robust.

Bartlett: I didn't bribe anyone.

Novak: [sarcastically] No. That $50,000 payment to juror #4 was charity.

Cold [9.19]

Novak: What are you selling, Brett?

Smith: Criminal Defense.

Novak: Yeah, hard to imagine.

Smith: You've worked sex crimes longer than most and you're still passionate, we need you.

Novak: Yeah, well, it's harder to care when your clients are guilty.

Smith: Ours are accused of SEC violations, not diddling some 4-year-old on the playground.

Novak: Look, I'm sorry. I have to go.

Smith: No more late night calls, no more rape victims and dead kids. How do you sleep at night?

Novak: I don't.

[Novak enters Judge Donnelly's chambers]

Novak: You wanted to see me, Judge Donnelly?

Judge Donnelly: Yes. The DA is declining to re-file charges against Thomas Crane.

Novak: He raped and murdered Alisa Hernandez, and he gets to keep his badge?

Judge Donnelly: Because of your actions, counselor.

Novak: With all due respect, ma'am, this doesn't concern you.

Judge Donnelly: It does now. [hands Novak a notice]

Novak: I'm being called before the bar.

Judge Donnelly: At my insistence.

Novak: Why?

Judge Donnelly: Because you lost perspective. And because I sit on the peer review board, and I cannot allow you to commit a Brady violation and lie to the court without consequence.

Novak: The reports weren't finished, your honor! I sent them back!

Judge Donnelly: You lied to Petrovsky, and now, you are lying to me. The lab reports were dated and stamped! We are civil servants, Casey! No one is falling on their sword for you. What I want to know is why.

Novak: Because the bad guys can't always win. He deserved to pay.

Judge Donnelly: And so do you.

Novak: How much trouble am I in?

Judge Donnelly: Censure. Possible suspension.

Novak: For how long?

Judge Donnelly: A year. Maybe more.

Novak: What should I do?

Judge Donnelly: Something else.