Gravity Falls

Gravity Falls (2012–2016) is an American animated television series which premiered on the Disney Channel in 2012.

Contents

Season 1Edit

Tourist Trapped [1.01]Edit

Mabel: [whispering] He's looking at it, he's looking at it!
A boy: [reading from a letter] Uhh, do you like me? Yes, definitely, absolutely?
Mabel: [whispering] I rigged it!

Mabel: Check out this huge smooch mark he gave me! [turns cheek to reveal a big red mark]
Dipper: Ah!
Mabel: Heh heh, gullible. That was just an accident with the leaf blower. [in a flashback, Mabel gets her face sucked into a leaf blower whilst trying to perform "kissing practice" on a picture of Norman] That was fun.

Grunkle Stan: And here we have "Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock"; the rock that looks like a face.
Crowd member: Does it look like a rock?
Grunkle Stan: No, it looks like a face.
Another crowd member: Is it a face?
Grunkle Stan: It's a rock that looks like a face!
[Dipper pokes in through the crowd]
Dipper: Over here! Grunkle Stan?
Grunkle Stan: For the fifth time, it's not an actual face!

Dipper: Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!
Gnome: Oh, hey there. You know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in any danger. She's just marrying all 1,000 of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity. Isn't that right, honey?
Mabel: You guys are butt-faces!

The Legend of the Gobblewonker [1.02]Edit

Dipper: Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?
Grunkle Stan: Naw, but with these cataracts I might as well be. What is that, a woodpecker? [drives into the woods, crashes into a sign]
Dipper and Mabel: AAAHH!

[Dipper, Mabel, and Soos encounter what they think is the Gobblewonker, but is actually just a shipwreck inhabited by beavers]
Beaver 1: [subtitled] I love cavorting!
Beaver 2: [subtitled] That deserves a hug! [The two beavers hug, while another beaver slides right off]
Dipper: But, w-what was that noise there? I heard a monster noise.
[Another beaver is seen playing with a chainsaw]
Soos: Sweet! Beaver with a chainsaw!
Dipper: Maybe that old guy was crazy after all...
Mabel: He did use the word "scrabdoodle"...

[A man and woman float along the lake in their boat. The man pulls out an engagement ring.]
Reginald: Now that we're alone, Rosanna, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you.
Rosanna: Oh, Reginald!
[Stan comes alongside them in his boat.]
Stan: Hey, wanna hear a joke? Okay, here goes. My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is gettin' better! (Awkward silence) Her aim is gettin' better! See, it's funny, 'cause marriage is terrible! [the couple row away from him] WHAT?!

Headhunters [1.03]Edit

Mabel and Biker: Three, four, five, six.
Mabel: Your wife is going to be beautiful!
Biker: Yes!
Dipper: Mabel! We've got a big break in the case!
Biker: But will she love me?!

The Hand That Rocks the Mabel [1.04]Edit

Stan: For tonight's final illusion, we have the incredible Sack of Mystery. When you put your money in it, it mysteriously disappears!
Various tourists: [putting money in the bag] Oh yeah! That makes perfect sense! That was totally worth the drive!

Mabel: Hey Dipper. What's going on?
Dipper: Whoa, where have you been? And what's with those nails? You look like a wolverine.
Mabel: I know, right? Rawr! I was hanging out with my new pal Gideon. He is one dapper little man!
Dipper: Mabel, I don't trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head.
Mabel: Oh, leave him alone! You never wanna do girly stuff with me! You and Soos get to do guy stuff all the time.
Dipper: What do you mean?
Soos: Hey dude! Ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave one by one?
Dipper: [excited] Am I!
[Off screen]
Soos: Yeah!
Dipper: One at a time! One at a time!

[Stan goes to Gideon's house to confront him. However, Gideon's father Bud answers the door.]
Bud Gleeful: Well, well! Stanford Pines! What brings you here?
Stan: Outta the way, Bud. I'm here to talk to Gideon.
Bud Gleeful: Well, I haven't seen the boy around. But as long as you're here, you simply must come in for coffee!
Stan: I don't think...
Bud Gleeful: (cutting him off) Ah, ah, it's imported - all the way from Colombia!
Stan: Wow. I went to jail there once!

Dipper: What the heck happened on that date?
Mabel: I don't know. I was in the friend zone, and then he pulled me into the romance zone! It was like quicksand! Chubby quicksand!
Dipper: Mabel, come on, it's not like you gonna have to marry Gideon.
Stan: Good news, Mabel! You have to marry Gideon!
Mabel: WHAT?!
[Stan walks in wearing a tee shirt that says 'Team Gideon']
Stan: It's all part of my long term deal with Bud Gleeful. There's a lot of money tied up in this thing. Plus I got this free t-shirt! [Looks down] Ugh. I am fat.
[Mabel runs out screaming]
Stan: Bodies change, honey! Bodies change.

The Inconveniencing [1.05]Edit

Wendy: And Robbie. You can probably figure him out.
Robbie: Yeah, I'm the guy who spray painted the water tower.
Dipper: Oh, you mean The Big Muffin!
Robbie: Uh, it's a giant explosion.
[Said tower is shown, with a red graffiti explosion resembling a muffin]
Lee: It kinda does look like a muffin.

Wendy: [to Dipper] ...and your sister seems to be going nuts with that Smile Dip.
Mabel: [feeling sick] Uhhhhh, maybe I've had too much. What do you think?
[Mabel hallucinates into a rainbow colored candy world with the Smile Dip mascots]
Flavor Pup #1: Elknurg tsurt t'nod!('Don't trust Grunkle' backwards)
Flavor Pup #2: Would you like to eat my candy paws?
Mabel: Of course, you little angel! [starts chewing on the paw]

Ma: Back when we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store!
Pa: Always sassafrassing customers with their boomy-boxes and disrespectful short pants! So we decided to up and ban them. But they retaliated with their newfangled rap music.
Ma: The lyrics...they were so hateful!

[A rap song blares from a boom box.]

Rapper: Homework's whack, and so are rules! Tucking in your shirt's for fools!

TV Announcer: You're watching the Black-and-White-Period-Piece-Old-Lady-Boring-Movie Channel.
Grunkle Stan: Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!
TV Announcer: Stay tuned for the Friday Night Movie, "The Duchess Approves", starring Sturly Stempleburgess as 'The Duchess', and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire.
Grunkle Stan: [terrified] KIDS!

