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Human Target

comics character

Human Target (2010–2011) is an action-adventure series that ran for two seasons on the FOX network about a man who is a mysterious security-for-hire, protecting his clients by becoming the Human Target.

Season One

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Pilot [1.1]

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Guerrero: [Winston enters office to find Guerrero sitting at his desk] Hey dude.
Winston: Breaking and entering is a crime, you know.
Guerrero: Yeah, it's good to see you too, Winston. It's been a while.
Winston: Oh, not long enough. What are you doing in my office? And what the hell are you doing on my computer?
Guerrero: I'm checking out the contents of Mark Hoffer's hard drive. I'm sure it's mostly personal.
Winston: Do I want to know how you came about it?
Guerrero: Editor at the paper owes me. A couple of years ago a gas company hired a guy to hassle him over a story he was working. It got nasty. I got him out of it.
Winston: How?
Guerrero: I decided to stop hassling him.
Christopher: So what was the tab for all this?
Stephanie: All in? About $80 billion.
Christopher: How much of this came out of my taxes?
Stephanie: About $62 billion.
Christopher Chance: Even I want to kill you for a little bit right now.
Guerrero: I got to warn you guys, if this gets violent, I'm gonna fight back.
Alfredo: You think you're gonna fight back?
Guerrero: All right, maybe fight back's a little misleading. I'll take the beating 'cause that's all you two amateurs are cleared to do. And then one night soon, I'm gonna break into your house and kill each of you in your sleep. Probably start with you, Alfredo. That way Steven here can have a few extra days with Marla and the girls. It's only fair.

Rewind [1.2]

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Embassy Row [1.3]

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Emma: You are not what I thought you were. Not a Neanderthal. The thing you pulled with the Bluetooth back there, very impressive.
Christopher: I'm so happy you're impressed.
Emma: Are you out of your mind? You just compromised my cover and my entire project, and for what, to save your own butt?
Christopher: Well, I'm kind of attached to it.
Emma: What is the matter with you? The video of this entire thing was stored in there.
Christopher: I know...it's got my face in there too. We can't have that floating around. It's bad for business.
Emma: How am I going to get in touch with you? You can't just disappear!
Christopher: I'm going to have to owe you one.

Sanctuary [1.4]

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Run [1.5]

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Allison: This is your plan, to paint a bull's eye on my back and see who takes a shot at me.
Chance: And us, well hopefully more me than you.
Allison: A lot of people survive your plans, do they?
Chance: Oh, you'd be surprised.

Lockdown [1.6]

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Christopher: The shoots toast. Looks like we go to plan B.
Martin: What's plan B?
Chance: The stairs.
Martin: The Stairs? You don't seem to get it alright. This place is like one giant mouse trap.
Laverne: Martin's father said the feds told him, the only way they can go there if it was a matter of national security.
Guerrero: Right.
Laverne: Well, we're going to make it one.
Christopher: Oh an Aunt Linda.
Laverne: Uh uh, calling in the cavalry is an Uncle Dan.
Christopher: No, calling in the cavalry is an Aunt Linda; I don't even know who Uncle Dan is.
Laverne: All right, what the hell's going on? You heard me.
Guerrero: There's a guy out there, been looking for Chance for awhile. Just got one step closer I guess.
Laverne: Who?
Guerrero: His old boss.

Salvage & Reclamation [1.7]

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Baptiste [1.8]

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Layla: It was fun.
Guerrero: It was fun?
Layla: Yeah.
Guerrero: That's just the adrenaline in your system. You're gonna crash later. *This* line of work, there is nothing worse than the highs and lows. Nothing's ever what you think it is. Nothing's ever over.
Laverne: Yeah, listen about
[jerks his head Emma]
Laverne: . I saw the way you were looking at her at the embassy...
Christopher': Okay, this is all in you head
Laverne: Sure it is listen, all I hope that this women has the good sense to keep you at arms length and treats this case with the same kind objectivity, oh dear god
[seeing Emma investigation board on Chris]
Guerrero: [commenting on Emma investigation board on Chris] It's like a teenage girl locker. That's real heavy on the chin dont'cha think
[regarding the sketch artist profile of Chris]

Corner Man [1.9]

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Eddie: Is he saying I'm dumb?
Guerrero: Of course not.
Eddie: I'm not dumb.
Guerrero: Your headphones are on backwards.
Laverne: [about Chance] You ever known him to be nervous about anything?
Guerrero: Final Jeopardy questions. Volcanoes.
Laverne: I come with you on these things because, you know...
Guerrero: For God's sake, get a room already.
Laverne: Shut up

Tanarak [1.10]

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Victoria [1.11]

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Victoria: Do you think I'm crazy, for throwing it all away for a man I met just a month ago?
Christopher: What's his name?
Victoria: Tony.
Christopher: How do you know you're in love with him?
Victoria: (smiles)
Victoria: Be honest, how certain were you that would work?
Christopher: About 50/50.
Victoria: I wasn't aware that fornicating in convenience store bathrooms was common practice.
Christopher: Welcome to New York.
Christopher: I told you not to look down.
Victoria: I think I made it abundantly clear to you how I feel about heights.
Christopher: This is barely twenty feet, it hardly qualifies as heights. Even if you did fall you probably would break something but you wouldn't die.

