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Kronk's New Groove

2005 American animated film

Kronk's New Groove (also known as The Emperor's New Groove 2: Kronk's New Groove) is a 2005 American direct-to-video animated musical comedy film animated by Toon City Animation and released by Walt Disney Home Entertainment on December 13, 2005. The film is the sequel and spin-off to the 2000 animated film The Emperor's New Groove.

Kuzco

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  • So, right about now, you're probably wondering, "Hey, where's that emperor guy?" Wella-wella-boom, baby! Kuzco here, coming to you live from the palace.
  • Right now, it's Kronk's turn to be in the limelight.
  • It's a scam! Her potion's a fake! She's selling snake oil, people! Wake up! Oh, you saw it already, huh? Well, smarty, I bet you didn't see this! [camera zooms in on Yzma's armpit hairs] Oh! Yikes! That is gonna haunt me in my nightmares. Can we just move on, please? Guy in the booth! Now!
  • Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself in the movie? Nice.

Kronk

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  • You don't want to let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these. The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection.
  • Papi didn't approve. He said if I didn't get serious, I'd never amount to anything. But nothing I ever did was good enough for him.
  • My nightmare began on a day like any other. So, technically, I guess that would be a "daymare." But I digress. It was lunchtime, and I was making my usual deliveries around town. I always saved the best stop for last, to see my dear old friends at the Flickering Embers Home for Seniors. A happier group of folks you'd never hope to meet. A perfect example of how to grow old with grace and dignity.
  • [looking at the souvenir photo; disappointed] Rats, my eyes are closed.
  • Dear Papi, remember how you never thought I'd amount to anything? Well, I got news for you. Good news. I finally got that big house on a hill you've always wanted me to have. It's really great. You're gonna love it. It's got all the amenities. Swimming pool, golf course… The windmill's a killer. And my favorite part of all. Pancake junction! I even built a cozy little guest wing just for you. Yep. Just a big, serious house for a big, serious guy. Like me. That's who I am.
  • Doing good cost me my dream house. And then… (Mata: Don't tell me.) It cost me my girl. (Mata: I said, don't tell me.) These oven mitts were the last thing she touched, other than my fragile heart… Before she walked out of my life.
  • Why?! Why is this happening?! I-I-I just don't understand. It just doesn't make any sense. Was it loop over, loop under and pull, or loop under, loop over and pull?
  • Dear Papi, remember how I've never been able to meet the right girl? Uh, any girl? Well, I finally found the woman of my dreams. She's everything you could want in a woman and more. Don't get too excited. We'll take it nice and slow at first. And we'll get married in a fancy ceremony and have lots and lots of kids. - Love, Kronk.
  • You see, Papi, you may look at my life and think I've got nothing, but the truth is… I've got everything.

Yzma

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  • Welcome to my new secret lab!
  • I've finally done it, Kronk. I've created the elixir of life. The answer to everyone's prayers. Behold! The fountain of youth in a bottle! [thunder crashes] Regular and diet.
  • I need gold, Kronk! [realizes what she said; laughs] I mean, you need gold.
  • Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! It's finally arrived. The cure for everything that ails you. Yzma's Young and Beautiful!
  • Big load of happy, coming through!
  • Stand back! Don't make me use this! [takes out her potion] (Kronk: Your cough medicine?) No! My most fiendishly diabolical potion ever! When I drink this, you won't be able to lay a finger on me!