Dipper vs. Manliness [1.06]Edit

Testosteraur: Not man enough? NOT MAN ENOUGH?! I have three Y chromosomes, six adams apples, pecs on my abs, and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!

Mabel: No offense, Dipper, but you're not exactly Manly Mannington!
Dipper: I am too Manly...Manny, or whatever it is you said.
Stan: Face the music, kid. You got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's...incident.
[Flashback: Dipper is in the bathroom, in a towel, looking into the mirror and singing into his comb like a microphone]
Dipper: Disco girl...comin' through...that girl is you! [Stan opens the bathroom door] DON'T COME IN, DON'T COME IN!
[End flashback]
Mabel: [grinning] You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation BABBA?!
Dipper: No, I wasn't-- It's not important!

Sheriff Blubbs: Another fire hydrant destroyed. It's a gosh-dang mystery!
Deputy Derland: Wanna take our uniforms off and run around in circles?
[Sheriff Blubbs' shirt is already off.]
Sheriff Blubbs: Quit readin' my mind!

Lazy Susan: (serving Stan and Mabel) Food!
Stan: Thanks there, sugar pot. I-I mean honey wasp, kitten baby, b-baby cow.
Lazy Susan: Ha! Silly.. silly man...
Mabel: What was that about?
Stan: Nothing. I don't want to talk about it. Talk about what? Why is this table wet?

Mabel: Grunkle Stan, you are a cranky, gross, weird old man. But we're gonna get Lazy Susan to like you, because nothing is stronger than the power of...
Stan: Love?
Mabel: ...Mabel!

[Dipper confronts the Multibear.]
Multibear: Child, why have you come here?
Dipper: Multibear, I seek your head! Or, one of them, anyway. There's like...six? Six heads?

Double Dipper [1.07]Edit

[ALL THE CLONES FIGHTING] 
  1. 10: Hey! Classic Dipper's getting away!

Dipper: No friends, it's me, #7. [THEY ALL LOOK AT #7]

  1. 7: That's not me guys! THATS NOT ME!!!

Irrational Treasure [1.08]Edit

(Dipper and Mabel go off to enjoy Pioneer Day)
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, you coming?
Stan: No thank you! Just remember: if you two come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me!
Dipper: (In an old-timey accent) There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!
Mabel: (Likewise) Well, hornswaggle my haversack!
(They spit on the ground and run off, laughing)
Stan: DEAD TO ME!

(Stan attempts to drive away, but his car is stuck in the mud. He calls out to a man who is walking with a donkey.)
Stan: Hey you! Uh, Donkey Boy! Give me a hand with my car, will ya?
Man: Here in 1863, I have never heard tell of a "car." Tell me, what is this magic wheel-box?
Stan: C'mon, Steve, you're a mechanic for Pete' sake! Cut me some slack!
Man: "Slack?" I am unfamiliar with this bold new expression!
Stan: I can't take it anymore. (grabbing the man by the collar) I'm getting dumber every second I'm here!
(Sheriff Blubbs and Deputy Derland run over, batons drawn)
Blubbs: Are we gonna have to intervene here?
Stan: Oh, look. The "constable!" What are you gonna do? Throw me in "ye stocks?" (laughs)
(Cut to Stan being locked in the stocks)
Stan: Oh, come on!

Dipper: We're gonna have to break in.
Museum Lady: And here are your balloons; blue and pink!
Dipper: We're in.

Man on Film: If you're watching this, you are one of eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot once the filming is complete. (Someone speaks offscreen.) What? No? Ha! Well, that's a relief!

Quentin Trembly: ...And then he chased me around with a paddle for like, three hours! Bottom line: George Washington was a jerk.
Mabel: Agreed!

Quentin Trembly: Esteemed gentlemen of the United States Supreme Court, I urge you to reconsider your decision!
(Several babies in top hats and fake mustaches coo in response.)
Quentin Trembly: Very well. But who would you have replace me?
Baby: Mama!
Quentin Trembly: That old crone?!

The Time Traveller's Pig [1.09]Edit

Mabel: He is such a jerk.
Dipper: Yeah, but he's a jerk with tight pants and a guitar. I need to keep him away from Wendy at all costs.
Mabel: Don't worry, brother. Whatever happens, I'll be right here, supporting you every step of the- [screaming] OH MY GOSH, A PIG! [cut to a shot of "WIN A PIG" stand]

Dipper: Wendy, I just wanted to tell you that everyone makes mistakes. And when they do, you should forgive them. And also that tight pants are overrated.
Wendy: Dude. You lost me.
Dipper: [sighs] I know.

Fight Fighters [1.10]Edit

Rumble McSkirmish: I am ready to take on the greatest Fight Fighters! Take me to the Soviet Union!
Dipper: Uh, that's gonna be tough. For a number of reasons.

Teenager: [is handed keys to a new car] I love you, Dad!
[Rumble McSkirmish runs by and smashes the car]
Teenager: Oh, my car!
Father: We'll just buy another one!
Teenager: I love being rich...

Rumble McSkirmish: Haha! You fight like a girl! Who is also a baby!

Dipper: We need to just learn to hate each other in silence.
Robbie: You mean, like...what girls do?

Little Dipper [1.11]Edit

Gideon: Why Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair on your itty-bitty head. If you agree to be my queen!
Mabel: NO! Never! I will fight you till the day I- [Stops talking and looks below] Gummy Koalas! [is dropped into bag, nibbles gummy koala]

Gideon: [on the phone to Stan] Stanford Pines, listen to me very closely. I have your niece and nephew. Hand over the deed to the Mystery Shack right now, or great harm will befall them! [pause] This is Gideon, by the way.
Stan: [laughs] Oh yeah, this is gonna be your worst plot yet. They're fine. I saw them playing in the yard minutes ago.
Gideon: I have them in my possession! You don't believe me?! I will text you a photo!
Stan: "Text me a photo"? Now you're not even speaking English!
Gideon: But--
[Stan hangs up]

Summerween [1.12]Edit

[After Gordy re-emerges from the Summerween Trickster]
Soos: What's up, Gordy?
Gordy: I've been twamatized.

Soos: What's going on out here, dudes? I heard a ruckus. Heh-heh, that's a funny word. "Ruckus".

