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Kappa Mikey

American TV series, 2006

Kappa Mikey was an American animated series created by Larry Schwarz. The series was about a teenage actor from Cleveland, Ohio who wins a scratch-off card contest and a trip to Japan to star in the country's formerly popular anime series LilyMu.

Season 1 (2006–07)

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The Lost Pilot [1.01]

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Gonard: [in girl's voice] Please let him go!
Gonard: [in William Shatner voice] You'll... have to... kill me first.
Gonard: [in girl's voice] You mean like this?
[Gonard fights himself]
Guano: Gonard, what are you doing? You're already on the show.
Gonard: Oh... right. [embarrassed chuckle]
Ozu: This is terrible. All these actors stink.
Gonard: That last guy was good.
Ozu: That was you!
Lily: Yeah, it's Guano's show. Fire him, not the rest of us.
Guano: You're gonna find somebody else who can write and direct a new episode every week? Not to mention memorize all my character's lines?
Lily: All your character says is "Guano!"
Guano: That's what makes it a challenging role!

The Switch [1.02]

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[After a TV fight with Lily]
Mikey: What's her deal?
Mitsuki: You should really be more careful, Mikey.
[Mikey grieves]
[Mikey calls from his home, and his parents answer the phone]
Ms. Simon: Hi, you've reached the Simon residence. If your message is for Ms. Simon, press 1.
Mr. Simon: And if it's for me, Mr. Simon, press 2.
Ms. Simon: And if you're our only child in Japan and you're calling 'cause you're all alone in a big empty room and you miss the comforting sound of another human voice, stay on the line as we read from a list of words chosen at random from the dictionary.
Mr. Simon: "Vernacular."
Ms. Simon: "Flibbertigibbet."
Mr. Simon: "Mortgage."
Ms. Simon: "Pedal."
Mr. Simon: "Disenfranchise."
[Mikey hangs up]
Lily: Ozu, Mikey is like the messiest, most inconsiderate human being ever!
Yes-Man: He is a star that shines too bright!
Mikey: She's the inconsiderate one. She's always nagging me like "Mike-ay, don't eat meals in the shower," "Mikey, don't feed the plants people food."
Lily: He's the worst roommate!
Mikey: She's the worst roommate!
Mitsuki: I just keep that diary as a joke.

Mikey Impossible [1.03]

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Guano: You didn't destroy Ozu's bonsai tree with a samurai sword, did you?
Mikey: Uhhh... kinda.
Mitsuki: Mikey, Ozu's gonna kill you!
Gonard: He'll send you back to America!
Guano: He'll cancel the show!
Mikey: I'll never walk on the moon!
[Mitsuki, Gonard, and Guano all give confused looks to Mikey]
Mikey: What? It's been on my mind.
Lily: Stupid boss awards! Stupid party! Stupid Mikey with his stupid bonsai tree and his stupid diagram of Ozu's apartment! [pauses] Mikey! He's trying to switch Ozu's bonsai tree! When I tell Ozu, Mikey's finished! [laughs evilly]

Ship of Fools [1.04]

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Mikey: When I will get the game I will be like [does game stuff , and then suddenly he bumps into a fake Mikey]
Mikey: Sorry 'bout that!
Fake Mikey: No worries, my man.
[each Mikey walks away and look to each other, and the fake Mikey goes to Mitsuki, Lily and Guano]
Mitsuki: There you are Mikey!
Fake Mikey: Oh? Oh yeah Here I am! Mikey Simon.
Lily: Why are you wearing sunglasses?
Fake Mikey: Because your beauty is blinding. [Lily likes what he said, and Mitsuki gets a bit angry]
Fake Mikey: Say , how bout some ice cream? I know this jord next door .. if you're interested?
Mitsuki: You don't want the new video game?
Fake Mikey: Video games are for kids!
[Lily and Mitsuki are shocked]
Fake Mikey: Now who want ice creams shaped in clowns?
Guano: I do! [raises hand]
Fake Mikey: Not this time pal. And shine your shoes kid, you look like a mess. [walks away]
Guano: I .. don't even have shoes'

