Hustle
British television series
Hustle (2004–2012) is a British television comedy-drama series made by Kudos Film & Television for BBC One in the United Kingdom. It follows a team of London-based con artists as they pull off elaborate long-cons.
The Rules of the Con
edit- Find somebody who wants something for nothing, then give him nothing for something
- You can’t cheat an honest man
- Never give a sucker an even break
- Feed the greed
- Always give the mark an out
- It's all in the detail
- Always look out for No. 1
- Always have a Plan B
- It's not just about the money
- Don’t have anything in your life you can’t walk away from in a second
- We always take care of our own
Series 1
editThe Con is On [1.1]
edit- Terri Hodges: Ashley Morgan, colloquially known as "Ash" or "Three-Socks".
- Detective: "Three-Socks"?
- Hodges: He got the name in prison... after his first trip to the shower blocks.
Picture Perfect [1.3]
edit- Danny: Oh yes. We're on.
- Mickey: We are so far from the jackpot.
- Danny: Hey! Any time you want to give me some encouragement, feel free. Okay?
- Mickey: This is not a club! You're not earning a Scouting badge for Grifting Grade Four! We have a lot of hoops to jump through, not least of which is a painting we haven't seen yet, painted by someone we can't trust an inch, and we are also currently art thieves!
- Danny: Cool.
- Mickey: It is not "cool," Danny!
A Touch of Class [1.5]
edit- Danny: I’m not a payer for sexer.
The Last Gamble [1.6]
edit- [Albert and Danny enter an upmarket hotel]
- Concierge: Will you be lunching with us Mr. Winston?
- Albert: No thank you Paul. My colleague and I have some business to discuss
- Concierge: The library is free
- Albert: Lovely
- [Concierge leaves]
- Danny: How do you remember all your names?
- Albert: No need to. A place like this, it's their job to remember.
Series 2
editConfessions' [2.2]
edit- Mickey: (Voiceover) God made a garden for man and woman and he told them 'Do not eat the fruit from that tree.' A serpent visited the woman and offered her an apple from the tree. He told her the apple would give her knowledge. He was very pursuasive. And mankind has been paying the price ever since... All because we were tempted by something we didn't need. The serpent was the first grifter.
Series 3
editBe My Eminem' [3.1]
edit- Danny: You gotta get us a decent place, Ash.
- Ash: I'm workin' on it.
- Danny: [Frustrated] Can you work on it quicker, please?
- Ash: Yeah, we've been through every major hotel in London. The couple we could've used you nosed up with dodgy credit cards.
- Danny: Not being funny, mate, okay. We need a new gaff 'cause I can smell cats.
- Ash: Look, I told you, I'm workin' on it, all right?
- Danny: All right, how about I share a room with Stacie, then, make things a bit more bearable.
- Stacie: Eew, for who?
- [Ash pays for drinks with a ten-pound note, which Eddie checks for authenticity]
- Eddie: I had three dodgy tenners last week.
- Ash: Yeah, well not from me, you didn't.
- Mickey and Stacie: [Whispering simultaneously to each other] Danny.
Leader of the Pack [3.2]
edit- Danny: Can I ask you something?
- Mickey: No.
- Danny: Only, unless I'm missing something, you don't seem to get much in the way of female company.
- Mickey: I do all right.
- Danny: When?
- Mickey: When I'm as far away from you as possible.
- Danny: You see, I get loads.
- Mickey: [Laughs] Yeah, well, you get loads because you're not as choosy as I am.
- Danny: Hey mate, it's all the same when the lights are out.
- Mickey: You really believe that, don't you?
- Danny: All right, all right. What do you look for in a bird, then?
- Mickey: Wit, elegance, femininity...
- Danny: Me too. And if they've got a humongous pair of jugs, bingo!
- [Danny and Mickey’s rivalry escalates further]
- Danny: I bet I’ve got a bigger willy than you.
- Albert: So Henderson issued a challenge.
- Mickey: Which was?
- Albert: The truest test of a grifter's skill. They were both dropped off in the middle of New York at noon... naked.
- Mickey: [Stunned] What?
- Stacie: Naked?
- Albert: ...As the day they were born. Henderson and Devlan agreed to meet that very evening at six pm to compare spoils and see who had accumulated the most.
- Danny: That's brilliant. That's brilliant! Let's do it!
- [Stacie and Mickey laugh]
- Mickey: [Trails off from laughing] Oh God, he's serious.
- Mickey: You can't lead your own crew.
- Danny: Why not?
- Mickey: Because you're immature, irresponsible, reckless, empty-headed and impulsive.
- Danny: [Cheerfully] But apart from all that! I'm ready!
Whittaker Our Way Out [3.3]
edit- [Danny doesn't quite understand the stock market con]
- Danny: This is nuts.
The Ghost [3.6]
edit- [Danny jumps off a small platform onto a crash mat and falls on the landing]
- Ash: No, no, no. When you land you need to bend your knees, Danny. All right? And if you're coming in fast, you bend and you roll.
- Mickey: So, Ash, are we ready?
- [Ash nods]
- Danny: Whoa! Whoa, whoa! All we've done is jump off a box twice!
- Mickey: [Deadpan] Would you like to do it again?
- Danny: You said I'd have proper training!
- Mickey: Danny, how hard can it be? You jump and then you land! We've covered it.
- Danny: Well, what if the reserve don't open?
- Ash: All right, okay, look, if the reserve doesn't open there's a standard procedure, all right?
- Danny: Tell me that!
- Ash: All right, now, you grab the knees of your jumpsuit and you lean forward. Go on.
- [Danny adopts this position]
- Danny: Like that?
- Ash: Further. [Danny bends over more] That's it, good. Yeah. Stick your head between your legs.
- Stacie: And you kiss your ass goodbye.
- Adam Rice: So, how many jumps have you done?
- Mickey: A few.
- Adam: What about you, Danny?
- Danny: [Clearly terrified] Oh, God!!!
- Mickey: [Smiles awkwardly] He's quite new.
- [Mickey and Danny are about to skydive]
- Danny: [Nearly hysterical] Okay, okay, I resign!! I don't want to be a grifter anymore! I want to be a postman!
- Mickey: [Going to the plane door] Okay!
- [He gestures for Danny to come, but Danny has shut his eyes in fear]
- Mickey: Think about Albert!
- Danny: [Moves to go with Mickey] I hate you!!!
- Mickey: [Jokingly] I hate you too! Come on!
Series 4
editA Designer's Paradise [4.4]
edit- Eddie: No.
- Ash: We only want to borrow the bar.
- Eddie: It's not a library book!
- Danny: Never trust Australians. I'm telling you, they're all descended from crooks.
Conning the Artists [4.5]
edit- Danny: You know, Ash plays a great banker.
- Billy: Yeah?
- Danny: He's respectable, but, ya' know, a little bit dodgy.
Taglines
edit- The con is on.