Mabel: I'm so excited!
Dipper: We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy...
Mabel: And have the biggest stomach aches ever!
Dipper: Yeah!

"" Soos"": I ate a man alive tonight...
"[everyone looks to Soos]"

Boss Mabel [1.13]Edit

Stan: No buts except yours out the door. now shut your yap and get to work.
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, whatever happened to please and thank you? Hmmm. Oh wait here they are.

(Mabel takes out a bag of stickers and puts two on Stan's face that say "Please" and "Thank you")


Stan: [After a wave of cash washes over him on "Cash Wheel."] I'm giving none of this to charity!

Bottomless Pit! [1.14]Edit

Soos: I've got a story. It's called, "Soos's Really Great Pinball Story!" (pause) Is that a good title? Do they have to be, like, puns or whatever?
[Cut to title card reading: "SOOS' REALLY GREAT PINBALL STORY! Is That A Good Title? Do They Have To Be, Like, Puns Or Whatever?"]

The Deep End [1.15]Edit

Toby Determined: On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening day at the Gravity Falls pool!
Mabel: Gravity Falls pool?!
Dipper: Today?!
Soos: Pun intended?!

Mabel: Ah, the pool! Sparkling oasis of summer enchantment!
Stan: Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus but wet.
Dipper: [looking at a towel with a sun wearing sunglasses on it] Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?
Soos: It's best not to think about it.

Mermando: Hola!
Mabel: Whoa! Are you from Australia?

Kid: How long ya in for?
Stan: Two hours for roughhousing. But I'm innocent!
Kid 2: Pool jail ain't so bad. As long as you don't end up in solitary.
Solitary confinement kid: It's the nights that are the hardest.

Mabel: Hey, I brought you a sandwich! It's kind of wet, but it's still good! I like sharing things. Sandwiches, secrets... [whispers] share your secret, beautiful stranger.

Stan: There it is, Soos. Equal distance from the snack bar and the bathroom. Just the right amount of sun and shade. And pointed away from where Old Man McGuckett lotions himself. The perfect lawn chair!
Soos: The legends you told me in the car were true!

Mabel: I should've known from your strange foreign fish language!
Mermando: It is Spanish.

Stan: Yes, yes...burn the child!

Gideon: Deal with it!

[Wendy and Dipper prank Soos]
Wendy: Soos!
Soos: Inflatable duck guy? Is that you?
Wendy: Yes, Soos!
Soos: I knew you guys were secretly alive! I knew it!
Wendy: My people have been enslaved, Soos! You must free us!
Soos: The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand...

[Mabel puckers her lips in preparation for a kiss]
Mermando: What are you doing with your mouth.
Mabel: Me? Nothing. This? I was just eating some sour candy...so my lips did that...because the candy was so sour.
Mermando: Can I have some candy?
Mabel: .... No.

Mermando: I have never met anyone like you.
Mabel: Me too. Except for a zombie, a gnome, and a couple of cute vampires.
Dipper: I don't remember the vampires.
Mabel: I don't tell you everything!

Dipper: Mabel? Is everyone here tonight?! What, is Soos here too?!
Soos: [Falls off of the fence in the background.] I'm okay!
Dipper: Go home, Soos.
Soos: You got it!

Mabel: Okay, my original plan was to tape together a bunch of fish sticks to make prosthetic pair of people legs.
Mermando: Intriguing...

Dipper: Mabel, if you don't hand over those pool supplies, I'll lose the coolest job ever!
Mabel: Okay...I understand. [Trying to distract Dipper] Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!
Dipper: [Falls for it] Really? At night?

Stan: Now all I've got to do is wait here 15 hours until the pool opens.... This was a good plan.

Mabel: Dipper, you're a lifeguard! Give him CPR!
Dipper: Mermen don't breathe air!
Mabel: Then give him reverse CPR, doi!
Dipper: [Repeatedly fills his mouth with water and spits it into Mermando's] I hate this... I hate this...
Mabel: [Takes a picture of Dipper and Mermando with their lips together] Haha... blackmail!
[Mermando sits up, able to breathe again.]
Mermando: Thank you for saving me, but why didn't you just roll me into the lake?
[Shot widens to reveal them sitting a few feet away from the edge of the lake]
Dipper: Agh!

Carpet Diem [1.16]Edit

Dipper: Alright, let a pro on the field. Or floor...whatever.

[Dipper hits the golf ball, causing it to break some things, and it ends up crashing through a window.]

Stan: AH, MY HEAD! IT HIT ME RIGHT ON THE HEAD!

Dipper: Soos, can I sleep in your break room tonight?
Soos: Sure, dude. [Opens door to reveal small room full of pipes.] You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle block. The trick is to hold perfectly still. [Repeatedly burns arm on pipe.] Ow! Wait, wait! Ow! Wait, wait! Ow! Wait, wait! Actually felt kind of good that time...

Dipper: Ah, sleeping under the stars. Not bad. [Dipper sees a wolf chewing on his leg.] Ah, get off! Get away! [Camera compares Mabel's sleepover to Dipper been chewed on by a wolf.] This is still better.

Candy: Candy falls down now!

Mabel: Get ready to be poked by the fun stick! Boop!
Dipper: Ow!

Stan: [Watching TV, Stan says this to three different shows; two men, two deer, and two babies.] Fight, fight, fight!
Announcer: Baby fights! Will return in a minute.
Stan: TV. It knows what I want.

Stan: Man, that's refreshing! Ten suck-up points to this lemonade. [In high-pitched voice] Thank you, Stan[Normal] Ten more for politeness! Oh, and so sweet!

Mabel: Don't get too comfortable, brother. I just made Stan an omelet shaped like his own face!
Stan: I have seen the face of beauty!

Dipper: [In Mabel's body] Braces are horrible! It's like my mouth hates me!

Mabel: [In Dipper's body] Hey, Grunkle Stan! Your face looks like a butt!
Stan: What?!
Mabel: Breaking stuff is so much fun, I am Dipper and I stink!

Grenda: 3, 4, 5. [Phone rings.] It's him, my dream date! Hello?
Robot Voice: Hello baby, this is Kevin. My beach house has room for 2.
Candy: Kevin has the voice of a robot.
Grenda: Don't ruin this for me, Candy!