Saving Face [1.05]

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Guano: Who could leave such horrible rumors in the paper?
Gonard: Who indeed
Guano: Mitsuki was with Lily the whole time
Gonard: Indeed.
Guano: Yes Man and Ozu never left the studio.
Gonard: Indeed.
Guano: And I was teaching you to speak with a british accent
Gonard: [In a british accent] Rather.
Guano: That leaves only 1 person...
[drum roll]
Gonard: Gonard.
Guano: What?! You did it?
Gonard: No.
Lily: Be honest, Mitsuki. Did I lose my endorsement to Socky because I'm not beautiful anymore?
Mitsuki: That's crazy! You look great! Doesn't she, Mirror?
Mirror: Looking great, Gonard.

The Fugi-Kid [1.06]

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Prosecutor: Ozu, do you think Mikey stole the coat?
Ozu: If Mikey says he didn't take the coat, I believe him.
Prosecutor: But didn't Mikey destroy your precious 500 year old bonsai tree, then lie about it?
Ozu: Yes! [voice building with anger]
Prosecutor: And did he buy a pirated video game when you told him not to?
Ozu: Yes! [saying very angrily]
Prosecutor: And didn't he reveal Lilymu's secrets to the press?
Ozu: Yes! [saying with fury as he catches on fire]
Mikey: That was a good one.
Prosecutor: Let the records show that Ozu is surrounded by flame.
[Yes Man douses Ozu with an extinguisher]
[it has been proven that Mikey was framed, but the police finds him in Lilymu Towers. The gang are all in Gonard's apartment
Gonard: Friends stick together. [outside to the police] Mikey's with us! If you arrest him, you have to arrest all of us!
Detective: Fine. You're all under arrest.
[Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guano slap their foreheads in disbelief]
Gonard: You'll have to come and get us!
Detective: Fine. We'll come and get you.
[Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
Gonard: Take the elevator! From my experience, it's faster!
Detective: Fine. We'll take the elevator.
[Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]

Mikey Likes It [1.07]

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Guano: [referring to Lily] What makes you think she would choose you?
Gonard: [talking while eating spaghetti] Because I am a gentleman!
Man: Excuse me, that's mine.
Gonard: And it is delicious!
Gonard: I think I broke one of my livers.
Lily: You only have one liver.
Gonard: How many do I need to live?
Lily: One.
Gonard: I'm in trouble.

Easy Come, Easy Gonard [1.08]

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Guano: Hey, LilyMu dolls! [picks up Mitsuki doll and starts mimicking her voice] Oh, Guano! You're such a talented writer! Have you been working out? [picks up Ozu doll and starts imitating him] I am sorry for what I said, Guano. You are a good actor! And a great director! And very tall! [picks up his own doll and starts speaking on his own voice] It's too late for sorries, Ozu! GUANO SMASH! [starts hitting dolls against each other until he starts crying] Guano smash...
Mitsuki: Ooh! Let's go to the Tatami megastore. They've got everything!
Gonard: Yeah! That's where I bought my virtual reality machine. [places toaster on head, covering his eyes]
Mikey: Awesome!
Guano: It's just a toaster he found in the street.
Gonard: It's like I'm... on a roller coaster! Woo hoo! [runs hard into a wall] Oof!

Lily Meow [1.09]

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Mikey: I can't believe we were fired from the show.
Gonard: [Holding a prop and then tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye LilyMu Blaster, I guess I'll never shoot you again. [Holding his costume pants and tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye LilyMu pants, I guess I'll never look awesome in you again. [Holding his pants and then tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye normal pants. In retrospect, there was nothing wrong with you.
Gonard: So the cat's cute? It's not like it's got anything else going for it.
Reporter on TV: Here is Kello taking the Silver Medal in Olympic Downhill Skiing!
Mikey: Why did I lend him those skis?
Guano: You just need time to adjust. On Lily's first day, she tripped over a camera. Then on Gonard's first day, he mistakenly ate a box full of light-bulbs.
Gonard: You mean, glass apples.
[Kello the Kitten gets on the camera]
Guano: What's that on the camera?
Gonard: A UFO?
Lily: That's not a UFO.
[Gonard holds a sub sandwich]
Gonard: Lily, I think I know a UFO when I see one. Hey! Who's been eating my UFO?
Cat Burglar: You know the expression, 'There's only one way to skin a cat'? Actually, there's only one way, with this. [pulls out a bizarre looking machine with a hook, knife, sickel, and another blade all spinning simultaneously]

