Green Wing Special

episode of Green Wing
For series 1 quotes, see Green Wing (series 1).
For series 2 quotes, see Green Wing (series 2).

Green Wing (20042007) is a British television comedy broadcast on Channel 4. The final special episode was broadcast on 4 January 2007, with the DVD released on the 8 January 2007.

The Special

[During the funeral, Guy takes out his mobile phone and stars entering a number. Caroline sees him and is shocked.]
Caroline: "Guy, what are you doing? Put it away."
Guy: "Well, I couldn't be at my sister's funeral at the same time as this one, so I thought the least I could do was phone up and see how that one was going."
Caroline: "Your sister?"
Guy: "Yeah, my stepsister. You know, I didn't know her that well so it's not that sad. Plus this funeral was nearer. And really sad, obviously."

Mac: "So, what have I missed?"
Caroline: "Oh, you know, this and that. Oh, and one quite big thing."
Mac: "An elephant?"
Caroline: "I think Guy might want to tell you himself."
Mac: "Guy? He hasn't managed five in a bed, has he?"
Caroline: "No."
Mac: "That was always his life's ambition."
Caroline: "Things might have changed."
Mac: "Right."
Caroline: "I hope so, anyway. That sort of thing can really screw up a honeymoon."

[Karen had returned from her fall from the window, now wearing a fashionable suit. Harriet, Rachel and Kim are shocked by her new look.]
Karen: "Lovely morning."
Rachel: "What happened to you?"
Karen: "Did you not hear? I fell out of a window."
Kim: "Well, who'd you land on? Estée Lauder?"

[A mechanic is inspecting the camper van.]
Mechanic: "She's a bit of a mess, isn't she?"
Alan: "Well, no. Fair's fair. She's been on the road, no makeup, so make allowances for the old girl."
Joanna: "He means the van."
Mechanic: "I was talking about the van, but now you mention it, I take your point."

Kim: "Sorry about not noticing the falling out the window thing."
Karen: "That's all right."
Rachel: "Mind you, looks like you had a lucky escape. There's not a scratch on you."
[Karen then removes her right hand. It is a fake. The other admin girls are shocked as Karen shows them the hand, and puts it back on.]
Karen: "And my nose whistles when I orgasm."

[They start to rob the shop, but Alan still seems to want to buy things.]
Shopkeeper: "That'll be £16.20 please."
Alan: "Right, here's 5, 10, 15, and 1…"
Joanna: "What? What are you doing? She's supposed to be giving you the money."
Alan: "Well, she gave me the money and I'm using it to pay…" [To the shopkeeper, realising his error.] "Oh, very clever. Hm? Very clever. Sorry, but you have to get up pretty bloody early in the morning to trick Alan St…Stath…Not his name, there."
Wikipedia has an article about:

Green Wing Quotes
Series 1:
Caroline's First Day | Rumours | Lodgers | Joanna's Birthday | Housewarming Party | Tests | Tangled Webs | Slave Auction | Emergency | Comic Relief Sketches (2005) | Misc Quotes
Series 2:
Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | The Secret Policeman's Ball Sketch | Misc Quotes
The Special | Alternative Ending