Candy: Kevin, for the last time, I am not interested!
Grenda: How could you say that to Kevin?

Stan: Look, times are tough, the economy or whatever, et cetera. Bottom line is...I'm going to have to cut your pay.
Waddles in Soos's Body: [Breathes creepily and puts hand on Stan's face.]
Stan: What are you doing?
Waddles: [Breathes eerily]
Stan: Is this some kind of negotiating tactic? Because it's not going to work!
Waddles: [Continues breathing creepily as the camera zooms in on him]
Stan: Alright, I was lying, I'll give you a raise, just never do that again!

Candy: Zap zap!

(touches Dipper, swapping their minds)

Candy: I am a boy now! (deeper voice) Wassup bro. Let's grow some mustaches!

Boyz Crazy [1.17]Edit

Stan: (to Robbie) Well if it makes you feel better, the apocalypse is comin' soon! Bury your gold. You've been buying gold, right?

Stan: Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face!

Stan: Wait a second! Is something rooting through our trash?

[Cuts to Sev'ral Times member rooting through the trash can.] Hey, hey! Get outta here! Darn beautiful men always eating out of my trash. Wait what?

Land Before Swine [1.18]Edit

[From the "Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle" commercial.]
Bobby Renzobbi: I know what you're thinkin': does it work for pigs? Haha, yeah, it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!!!

[Waddles chews on Stan's pant leg.]
Mabel: Go, go! Chew that pant leg!
[Stan tears his pant leg free.]
Stan: All right, that tears it. Outside, now!
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, no! You can't put Waddles outside. There's predators! And barbecuers!
Stan: That's just the natural order. It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious!
Mabel: He should be inside like a person.
Stan: People don't roll around in their own filth - except for Soos.
Mabel: And we're the lesser for it!

Mabel: Grunkle Stan, I know you're not crazy about Waddles...
Stan: He's a fat, naked jerk!

[Mabel discovers Waddles is missing.]
Mabel: Waddles! Waddles! Oh, no! How did this happen?! Grunkle Stan, you didn't put him outside?
Stan: What? No, I didn't put him anywhere! I'm not acting suspicious! You're acting suspicious! What's a pig?!

[Stan and Waddles hide from the pterodactyl under a giant mushroom]
Stan: The dumb thing must be hungry. I guess it's you or me, pig.
[He shoves Waddles out into the open; the pig turns and looks at him]
Stan: What are you looking at?
[Short silence; Waddles keeps looking at him]
Stan: Aw, come on, don't give me that look! What am I supposed to do, let it eat me?
[Another short silence; still Waddles keeps looking]
Stan: [frustrated] Rrrrgh! Oh, I get it. You're trying to guilt me. Well it ain't working, pal! Who cares if you're Mabel's favorite thing in the world? I can live without the kid talking to me all the time. [starting to look sad] Telling me her jokes... making me laugh...
[Waddles snorts and cocks his head,
Stan: [chuckles, then hears the pterodactyl] Aw, dang it!! [as the pterodactyl flies straight for them] Well, this is just about the dumbest thing I've ever done. [dones the "Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle" and puts Waddles in it] You want this pig?! THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET THROUGH ME, YOU FLYING DEVIL! COME AND GET ME!!!

Dreamscaperers [1.19]Edit

Bill: Oh! Oh, Gravity Falls, it is good to be back! Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy? [laughs] I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Gideon!
Gideon: W-what are you? H-how do you know my name?!
Bill: Oh, I know lots of things. LOTS OF THINGS. [Said in a deep "slow motion" voice, while his body shows pictures of various cryptic things and locations] Hey, look what I can do! [magically pulls the teeth from a nearby deer's mouth, and drops them into Gideon's hands] Deer teeth! For you, kid! [laughs]
Gideon: [dropping the teeth in shock] You're insane!
Bill: Sure I am, what's your point? [restores the teeth to the deer, which runs away]

Dipper: Get ready, you guys. We're about to journey into the most disturbing, horrifying place imaginable - our uncle's mind!
Soos: You think it would be okay to bring these Burrito Bites into Stan's brain? Thumbs up? Thumbs down? [beat] You know what, I'm just gonna bring 'em.

TV announcer: He put the "old" in "Old West." They call him..."Grandpa the Kid!"
Grandpa the Kid: I'm tired during the day.
Stan: I can relate to this!

[Soos opens a door for a memory of Stan as a door-to-door salesman]

Stan: Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: it sucks more than anything. [door slams shut] Gotta work on that.

Bill: I gotta hand it to you kids. You're a lot more clever than I gave you credit for. Especially the fat one.
Soos: (whispering to Mabel) He's talking about you...
Bill: So I'm gonna let you off the hook this time. BUT KNOW THIS! A darkness approaches. A time is coming in the future where everything you care about will change. Until then, I'll be watching you!

Gideon Rises [1.20]Edit

[Jeff the Gnome is bathing in a tub full of squirrels.]
Jeff: This is normal. This is normal for gnomes. (Scrubbing his armpit with one of the squirrels.) Scrub, scrub.

[Dipper and Mabel try to trick Jeff the Gnome into marrying Gideon.]
Mabel: What if we told you we could find you a new queen? One even more beautiful than me!
Dipper: Her name is Gideon, and she has lovely white hair!
Jeff: Hmmm, mature woman, huh? Shmebulock! Get my cologne!
[Shmebulock jumps out from behind a tree, cologne in hand.]
Shmebulock: Shmebulock!
Jeff: Is "Shmebulock" all you can say?
Shmebulock: (nodding "yes") Shmebulock...

Grunkle Stan: Well Stan, this is it. Rock bottom, no friends, no family, stuck watching infomercials for whatever that is...
Announcer: Are you sick of piles of owls constantly blocking your driveway?! Well then you gotta get Owl Trowel!

[Gideon finds Dipper's journal.]
Dipper: Gimme that back or I'll...
Gideon: Or you'll what, boy? You'll what? Huh? Huh!? No muscles, no brains - face it, you're nothin' without this!