Splashomon [1.10]

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Mitsuki: [in southern accent, wearing bonnet] Gonard you have to eat that lobster!
Gonard: [in southern accent, wearing a cowboy hat] I reckon I do!
Reginald: It is I, Sir Reginald, the handsomest man in the world, come to present you with this overly large diamond. [holds up diamond]
Lily: Oh Reginald!
Tapias: Jumps onto balcony holding diamond identical to Reginald's Lily?
Lily: Tapias I never doubted you for a second.
Tapias: Then I shall fight you for Lily!
Reginald: Have at you!
Mikey: Anyway, After the game I picked up Gonard. We ran into a little trouble on the way to Ozu's but it was nothing we couldn't handle.
Mikey: [In flashback] Those Aliens have been tailing us since Montoya Blvd.
Gonard: [In flashback] I'm on it! [Fires laser]
Mikey: [In flashback] Wooooo ha ha ha!
[end of flashback]
Gonard: [Hand on heart] True Story.

The Good, the Bad, and the Mikey [1.11]

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Mikey: W'ever
Guano: Mikey, you have to do what the script says!
Mikey: Script is just a prison, made of words.
Ozu: You must go back to being the old Mikey and be a good example for kids.
Mikey: W'ever.
Ozu: You have to do what I say! I'm your boss!
Mikey: Boss is just a prison, made of skin.
Ozu: That dosen't make any sense!
Mikey: Well, not to a fossil like you.
Guano: [standing on top of the bus] For the last time, I'm not filled with candy!
Girl: Prove it!
[Guano screams and lands on Gonard's hands and Mikey and Gonard start running]
Gonard: The candy is mine! Fine, you can have some too.
Guano: Mikey! Stop! Ozu's gonna be furious!
Mikey: Then I got news for Ozu, w'ever!
Ozu: You started a riot!?
Mikey: Ah, no!
[A chair flies in through a window]
Crowd: Riot! Riot! Riot!
Yes Man: For the greater good!
Kid 1: He supports the greater good!
Kid 2: Get him!
Mikey: [looking at a statue of Ozu] Look at him, all smug and bronze like the real Ozu.
Mikey: A boss is just a prison made of skin.
Ozu: That doesn't make sense!

Sumo of All Fears [1.12]

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Lily: And in this corner... Two guys wearing masks! [sumos cheer] And a short, smelly guy wearing a mask!
Guano: OH, COME ON!!
Mikey: Hey guys! We need to fight some sumos.
Lily, Mitsuki, and Gonard: US?
Mikey: I can't fight by myself! Come on!
Gonard: [In a British accent] Very well! Lily, fetch my sword and a team of horses. Mitsuki, carry me into battle! [both girls give him angry looks] Just kidding.
Mikey: I don't feel like I'm getting stronger.
Janitor: Ah, but Mikey, you are getting stronger! In fact, you are my best student I ever taught.
Guano: What about me?
Janitor: Ah, yes, you are my worst.

