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Going Bongo is a 2015 comedy film directed by 39 year old Dean Matthew Ronalds. Going Bongo star Ernest Napoleon and features Emanuela Galliussi, Nyokabi Gethaiga and Ashley Olds. Going Bongo was filmed in Los Angeles and Tanzania.

1. You touch her, I cut off your balls!

MARINA: He also asked me to marry him. MA: But he is not Armenian. AUNT TIA: What is he? LEWIS: American AUNT TIA: But he has a funny accent. LEWIS: Well, I was raised by- POP: You think you can marry my daughter and no asking?

MARINA: Ask

LEWIS: Now?

LEWIS: Mr. Kezerian, may I--

POP: You touch her, I cut off your balls!


2. I’m already half black, half white. I got no more halves.

LEWIS: Do we have to honeymoon in Armenia?

MARINA: I know, I know. you want your beach.

LEWIS: I’ve been trapped in hospitals for the last ten years with almost no days off and no sunlight.

MARINA: There’s a lake.

LEWIS: Its not the same thing.

MARINA: Look, I need you to meet me half way.

LEWIS: By "half way" you mean Armenia?

MARINA: We’ll do the beach vacation later. I need you to be half "Armo" for them.

LEWIS: I’m already half black, half white. I got no more halves.


3. It is what locals call Dar. It means you must have good brains and intelligence or you will not survive.

TENDE: And Dr. Yaziti is lending for you this baiskeli. I leave it for you outside. The hospitali is five minutes in this direction. Welcome to Bongo City. LEWIS: Bongo City?

TENDE: It is what locals call Dar. It means you must have good brains and intelligence or you will not survive.


4. Dark skinned men look good in white.

MARINA: Next time you rent a suit, I’m going with you.

LEWIS: Dark skinned men look good in white. MARINA: Apparently waiters also look good in white.


5. Dr.Booger

BAHAME: Dr.Booger

LEWIS: Burger

BAHAME: That’s what I said.

LEWIS: You said Booger. It’s "Burrrrger". Like "Hamburger".

BAHAME: Ham-booger.

LEWIS: Dr. B’s fine.

BAHAME So when are you leaving us?

LEWIS: One month.

BAHAME: You are here for only one month?


6. It requires a lot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum.

LEWIS: How much does Rama make?

BAHAME: This is not your concern.

LEWIS: If you paid him more, that generator would be fixed.

BAHAME: Do not tell me how to do my job.

LEWIS: Hear me out. A staff that feels valued, works harder. They work harder, you SAVE money.

BAHAME: Listen, "It requires a lot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum."


7. You can’t solve them all. But you can change one problem at a time

LAURA: How is everything else going?

LEWIS: It’s going good.

LEWIS: Well, I have this patient named Zola. Its hard enough that she’s got HIV ... and her mom is just very difficult

LAURA: I heard. I am think deep inside she’s just concerned about her daughter

LEWIS: Yah but ... for such a young girl to contract HIV, its just ... And her mom is just ... And I saw the boy in the wheelchair again today....

LAURA: I went through the exactly same experience when I was new here.

LEWIS: There are just too many problems. It feels that I can’t even begin to dream that I can solve half of them.

LAURA: You can’t solve them all. But you can change one problem at a time.


8. All I can think about is Africa.

LEWIS: Marina, there’s something--

MARINA: Here. Sit next to Brian. She plops Lewis next to Brian, then sits by Gwen. BRIAN: Gwen and I are gonna bid on lot four, what do you think?

PERRY WEISS: Thank you, thank you. Hello friends. I’m Perry Weiss and welcome to our quarterly fundraiser.

AUCTIONEER (O.S.) : Our programs are ninety nine percent privately funded which means your support is vital.

MARINA: Lewis? What are you doing over here? LEWIS: I don’t want this. This job. These people.

MARINA: What are you talking about? LEWIS: All I can think about is Africa.


9. I’ve been trapped in hospitals for the last ten years with almost no days off and no sunlight.

LEWIS: I think that went well. Your father only threatened to cut my balls off once.

MARINA: I can’t wait to move outta there.

LEWIS: Do we have to honeymoon in Armenia?

MARINA: I know, I know. you want your beach.

LEWIS: I’ve been trapped in hospitals for the last ten years with almost no days off and no sunlight.


10. Before you swallow a mango seed, you must know the size of your anus

LEWIS: I understand you’re overcrowded, you don’t have supplies. But really that doesn’t explain your staff. Who trained them, the three stooges?

BAHAME: Do you think there are lines of nurses and doctors waiting to work here?

LEWIS: You need retrain your staff.

BAHAME: With what money? I can barely keep my doors open. People wait days here to get a bed. They need help and we must give it to them anyway we can.

LEWIS: Fine. I’ll do it. BAHAME: For one month? If you want to stay the situation then stay longer.

LEWIS: I can’t do that.

BAHAME: Then, there is nothing more.

LEWIS: So, what? That’s it!

BAHAME: Listen."Before you swallow a mango seed, you must know the size of your anus." Think about it.


