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If....

1968 film by Lindsay Anderson

If.... is a 1968 film about a revolution lead by pupil Mick Travis that takes place at an old established private school in England.

Directed by Lindsay Anderson. Written by David Sherwin, based on a story written by David Sherwin and John Howlett.
Which side will you be on?

Mick Travis

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  • [trimming his mustache] My face is a never fading source of wonder to me.
  • [telling Knightly of his summer activities] I...met this fantastic bird in the East End, went round all the pubs. You ever been to those pubs? You should see those old loves dancing...showing their knickers. Take 'em off near the end. [Chuckles] She had a weird religion - only kiss on Thursdays. [Chuckles] Took me home to meet her mum and dad. Well, that finished it. Practically married us off, they did, over the Sunday joint. [School bell rings] When do we live? That's what I want to know.
  • [clapping slowly, facetiously] Jolly, jolly good, Stephans.
  • [after lights-out, whispering] Stephans. Whatever you're doing now... don't.
  • [to Stephans] Excuse me, you mind not picking your shag-spots in here?
  • The whole world will end very soon - black, brittle bodies peeling into ash...
  • There's no such thing as a wrong war. Violence and revolution are the only pure acts.
  • War is the last possible creative act.
  • [looking at a model in a magazine] There's only one thing you can do with a girl like this. Walk naked into the sea together as the sun sets. Make love once... Then die.
  • [to Denson, about his necklace] They're my teeth; they're my good luck charm.
  • [to Denson, having a cold shower] My time's up, you bastard!
  • [during a fencing duel with Wallace and Knightly] War... even to the knife!
  • [quoting Rudyard Kipling] What stands, if freedom fall? Who dies, if England live?
  • [after receiving an injury on his hand during the fencing duel] Blood! Real blood!
  • [at dinner] Dead man's leg today, Mrs. Kemp. Do you need this, Mrs. Kemp?
  • [discussing horrible ways to die] Being flayed alive. That's what the Crusaders did to their enemies. Used to send their neatly folded skins back to their victims' wives.
  • The night's dead. You can hardly breathe outside. The thing I'd really hate is to have a nail banged through the back of my neck. Slowly. [laughs] I don't see what difference the speed makes. [laughs] The speed of the nail. [laughs] The -The -The nail's speed! [laughs] The s-speed. [laughs]
  • [to Rowntree] What do you mean, being a nuisance? What have we done?
  • [to Denson, after being told he knows nothing of the school's motto] You mean that bit of wool on your tit?
  • [to Rowntree, after being told that he, Wallace and Knightly are to be punished for their behaviour] The thing I hate about you, Rowntree, is the way you give Coca-Cola to your scum and your best teddy-bear to Oxfam and expect us to lick your frigid fingers for the rest of your frigid life.
  • [to Wallace, watching as Knightly is being flogged] Christ, that was a bit low!
  • We're on our own now.
  • [making a blood pact with Wallace and Knightly] Death to the oppressor!
  • One man can change the world with a bullet in the right place. [deals out Bren gun ammo] Real bullets.

Headmaster

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  • Education in Britain is a nubile Cinderella: sparsely clad and much interfered with.
  • Boys! Boys! I understand you! Listen to reason and trust me! Trust me! [the Girl pulls out a pistol and shoots him in the forehead]

The Girl

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  • [to Mick] Go on. Look at me. Look at my eyes. I'll kill you. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and my eyes get bigger and bigger. And I'm like a tiger. I like tigers. Rrrrah!

Peanuts

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  • Paradise is for the blessed. Not for the sex-obsessed.
  • Space, you see, Michael, is all expanding at the speed of light. It's a mathematical certainty that among all those millions of stars, there's another planet where they speak English.

Cast

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See also

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