Lost in Transportation [1.13]

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Beef: You ain't goin' nowhere.
[an alarm sounds]
Gang member: Grammar police! You aren't going anywhere.
Beef: Man, the Grammar Police is always doggin' me...
Ozu: [to Lily] Have you talked to Mitsuki? Did she find Mikey?
Lily: Not yet, but Gonard says he has a back up plan.
Gonard: [to the children] Maybe one day, you'll all be superheroes when you grow up. Isn't that right, Mikey?
[A cat is dressed as Kappa Mikey and starts attacking Gonard]
Gonard: [talking on cell phone] Mikey, you gotta get here. They're gonna put out the cake soon, and I think I ate the box with all the candles in it.
Beef: We're all outcasts, kid. That's what makes us Chums. That, and a small monthly membership fee.
Beef: Mikey, I've got a special surprise for you.
Mikey: You're gonna throw another snake down my shirt?
Mr. Stereo: This is wonderful! Thank you, Ozu! Only a true friend would save my son's birthday with a gang of dangerous bikers!
Lily: Hey, kids!
[The children cheer]
Timmy: Lily, do your move!
[Lily giggles and performs a karate kick]
Lily: Hi-ya!
[Timmy becomes enraged]
Timmy: NO! DO THE MOVE WHERE YOU INTRODUCE MIKEY!

Big Trouble in Little Tokyo [1.14]

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[Mega Gonard rampages around Tokyo]
Random Man: Oh no! The Fireworks factory!
[Gonard steps on factory, fireworks shoot up into the sky]
Random Man: Not the wolf factory!
[Gonard steps on factory, barking wolves run out of the factory]
Guano: Mikey, for once just listen to me. Let's Go!
Mikey: Not till I touch Gonard with the Death Hand!
Gonard: Yeah! I wanna know the slumber of lost souls.
Hideous Blue Blob: Do not go in there.
Mikey: You heard the monster. Let's check it out.
Guano: Does this mean you're gonna let me go?
Dr. Igor: Ha! Of course not. But, I'll try to make this as pleasant as possible. Set the laser to maximum pain!
Dr. Igor: Citizens of Tokyo! For too long, you have ignored Dr. Igor! For too long have you denied me the respect I deserve! Now it's- It's-
Guano: Payback time?
Dr. Igor: Yes! It's payback time! Unless you give me everything I want, I will use my Size-Mo-Lazer and Guano's Power Crystal to make myself incredibly small!
Guano: Ahem. Sorry to interrupt, but maybe you should make yourself bigger instead of smaller?
Dr. Igor: Hmmm... bigger. Good idea. I shall make myself enormous and then I'll- I'll...
Guano: Destroy all of Tokyo.
Dr. Igor: Destroy all of Tokyo!
Mitsuki: Gonard hit both four and nine and if you add them together you get-
Gonard: The letter M!
Lily: Nobody panic.
Gonard: Help! I'm too beautiful to swim!
Ozu: For you.
Yes Man: A sandwich? This is the nicest thing you ever gave me!
[Ozu's phone rings]
Ozu: Hello?
Lily: Ozu! We're stuck in an elevator and we gotta rescue Guano!
Ozu: Not now! I just gave Yes Man a sandwich full of painful spicy Wasabi.
Yes Man: [takes a bite of the sandwich] Why would you do this?!
Ozu: It's a blooper!
Yes Man: But there's no camera!
Dr. Igor: All the classic movie monsters were my inventions! Mega-Rat! Mega-Snake! Mega-Mom!
Mikey: Yeu made all these?!
Dr. Igor: Forbes helped out.
Forbes: I designed the monster's butts.
Gonard: Look! It's the moths from the movie, "Attack of the Mega-Moths."
Mitsuki: And his death ray from "Mega Night of the Death Ray"!
Mikey: Sweet! Dracula's retainer and the long lost ending to "Mega-zilla 7: Birth of Mega-zilla!"
Guano: Movie time's over.
Mikey: Come on! The three-headed Mega-Dragon's gonna fight a Mega-Turtle with four butts!
Ozu: New, from LilyMu! It's the "LilyMu: Super Bloopers" DVD! On sale for only five thousand yen!
Yes Man: Bargain of the century!

