Lake Placid (film)
1999 film by Steve Miner
You'll Never Know What Bit You. (taglines)
- I will NOT calm down! This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head and I DON'T LIKE IT!
- I'm rooting for the crocodile. I hope he swallows your friends whole. You might want to arrest me for that too. Is that a crime? To wish the chewing of law enforcement?
- Kelly Scott: The lake is so black and still.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Yeah, we wanted to call it Lake Placid, but someone said that name was taken.
- Jack Wells: It's not a science trip.
- Kelly Scott: Could you be a little more condescending? 'Cause I'm not real great with subtlety.
- Jack Wells: Something in that lake killed somebody, all right? I appreciate your trying to help. I'm really glad that you... brought the RAID.
- Kelly Scott: There, that's better.
- Jack Wells: Ma'am...
- Kelly Scott: Look, if you call me "ma'am" one more time I'll sue you, and with today's laws, it's possible.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: She's good.
- Kelly Scott: What kind of backup do we have?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: We?
- Kelly Scott: What?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Well, I'm a little unclear as to why the museum would send somebody here.
- Kelly Scott: You got a thing against museums?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Naw, I got nothin' against museums.
- Kelly Scott: Ever been in one?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Tents were sent ahead. Should already be set up by the time we get there.
- Kelly Scott: Tents? We're staying in TENTS?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: I told you, two days we'd have to camp.
- Kelly Scott: Yes! Camp! But I thought that meant Ramada Inn. I never heard tents! Will there be toilets?
- Jack Wells: Maybe we should just take you back.
- Kelly Scott: Why? Because I prefer toilets? Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin' my ass, blendin' in with the natives.
- Kelly Scott: His scales were oval. He's an Asian Crocodile.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Why... why would he come here? I mean, it's impossible. Asia. How would he get here?
- Hector Cyr: Obviously some asshole in Hong Kong flushed him down the toilet.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: I... I... I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean.
- Hector Cyr: Well, they conceal information like that in books.
- Mrs. Bickerman: Oh, my husband passed away. It's been almost two years now.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: My department doesn't have any record of that, Mrs. Bickerman.
- Mrs. Bickerman: Well, I'm sorry. Incomplete records haunt me so.
- Jack Wells: What was the cause of your husband's death, ma'am? Do you know?
- Kelly Scott: We don't mean to invade your privacy, but was he ill, was he sick?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Was he swallowed?
- Sheriff Hank Keough: [after seeing her lead a blindfolded cow to the crocodile] Ma'am, your husband Bernie, you didn't by any chance lead him to the lake blindfolded?
- Mrs. Bickerman: If I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it!
- Mrs. Bickerman: Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop 'em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile...
- Sheriff Hank Keough: You're gonna stay right here until the police show. You're under full house arrest.
- Mrs. Bickerman: Thank you, officer fuck-meat!
- Kelly Scott: Did you want to be killed by it?
- Hector Cyr: You think I'm that nuts?
- Kelly Scott: Hector, what you just did, there had to be some sort of death wish going on.
- Hector Cyr: In ancient Malenesia people suspected of crime's would be thrown to the crocodiles. Crocodiles would decide. They would be the judge.
- Kelly Scott: Oh, so that was you wanting to be judged out there?
- Hector Cyr: Maybe I was, and so what? Is that too arbitrary? Better to be measured by my wealth? Better for me to get my self-esteem looking into the eyes of cheap sycophants craving a meal ticket? There was more honesty in those dragon's eyes. There was more dignity in those dragon's eyes...
- Kelly Scott: Jesus, Hector cut the shit.
- Hector Cyr: Aw, fuck it.
- Kelly Scott: [about Hector] He thinks they're godly.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: What was that?
- Kelly Scott: In his defense, every primitive culture known to man deified them: ancient China, Egypt, Australia, Asia... Going back in history, crocodiles have been more worshiped than Jesus.
- Sheriff Hank Keough: Is this supposed to make us take him more seriously?
- Kelly Scott: No, it's supposed to make you understand him.
- Kelly Scott: Doesn't anyone "make a move" around here in Maine?
- Jack Wells: [opens the passenger door and moves his bag] Get in.
- Kelly Scott: You move a bag and that's it? That's your "move"?
- Jack Wells: Come on, I know a good bar where we can get some beers.
- Kelly Scott: [gets in and closes the door] Are the glasses clean?
- Jack Wells: Uhh... yeah. Are you gonna complain like this all night?
- Kelly Scott: Start the car Jack.
- Jack Wells: I miss the crocodile already.
- You'll Never Know What Bit You.
- Part Mystery. Part Thriller. Parts Missing.
- I definitely learned something new while making Lake Placid, but I think this was one of the movies that really tested him the most as an artist just because of the magnitude of the work he took on to make that crocodile look as great as it does and work as well as it did. Plus , we never would have been able to make Lake Placid without Stan and I owe so much of the success of this movie to him.
- Bill Pullman — Jack Wells
- Bridget Fonda — Kelly Scott
- Oliver Platt — Hector Cyr
- Brendan Gleeson — Sheriff Hank Keough
- Betty White — Mrs. Delores Bickerman
- Meredith Salenger — Deputy Sharon Gare
- David Lewis — Walt Lawson
- Tim Dixon — Stephen Daniels
- Natassia Malthe — Janine
- Mariska Hargitay — Myra Okubo
- Jed Rees — Deputy Burke