Open main menu

Wikiquote β

Kingsman: The Secret Service

2014 film by Matthew Vaughn

Kingsman: The Secret Service is a 2014 British-American spy film directed by Matthew Vaughn and based on the comic book The Secret Service, created by Dave Gibbons and Mark Millar. The screenplay was written by Vaughn and Jane Goldman. It follows the recruitment and training of a potential secret agent, Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, into a secret spy organization. Eggsy joins a mission to tackle a global threat from Richmond Valentine, a wealthy megalomaniac.


Harry Hart/GalahadEdit

  • Since 1849, Kingsman Tailors have clothed the world's most powerful individuals. In 1919, a great number of them had lost their heirs to World War I. That meant a lot of money going uninherited. And a lot of powerful men with the desire to preserve peace and protect life. Our founders realised that they could channel that wealth and influence for the greater good. And so began our other venture. An independent, international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion. Above the politics and bureaucracy that undermine the integrity of government-run spy organisations. A suit is the modern gentleman's armour. And the Kingsman agents are the new knights.
  • Shit. F***ing missed it. How did I f***ing miss it?
  • Uh, listen, boys. I've had a rather emotional day, so whatever your beef with Eggsy is, and I'm sure it's well-founded, I appreciate it enormously if you could just leave us in peace, until I finish this lovely pint of Guinness.


Eggsy: One of these days, I'm gonna smash his face in.
Jamal: Are you mental, cuz? [Points to Rottweiler and Dean's thugs] He'd just get that lot to do you and then pretend he knew nothing... about it.
Rottweiler: Oi! You think you can chat shit about us and we won't do nothing just cause our governor's banging Eggsy's mum?
Eggsy: Pretty much, yeah.
Jamal: [As Rottweiler and Dean's thugs get up from their table one by one and head to the table that Eggsy, Jamal and Ryan are sitting at] Bruv, let's just go, man. It's not worth it.
Rottweiler: You boys have outstayed your welcome. Leave.
[Eggsy stands up to face Rottweiler]
Eggsy: I'm sorry about that, bruv.
[Eggsy and his friends leave the pub]
Ryan: They were f***ing worth it, boys.
Jamal: It's freezing. Why are we walking?
[Eggsy holds out Rottweiler's car keys]
Jamal: You jacked his f***ing car keys, bruv?
Eggsy: Yeah. Now we're gonna nick his car. Come on.
[Eggsy, Ryan and Jamal get into Rottweiler's car. Rottweiler, still inside the pub, turns to see the engine of a car revving outside]
Rottweiler: Hold on, boys. [Rottweiler gets up and goes outside and sees Eggsy joyriding in his car]
Rottweiler: OI, THAT'S MY F***ING CAR! OI! OI! EGGSY! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WANT TO F***ING STOP IT! You're a f***ing dead man! Stop it!
[Eggsy hoots with joy while in the car]
Rottweiler: I'm gonna f***ing have ya!
[Eggsy, Jamal and Ryan laugh and throw finger gestures at Rottweiler]
Ryan: Floor it, Eggsy!
[Eggsy drives off with Rottweiler watching. Rottweiler gets out his phone and calls Dean]
Rottweiler: Yeah, yeah, Dean, look, it's me. Eggsy just stole my f***ing car, yeah. Yeah, I've come out of the pub, he's done about 15 donuts in my f***ing face and he's drove off. No I can't have it! He's disrespecting me and that means he's disrespecting you.

[Having got Eggsy off a car theft charge, Harry talks with him in the pub]
Eggsy: So before you was a tailor, was you in the Army? Like an officer?
Hart: Not quite.
Eggsy: So where was you posted - Iraq or something?
Hart: Sorry, Eggsy. Classified.
Eggsy: But my dad saved your life, yeah?
Hart: The day your father died, I missed something. And if it weren't for his courage, my mistake would have cost the lives of every man present. So I owe him. Your father was a brave man. A good man. And having read your files, I'd think he'd be bitterly disappointed in the choices you've made.
Eggsy: [angry] You can't talk to me like that-!
Hart: Huge I.Q., great performance in primary school. And it all went tits up. Drugs, petty crime, never had a job.
Eggsy: Do you think there's a lot of jobs going around here, yeah?
Hart: Doesn't explain why you gave up your hobbies. First prize, regional under tens' gymnastics, two years in a row. Your coach had you pegged as Olympic team material.
Eggsy: Yeah, well, when you grow up around someone like my stepdad, you pick up new hobbies pretty quick.
Hart: Of course. Always someone else's fault. Who's to blame you for quitting the Marines? You were halfway through training, doing brilliantly, but you gave up.
Eggsy: Because my mum went mental, banging on about losing me as well as my dad! Didn't want me being cannon fodder for snobs like you, judging people like me from your ivory towers with no thought about why we do what we do! We ain't got much choice, you get me? And if we was born with the same silver spoon up our arses, we'd do just as well as you, if not better.