The Phantom of the Soundstage [1.15]

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[Lily and the Phantom of the sound stage planning to prank Mikey]
Phantom: Then, I will teach him a lesson he'll not forget.
Lily and Phantom: [Evil laugh]
Phantom: That's a pretty good evil laugh, you've got.
Lily: It comes from the heart.
Phantom: Legend has it, the stage is haunted by a hideous creature.
Mikey: Guano! [buzzer sound effect]
Phantom: No, a hideous creature that lurks in the shadows.
Mikey: Mitsuki? [buzzer sound effect]
Phantom: [to the tune of the title song from The Phantom of the Opera] I must do to young Mikey / What that prankster did to me.

Battle of the Bands [1.16]

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Mikey: That's ridiculous! Yoshi will say anything if you tickle him! [Tickles Yoshi]
Yoshi: [Laughing] Stop! Stop! I brush my teeth with dogs!
Mikey: A cell phone! We can cheat after all!
[Gonard, Guano and Lily cheer]
Mitsuki: Wait! What happened to being honest with our fans?! You said we'd do the right thing!
Mikey: And we will, as soon as we cheat our way to victory!
Gonard, Guano and Lily: Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!
Ori: Well, what do we have here?
Yori: Looks like a couple actor types thought they'd pick up some guitars and call themselves a band.
Mikey: Yep, that's pretty much it.
Guano: Gonard, did you leave this on the audio board?
Gonard: That's preposterous! I've never seen that sandwich before in my life!
Guano: You autographed it! [sandwich reads 'Eat you later -Gonard']
Gonard: That could be any Gonard! [eats sandwich out of Guano's hand in one bite]
Mikey: We'll figure it out. We're rock stars.
Mitsuki: Rock stars who steal their music from a cell phone?!
Mikey: Is there any other kind?
Guano: For now, let's just worry about covering our butts.
Gonard: One step ahead of you. (has a sheep on his butt)
Mikey: Everyone. I have a confession to make.
Reporter: He's a vampire! It all adds up!
Yori: Something's not right about you guys.
Ori: Yeah. You hold your instruments funny.
Yori: All your songs are 15 seconds long!

La Cage Aux Mikey [1.17]

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Lily: Well, if you really are Mikey's parents, then you must know a lot about him.
Guano: When's Mikey's birthday?
Gonard: What's Mikey's name?
[mimical gestures while an accordion plays in the background]
Gonard: [angrily] You made me learn how to cook delicious foods!? Do you know how useless that is to me!?
Gonard: To eat is a necessity; but to eat intelligently is an art.
Beef: That's beautiful, Gonard.
Gonard: A guy wrote it on my hand at the bus station. (holds up hand)
Mikey: You guys remember that reporter that was here?
Gonard: Sure, about yea high, face made of glass, always standing next to the fax machine.
Lily: You're thinking of the photocopier.
Gonard: That wasn't a reporter? Then why would he want a picture of my butt?

Reality Bites [1.18]

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[Gonard, watching TV, sees himself on reality show]
Gonard: Oh, man, this guys got moves!
Mikey: Gonard, that's you!
Gonard: Shyeah, I wish.
Gonard: [holding the novel 'War and Peace'] No food for me; I'm too busy feeding my brain with book knowledge. [takes bite out of book and with mouth full] Mmm, verbs... mmm. Pass the syrup.
Guano: I don't know, guys, you know what they say, 'Too many cooks spoil the broth.'
Mikey: No. What they say is, 'Too many cooks write the best books.'
Gonard: [excitedly paging through a photo album] Here's me fighting 'gators in the Amazon. Oh, and and here's me playing ping-pong on the moon. Oh, and here's me inventing penicillin at the prom.
Mikey: Those are just pictures of you with sandwiches.
Gonard: Jealous?
Ozu: [angrily] What am I supposed to put on the air now?!
Yes Man: The Yes Man Variety Hour!
Gonard: If you want this butt camera back send 1000 unmarked cookies to my mouth by 3 o'clock tomorrow.
Gonard: Hey, Keep it down! I'm trying to watch TV.
[Gonard watching TV]
Gonard: [on TV] No food for me.
Gonard: Oh man. This guy got move.
Mikey: Gonard, That's you.
Gonard: Yeah. I wish.
Lily: [on TV] Yeah, Girls cooking for her friends.
Lily: Ugh! That was my voice sounds like?
Guano: [on TV] I'm with you, Mikey.
Guano: That’s what I looks like?
Mitsuki: This is terrible! I look like a wet blanket.
Gonard: I look like a sandwich loving buffoon.
Mikey: I look like I'm not wearing any clothes!
[On TV, Mikey opens the fridge and farts]
All: O.M.G!!!!! [running away to the stage] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes Man: Security breach!