Dialogue

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Chicha: Boy, the place is packed.
Kronk: Yeah, never had this many friends when I was an evil henchman.
Pacha: And look at you now, chef at Mudka's.
Kronk: And head delivery boy!
Man: [speaking fast] Delivery Boy Logo used by permission and may not be reproduced without the express written consent of Delivery Boy Logo 8675309.
Kronk: I get my one-year pin next week.
Mata: What's with you?
Kronk: [fearfully] It's my father. He's… He's… coming for a visit! [shows her the telegram]
Mata: [takes out her reading glasses; sighs as she reads] "Can't wait to meet your wife and kids and see your big house on the hill. Cordially, your father, Papi." So?
Kronk: So Papi said l have to have all those things if I'm ever gonna be a success. And I once had them, but I lost them!
Mata: So?
Kronk: So I never told him that part.
Mata: Big whoop. Tell him the truth.
Kronk: What? Tell him the truth? Are you nuts? You don't let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these. The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of lmpending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection.
Mata: Total rejection. Right, right. Mm-hmm.
Kronk: I remember it well. Too well. [Flashback to his youth; voice-over] You see, I was always different growing up. Papi didn't approve. He said if I didn't get serious, I'd never amount to anything. But nothing I ever did was good enough for him. All I ever wanted was a thumbs up from Papi. [end of flashback] And I was so close. I once had a big house, on a hill. Papi would have loved it. That house was a dream come true.
Ipi: Does this look like a rash to you?
Topi: [looking around for his dentures] Has anybody seen my teeth?
Hildy: Oy! My aching knee.
Rudy: [sighs] I sure wish there was some way to stop getting old.
Hildy: If only they could put youth in a bottle. [sighs] I'd pay anything for that.
Ipi: Again with the youth potion. How many times do I have to tell you, there's no such thing!
Hildy: But if there were...
Ipi: But there's not!
Hildy: I said, if!
Ipi: If, schmiff!
Yzma: Welcome to my new secret lab! Souvenir photo?
Kronk: [disappointed] Rats, my eyes are closed.
Yzma: Follow me!
Kronk: Whoa! Looks like someone's been busy.
Yzma: I've finally done it, Kronk. I've created the elixir of life. The answer to everyone's prayers. Behold! The fountain of youth in a bottle! [thunder crashes] Regular and diet.
Kronk: Rudy? Yzma's youth potion is a fake. She cheated you.
Rudy: [looks at his reflection, realizing he's still the same] Oh? [looks at the fake potion]
Kronk: And… I cheated you too. I'm sorry. [Rudy pats him on the shoulder, making him feel better] I guess we better go tell the others.
Rudy: [gasps in realization] The others! I almost forgot! They're about to elect Yzma emperor!
Kronk: I never knew that was an elective office.
Crowd: Yzma for emperor!
Kronk: Stop this charade!
Rudy: Yzma's youth potion is a fake!
Yzma: [through gritted teeth] Kronk? What are you doing?!
Kronk: I want you all to look at Rudy…and tell me what you see.
Hildy: Whoo! That is one hot hunk of man!
Kronk: He's in his golden years. Not getting any younger. Chronologically challenged.
Rudy: I got wrinkles, bunions, ear hair! I'm still OLD!
Topo: Hey, he's right. I'm still old too!
Ipi: Me too! And Hildy looks like…
Hildy: Uh-uh-uh. Don't even!
Crowd: Yzma's a crook! The potion doesn't work! She's a witch!
Yzma: [laughs nervously] Would you excuse me a moment? [runs away]
[The seniors chase Yzma and corner her at the bridge]
Yzma: [standing on the edge] Back off, or I'll jump! [looks down below, seeing alligators and piranhas in the ravine] Wait, that can't be right.
Kronk: Okay. Why don't we all just take a step back? Not you, Yzma.
[Yzma grumbles]
Rudy: She stole everything we have!
Ipi: Yeah, we didn't chase her all the way down here for nothing! Nice moves back there, Hildy.
Hildy: Oh! What about you? Pouncing like a wildcat.
Rudy: Hey, I just realized something. We chased Yzma all the way down here.
Ipi: Didn't I just cover that?
Rudy: Don't you see? We're busting moves like a bunch of teenagers!
Ipi: So, what you're saying is, even though the potion was fake, we're only as old we feel.
Kronk: That's almost like you should thank Yzma for robbing you of every last cent. [laughs; then realizes] Wait, that can't be right.
Ipi: Let's get her!
Yzma: Stand back! Don't make me use this! [takes out her potion]
Seniors: Ooh!
Kronk: Your cough medicine?
Yzma: No! My most fiendishly diabolical potion ever! When I drink this, you won't be able to lay a finger on me! [cackles and then starts to choke]
Ipi: GET HER!
[Yzma drinks her potion and turns into a cute little pink bunny]
Seniors: How cute! She's a cutie pie!