Christopher Chance [1.12]

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Christopher: [hands Katherine a gun] Now, you don't have to take this. I'm just saying...
[Katherine takes the gun, pulls the slide to prime it, and adjusts the safety]
Christopher: ... apparently, you know what you're doing.
Katherine: I'm single, and I live downtown.
Laverne: Man, you see me here drinking at 2:30 in the afternoon; you really want to antagonize me about my name? What the hell's the matter with you, you got a death wish or something?
Christopher: Not that I'm aware of.
Laverne: Yeah, I've got a name that sounds like a girl's name. I also carry a 45, I got a history of disciplinary problems, and this aint my first drink today. So, you got another comment?
Christopher: You can call me Connie.

Season Two

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Ilsa Pucci [2.1]

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Christopher: Winston, I'm sorry for getting you into this mess. I'm sorry for whatever torture you had to endure because of me. Most of all, I'm sorry about Aunt Suzy.
laverne: Aunt Suzy? No man, not Aunt Suzy (then he shoots Winston).
Ilsa: You know, I thought you'd be different.
Christopher: Taller?
Ilsa: No.
Christopher: Younger?
Ilsa: No, braver.
Ilsa: There are a lot of smarter ways to earn a dollar.
Christopher: I'm not very bright.
Ilsa: You are brave. You must have a lot to be redeemed for.
Christopher: I do.
Ames: What are you going to do with that? Are you going to hit a defenseless girl again? Huh, tough guy!
Guerrero: You're going through what I call the, "5 Phases of Fear": Denial, Anger, Frustration, Acceptance, and eventually, Fear.

The Wife's Tale [2.2]

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Laverne: Gentlemen clientele.
Christopher: Pretty safe to say.
Laverne: Noting safe about that place.
Christopher: Are you worried about me?
Laverne: Ok, so you want to tell me why we're taking this case?
Chance: Seven years ago I killed her husband.
Guerrero: Who's the dude?
Laverne: You're drunk.
Christopher: You're not wearing your glasses.
Guerrero: Fell into a meat grinder, new pair won't be ready until tomorrow.
Mrs.Brooks: You, you killed Daniel.
Christopher: There's an assassin in this house, I can protect you.

Taking Ames [2.3]

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Laverne: He's a bad kid.
Guerrero: No, he's not. I know bad people. This kid isn't bad. He's a punk. Show me some bodies, then we can talk.
Christopher: What are you going to do with your cut?
Laverne: I am a simple man. Couple pairs of nice shoes, 300-foot yacht. That's all I need.
Ames: You know, if you had said to me a few years back that I'd be working straight, I'd have thought you were crazy.
Laverne: If you told me ten years ago I'd be drinking with you and the rest of these crooks in here, I'd have you committed.
Ilsa: Tell me about it. Will someone pour me a drink?
Guerrero: There goes the good stuff.

The Return of Baptiste [2.4]

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Ilsa: And when I asked you about rescue options, you said there weren't any.
'Christopher: Well, I meant that I couldn't think of any.
Ilsa: Well, what's the difference?
Christopher: In the interim, I may have... thought of one.
Guerrero: Dude, no way.
Laverne: Why? It's a simple Norma Jean.
Guerrero: First of all, there's no such thing as a simple Norma Jean. When a Norma Jean goes bad, it goes real bad. A Norma Jean went bad on my cousin Pat. She ended up pregnant with twins.
Guerrero: Fine. Then I'll go.
'Laverne : And do what,. Put a gun to Harmen's head?
Guerrero: What's wrong with putting a gun to his head? A lot of productive things have happened by putting a gun to someone's head.
Baptiste: And besides, it suddenly occurred to me that--and despite what this says about me and despite how truly distressing the thought... you might be the last friend I've got on this earth.
Christopher: I spent most of the last six years wishing you were dead. We're not friends. Not by any definition I know of.
Baptiste: Yeah, well, beggars can't be choosers, right?
Susan: Do I need to ask why you have a full syringe of anesthetic in your pocket?
'Christopher: Well, I brought someone with me to help find you. Someone who I was worried might try to screw me over.
Susan: And where exactly is this someone now?