Stan: Watier, give me a glass of the cheapest, most expired apple cider you've got.
Soos: Right away, Mr. Pines!
Stan: Soos? What are you doing here?
Soos: Ever since the Mystery Shack closed, I've had to take a bunch of part-time jobs - grave digger, bus driver, really awsome cook. Is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?
[The kitchen is, in fact, ablaze. Soos runs off with a fire extinguisher.]
Stan: You're a good man..child, Soos. But it's not looking good. The whole town loves Gideon and hates me. If only they knew how evil he really was!
Soos: [putting his arm around Stan] Hey, I'm here for you, dude!
Stan: The entire lower half of your body is on fire.
Soos: Shhh...we're having a moment.

Season 2Edit

Scary-oke [2.01]Edit

Stan: Welcome to the grand re-opening of the Mystery Shack! We're here to celebrate the defeat of that skunk Li'l Gideon.
Crowd: Booooooo!
Stan: Please, please. Boo harder!

Agent Powers: My name is Agent Powers, and this is Agent Trigger. We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town.
Agent Trigger: (pointing at Stan) Activity!
Stan: "Mysterious activity?" At the Mystery Shack? You must be joking!
Agent Powers: I assure you, I am not. I was born with a rare disorder that prevents me from experiencing humor.
Stan: (laughs nervously)
Agent Powers: I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth.

Mabel: This karaoke machine has all the best songs - "We Built This Township on Rock and Roll," "Danger Lane to Highway Town," [gasps] "Taking Over Midnight" by Ampersand-dra!
Stan: Listen kid, you do not want to hear this voice sing. Trust me.
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, karaoke isn't about sounding good. It's about sounding terrible together.

Mabel: Dipper, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?
Dipper: Raise the dead.
Mabel: And what did you do?
Dipper: Raise the dead.

Stan: [fighting zombies] All right, you undead jerks, you ready to die twice?! The only wrinkly monster who harasses my family is ME!

Into the Bunker [2.02]Edit

(Dipper and Wendy watch a cheesy old horror film)
Girl: What do we do, Chadley? I thought they were dead!
Boy: Far worse, Trixandra! They're nearly almost dead, but not quite!
(Title Screen: "NEARLY ALMOST DEAD BUT NOT QUITE!")
Dipper: Man, these movies are a lot less scary when you've actually fought real zombies.
Wendy: They're slow! Just power-walk away from them!
(On the TV...)
Chadley: Ahhh! My face is being eaten a lot!
(Dipper and Wendy laugh)
Wendy: Chadley ain't pretty no more!

(Mabel and Soos wait for Wendy and Dipper to emerge from another room)
Mabel: They sure are taking their time in there.
Soos: Didn't Dipper say something about a monster?
Mabel: Oh, no! I thought he was joking!
Soos: You KNOW Dipper's jokes are terrible!

(After Dipper, Mabel, Wendy and Soos trap the Shape Shifter back in the freezer)
Shape Shifter: You think you're so clever, don't you, Dipper? But you have no idea what you're up against. You will never find the author! If you keep digging, you'll meet a fate worse than you can imagine - and this will be the last form you ever take!
(It turns into Dipper and does a terrified scream, becoming frozen in that shape; Dipper, Mabel and Wendy look shocked)
Soos: (to Dipper, chuckling) Good luck sleeping tonight!

The Golf War [2.03]Edit

Stan: Who wants Stan-cakes? They're like pancakes, but they've probably got some of my hair in them.
Dipper: Pass.

[Meeting the Lilliputtians]
Mabel: Uh, I dunno, guys. I'm not sure I wanna get involved in your weird mini-blood feud.
Dipper: Pst! Mabel! This is perfect! These guys control the course! Just tell them you'll give the sticker to whichever group does a better job of helping us win!
Mabel: I'm not sure, Dipper. I wanna beat Pacifica, but doesn't this seem like... cheating?
Dipper: Pacifica's rich, Mabel. She's cheating at life.

Mr. Northwest: Now remember, Pacifica, winning is everything.
Mrs. Northwest: Oh, and looks. Winning and looks.
Pacifica: Dad, I've been practicing for, like, a million hours. I got this. You'll stay and watch, right?
Mr. Northwest: Pacifica, darling, we have a party to go to. We'll just read about your victory in the paper.
(Pacifica gets out of the car)
Mr. Northwest: Oh, and whatever happens, just remember one thing. You're a Northwest. Don't lose.
(They drive away)

Pacifica: [to Sergei] How much you wanna bet they're no-shows?
[Lights come on, revealing Mabel and Dipper]
Mabel: Looking for someone?
Pacifica: [sarcastic] Waiting in the dark? Not creepy at all.

[As Stan, Soos, Dipper and Mabel take Pacifica home in their car]
Mabel: Hey, I found two tacos! [eats one]
Pacifica: [astonished] You're allowed to eat in the car?
Mabel: Yeah! The car is where secret surprise snacks happen! [offers her the other taco] Want one?
Pacifica: Oh, I'm not supposed to take handouts.
Mabel: "Handouts"? It's called sharing! You do know what sharing is, right?
Pacifica: "Sha... shahring"?
Mabel: Just take it.

Pacifica: Tell your servant I like his W-neck.
Soos: YES!

Sock Opera [2.04]Edit

Mabel: Don't stay up all night, Dipper. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

Bill: Well, well, well. You're awfully persistent, Pine Tree. Hats off to you! [takes his hat off, tilts the world sideways with Dipper before titling back again]
Dipper: You again!
Bill: Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me!
Dipper: Hardly! You worked with Gideon, you tried to destroy my uncle's mind!
Bill: It was just a job, kid! No hard feelings. I've been keeping an EYE ON YOU since then, and I must say, I'm impressed!
Dipper: Really?
Bill: You deserve a prize. Here, have a head that's always screaming!
[He claps; a screaming head appears and drops in front of Dipper. Bill snaps and shreds the head to a skull layer by layer]
Bill: [cackles] The point is, I like you. How's about you let me give you a hint, huh? I only ask for a small... favor in return.
Dipper: I'd never do a favor for you! Don't forget who defeated you last time!
Bill: [rises behind him] Right, you "defeated me". Well, if you ever change your mind, [pretends to grab Dipper's brain] I'll be here for you, ready to make a deeaaal. [three slots appear spinning on his chest and stop to a pine tree symbol] Hey, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds? [waving his arms] AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! [come to reality, Dipper wakes up]
Dipper: [waving his arms] AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Bill: [in Dipper's body] Man, it has been so long since I've inhabited a body. [slaps himself on the cheek] Whoo! [slaps the other cheek] Whoo! Haha! Pain is hilarious!