A Christmas Mikey [1.19]

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Mikey: Gonard! You're not evil!
Gonard: Thanks, I've been using a new deoderant.
Ozu: Eat the stocking... EAT IT! [shoves christmas stocking in Yes-man's mouth]
Gonard: You're good, Kappa Mikey. Real good.
Mikey: The best.
Guano: Cut? [excited] Cut! That's a wrap, people!
[crew cheers]
Mitsuki: Mikey, that was amazing.
Lily: Yeah, for once you didn't destroy the whole set.
Mikey: Ain't no thing but a sumo ring. [tips over a camera and chaos quickly ensues] Sorry.
Guano: You know what, who cares? We're done for the season!

With Fans Like These [1.20]

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Gonard: [Talking to sandwich] No mayo I said, but you wouldn't listen. [jams sandwich into paper shredder, machine overloads as sparks and smoke fly out]
Gonard: Sorry I'm late, I had to get beat up by some nerds. Ready?
Lily: Yeah, remember you're good cop I'm bad cop.
Gonard: Got it.
[Scene pans to Guano tied up in a chair]
Gonard: So Guano, how'd you like a punch in the gut?
Lily: [through clenched teeth] Gonard! Good cop.
Gonard: I mean, how would you like a kiss...in the gut? [Gonard thumbs up sign to Lily]
[Gonard dunks his head in a fish tank, comes up with a fish in his mouth, swallows fish]
Lily: Gonard!
Gonard: I just open my mouth, if a fish swims in that's his decision.
Mitsuki: You shouldn't mess with people who confuse T.V. and real life.
Mikey: Why not? Sounds like a great idea to me.
Mitsuki: Remember when we watched that nature show and Gonard threw the T.V. out the window cause he thought it was full of spiders?
Mikey: So?
Mitsuki: We lost THREE T.V.s!
Mikey: Good news, I'm nerd free!
Mitsuki: So you were honest, my advice worked?
Mikey: Oh yeah, about that. Sometimes true honesty means making up a crazy story about Gonard to scare away your fans.
Gonard: And I want sandwiches! [Bangs fist against wall] The good kind...with bread on the outside.

Big Brozu [1.21]

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Gonard: I get it now. There aren't two Ozu's. That other guy is Ozu's brother.
Lily: [sarcastically]: Very good, Gonard.
Gonard: Now if only someone would explain to me who THAT guy is. [points to himself in a mirror and talks to his reflection] Hello, handsome.
Lily: This is a joke! You have no idea what you're doing.
Mikey: You've got spark. I like that. Give yourself a raise.
Lily: What!?
Mikey: You're fired!
[Lily gasps]
Ozu: We had an agreement, Brozu. I run LilyMu, you spend our family's money on diamond teeth and ill-fitting trousers.
Yes Man: [to Brozu] In your face!
No Man: Oh no!
Yes Man: Yesss! [attacks No Man]
[Brozu sees Lily for the first time]
Brozu: Oh Hello! Your daddy must be a doctor cause you're the sickest girl I ever saw!
Lily: OMG
[Gonard puts bunny ears on his butt]
Mitsuki: Um, Gonard, those are bunny ears.
Gonard: Oh, I thought they were butt feathers.
Mitsuki: ???
Lily: Until Mikey Simon is removed as producer, I'm going on strike!
Guano: Yeah!
Mitsuki: Me too!
Mikey: Wait stop! I can explain.

