Open main menu

Kindergarten Cop

1990 action film directed by Ivan Reitman

Kindergarten Cop is a 1990 film about a cop who goes undercover in Astoria to find the ex-wife and son of a drug dealer.

Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by Murray Salem, Herschel Weingrod, and Timothy Harris.
Go ahead, you tell him you didn't do your homework.taglines


John KimbleEdit

  • Come on! Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline. Well, I've got news for you. You are mine now! You belong to me! You're not gonna have your mommies from behind you anymore to wipe your little tushies! Oh no, it's time now to turn this mush into muscles. No more complaining. No more "Mr. Kimble, I have to go to the bathroom". Nothing! There is no bathroom!!!
  • This makes me angry as Hell! Now I'm angry!
  • SHUT UP!!!
  • It's not a tumor!
  • [to Eleanor] Go to hell.

Joyce Palmieri/Rachel Myatt CrispEdit

  • You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.

Phoebe O'HaraEdit

  • [to Eleanor after she knocked her unconcious with a baseball bat] You're not so tough without your car, are you?

Cullen Crisp, Sr.Edit

  • Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing. I'll be out of here in a week, and you'll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah. I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn't even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.
  • [last words before he got shot 3 times in the chest by John Kimble, killing him] The boy... is mine! HE'S MY BOY! You get your own goddamn family!

Eleanor CrispEdit

  • Where's my grandson?
  • [last words before she got knocked unconscious with a baseball bat by Phoebe O'Hara and arrested for attempted murder of John Kimble] That's where you're going, you son of a...!

Dominic Palmieri/Cullen Crisp, Jr.Edit

  • Mrs. Hagley is a lot better than you.


  • Joseph: My dad's a gynecologist and he looks at vaginas all day long.


Kimble: How do I look?
Phoebe: Take off the gun.
Kimble: That's a good idea.
Phoebe: Little bastards are gonna eat you alive.
Kimble: Get some rest and don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-olds. How much trouble can they be?
Phoebe: On second thought, take the gun.

Kimble: Emma, take your toy back to the carpet.
Emma: I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess!
Kimble: ... Take your toy back to the carpet!
Emma: I'm not a policeman, I'm a--
Kimble: TAKE IT BACK!!
Emma: All right.

Phoebe: Listen, Kimble. You've gotta handle this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared.
Kimble: [nods] No fear.
Phoebe: No fear.

Miss Schlowski: Your teacher, Mrs. Hagley, had to go on an important trip for a few days.
Lisa: Where'd she go?
Miss Schlowski: That doesn't matter.
Lowell: Did she die?
Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell, she went to see someone.
Lowell: Did they die?
Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell.
Lowell: Everyone dies, you know.

Kimble: This is your new class mascot.
Boy: What happened to your dog?
Kimble: This is not a dog. This is a ferret.
Girl: What's a ferret?
Kimble: [showing them his ferret in a way] That's a ferret.
Kids: Oh.
Lowell: If he bites you, you get rabies and you die.
Kimble: No, that's not true. He never bites.
Girl: Can I pet him?
Kimble: Sure, but one at a time, okay?

[after his first day, John comes back and collapses on his bed]
Phoebe: How'd it go?
Kimble: Go away.
Phoebe: It went that well, huh?
Kimble: You take over tomorrow.
Phoebe: And blow our cover? Can't do it.
Kimble: They're horrible.
Phoebe: Tell me about it.

Joseph: Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.
Kimble: Thanks for the tip.

Kimble: I have a headache.
Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor at all.

Miss Schlowski: I want you to answer one more question, and don't lie. What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch?
Kimble: It felt great.


  • An undercover cop in a class by himself.
  • Go ahead, you tell him you didn't do your homework.
  • He's the toughest undercover cop in LA. If you're bad he'll know it. If you're hiding something he'll find out. If you cheat he can tell. Now...
  • It's a jungle gym out there.


External linksEdit