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Just Friends

2005 film by Roger Kumble

Just Friends is a 2005 romantic comedy film about a man who, while visiting his hometown during Christmas, comes face-to-face with his old high school crush whom he was best friends with - a woman whose rejection of him turned him into a ferocious womanizer.

Directed by Roger Kumble. Written by Adam 'Tex' Davis.
Some friends are just friends. Others you get to see naked.taglines

Chris Brander

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  • So that's why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy... more like the old me. Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, then I'm going to show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen.

Samantha James

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  • [singing and playing guitar] Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine. And have make-up sex until the end of time, time, time, time, timmmmmmeee! Time.
  • [to Chris] You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up.
  • Wait a minute, am I being Punk'D? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?

Mike Brander

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  • Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!
  • You’ll always be fat to me, Chris!

Dusty Lee Dinkelman

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  • I mean, listen, I know it might sound a little corny, maybe even a little femme, but I find something so resplendent in the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks' writing, you know what I mean? [Looks at Chris's completely feminine Christmas sweater] Nice outfit, by the way. Rock and roll.

Other

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  • Mr. Palamino: How did you lose all that weight? Like that retard from Subway?
  • Clark: [about Chris and Jamie] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?

Dialogue

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Chris: What about Sheila? You making any headway?
Ray: We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today.
Chris: Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't - don't do that. Okay? Don't do lunch.
Ray: Why?
Chris: That's like the express lane to the friend zone.
Ray: What the hell's the friend zone?
Chris: See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.
Ray: I don't want to be a lamp.
Chris: Yea well then don't be her friend, okay? Take that guy for example... [points to a clumsy guy and a gorgeous girl skating together]
Ray: You mean that couple?
Chris: No, I mean the guy that wishes they were a couple.
Ray: What is your point?
Chris: My point is - Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. Move your day date to tonight. Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. 'Cause friends don't kiss.
Samantha: I wanna lick your SKIN off.
Chris: I’d prefer you didn’t.
Samantha: Do you really have my poster on your wall?
Mike: Yeah.
Samantha: Do you ever...
Mike: All the time!
Samantha: How many times a day?
Mike: Eight.
Samantha: Eight? Ooh that's hot!
Mike: You're hot.
Samantha: I know! I know.
Mike: Yeah I slapped the ham to it about an hour ago.
Chris' Mom: What ham did you slap, honey? Not the one I just bought.
Chris: I can't compete with this guy!
Clark: You can't compete? Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood, you date models! He's Jersey, he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman. It's Dusty Dinkleman.
Chris' Mom: [Starts dialing while Chris is on the phone] Joyce? Joyce?
Chris: Mom, I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: Chris? What are you doing over at Joyce's?
Chris: No Mom, I'm in the living room ten feet away from you, and I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: Oh. Well, while I have you on the phone, dear, what would you like for dinner? We have a choice between chicken chow mein or pot-roast.
Clark: How'd the big date go?
Chris: It was terrible. I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. I don't know what that is, then I ended up shaking her entire body!
Clark: So you gave her a body shake?
Chris: Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?
Clark: It looks like you picked up right where you left off. You're back in the friend zone.
Chris' Mom: Dusty, what kind of car is this?
Dusty: Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
Chris' Mom: I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
Chris: I love the environment.
Chris' Mom: But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
Chris: [pause] Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
Dusty: Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
[Chris takes out his retainer]
Dusty: And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!
Jamie: We need to talk about what you wrote. Is that really how you feel?
Chris: I don't know. Maybe. Why?
Jamie: Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me.
Chris: It was?
Jamie: Yes. I love you Chris - [goes to kiss him. Chris goes for her lips and she moves to his cheek] - like a brother!
Chris: Hmm?
Jamie: We're friends right?
Chris: For sure!
Chris: [thinking] This is it. You're finally going to have sex with Jamie Palamino. Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body. Why are you smiling like a fricken idiot? Go on. Make a move. MAKE A MOVE!
[takes a deep breath]
Jamie: What's on your mind?
Chris: [awkwardly] Bush. President Bush. The first family, really.
[Jamie sighs and rolls over]
Chris: [thinking] Dude! You're killing me! This is the girl of your dreams! Ravish her! What if she doesn't want to be ravished? What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other. Friends watch New Years Rockin' Eve. I wonder who's hosting this year.
Jamie: Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.
Chris: Yeah. [thinking while cuddling up behind Jamie] Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold. This is it. Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's going to be.
Jamie: Chris?
Chris: [thinking as he slowly rolls over off of her] Oh God. Oh, God. What are you doing? Where are you going?
Jamie: Is everything alright?
Chris: Oh, everything's fine. Yeah. You okay? Uh, you need another blanket or anything?
Jamie: No, I'm fine.
Chris: Ah. [thinking] You're not going to make a move are you? [to Jamie] Good night, Jamie.
Jamie: Good night, Chris.
Chris: [thinking] You don't deserve a penis!
Chris: So, how's the love life?
Jamie: Lame. Marty and I broke up a year ago.
Chris: Another jerk, huh?
Jamie: "Another jerk, huh?"
Chris: I'm just saying... you dated a lot of jerks in high school.
Jamie: So what about you? You in love with anyone besides yourself?
Mike: The jig is up! Run!
Samantha: You son of a bitch!
Chris: Samantha! You're here! Shit!
Samantha: There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!
Old Woman: Me?
Samantha: Not you, wrinkles. [Points at Jamie] Her!
Jamie: Who are you?
Samantha: I'm Samantha James, bitch!
[Shoves Jamie]
Jamie: Don't shove me!
[Shoves Samantha back]
Samantha: You're a whore! Santa's little whore! Santa's little whore!
Jamie: Get off!
Mike: [In an excited, high pitched voice] Cat fight!
Jamie: Why do you keep messing with my head?
Chris: I messed with your head for three days. You've been torturing me for twenty years!
Jamie: Is this all because I didn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!
Chris: After being the biggest tease for so long, trust me, I am so over myself.
Jamie: Oh, so I'm the tease? I practically throw myself at you the other night and you did nothing!
Chris: And now you know how it feels.
Chris: Look Jamie. I said a lot of crappy things the other night and I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I'm scared to be your friend, because I'm always going to want more. But then I got to thinking that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. [pause] You know that's a lie too.
Jamie Palamino: Why are you back here?
Chris: Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.
Chris: [leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back] Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah!
[Jamie laughs. Chris leans in and kisses her again]

Taglines

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  • Some friends are just friends. Others you get to see naked.
  • Moments like this have been ruining friendships for centuries.
  • Two Words A Guy Never Wants To Hear
  • He loves her. She loves him not.

Cast

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