Michelle Unwin: Eggsy. Just go please, because he's gonna...
[Dean suddenly jabs Eggsy against the fridge and then punches Eggsy in the stomach]
Michelle Unwin: [Places her hands on Dean's shoulder] No, please! Don't hurt him!
Dean: F*** off! [Dean pushes her away] Get the f*** away! Shut the f*** up! [Dean turns his attention back to Eggsy] Who was with you in that f***ing pub? I wanna know the name of the geezer you was with!
Eggsy: I wasn't with no one!
Dean: [Slaps Eggsy] Who was it?
Eggsy: I don't know what you're on about.
Dean: [Slaps Eggsy again] Who was it?!
Eggsy: I don't know who you're f***ing on about!
Dean: F***ing tell me his name!
Eggsy: I don't know who you're f***ing on about!
[As the struggle between Eggsy and Dean continues, Harry overhears it through a mic that he placed on Eggsy's shoulder]
Dean: You listen to me! I want to know who was with you in that pub. Do you understand? I wanna know his f***ing name! [Slaps Eggsy again as Harry hears] Tell me!
Eggsy: I don't know who you're f***ing on about!
Dean: Tell me!
Michelle Unwin: Just tell him, Eggsy!
[Dean picks up a meat cleaver and shoves it in Michelle's face]
Dean: F*** off! F*** off, Michelle! [Dean threatens Eggsy with the meat cleaver] I could kill you right now and no one in the whole world will notice!
Harry Hart: But I would. I have enough evidence on your activities to have you locked up for the rest of your life, Mr. Dean Anthony Baker.
Dean: What the f***?
Harry Hart: So I suggest you leave the boy alone or I shall be forced to deliver it to the appropriate authorities. [Dean puts the meat cleaver down]
Harry Hart: Eggsy, meet me at the tailor I told you about.
Dean: What the f***'s going on here?

[After Train Test]:
Merlin: Charlie, you can go now.
Charlie: F*** you! F***ing Dad's gonna hear about this!

[Hart is in a hate group church]
Church Leader: And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the Antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...
Merlin: [watching the sermon] Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?
Church Leader: So, my friends, although he is a just God, he is just a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...
Gazelle: Are you sure we're out of range?
Valentine: We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?
Gazelle: What if the calculations are wrong?
Valentine: You just have to trust me.
Church Leader: ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.
Hart: Would you excuse me?
Church Blonde Woman: Where are you going? [Harry tries to leave the church] Hey! What's your problem?
Hart: I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.
Valentine: Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.
Church Leader: [continuing his sermon] I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend!
Church Blonde Woman: Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!
[As Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other]
Eggsy: [surprised at what happened] Holy fuck!
Valentine: Oh, shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.

Eggsy: Aren't you that princess who went missing?
Princess Tilde: Let me out of here.
Eggsy: If I do, will you give me a kiss? I've always wanted to kiss a princess.
Princess Tilde: I'll give you more than just a kiss.
[Just as Eggsy goes to open the door, Valentine tells Eggsy over the loudspeaker he's still alive]
Eggsy: Sorry love, but I've gotta save the world.
Princess Tilde: If you save the world, we can do it in the a**hole.
Eggsy: [monotone voice] I'll be right back.

[Eggsy is in Hart's home]

Eggsy: [to Hart] You shot a dog just to get a job?!
Hart: Yes. [walking into toilet where there is a stuffed dog on the mantelpiece] And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of that, every time I take a shit.
Eggsy: You shot your dog, brought him home and had him stuffed?!
Hart: No, I shot my dog, brought him home and continued to care for him for the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis! It was a blank, Eggsy. A huge opportunity wasted, over a fucking dog.


External linksEdit