11. You mean, I’ve been haggling the price HIGHER?!

WALLET VENDOR: Elfu tano na tano (15 thousands)

LEWIS: Ghali! (more expensive)

WALLET VENDOR: Ishirini (20)

LEWIS: Ghali! (more expensive)

WALLET VENDOR: Ishirini na tano (25)

LEWIS: Ghali! (more expensive)

WALLET VENDOR: Thelathini (30)

LEWIS: Tende! LEWIS: Tende, look how well I’m doing TENDE: No no no! Ghali means "expensive". Rahisi means "cheap". LEWIS: You mean, I’ve been haggling the price HIGHER?!


12. I was born to do this

LEWIS: Don’t you think that’s crazy.

LAURA: It is LEWIS: What would you do? LAURA: About what? mgangas? What can you do. You just accept that others may not share your view on modern medicine.

LEWIS: ... What if the "mganga" was to prescribe them modern medicine.

LAURA: They would take them. But of course, that would never happen not.

LEWIS: So if I can get a mganga ... LAURA: You are crazy. You are not really thinking of doing this ... you are thinking of doing this ... how are you going to convince a "professional mganga" to give her real medicine.

LEWIS: I wasn’t thinking of a real mganga. … LEWIS: This is our last chance to save Zola. You know what to do.

LEWIS :Are you sure you can do this? (to Tina) 


TINA: I was born to do this. My mask please.


13. The only reason I came over here was to impress some big-wig surgeons.

LAURA: Listen, there’s a bus leaving for Arusha in the morning. Go on a safari. You need to see the beauty of this country.

LEWIS: What’s that gonna do?

LAURA: Take some time for yourself.

LEWIS :You have no idea what I need. The only reason I came over here was to impress some big-wig surgeons.

LAURA: I don’t believe this.

LEWIS: It’s true.


14. Not as great as landing one Owen Wilson

DR. LERNER: My niece is trying to convince me she needs the new Ferrari more than I do.

MARVIN: She sounds like my daughter.

LEWIS: Dr. Lerner. I wanted to thank you. It was such an incredible experience.

DR. LERNER: Do I know you?

LEWIS: I’m Dr. Burger. We met at the Perry Weiss fundraiser. I went to Tanzania.

DR. LERNER: Perry Weiss. Can you believe my wife has roped us into another one of those things?

MARVIN: It’s great publicity for the clinic.

DR. LERNER: Not as great as landing one Owen Wilson.


15. Are you an actress? I am an actress too. I have a movie on YouTube.

MARINA: I need a phone. Do you have a phone? Excuse me, phone? Phone?

LEWIS: Marina???


MARINA: Lewis? Lewis! Oh my God! This is YOUR hospital? Oh Baby, its so good to see you

LEWIS: What are you doing here?!

MARINA: A bus "thing" hit my cab.

TINA: Please, Misses. Lie on this.

TINA: Are you an actress? I am an actress too. I have a movie on YouTube.


16. Yah, its amazing what persistence can do sometimes. You can even save someone’s life.

LAURA: Thank you.

LEWIS: That was incredible experience. I have never done anything like that.

LAURA: Did you see how much it meant to the mother. LEWIS: It was pretty amazing. LAURA: Yah, its amazing what persistence can do sometimes. You can even save someone’s life.


17. Nice, you beat 26 doctors in the face

MARINA: Listen up. I have an announcement.

MARINA: Lewis got a job offer. Doctors of Bel Air have asked him to join the clinic.

MA: Bel Air? LEWIS: Well technically, Ma’am, it’s L.A. MARINA: He beat out thirty other doctors.

LEWIS: Twenty six.

UNCLE HOVAN: Nice, you beat 26 doctors in the Face.


18. You can make us a fool but you can’t take our humanity

TINA: Hellow, I am Njambi mambi’s assistant.

TINA: Now ... Njambi Mambi will break the curse by breaking the sticks.

TINA: Njambi Mambi was afraid of this. A stronger curse is needed.

TINA: Pull, till it breaks.

TINA: Njambi Mambi has broken the curse!

ZOLA: And, now for the treatment. The crushed bones of baby baboon.

ZOLA: Take two spoonfuls a day.

LEWIS: Let’s dance.

MAMA MWANDENGA: What is going on!

MAMA MWANDENGA: I’m telling you this, I am cursing you all. I am cursing you all!

ZOLA: You can make us a fool but you can’t take our humanity


19. I thought if they were appreciated, they’d work harder.

LEWIS: Juma, what’s going on? Where is everyone? 


YAZITI: At the bar celebrating their new salaries.

LEWIS: What?! What bar? Where?

YAZITI: It will do no good to get them. They are already drunk.

LEWIS: They should be fired!

YAZITI :But you just gave them raises.

LEWIS: I thought if they were appreciated, they’d work harder.


20. Don’t fly Turkish Airways. Go with Camel

MA: When are you planning this "supposed" wedding?

MARINA: Spring.

LEWIS: Spring?

MARINA: Spring.

UNCLE HOVAN: Oh! Spring! Great time for honeymoon in Armenia.

LEWIS: Actually, we were thinking of going some place tropical-

MARINA: Armenia’s perfect.

UNCLE HOVAN: Don’t fly Turkish Airways. Go with Camel.