Helluva Boss
American web series
Helluva Boss is a 2019 adult animated black comedy horror web series created by Vivienne Medrano.
Pilot edit
- Moxxie: [to Millie] Honey, could you get the butter?
- Millie: Sure, sweetie.
- Blitz: Spoiler alert: The butter's spoiled. [Millie giggles]
- Moxxie: What's funny, honey?
- Blitz: Really impressive wordplay.
- Moxxie: WHAT THE-- WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!
- [Moxxie wakes up to see Blitz staring him in the face]
- Blitz: Watcha dreamin' about?
- Mox: I was dreaming my parents were being murdered. But now, I'd like to go back to that.
- Moxxie: [singing] Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell, oh Millie. [leans in to kiss Millie. Hears Biltz's camera beep] Are you fucking filming us right now?! [camera cuts to see him outside the window]
- Blitz: [Moxxie claims Blitz lives a lonely life; Millie tries to coerce him from angering Blitz] No, no no no, It's fine, Mills, its just your husband is, how do I say this without being offensive? Retarded.
Murder Family edit
- Blitz: We'll get that skank, or your first kill is free!
- Mox: When did we start implamenting that policy, sir?
- Blitz: When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKING DICK-SHIT!
- Blitz: [after Moxxie fails to shoot the family] What the FUCK was that, Moxxie?!
- Mox: [wheezes] They just looked so wholesome, and I couldn't help it!
- Blitz: Christ on a stick, Moxie! From the moment you were born, you were already a parasite leeching on your mom's tits. Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby-dicked prude! [he is shot in the arm by the mom] AHH! A new hole! SCATTER!! [they run away]
- Stolas: Perhaps we can exchange. Favors for favors. Doesn't that sound. . . enticing?
- Blitz: Can you not use your fancy-ass rich people talk? I'm trying really hard here not to get FUCKED IN MY A!
Loo Loo Land edit
- Stolas: What's that you're listening to?
- Octavia: This song's called "My World Is Burning Down Around Me" by "Fuck You Dad"
- Stolas: ...
- Octavia: It's a band.
- Stolas: Oh. How charming...
- [Stolas suggests that he and Octavia go to Loo-Loo Land]
- Octavia: I'd literally rather kill myself.
- Stolas: There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security.
- Octavia: Security for a theme park?
- Stolas: We're rich and we're hot. People want our money and our bodies.
- Octavia: Our money, maybe.
- Stolas: Speak for yourself, princess. Now I'm going to call the only man who can f[bleep]k me!
- Octavia: What?
- Stolas: [trying to cover it up] Who can protect me. Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuble, you know. [Octavia groans]
- [Blitz is called by Stolas]
- Blitz: WHAT?!
- Stolas: Why, hello my big-dicked Blitzy.
- [Blitz and Octavia spit out their coffee]
- Blitz: What...
- Octavia: ...The...
- Blitz: FUCK...
- Octavia: ...DAD?!
- Stolas: Language, everyone!
- Blitz: [Robo-Fizz calls him out] Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo ripoff of an overated sellout JESTER!
- Robo-Fizz: Oooh, [glitches as he says this] someone's salty! Real or not though, people lo-oove me! Does anybody lo-oove you, Blitzo?
- Blitz: No, but I'm really good with guns now! [loads his assault rifle with a new magazine] Dance, bitch!
Spring Broken edit
- Blitz: [to someone who takes his parking spot] Oh, you suck for life, do ya? [pulls out a megaphone] Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum-dump! You've got exactly three seconds to get the fuck out of my spot or, [he realizes that the driver is his ex girlfriend, Verosika Mayday] Oh, SHIT! Verosika?!
- Verosika: Blitzo.
- Blitz: I should have known you'd be here. I can smell fish for miles, which is odd, because I believe the nearest ocean is THREE RINGS DOWN!
- Verosika: And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts.
- [Loona is talking with Verosika's hellhound, Vortex]
- Blitz: Am I interrupting something here?
- Tex: [calmly] Nah, man. Just a conversation.
- Blitz: Conversation, leads to HPV!
- Moxxie: [after being dunked in a beer keg by humans] A human called me a possum. I am not a possum.
