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Hamlet 2

2008 film by Andrew Fleming

Hamlet 2 is a 2008 comedy about a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher who rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages a politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Directed by Andrew Fleming. Written by Andrew Fleming and Pam Brady.
One high school drama teacher is about to make a huge number 2.

Dana Marschz

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  • I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!
  • Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.
  • It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating.
  • [in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!
  • It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!

Cricket Feldstein

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  • You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!

Epiphany Sellers

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  • I still get nervous around ethnics.

Dialogue

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Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
Cricket Feldstein: My balls?
Dana Marschz: You can't let your ethnic narrow-mindedness stop your son from thriving in our culture.
Mr. Marquez: I have to take exception to that characterization.
Dana Marschz: Heywood's a bad boy. He's a gang banger. A deadbeat. But he also has a gift.
Mrs. Marquez: Who is Heywood?
Dana Marschz: Your son. Heywood Jablome.
[pause; realization dawns upon Dana]
Dana Marschz: Oh. I just got that.
Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!
Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
Dana Marschz: It was?

Cast

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