Bill: [in Dipper's body, holding a can of Pitt cola] Human soda! I'm gonna drink it like a person! [pours it in his mouth and on his eyes, laughing]

Bill: [in Dipper's body] Hey, Soos! Wanna hear the exact time and date of your death?
Soos: [chuckles] Okay!

[After Dipper and Mabel are forced to blow up the puppet show to get rid of Bill]
Mabel: Don't worry. I've seen enough movies to know this is the part where the audience thinks it was all part of the show and loves it! Cue applause!
[Instead, the audience boos them and leaves]
Mabel: Gabe! Stick around for the wrap party? We've got mini-quiches!
Gabe Don't speak to me, Mabel. You've made a mockery of my art form! Let's go, my loves. [leaves, kissing his puppets]
Dipper: Did he just make out with his puppets?
Mabel: I might've dodged a bullet there.

Soos and the Real Girl [2.05]Edit

[Soos inserts "Romance Academy 7" disc into hard drive; a "Year 2000 Electronics" title screen is shown]
Soos: Man, I can't wait for the year 2000.
[the main menu for "Romance Academy 7" pops up; the options are "Start," "Quit," and "Shizenhakka" (romaji for "spontaneous combustion")]
Soos: Ehh, start! [clicks; watches intro sequence with Japanese and English texts] "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom... anthyding can hadplen." That is so true. [a pink-haired schoolgirl appears]
Schoolgirl: Oh, hi there! My name is Giffany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books? [options for "Yes of course!", "I am impatient! Date me now!" and "Hey look a squid!" appear]
Soos: I'm really feeling number two here. Click! [buzzes] Ah! I messed up!
Giffany: That's okay. Try again! [Soos clicks "Yes of course!", awards him "100 Love Points" as coins and a cat fall down the screen]
Soos: Wow, I'm learning! And games are making it fun!
Giffany: What would you like to talk about? [options for "Your interests!", "Samurais!" and "Squids!" appear]
Soos: I'd rather just click your face. [clicks her face] Ngah... ngah!
Giffany: Ha ha. You are so funny!
Soos: Man, this game is amazing! I don't know why anyone abandoned it.
Giffany: And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend.
Soos: Boyfriend? Oh-hoh my, Giffany. It's almost like you're actually alive.
Giffany: Yes. Almost. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! [Soos chuckles; pan to show the unplugged cord to Soos's computer]
Soos: Oh, man. You have such a nice laugh.

Stan: You don't understand, Wendy! This animatronic badger sings, it dances—it's the perfect money-taking attraction! But he won't sell it to me!
Wendy: This is literally too dumb for me to care about.

Little Gift Shop of Horrors [2.06]Edit

Stan: [at the Mystery Shack door holding a lantern] Well, hello there, traveller. I see your car broke down on this lonesome country road. A place so remote that no one can hear your screams! [the traveller backs away] Pretend I didn't say that. Come in, come in, but be warned—if you enter, you may be subjected to my tales. "Tales Designed to Sell My Merchandise"!
[he starts cackling and thunder crashes with the "Tales Designed to Sell My Merchandise" title appears; he stops for a beat]
Stan: Sorry, I was thinking of somethin' funny I heard earlier.

Society of the Blind Eye [2.07]Edit

Blendin's Game [2.08]Edit

Time Baby: Let the Globnar begin!

The Love God [2.09]Edit

Northwest Mansion Noir [2.10]Edit

Preston: [Leans down threateningly; Dipper glares at him, unfazed] Look at who you're talking to, boy. I'm hosting a party for the most powerful people in the world. You think they'd come here if they had to rub elbows with your kind?
Dipper: "My kind"? [Looks at Pacifica] I was right about you all along. You're just as bad as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain!
Pacifica: I'm sorry, they made me! I should've told you, but--
[Preston rings the bell. Blushing, Pacifica steps back]

Not What He Seems [2.11]Edit

Agent Powers: Stanford Pines, you stand accused of theft of government waste, conspiracy, and possession of illegal weapons. How do you plead to these charges?
Stan: Uhh... guilti-cent! I mean, inno-guilty! Um... can I have my phone call?
[cut to a "Yumberjacks" fast food restaurant where Soos is at the drive-thru]
Soos: Okay, gimme whatever you got that comes with a free toy.
Stan: [via walkie-talkie] "Soos!!"
Soos: [touches drive-thru lumberjack-speaker] Mr. Pines? Is this some sort of... possession situation?
Stan: "Soos, pick up!!" [Soos picks up walkie-talkie]
Soos: Mr. Pines, what happened? I heard you got arrested or something? I had to go get some panic food.
Stan: "Listen, I need something from you." [at police station] You know that vending machine in the gift shop? [via walkie-talkie] "I need you to guard it with your LIFE. No matter what happens, no matter who talks to you, don't let them touch that machine."
[the walkie-talkie slowly cuts off communications]
Soos: Time for a repair guy... to become a repair man.
Drive-Thru Employee: [hands out a kids box] Sir, your Junior Yum-Yum Baby-Time Kiddo Meal?
Soos: Just put one in my mouth. [employee takes a fry into Soos's mouth, eats it] Let's do this.

Dipper: Mabel, what if he's lying? This thing could destroy the universe! Listen to your head!
Stan: Look into my eyes, Mabel! You really think I'm a bad guy?
Dipper: He's lying! Shut it down NOW!
Stan: Mabel, please!
Computer: Ten. Nine.
Mabel: [Looking away and lowering hand to the button, then looks at Stan] Grunkle Stan...
Computer: Six. Five.
Mabel: [Lifts hand] I trust you. [Lets go of the stand, floats up]
Dipper: MABEL, ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE'RE ALL GONNA-
Computer: One.

[Dipper, Stan, Soos and Mabel all disappear in an explosion of light as each of them screams.] ---

Dipper: W-who, is that??
Dipper: The author of the Journals, My Brother.