Christopher:Screwing me over.

Dead Head [2.5]

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Ilsa: My attorney has informed me that I've adopted an adult white male. When I'd laughed it off, he showed me some documentation--signed, by me.
Guerrero: I only get paid in cash. I've never taken a check in my entire life. Look, men in my vocation can't afford being burnt by a paper trail. Do you know what this is? It's a license to steal. It's a map for thieves. Get your account number, they find your social. They find your social, they got you.
Ilsa: Who are they, exactly?
Guerrero: Well, uh.. me... and men of my ilk.
Ilsa: Well as I've explained to your colleagues, I'm running a legitimate business here. So take your check, deposit it in a secure banking facility, report it to the Federal government, and... wait for it... pay taxes on it.
Guerrero: Taxes?
Ilsa: Taxes.
Laverne: They won't know what hit 'em.
Christopher: They won't know what hit 'em.

The Other Side of the Mall [2.6]

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A Problem Like Maria(Pt. 1) [2.7]

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Communication Breakdown(Pt. 2) [2.8]

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Imbroglio [2.9]

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Ilsa: You know La Traviata?
Guerrero: All right, I'm not gonna lie. If I have to sit through this baroque stuff, I prefer Rossini.

Cool Hand Guerrero [2.10]

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Kill Bob [2.11]

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Bob: I'm telling you, there's no way my wife is trying to kill me. She loves me. We've never even had a fight.
Laverne: That should've been your first clue.
Guerrero: Interior doors are probably alarmed, so...
Winston: Yeah, I'll get the climbing gear.
Guerrero: Seriously?
Winston: Yeah, man. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do what you gotta do
Guerrero: Look, uh, don't know how to tell you this, but you rappelling off the side of a 40-story building is... not a good idea.
Winston: Oh, so what's this now, another crack about my size?
Guerrero: Well... yeah.
Winston: So I guess you're the love expert now. What, are you waiting for me to give you an apology for doubting you?
Christopher: Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Winston: Oh why don't you shut up?
Christopher: Even after you shoot somebody in the chest.
Angie: Yeah, our relationship may have started out a lie, but, um, it became very real.
Winston: Yeah. Normally, it's the other way around.
Guerrero: I think what Winston meant was, it's not the lack of love, but the, uh, lack of friendship that makes for an unhappy marriage.
Christopher: Did you make that up?
Guerrero: Nietzsche.

The Trouble with Harry [2.12]

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Laverne : The floor is completely covered with invisible laser sheeting. so anything touches that, and...
Ames': What happens?
Laverne: Nothing. What do you think happens? Alarms, guards, reign of terror--keep up.
Ames: I was just asking a question.
Guerrero': Look at me. Look at me! What's your name?
Claypool: Henry Claypool.
Guerrero: What day is today?
Claypool: Tuesday.
Guerrero: Are you a paranoid, bullying douche bag?
Claypool: Oh, yeah.
Guerrero: Good. What's the password to your private files in your office?
Ilsa: Well, I'm sorry that I put everyone in this position. I'm sorry I didn't...
Christopher: Do you smell that?
Ilsa: What?
Christopher: It smells like crap.
Ilsa: Nice. Very nice. You know, I'm trying to make a heartfelt apology here.
Christopher: No, I mean, it smells like actual crap.
Laverne: So let me ask you... do you know anyone, anyone at all, less threatening... than this man?
Harry: I'm right here.
Laverne: Less threatening and yet secretly, inexplicably, guaran-damn-teed to fall ass-backwards into the lap of success.
Christopher: Well played.
Laverne: Thank you.

Marshall Pucci [2.13]

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Laverne: You do realize that just because we're men doesn't mean we can't talk about our feelings?
Christopher: Yes, it does.
Laverne: Oh, that's good then. Just keep it all balled up like a knot, just… well, it's too late now anyway. She's already gone... caveman.
Christopher: Oprah
Guerrero: Do you want to speak to the last person who pushed my buttons?
Ames: No.
Guerrero: Good. Because you can't.
Ames: Where are we going?
Guerrero: Back to the office to settle this.
Ames: The CIA is there! Hello, they're gonna kill us!
Guerrero: Better than a life with you.
Christopher: Ilsa, I need you to tell me everything about your relationship with your husband.
Ilsa: What you're asking me to do is going to be very difficult.
Christopher: Come on, it's just me.
Ilsa: That's why it's going to be difficult.

Cast

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