He's Just Not That Into You
self-improvement book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
He's Just Not That Into You is a 2009 romantic comedy-drama film about nine people in Baltimore who deal with their respective romantic problems, usually thwarted by the differing ideals and desires of their chosen partner.
- Directed by Ken Kwapis. Written by Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein, based on the self-help book of the same name by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.
Are you the exception...or the rule?
- Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule... But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
- We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.
- So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.
- If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
- People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others.
- I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.
- What if you meet the love of your life, but you already married somebody else, are you supposed to let them pass you by?
- I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me.
- Gigi: Hey sorry to bug you again! Uh quick question.
- Alex: What's going on?
- Gigi: OK I'm making out with this guy, PG stuff. But he mentions he's going out of town so he's gonna be out of touch.
- Alex: Run.
- Gigi: But maybe he is going out of town.
- Alex: To where? New Guinea? Where's he gonna be that he's gonna be out of touch?
- Gigi: [Opens bathroom door] Where are you going out of town to again? [to Alex] Pittsburgh.
- Alex: Run.
- Gigi: So what now I'm just supposed to turn from every guy who doesn't like me?
- Alex: Uh. Yeah.
- Gigi: There's not gonna be anybody left.
- Angela: They're just so sneaky that you think it was your idea.
- Frances: Yeah. You're sitting back and you're like: "Oh, yeah. This my idea. But wait a second, why am I alone? Why am I unhappy?"
- Angela: "Why have I gained 20 pounds?"
- Frances: They Jedi mind-trick you.
- Gigi: I think I've figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning, then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?
- Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.
- Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because the rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.
- Janine: OK.
- Gigi: OK, OK. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That's the exception and we're not the exception, we're the rule.
- Alex: Hey, Kelli Ann. Uh, did I get any calls?
- Kelli Ann: Since you asked me 11 mins ago, no, not a lot of phone traffic.
- [Alex obsessively checks phone for signal]
- Kelli Ann: Oh, my God.
- Alex: What?
- Kelli Ann: What's her name?
- Alex: Who?
- Kelli Ann: The girl... Alex.
- Alex: There's no girl.
- Kelli Ann: You can't hide it, man. I know strung out, and you are strung out.
- Alex: Please.
- Kelli Ann: This is amazing. You can't focus. Right? Jumping every time your phone rings. Checking your e-mail a hundred times a day. Wishing you could write songs.
- [Alex laughs]
- Kelli Ann: No. Feeling the need to bring up her name in random conversations. It's always the same and it has happened to you, my friend.
- Alex: Shit.
- Kelli Ann: Welcome to my world, asshole. Let me get the door.
- Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
- Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
- Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.
- Gigi: [opens the door] Did you forget something?
- Alex: Yeah...
- Gigi: Really? What did you forget?
- Alex: [pulls out a pen from his pocket] This.
- Gigi: So you came all the way here at 11 o' clock in the night to give me a promotional pen?
- Alex: Yeah... Yeah, I did. I thought I would come up with some really great excuse to get over here. That's how it's done, right?
- Gigi: [smiles] Sometimes.
- Alex: Look, I can't stop thinking about you. I... It's a problem. I drive by your place; I call and hang up; I've turned into...
- Gigi: Me.
- Alex: Yeah.
- Gigi: A wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.
- Alex: That's true.
- Gigi: But when I was hurling my body onto yours, you did not seem to want to make it happen.
- Alex: Okay, yeah, here's the thing about that... You were right. I'd gotten so used to keeping myself at a safe distance from all these women and having the power that, that I didn't know what it felt like when I actually fell for one of them... I didn't know.
- Gigi: Look, I just went out with your friend Bill. He might be just exactly what I need. No drama, he calls; he does what he says...
- Alex: [stepping closer] I can do that stuff too...
- Gigi: But you didn't! And that same wise person told me that I'm the rule. That I have to stop thinking that every guy will change, that I have to stop thinking that...
- [Alex kisses her]
- Gigi: [smiles] ...I'm the exception.
- Alex: [whispers] You are my exception.
- [they kiss again]
- Ben Affleck - Neil
- Jennifer Aniston - Beth Murphy
- Drew Barrymore - Mary Harris
- Jennifer Connelly - Janine Gunders
- Kevin Connolly - Conor Barry
- Bradley Cooper - Ben Gunders
- Ginnifer Goodwin - Gigi Phillips
- Scarlett Johansson - Anna Marks
- Justin Long - Alex
- Kris Kristofferson - Rod Murphy
- Hedy Burress - Laura
- Stephen Jared - Steven
- Busy Phillips - Kelli Ann
- Leonardo Nam - Joshua Nguyen
- Rod Keller - Bruce
- Wilson Cruz - Nathan
- Morgan Lily - Little girl
- Natasha Leggero - Amber Gnech
- Cory Hardrict - Tyrone
- Greg Behrendt - Priest
- Sasha Alexander - Katharine
- Corey Pearson - Jude
- Frances Callier - Frances
- Angela V. Shelton - Angela
- Bill Brochtrup - Larry
- Peter O'Meara - Bill
- Brandon Keener - Jarrad
- John Ross Bowie - Dan the Wiccan
- Luis Guzman (uncredited) as Javier
- Mary Stuart Masterson (uncredited archive footage from the film Some Kind of Wonderful) as Watts