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I Love You, Man

2009 American film by John Hamburg

I Love You, Man is a 2009 American comedy film about a friendless man who goes on a series of man-dates to find a Best Man for his wedding. But when his insta-bond with his new B.F.F. puts a strain on his relationship with his fiancée, can the trio learn to live happily ever after?

Directed by John Hamburg. Written by John Hamburg and Larry Levin.
Are You Man Enough To Say It? taglines

Peter Klaven

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  • Totally... Totes McGotes.
  • Slapping the bass! Slappa da bass! Slappa da bass mon! Slappa de bass mon!

Sydney Fife

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  • Trying is having the intention to fail. You've got to scrap that word from your vocab. Say you're gonna do it and you will.
  • Zooey, you are about to marry one of the most honest, kind and fun-loving people I've ever had the honor of knowing. The Pistol is a pleasure giver that's for sure. So beautiful Zooey, give it back. Yeah? [winks] Return the favor. And if you do, I guarantee that you will have a beautiful and pleasure filled union.

Other

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  • Doug: Hi Peter, I saw your billboards, they're spectacular. I'm sorry for calling you a whore. Best of luck with Sydney, if you're not still together... you can Facebook me.

Dialogue

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Joyce Klaven: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter: Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter: Oh come on!
Zooey: Good to know.
Oswald: Kid had a Speedo full of Brillo.
Peter: So what do I do? How do I make friends?
Robbie: If you see a cool-looking guy, strike up a conversation and ask him on a man date.
Peter: A what?
Robbie: A man date.
Peter: Okay.
Robbie: You know what I mean?
Peter: No.
Robbie: By that I mean casual lunch or after-work drinks, okay? No dinner and no movies. You're not taking these boys to see The Devil Wears Prada.
Peter: Ohhhh, God I love that movie. [Robbie gives him a look] No, I won't.
Peter: I'm Peter Klaven, I'm the realtor.
Sydney: Hey, check out these two. That guy needs to fart.
Peter: He does seem to be clenching.
Sydney: Watch the leg. Boom!
Peter: He farted in my open house.
Sydney: He sure did. Look at him, crop dusting across your open house.
Man In Open House: [after trying to discreetly fart at an open house] I like it, but I'm not sure about the space...I'm thinking it might be a little bit small.
Sydney: Totally, and it smells like fart. Make sure you roll down the windows on the way home, sweetheart.
Sydney: [on phone] Just meet me at Muscle Beach in like...I don't know...half an hour?
Peter: Muscle Beach. Half an hour. I will see you there or I will see you on another time.
Sydney: That was very confusing. I don't know if you're gonna come or not.
Peter: No, I'll be there. I'll be there.
Sydney: [laughing] Alright I'll see you then, buddy.
Peter: Alright. Laters on the menjay. [Hangs up] What did I just say?
Sydney: Society tells us we're civilized, but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out. Try it.
Peter: Blaaah!
Sydney: Good. Now gently remove your tampon and try again.
Sydney: You get home safe, Pistol.
Peter: You got it, Joben.
Sydney: I'm sorry, what?
Peter: Er...nothing.
Sydney: No, what did you say?
Peter: Nah, I don't know. You nicknamed me Pistol, and I just called you..."Joben". It means nothing. I don't...I'm drunk, I'm gonna call a cab.
Sydney: Wait, you jerked off to a picture of your own girlfriend? You - that - wow, that is sick! Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
Peter: What's wrong with that?
Sydney: Pedro, there is so much wrong - I don't even know where to begin...That is sick, man!
Doug: I just wish I could take back that kiss...
Sydney: Woah!
Doug: ...because now I know it was the taste of betrayal.
Peter: It wasn't the taste of betrayal!
Doug: It was the taste of betrayal.
Peter: It wasn't the ta...
Doug: It was the taste of betrayal...you fucking whore!
[Storms off]
Peter: I can actually explain that.
Sydney: I would love to hear that!
Peter: Look man, you told my fiancée she needs to give me blowies, in front of my whole family. Alright? You owe me.
Sydney: You make a valid point.
Peter: Hey Mel? Do you have any plans on June 30th?
Mel: I'm 89 years old, what the fuck kind of plans would I have?
Peter: I love you, man.
Sydney: I love you, too, bud.
Peter: I love you, dude.
Sydney: I love you, Bro Montana.
Peter: I love you, Holmes.
Sydney: I love you, Broseph Goebbels.
Peter: I love you, muchacha.
Sydney: I love you, Tycho Brohe.

Taglines

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  • Are You Man Enough To Say It?
  • He needed a best man...he got the worst.

Cast

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