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Heathers

1989 film by Michael Lehmann

Heathers is a 1989 black comedy film about a girl who for a time half-heartedly tries to be part of the "in crowd" of her school, the Heathers, who rule over others through intimidation, contempt, and sex appeal, and the lessons she learns in her interaction with a sarcastic anti-social rebel with an attitude and far more extreme forms of contempt for people and society.

Directed by Michael Lehmann and written by Daniel Waters.
Best friends, social trends and occasional murder.taglines

Veronica Sawyer

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  • How very.
  • What is your damage, Heather?!
  • Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful."
  • Dear Diary, Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.
  • Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count. Everybody's sad...but it's kind of a weird kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain! I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D.! Are we going to prom or to hell?!
  • If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.
  • I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.

Jason "J.D." Dean

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  • Greetings and Salutations.
  • Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes.
  • Our love is god, let's go get a slushie!
  • Today was great, chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
  • [finding Veronica, who has apparently hung herself] I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...
  • The extreme always seems to make an impression.
  • Color me impressed. You, uh... you really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica. You, um... you got power, power I didn’t think you had. The slate is clean.
  • Let's pretend I blew up the school - all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?

Heather Chandler

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  • Grow up, Heather. Bulimia’s so ’87.
  • They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.
  • Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?
  • Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.
  • God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time…

Heather Duke

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  • Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

Other

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  • Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the book.

Dialogue

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Kurt: Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags policy?
J.D.: Well, they, uh, seem to have an open door policy on assholes, though, don't they?
J.D.: Is your life perfect?
Veronica: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D.: I...I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck!
Veronica: You goddamn bitch!
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a bluebird! You were a brownie! You were a Girl Scout cookie! I got you into a Remington party! What's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke!
Veronica: LICK IT UP, BABY! Lick! It! Up!
Heather Chandler: Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. Nobody at Westerburg's gonna let you play their reindeer games!
Veronica: Oh my God! I just killed my best friend!
J.D.: And your worst enemy!
Veronica: Same difference!
J.D.: What are we gonna tell the cops? "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge"?!
Veronica: Oh, the cops! I can't believe this is my life! Oh my God! I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford!
J.D.: Ah, right. Just a little freaked here. Well, at least you got what ya wanted, ya know?
Veronica: Got what I wanted?! It is one thing to want somebody out of your life! It is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer!
Heather McNamara: [praying over Heather Chandler's casket] Oh God, this is a tragic thing, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff. Please send Heather to Heaven and all that.
Peter Dawson: Dear God, please make sure this never happens to me, cause I don't think I can handle suicide. Plus, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.
Ram Sweeney: Jesus, God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. —Another joke, man.
Heather Duke: I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times, and I felt bad every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. [smiles] Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!
Veronica Sawyer: Hi, I'm sorry. Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?
Kurt's Dad: [at Kurt and Ram's funeral] My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.
Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
Veronica's Mom: Treated like human beings? Is that what you just said, Little Miss Voice of a Generation? Just how do you think adults act with other adults? You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis? When teenagers complain about wanting to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they're being treated like human beings.
Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica: Heather, you're throwing your life away to become a statistic in the US-fucking-A Today! That's about the least private thing I can think of!
Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
Heather McNamara: Probably.
Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a megabitch?!
Heather Duke: Because I can be.
J.D.: Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?!
Veronica: I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you! I swear to God! How do I turn off the Goddamn bomb, asshole?!
J.D.: [flips the bird at Veronica] FUCK YOU! [Veronica shoots his middle finger] Shit!
Veronica: It's all over, J.D.! Help me stop it!
J.D.: You wanna clean the slate as much as I do! All right, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school, because nobody loves me! Let's face it, all right? The only place where different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven!
Veronica: Which button do I press to turn it off?!
J.D.: [sarcastic] Try the red one, all right?! [gestures towards the bomb, which has three red buttons] Seriously, people are gonna look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there is a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!" That's pretty deep, huh?
Veronica: WHICH red button?!
J.D.: Press the one in the middle to turn it off - if that's what you really want.
Veronica: You know what I want, babe?
J.D.: What?! [tries to attack but Veronica shoots him to stop the bomb]
Veronica: Cool guys like you out of my life.
Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica: Yeah? I just got back. Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.

Taglines

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  • Best friends, social trends and occasional murder.
  • A killer comedy.

Cast

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