C.H.E.R.U.B.S edit
Queen Bee edit
- Vikki: OMJ, Loona? Lunatic Loona? That you?
- Loona: Uh, yeah. It's Loona, yeah.
- Vikki: Wow, I can't believe you're showing up to another party. I mean, do you even remember the last one?
- Loona: [becoming annoyed] I'm sure you'll remind me.
- Vikki: Yeah, this...[taps on her phone and shows a picture of Loona throwing up] This you, right?
- Loona: [Angrily growling, through clenched teeth] Why do you still have that?
- Vikki: It brings me joy. You know, you're supposed to keep things that bring you joy. [Loona growls louder, baring her teeth] Wow, you're being very negative. Your aura is really aggressive right now.
- Loona: Oh yeah? Well, maybe it's because I'm in the presence of a massive BITCH!
- [Partygoers gasp; Vikki nearly faints dramatically]
- Vikki: Oh...my dog. Wow.
- Loona: What?! Is that not an okay thing to say? Like, c'mon, it's true!
- Partygoer: [offscreen] You can't say that.
- [Loona angrily frowns]
- Bee-Elzubub: [Approaches Vortex & Loona after her song] Ow-ow! Vortex! The party is buzzing now, FUCK! I feel like I went a little too hard with the confetti this time, though. I have, like, a rainbow in my vagina right now. [Loona's jaw drops; Bee notices her for the first time] Oh, hey, is this the sweet pup you were telling me about?
- Loona: Excuse me?
- Bee: She's a fucking cutie! Where've you been hiding, girl? [chuckles]
- Loona: Is there something funny?
- Bee: Nah, I'm just high on all of this tasty energy right now! Tex says you don't get invited out much. I hope this little itty-bitty gettogether could serve as a fun first time.
- Loona: [sees another party attendee slide down the stair railing and hitting his groin on the newel post before falling over; unamused] Mmhmm.
- Bee: I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphagor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. SO fucking lame. I mean, I usually just steal them, but Belle changed the locks. She says I'm a total jackass for trying, but hey–I'm proud to be a total jackass. [creates a bottle of beer and chugs it down]
- Loona: [Looking for Blitzo in the middle of the party] Blitz! Blitz! Where are you, shithead?! Blitz!
- [Sees Blitzo making out with another guy]
- Loona: OH, PISS ON A DICK!
- [Loona drives her and a drunk Blitzo from the party]
- Loona: ...Do you need to throw up?
- Blitzo: [Almost like a pouty child] No.
- Lonna: Heh, yeah, you do.
- [Loona carries Blitzo into their apartment, laying him on the couch, then returning with a blanket and a glass of water]
- Blitzo: I had a really shitty day.
- Loona: Yeah? Is that why you drank, like, 5 gallons' worth of who-knows-what?
- Blitzo: Fuck, Fizz was right: I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. [Loona gives a look of concern] Will you be there, Loonie?
- Loona: Be where?
- Blitzo: [Mumbling] I dunno, just...lonely...die alone...
- Loona: [Covers Blitzo with the blanket] I'll be there...Dad. Now go the fuck to sleep, okay? [Goes to her bedroom]
- Blitzo: [Mumbling] Millie...Moxxie...Stolas...[Lifts his head and vomits heavily on the floor] Fuck! Yeah, I did need to throw up.
Western Energy edit
- Blitzo: [Walking into the vet, dragging a frightened Loona by the tail] Christ on a stick, of all the days for (Stolas) to get his feathered ass kidnapped; I've waited FIVE FUCKING YEARS for this appointment! FUCK ME IN MY LITTLE RED HOLE! [Sees a woman with her pet in the waiting room] Hi, the fuck you looking at?
Voice cast edit
- Brandon Rogers as Blitzo
- Richard Steven Horvitz as Moxxie
- Erica Lindbeck as Loona and Millie (pilot)
- Vivian Nixon as Millie (series)
- Bryce Pinkham as Stolas (series)
- Mara Wilson as Mrs. Mayberry
- Norman Reedus as Striker
External links edit
- Helluva Boss quotes at the Internet Movie Database