The Man Who Would be Mikey [1.22]

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[Mikey finds a sword stuck on the rock]
Mikey: This should do the job.
Old Man: Beautiful, sword eye, this called the Dragon's Spike, pops you heard the legend.
Mikey: Of course, so this is what they use to stop Manzilla.
Old Man: Now, the Dragon's has been a history of dark and TWISTED!
Mikey: Oh, the Dragon's Spike, I thought you said the Dragon's Bike, anyway I'm sure no one would mind if I take her out for a little spin.
Old Man: [laughs evily] No one will not pull it from the stone. Thousands of tribe it all it fails, the grass, the blade is to...
Mikey: [pulls the blade out] See ya later. [leaves]
Old Man: Spike? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Uh Oh Guano [1.23]

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Gonard: Mikey, to make someone less popular all you have to do is steal their belt.
[Yoshi walks by, his pants fall down]
Yoshi: My trousers!
Gonard: [chuckling and holding up Yoshi's belt] That'll teach him to look at my doughnut.
Mikey: Maybe I'll even be on Star Talk. The show where stars talk.
Lily: The only show you'll be on is America's Next Top Weirdo.
Mikey: Don't get my hopes up.
[talking about Butts, the currency of Buttstonia]
Gonard: Look, look at the pretty Butts.
Mitsuki: That's... okay.
Gonard: Touch them, touch my Butts! Touch my stinkin' Butts!
Sergie: I have earned my fortune. It is American dream.
Lily: This is Japan!
Sergie: It is Japanese dream then.

Like Ozu, Like Son [1.24]

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Mitsuki: What's the matter, Mikey?
Lily: Another restaurant ban you for picking your nose with chopsticks?
[Gonard picks up greeting card Mikey dropped]
Gonard: [reading card] Happy Birthday to the world's greatest son. MOG! It's my birthday!?
Gonard: I know how to turn that frown upside down. [Gonard starts doing a stand up comedy routine] How 'bout that Ozu folks? I mean he's so old, I told him to act his age and he died! And his shoes, hiyo!
Lily: There's no way you two taught that bird to fly.
Guano: What are you even doing here?
Lily: [chuckles] Mocking you.
Gonard: Don't listen to 'em Reggie, you'll show 'em. You'll show 'em all! [serious tone] especially Mitsuki.
Mitsuki: What!?
[Talking about the shark]
Mikey: It didn't hurt anyone expect us and Yes Man and the shark that ate Yes Man.
[Scene switches to Yes Man inside the shark]
Yes Man: It's cozy in here!

La Femme Mitsuki [1.25]

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[Mikey trying to get someone to go to a movie with him]
Mikey: Doesn't anyone here want to go with me?
Dr. Igor: I won't go with you, but maybe I'll see you there. [Mikey and Mitsuki looking puzzled] I work part-time as an usher.
Mikey: Now we've got copies of all your files and all your poems. [clearing throat] 'The lonely man in the mailbox' by Agent F.
Agent F: Stop! That's private!
Mikey: Okay Mitsuki, I want answers. Who was that guy? Where'd you learn those moves? What did you get me for my birthday? Answer in any order you like.
Gonard: But what if space is time and what if time is space? And what if space is space?... Are you gonna finish that sandwich?

The Oni Express [1.26]

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Ozu: Yes Man, where have you been?
Yes Man: A magic orb stole my soul!
Ozu: Again?
Mitsuki: This Oni mask is our most precious artifact, it's over 6,000 years old.
Gonard: It has a very special purpose.
[Lily pulls down on one of the mask's horns, a drink dispenses from the mask's nostrils]
Mikey: Woah!
Mikey: I'm so pathetic. What kind of man can't even overpower a whale with his bare hands?

Season 2 (2007–08)

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The Masked Tanuki [2.10]

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Mitsuki: There's only one man lonely enough to have that many cats.
Lily: Yes Man?
Mitsuki: No. Well, yes, but I was thinking the Cat Burglar.

