Holiday in Handcuffs

Holiday in Handcuffs is a 2007 American comedy film that stars Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez.

Written by Sara Endsley. Directed by Ron Underwood.

She's bringing home the perfect boyfriend... Even if it's a federal offense.

Dialogue

[Opening dialogue.]

Trudie: I'm not crazy. I'm a long way from crazy. Doing one crazy thing does not make a person crazy.

---

David: Look, I'm not sure what's going on or what you want from me, but this plan doesn't seem very well thought out. Let's face it - I'm a guy and sooner or later, I will overpower you.

Trudie: Yeah. Good point, unless you knock yourself out first or I shoot you.

David: You seem like a nice girl. Probably nothing a little lithium couldn't fix.

---

Mom: Oh, my gosh! What have you done to your hair? You look like one of those actresses in a pornographic movie.

Trudie: I have porn-star hair? How do you even know what a porn-star looks like?

---

[Lucy calling Trudie on the phone.]

Lucy: Hey it's me. What happened to you yesterday? You looked kinda strange and then I turned around and you were gone. Are you OK?

Trudie: Yeah! I'm fine! Well... Not exactly fine. I think I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown.

Lucy: I didn't know they came in sizes.

---

Dad: You know, there was a time when we thought Trudie with all her causes might go to law-school like her sister Katie.

Trudie: Being a democrat is not a cause, dad.

Dad: But she got her degree in liberal arts...

Trudie: FINE arts, dad!

Dad: I don't even know what that means.

David: It's an expensive way to say, "Do you want fries with that?". [picks up an ornament] Ahh. Home-made ornaments.

Mom: Yeah. Trudie made that when she was 5. She was a little withdrawn as a child.

Trudie: Okay, Mom!

Mom: You know, her brother and sister are so outgoing and they had so many friends, but Trudie was... I don't know... A little anti-social.

David: Really?

Mom: We even paid a little boy down the street to be her friend, but he gave us our money back.

Trudie: Alright!

Mom: So from then on it was Trudie and her projects and of course Bobo Blankers.

David: Bobo Blankers?

Mom: Her imaginary friend.

Trudie: [mutters] Thanks, Mom! Thanks a lot!

David: What? What was that? Are you talking to Bobo Blankers right now?

---

Mom: Nick, would you like another piece of pie?

David: Sure!

Mom: Trudy, would you get another piece of pie, please?

Trudie: He knows where the kitchen is.

Mom: Are you trying to ruin Christmas?

---

[Trudie's mother left cookies for Santa and David is about to eat them.]

Trudie: You can't eat those!

David: What's it gonna look like if Santa doesn't eat his cookies? [dunks a cookie in milk]

Trudie: Figures you're a dunker.

David: Of course! What are you, a twister?

[Trudie twists a cookie.]

David: It's so wrong in so many ways.

Trudie: Alright, let's get this over with. [starts writing her letter to Santa] This is so dumb!

David: I hope you're not expecting much from Santa. A federal offense probably puts you on the naughty-list this year.

---

[Trudie and David are writing letters to Santa.]

David: I'm gonna ask for a new fully-loaded SUV.

Trudie: Mmmm. Interesting! I'm gonna ask for an end to global warming.

---

[Grandma pours herself a drink.]

Grandma: Merry Christmas!

Mom: Mother, isn't it a little early?

Grandma: Early for who, sugar-britches? I have to spend an entire day trapped with you yahoos. Mama's gonna need a little help.

---

[David out-performs Trudy in hockey.]

David: I'll give it to you. You're pretty scrappy.

Trudie: I think you've had enough for now.

---

Mom: Your tie is crooked.

Dad: You tied it.

Mom: It's still crooked.