General Protection Fault (comic)

General Protection Fault (GPF) is a webcomic by Jeff Darlington.

Nick Wellington

• I can't love someone I can't trust, but I can forgive you and ask you to turn yourself in. I'm sorry.
  • Denouncing Trudy and making the pivotal decision in Surrpetitious Machinations, September 13, 2002

• I always cook best with plastic utensils.
  • Paying for dinner with a credit card, April 4, 2004

• As for your emperor, I'm sure that some of his prisoners are foul, unpardonable souls, but I would not wish his form of justice on anyone. He kills to terrorize others than the victim, making that death senseless. Where I come from, that's a sign of a madman. My world's had more than it's(sic) own share of those, and it's far from comforting to see in him what I were capable of had I made those choices.
  • May 5, 2006

• If my sacrifice, be it my time, resources, or life spares one life to make its mark, then my life has been worthwhile.
  • May 5, 2006

Ki Oshiro

• Yet for some reason, he stood fast and unflinching, no fear, no concern... just grim determination. Did he know something I didn't? Something about Trudy that even she did not know?
  • As Trudy holds a gun to Nick's head, September 15, 2002

• You two did not have nakoudo. You met here, in America and you fell in love. You didn't let your differences stand between your love. If Japanese and Chinese can find happiness, then why not Asian and American?
  • October 15, 2004, to her parents.

• It's sweet that you've been sneaking around on this, but I've known for a long time that you were going to ask. I've also known for a long time what your answer would be, and it's always been the same... Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
  • October 27, 2004, accepting Nick's proposal

Jason "Fooker" Barker

• First rule of hacking, twerp: There's always a better hacker out there than YOU.
  • To the hacker who is ping-flooding GPF (revealed to be Yoshi), November 2, 2001

• Exoneration makes fewer headlines than convictions, so I may not be cleared in the court of public opinion...
  • On the U.G.A.'s effots to clear his name, June 22, 2004

Gertrude "Trudy" Trueheart

• I have never believed in fate. Providence is only the capital of Rhode Island.
  • March 5, 2005 (similar version of quote in January 30, 2005's strip)

Sharon Murphy

• If I can't laugh at myself, what good am I?
  • After relatively cheerfully describing her various flaws such as allergies, diabetes and extreme nearsightedness, December 6, 2002

• He may be the luckiest goofball secret agent, but he's our goofball secret agent. We love him because he deserves it, and we miss him.
  • About Fooker, February 6, 2003

Frederick "Fred" Physarum

• I need to take this to a higher court... like the court of public opinion.
  • About his decision to attack Trent on his blog, March 9, 2004

Todd Wellington

• Bruised and bleeding, Nick is brought before his former "friend." For the first time he sees her for what she truly is. The Empress offers him wealth and power beyond measure for info on the rebels. But it is too late. The betrayer has been betrayed. No one knows exactly what is said... they had formed a strange bond... but the outcome is without question. The betrayer does not wish to be beaten at her own game.
  • Describing Nick's future capture, June 4, 2002

• The outcome, however, does not have the effect she intended. The killer is wounded more than her victim.
  • Descibing the Empress killing Nick, June 5, 2002

Other Characters

• Empress Trudy: I can't believe I was ever so dense...
  • After Trudy fails to identify her future self, December 23, 2001

• Dr. Akhilesh Sehgal: A book I can replace, but the soul of a friend is far more precious. If you read it, you will find that if even thieves, murderers, liars, prostitutes, cowards, and cheats can find grace from God, then so can you.
  • On the Bible, March 1, 2005

• The Inexplicable Speck: If one person can make a difference, and that one person has to be me, then I'll do whatever I can to make things right. It's bought me a lot of enemies, on both sides of the law, but I'd rather be called a vigilante than watch innocent bystanders get hurt.
  • May 5, 2005-

Dialogue

Year 3

Fooker: C'mon, Ki! You'd be perfect as my "moral crutch" while I try and quit drinking.

Ki: I said you'd need a friend for that. I'm not your friend.

Fooker: Look, all my "friends" drink. They wouldn't be much help. You hate me enough to kick me in the gonads if I screw up.

Following an incident in which Ki kicked Fooker in the groin for drunkenly making advances on her during their college days, January 18, 2001

Nick: Two kids trapped. No one free to save them.

Dexter: And you think you can?

Nick: No, but I'm going to try.

Dexter: Can I watch and laugh?

NickNo, but you can help.

During the flood, August 1, 2001

Professor Wisebottom: My great uncle Wilbur was an assistant to Thomas Edison, , and may have inspired or even invented some of the great inventions Edison was credited for. Before that, one of our female ancestors used her skills to become the greatest chef in all Europe, creating inventive new recipes.

Ki: And you built a time machine that nearly got us all killed and a fractal explorer that almost left Fooker braindead.

Professor Wisebottom: Some of us are late bloomers.

About the Inventor's Gene, September 1, 2001

Surreptitious Machinations

Ki: This raises more questions than it answers...

Todd: I'd thought you'd be used to that by now.

As Todd tells his story, May 26, 2002

Ki: A-are you angry? Or sad?

Nick: No... Just... disappointed.

Todd: We're all that's left of our timeline. Now the others will live in relative peace.

Empress Trudy: And you will just lie down and sacrifice yourself for them, people who will be mere shadows of the ones you knew?

Todd: Yes. I have always been willing to give myself up to save anyone from your tyranny.

Empress Trudy: How noble.

(Empress Trudy pulls out a time remote)

Empress Trudy: I, on the other hand, have never claimed to be so honorable.

Todd and Empress Trudy, shortly before fading as their timeline ceases to exist, October 2, 2002

Year 5

Ki: I was born in the States, but Mom's from Hong Kong and Dad's from Tokyo.

Sharon: I bet that led to an interesting childhood.

Ki: Let's just say I'm culturally diverse.

Ki and Sharon, December 6, 2002

Fred: We live here now, and we require a level of decay and disarray to survive. It was from Fooker's squalor that I gained sentience.

Nick: And I suppose my health is of secondary concern?

Fred: You serve a purpose. You connect the cable modem to the computer.

Nick and Fred about Fred and Persephone requiring filth to survive, December 10, 2002

(Nick and Ki look angry)

Sharon: So you two are just going to be mad at each other the whole drive home?

(pause)

Ki: I'm sorry I "spied" on you. I was just looking out for you.

Nick: I know. I'm sorry I got mad at you for that.

Sharon: You two are weird. In love, yes, but still weird.

April 23, 2003

Year 6

Ki: My... I didn't realize how many "mixed" couples there were here.

Fenton: Oh, this group is still small but growing. Most folks balk at interspecies relationships. They think that each race should stick to their own kind. Who would believe such outdated nonsense?

Ki: Very traditional parents...

At the Interspecies Relationship Support Group, February 2, 2004

Year 7

Judge: My, the defendant has quite a vocabulary.

Fred: Why thank you, your- er, sorry.

About Fred's blog, July 19, 2005

Sam: He's still a total geek, though.

Ki: Well, so am I, so don't forget that.

About Fooker, October 7, 2005