Yzma: See? I told you so. [an eagle swoops in and grabs her, and flies off far away]
Kronk: That's weird. Let's all reflect on these lessons on our way home tonight.
Rudy: Well, everyone, back to the alley.
Kronk: You're living in an alley?
Rudy: Well, sure. We sold our house to you. I got dibs on the cardboard box!
Kronk: This is awful. I've got to find them a place to live. But where can I find a gigantic house with 30 extra bedrooms? Where? Think, think, think!
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Kronk: Too much salt in my spinach puffs?
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: No, no! You're house!
Kronk: Right!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Whoa, Nelly! Let's not overreact. You wanna lose your dream house? That house is gonna get us the big thumbs up from Papi.
Kronk: If I lose the house, I'll let Papi down. I can't let Papi down.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: But you tricked Rudy out of that house!
Kronk: Oh, my! It's true! I took away Rudy's home!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Hey! You got that house fair and square!
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Yeah, but he cheated his best friend!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: No, he didn't!
Kronk: [grabs his shoulder devil by the throat] Yes, I did! I gotta do the right thing. [runs over to Rudy] Rudy! Let's talk real estate.
Tipo: Look at them. They're really snot and polish.
Chaca: Yeah. It's "spit and polish."
Tipo: Snot.
Chaca: Spit.
Tipo: Snot!
Chaca: Spit!
Tipo: Snot!
Chaca: Spit!
Tipo: Snot!
Chaca: Spit!
Tipo: Snot!
Kronk: Whoa, whoa. Easy, kids. Spit, snot, same general neighborhood.
Juryman: Troop Kronk is disqualified! [Kronk and his kids gasp in horrified shock] The aquatic competition goes to Troop Birdwell!
[Birdwell's kids cheer as they win a point]
Kronk: Hey! That's not fair!
Miss Birdwell: You ruined the aquatic event for my poppets.
Kronk: But now you've ruined it for my, uh…
Tipo: [whispers] Poppets.
Kronk: Poppets. I knew that.
Miss Birdwell: Well then, I suppose you should've thought of that sooner. Come alone, chippers! Toodle pip. Toodle pip.
Kronk: Why?! Why is this happening?! I-I-I just don't understand. It just doesn't make any sense. [trying to tie Tipo's shoelaces] Was it loop over, loop under and pull, or loop under, loop over and pull? Tipo, you okay, little pal?
Tipo: We're gonna lose the trophy because of her.
Miss Birdwell: He can't do this to my little chippers!
Kronk: She can't do this to my little chippers.
Tipo: Yeah!
Kronk: That's it. Oh, that's it. The gloves are coming off. We're going mano a womano.
Both: Let the games begin!
Kronk: So, it all comes down to one event.
Miss Birdwell: The Chipmunk cheer off!
Both: There's only one thing to do.
Miss Birdwell: Practice, practice, practice!
Kronk: Do whatever it takes to WIN!
Tipo: We can't let him down. We just gotta win that trophy for Kronk!
Tipo's Shoulder Devil: You know what I'd do? Cheat.
Tipo's Shoulder Angel: [gasps] What am I hearing? You can't do that!
Tipo's Shoulder Devil: Nah-nah-nah-nah!
Tipo's Shoulder Angel: Stop it! Stop it!
Tipo's Shoulder Devil: Ha-ha! Crybaby, crybaby, stick your head in pie, baby!
Tipo's Shoulder Angel: Make him stop! Make him…
Tipo's Shoulder Devil: [puts a pacifier in his mouth to shut him up] Hey, Kronk said, "Do whatever it takes to win."
Tipo: Yeah. Whatever it takes.
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Hey, look. Aren't those your eggs?
Kronk: [reading the label on the egg carton] "Kronk's Eggs. Property of Kronk. Do not touch except for Kronk." [confronts Birdwell] Hey! What are you doing with my eggs?!
Miss Birdwell: What are you doing with my raisins, sir?
Kronk: These aren't your raisins.
Miss Birdwell: [swipes the box out of his hand; reads the label] "Birdwell's Raisins. Property of Birdwell. Do not touch except for Birdwell."
Kronk: Huh. You think I would have seen that. I need those raisins.
Miss Birdwell: Well, I need them more!
Kronk: Then you're ruining this for my kids!
Miss Birdwell: You're wrecking it for mine!
Kronk: You disqualified us!
Miss Birdwell: You tried to drown us!
Kronk: This is all your fault!
Miss Birdwell: This is all your fault! [steps on his foot]
Kronk: Is not!
Miss Birdwell: Is too, you twit!
Kronk: Give!
Miss Birdwell: You give!
Both: You!
Miss Birdwell: [reading the label on the bag] "Tipo's Itching Powder. Property of Tipo. Do not touch except for…" Tipo?! How could you?! I'm so disappointed.
Kronk: Oh, no. What am I gonna do?
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Eh, let the kid take the rap. He'll do easy time.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: You put the idea in his head. Look at him out there. He's 6.