"[Ford takes down his hood revealing his face]"

A Tale of Two Stans [2.12]Edit

Ford: Hehehehe! Wait up!
Stan: Heh! Yeah, you should keep up.
Ford: I...I can keep up! [Peeks through some boards] Whoa!
Stan: Neato!
Ford: Mysterious, boarded-up cave! It might be filled with lost prehistoric life forms! Or mesoamerican gold!
Stan: Uh, ladies first.
[Ford and Stan punch each other and laugh]
[Ford tries to pull a board off of the cave, but fails and falls backward]
Stan: Ha ha! Good thing you've got your smarts, Poindexter. I've got the other thing. What is it called? Oh, right, punching! [Punches through a board; looks at his hand, which now has splinters all over it] Cool. Splinters!
Ford: [Shines flashlight into the cave] Whoa, it's so creepy in here!
Stan: [Comes into the cave] Hey, don't worry, bro. Wherever we go, we go together. Don't forget to leave our names so they know who owns the place.
[The writing on the wall in marker reads: Stanley and Stanford Pines]
Stan and Ford: [Walk off, chanting:] Pines! Pines! Pines! Pines!

[In another flashback, Stanley discusses his time as a television pitchman]
Stanley: [in a commercial] I'm Stan Pines of StanCo Enterprises! Is this always happening to you? [gets splashed with juice] Then you need the shammy of the future! Made with the same material astronauts use to clean up cranberry stains on the moon! That's the Sham-Total! It's a total sham!
Stan: [voiceover] I had made my mark alright, unfortunately, so did the shammies. Apparently the cheap dye I used to color them only made stains worse. Customers weren't crazy about that, but luckily, they were chasing me with StanCo-brand pitchforks. [the pitchforks all fall apart] I was officially banned from New Jersey, but with a quick name change, Steve Pineington was ready to take on Pennsylvania!
Stanley: [in another commercial] Hi, I'm Steve Pineington! Are you sick of bandages that are hard to remove? Then what you need is the Rip-Off! The Rip-Off won't give you rashes. I repeat, it won't give you rashes. [awkward pause]
Stan: [voiceover] It gave you rashes. [cut to a scene showing Stan being chased out of Pennsylvania by an angry mob of people with rashes]

Stanley: Look, you gonna explain what's going on, here? You're acting like Mom after her tenth cup of coffee.
Stanford: Listen, there isn't must time. I've made huge mistakes and I don't know who I can trust anymore.
Stanley: Hey, uh, easy there. Let's talk this through, okay?
Stanford: I have something to show you. Something you won't believe.
Stanley: Look, I've been around the world, okay? Whatever it is, I'll understand. [standing in the portal room] There is nothing about this I understand.
Stanford: It's a trans-universal gateway, a punched hole through a weak spot in our dimension. I created it to unlock the mysteries of the universe. But it could just as easily be harnessed for terrible destruction. That's why I shut it down and hid my journals, which explained how to operate it. There's only one journal left, and you are the only person I can trust to take it. [gives Stan the journal] I have something to ask of you. Remember our plans to sail around the world on a boat? [Stan smiles] Take this book, get on a boat, and sail as far away as ya can, to the edge of the Earth! Bury it where no one can find it!

Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons [2.13]Edit

The Stanchurian Candidate [2.14]Edit

The Last Mabelcorn [2.15]Edit

Roadside Attraction [2.16]Edit

Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future [2.17]Edit

Bill: At last! At long, long last! The gate between worlds has opened! The event one billion years prophesied has come to pass! The day has come! The world is finally mine!

Weirdmageddon Part 1 [2.18]Edit

[As Bill Cipher towers over Gravity Falls and its citizens]
Bill: All right, listen up, you one-lifespan, three-dimensional, five-sense skin puppets! For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill! But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity!
[he melts the statue of Nathaniel Northwest in front of Deputy Durland, Sheriff Blubs and Mayor Tyler]
Bill: Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends: [as various creatures come out of the scar in the sky] 8 Ball! Kryptos! The being whose name must never be said! [it lands down] Haha, what the heck? It's Xanthar! Then, of course, there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire and these guys. This is our town now, boys! [all his friends start cackling out loud]
Mayor Tyler: Now see here, you unholy triangle fella! As mayor, I strongly urge you to git... git on out of here!
Lazy Susan: Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
Grenda: We don't like out-of-towners!
Manly Dan: [ripping a mailbox in half] WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
Mr. Northwest: I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist, I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your... Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
Pacifica: [angrily] Dad!
Mr. Northwest: Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.
Bill: [sarcastic] Oh, wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead, I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?!
[He clicks his fingers, and Mr. Northwest's face is suddenly grotesquely mixed up; he falls to the ground, giving out muffled screams as his family watches in horror; Bill cackles]

Bill: This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, TO WEIRDMAGEDDON!!!

[Bill and his friends party in the Fearamid]
Bill: [cackles] Go nuts, guys! When we're done partying, I unveil Phase 2.
[Pounding is heard]
Voice: Open up! This is the police. Time Police!
Bill: Just play it cool, ditch the time-punch. Let me do the talking.
[The Time Police and Time Baby blast in through the front doors]
Lolph: Bill Cipher, you are in violation of the rules of space-time, and possessing the body of a time officer.
Blendin: My body is a temple! How dare you!
Time Baby: Hear this, Cipher.
Bill: Ugh, Time Baby.
Time Baby: If your rip in this dimension continues, it could destroy the very fabric of existence. Surrender now, or face my tantrum.
Bill: [sarcastic] Oh no, a tantrum! Whatever will I do about that? HOW 'BOUT THIS?!?! BOOM!!!
[He points at Time Baby and the police, instantly vaporizing them; eye turns into a mouth and blows the smoke off his finger]
Kryptos: Ah, snap! He just killed Time Baby! [they all start partying again; Blendin hides behind a pole]
Blendin: Aw, man! This has gone from bad to worse! I gotta get outta time-dodge!

Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality [2.19]Edit

Bill: Ladies, gentlemen, that creature with like eighty-seven different faces...
Creature: Eighty-eight different faces!!
Bill: Whoa-ho, sorry! Touchy subject. Anyways, it's been fun turning Gravity Falls inside out, rounding up all its terrified citizens and then stacking them into this massive throne of frozen human agony. Don't worry, they're not conscious anymore. Probably.
Lazy Susan: [groans, unfreezes] Uh, my omelettes. They... have friendly faces.
Bill: Whoops. Hehe, back, back you go there. [pats her back, she turns back into stone] But Gravity Falls is just the beginning. It's time to take our chaos worldwide! All right, boys, to the corners of the Earth! Set the world aflame with your weirdness! This dimension is ours! [the creatures fly out of the pyramid] Ah, global domination. I could get used to- [the creatures slam into the forcefield] WHAT?! [flies out and touches the forcefield] Hmm. This might be more complicated than I thought.
Paci-Fire: I think I broke something.
Bill: WALK IT OFF!!