Night of the Werepuff [2.15]

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Lily: Here we are. I'm betting anything Mikey's inside.
Mitsuki: But there are thousands of clothing stores in Tokyo. What makes you think he's in this one?
Lily: Just a hunch. Plus there are hundreds of people running out screaming.
[sees crowd running out and screaming from the front door]
Mitsuki: Oh.
Mitsuki: Lily, quit it! We need to fix Mikey by midnight, or he'll be like this forever!
Lily: Works for me.
Lily: You know, I guess I always felt there was something keeping us apart. Now I know that something was Mikey's voice, face, body and texture. But that's all changed now.
Guano: All my life, the tall furry guys always get everything, and the short furry guys just get kicked around. Well, I'm sick of it. Have I not fur? Do I not shed? I'm onto you, werepuffs. One day you'll slip up. And I'll be waiting!
Mitsuki: (tearing up) I'm just so glad for them. Seeing those two together is like a dream come true. (blows nose) If I could tell those lovers one thing, it'd probably be... (cries)
[Werepuff kidnaps Lily]
Guano: What was that?
Gonard: Oh yeah. In a part, he mentioned that he really dug on Lily.
Mitsuki: Oh. They always go for the blonde.

Live LilyMu [2.23]

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[Mikey puts farting powder on Gonard's ice cream, pretending it is sprinkles]
Mitsuki: Ooooh! Mint chip, my favorite!
Mikey: Actually, this is really for Gonard.
Mitsuki: One bite couldn't hurt.
Mikey: Come on Mitsuki. Do you really need the carbs?
Mitsuki: I'll take my chances. [tastes the ice cream] Mmmmm!
Speakerphone: Places everyone. Broadcasting is in less than one minute.
Mikey: Uh oh.
[Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
Lily: He's going to use Guano's crystal to power the super missile.
Mikey: Not if I can help it. [talk to Mitsuki] Mitsuki, Aim the blaster!
Mitsuki: Nuh-uh.
[Lily shocked]
Lily: Guys! [angrily] Guano's in trouble.
Mikey: Lily, quick. Ask Mitsuki to aim the blaster.
Lily: Oh brother. [Ask to Mitsuki] Mitsuki, Aim your blaster!
Mitsuki: [talk to Lily] Lily, Tell Mikey I'll aim my blaster just as soon as he stop being such a MEGA JERK.
[Cut to audience jeering]
Jomar: That was TERRIBLE!
Claude Von Fabio: I can't even look.
[The squid covers the eyes; Cut to Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
Lily: [chuckles; talk to Mikey] Mikey, Stop being such a “mega jerk” and Mitsuki will aim the blaster.
[Cut to audience jeering again]
Dadzuki: You called that ‘acting’?
[Cut to Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
Mikey: Lily, Tell Mitsuki that's who she gonna be, I don’t EVEN want her to aim the blaster.
[Lily facepalm]
Mitsuki: Tell Mikey, FINE!
Mikey: Tell Mitsuki, see if i can.
[Cut to Yes Man and Guano in Gonard's truck]
Yes Man: Stop fighting! You're makes Yes Man's...[sadly] sad.
Guano: [angrily] Guano! Guano!
[Cut to Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
Lily: [angrily] Yeah, guys. CUT IT OUT!
Mikey: Nuh-uh.
Mitsuki: Nope.
Lily: Then I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!
[Lily leaves the stage in the studio]

Mitsuki Butterfly [2.24]

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Mikey: Mitsuki, help!
Dadzuki: I'm coming Mikey!
Mikey: Wow, [Dadzuki lifts him up] you're hands are strong and hairy. Thanks, Mitsuki, you're a lifesaver.
Dadzuki: Not so fast! You see, I'm not Mitsuki at all.
Mikey: Huh?
Gonard, Lily, and Guano: Huh?
Dadzuki: Yes, it is I Dadzuki, the father of Mitsuki.
[Mikey, Gonard, Guano, and Lily gasps]

The Wizard of Ozu [2.26]

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[last lines]
Mikey: There's no place like home! Right, Gonard?

Cast

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