Kronk: Uh-oh, the lip. Not the lip.
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Don't look directly at it! You start flapping your jaw, the girl goes bye-bye.
Kronk: Forever?
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Heartbreak City.
Kronk: No.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: So you're just gonna weasel out while they send Tipo off to the big house?
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: You forgetting something? [holds up the drawing of Papi with the thumbs-up in front of his face] You want this, you need that.
Miss Birdwell: Dangerous. You could have hurt somebody. I cannot believe that you would disgrace the Chipmunk name in this manner!
Kronk: But Tipo needs me. Let him go! It's all my fault.
Miss Birdwell: [gasps in shock] Kronky-poo? You told Tipo to cheat?
Kronk: I told him, "do whatever it takes to win."
Pacha: You wanna borrow my house?
Chicha: And me?
Kronk: And them, if it's not too much trouble.
Chicha: Kronk, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Kronk: Trust me, I am, but, not as much as I'd be if Papi finds out I'm a failure, he's gonna come at me with everything. [quickly] The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, [normally] and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection.
Tipo: What's wrong with Kronk?
Tipo's Shoulder Angel: Duh. You made him look like a big fat liar in front of Miss Birdwell.
Tipo's Shoulder Devil: Hey, don't guilt-trip the kid! It's not his fault.
Tipo: No, he's right. I've got to help him.
Pacha: [to his wife] Now come on, Chich, he's our friend.
Chicha: Pacha.
Pacha: You saw the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection. We have to do something before his father gets here.
Chaca: Too late. He's here.
Kronk: Machu Picchu!
Rudy: [running over to Kronk, in his Mrs. Kronk disguise] Kronky-wonky! [jumps into his hands]
Papi: Who is this?
Rudy: Why, I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk.
Papi: Kronker!
Kronk: Uh… Right. I'll go check on dinner. [drops Rudy and dashes into the kitchen]
Rudy: [annoyingly enters the kitchen] Hey! Is that any way to treat the lovely Mrs. Kronk?
Chicha: I thought I was the lovely Mrs. Kronk.
Rudy: Look at us. Putting on dresses. Pretending to be women.
Pacha: [enters the kitchen] KRONK! What are you doing?!
Kronk: Dinner rush. I've got four specials and I've got a party of ten coming at 8:30.
Rudy, Chicha, and Pacha: Kronk!
Papi: Kronk? [Kronk screams and runs back into the kitchen] Kronk! [follows him into the kitchen] Let me get this straight. [points to Chicha] She's Mrs. Kronk, [to Rudy in disguise] and she's Mrs. Kronk?
Marge and Tina: Sweetheart!
Kronk: Tina?! Marge?!
Marge: Marge.
Tina: Tina.
Mata: Oy.
Papi: Kronk!
Kronk: Well, at least that's everybody.
Kuzco: Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself in the movie? Nice.
Kronk: Kuzco?
Kuzco: How you doing, hot stuff?
Kronk: Hot stuff? [holds up a sign reading, "Uh-oh"]
Kronk: Papi… I have a confession. I'm not who you think I am. I, uh… I'm just a humble fry cook. And head delivery boy. That's not all. Chicha's not my wife. None of these folks are my wives. And these aren't my kids. Not even the ones who really are kids. Yeah, and that big house up on the hill, that's not mine either. And Pachita… [Pacha takes off his women's hat disguise] not even a woman. I lied to you, Papi. I just wanted you to be proud of me. I just wanted to get… [holds up a thumbs up] one of these. But all I ever got from you was… [Papi gives him a scowled look on his face] Yeah, that. I'm a failure. The truth is…I've got nothing.
Chaca: [walks up to him] But Kronk, you've got us.
Kronk: And I wouldn't trade you guys for anything.
Papi: Well, that would explain why you don't have anything.
Rudy: For your information, Kronk used to have a big house.
Ipi: On a hill.
Topo: But he gave it away to us old folks.
Chaca: And he had a girlfriend too. They baked us raisin bread.
Mata: He gave up all those things to protect his friends.
Kronk: You were actually listening to my stories?
Mata: I was weeping on the inside.
Kronk: Wait a second. I really wouldn't trade you guys for anything. Not even for a thumbs up. You see, Papi, you may look at my life and think I've got nothing, but the truth is… I've got everything.
Papi: Not yet, you don't. [gives his son a thumbs up and smiles] I'm proud of you, son.
Papi: Well, you know what this means, if they're finishing each other's sentences…
Mata: Then it must be true love.

Taglines

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You've got to be true to your groove.

Walt Disney Pictures presents Kronk's New Groove

The groove is on the move.

See also

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