Dipper: [pants] Oh my gosh! This is crazy. I'm-I'm losing my mind. We have to get out of here. We have to go back... to the real world!!
[many people and Mabel gasp out of earshot; Waffle Guards tackle Dipper down on the ground]
Dipper: Hey!
Waffle Guard: Under Article Smiley Face of Exhibit Squeaky Duck, you are hereby accused of breaking our one rule—mentioning reality. [people mutter indistinctly] Prepare to be banished from this land forever! [open a portal out to much-destroyed Gravity Falls]
Dipper: Mabel!! You're smarter than this!! Bill has you hypnotized or something!! Are you really gonna let them banish me!?!
Mabel: No! Of course not! That's my brother, guys! There's gotta be another way.
Waffle Guard: Very well. If Dipper wishes to stay, he must plead his case in the ultimate trial... of fantasy vs. reality. [is bitten by Soos] Hey! Seriously?!
Soos: [pointing to a stuffed rhino] It was him.

Dipper: ...but that doesn't mean you can stay in here forever!
Dippy Fresh: Hey, take a chill pill! Those grow on trees here!
Dipper: [angry] You stay outta this, Dippy Fresh!
Soos: Dude, Dippy Fresh didn't do anything to you, dog!

[Xyler and Craz emerge from a pile of confetti]
Xyler: Whoa! We survived! [they stand up, Craz spits confetti]
Craz: But where are we? [they walk to a bench and sit down]
Xyler: Are we real? Is this reality? [they observe Gravity Falls in its chaos and destruction] Jean-Paul Sartre postulated that every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.
Craz: Totally righteous, bro!
Xyler: I know!

Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back the Falls [2.20]Edit

Larry King's Head: Hey, is anyone gon' feed me? Larry King's disembodied wax head needs num-nums.

Soos: Question: does it have any gun-swords? I watch a lot of anime and, trust me, you're going to want some gun-swords.
McGucket: What's an anime?
Soos: We have much to discuss.
Stan: Discuss nothing! These scribbles are a bunch of cockamamie balderdash! Excuse my French.
French Lilliputian: Je ne sais quoi sacrebleu au revoir! [Subtitles: I don't believe that was French.]

[The Gravity Falls rebels confront Bill's gang in the "Shacktron"]
Soos: [through a microphone] Uh, hey, dudes! Is this thing on? Test! [feedback screeches, annoying the demons] Heh. Uh, I just wanted you monster dudes to hand over Ford, or we'll have to, like, fight and junk. Heh. [pointing at Paci-Fire] Hey, you're a little cutie.
Paci-Fire: [darkly] I have butchered millions on countless moons.
Soos: Whoa. I liked you better before you talked. Real... real bring-down, this guy.

[Grenda rips out Bill's eye with the Shacktron]
Bill: AAAARGH! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?!

Bill: When I get my hands on you kids, I'm gonna disassemble your molecules!

Stan: Ohh, I can't believe this! The kids are gonna die and it's all my fault! [drops down] Because I couldn't shake your stupid hand! Ugh, Dad was right about me. I am a screwup.
Ford: [sighs] Don't blame yourself. I'm the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery. You would've seen him for the scam artist he is. [drinks water flask]
Stan: How did things get so messed up between us?
Ford: We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it?
Stan: Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better. [Ford stands up] Whoa, where are you going?
Ford: I'm gonna play the only card we have left: let Bill into my mind. He'll be able to take over the galaxy and maybe even worse! But at least he might let the kids free.
Stan: What?! Are you kidding me?! Are you honestly telling me there's nothing else we can do?!
Ford: Bill's only weak in the mindspace. If I didn't have this darn plate in my head, we could just erase him with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind.
Stan: [beat] What if he goes in my mind? My brain isn't good for anything.
Ford: [chuckles] There's nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me. We need to take his deal. It's the only way he'll agree to save you and the kids.
Stan: Do you really think he's gonna make good on that deal?
Ford: What other choice do we have?

Bill: Oh, I'm here! I'm finally here! Look at this place - a perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to you, Ford. You really know how to clean your mi-- [opens the door to reveal Stan sitting in a chair playing with a paddleball]
Stan: [Makes a clicking sound and points a finger-gun at Bill]
Bill: WHAT?!
Stan: Heh-heh! Do a pretty good impression of my brother, don't I? Switch clothes and no one can tell us apart! Welcome to my mind. Surprised you didn't recognize it.
[Outside of Stan's mind, Ford pulls out the memory gun and reluctantly aims it at Stan]
Bill: What?! The deal's off! [turns to leave, but the door slams shut and blue flames begin to fill the room] What the--?! No, no, no, NO!!
Stan: Oh yeah. You're goin' down, Bill. You're getting erased. Memory gun. Pretty clever, huh?
Bill: [panicked] Y-you idiot! Don't you realize you're destroying your own mind too?!
Stan: [shrugging] Eh. It's not like I was using this space for much anyway.
Bill: Let me outta here! Let me OUT! [tries to use his powers, to no avail] Why isn't this working?!
Stan: Hey, look at me. [angrily] Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon!! You're a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family!
Bill: You're making a mistake! I'll give you anything! Money, fame, riches, infinite power, your own galaxy! Please! No...! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME...?! [begins rapidly warping between several forms; screams distorted words that, when played in reverse, are revealed to be:] A-X-O-L-O-T-L! MY TIME HAS COME TO BURN! I INVOKE THE ANCIENT POWER THAT I MAY RETURN! STANLEEEEY...!!! [Stan punches Bill in the eye, making him dissolve into nothing with a final scream]
Stan: [before being engulfed by the flames, he fondly looks at a picture of him with Dipper, Mabel and Waddles] Heh. Guess I was good for something after all.

Dipper: [voiceover] If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls. It's not on any maps, and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait. Take a trip. Find it. It's out there somewhere in the woods, waiting.

CastEdit

External linksEdit

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