Frontline (Australian TV series)

Australian comedy television series

Frontline (1994–1997) was an Australian comedy television series which satirised Australian television current affairs programs and reporting. It ran for three series of 13 half-hour episodes and was broadcast on ABC TV in 1994, 1995 and 1997.

Season 1


The Souffle Rises [1.1]

Brian Thompson: Put Ray Martin up against a celebrity and it rates. God knows why, maybe opposites attract.

Geoffrey Salter: You're tough! You're... Remember that time you asked Imran Khan about his new lover? Man, nobody would have done that!
Mike Moore: Yeah, that was off-air.
Geoff: ...yeah! But it still took guts, he's a big man.

Domenica Baroni: I mean, that's why people like you Mike, you're nice. My mum likes you.
Mike: I didn't know she watched.
Domenica: She doesn't, but from what I tell her, she thinks you're really nice.

The Desert Angel [1.2]

[At the end of an interview.]
Brooke Vandenberg: Thanks a lot for that, Pat, that was terrific.
Pat Cash: Just one thing, why is everyone laughing? Is it something I said? Everyone's been giggling the whole time.
Brooke: There's rumour going around that you and I slept together.
Pat Cash: You're kidding, that's unbelievable. We've never even met before today. I just... who would start stuff like that?
Brooke: I did.

The Siege [1.5]

Kate Preston: Brian, we're still struggling to find a psychologist specialising in siege-related traumas.
Brian: Well, we need someone.
Kate: Well, we have got a psychology, uh, student...
Brian: Nah.
Kate: Well, he's mature age. He's got a beard.
Brian: Alright. We'll slap him up in front of a bookcase.

Stu: What are you doing, mate?
Martin Di Stasio: Crouching.
Stu: What for?
Marty: 'Cause it makes it look like I'm in danger.
Stu: Mate, the gunman's five kilometres away.
Marty: Shut up. It's dark, who's gonna bloody know?

Playing the Ego Card [1.6]


[Interviewing a student from his former school.]

Mike: And say hello to Father Stephenson for me.
Student: Uhh, he's dead.
Mike: Oh that's terrible. Uh, well, tell him I'm sorry to hear that.

Farmer: Mike Moore has this network's support right up until the day we sack him.

Mike: Don't underestimate our viewers Brian.
Brian: I've built a career on it, mate.

The Invisible Man [1.9]

Emma Ward: Marty, can you imagine how humiliating it would be for a woman to know that her breasts have been seen by half the country?
Marty: [turns to Brooke] What's it like, Brooke?

Add Sex and Stir [1.10]

[After the interviewee, Allison, has gone.]
Brooke: I might just re-ask one of the questions. When I said to her, "How many team members had it in for her", what was her answer?
Stu: "Most of them."
Brooke: I might just change that question slightly.
[Cut to the edited, broadcast interview.]
Brooke: Allison, how many girls on the team are gay?
Allison: Um, most of them.

Smaller Fish to Fry [1.11]

Brian: Great. We get a thirteen-year-old, wire him up with a camera and get someone to sell him smokes.
Emma: That's entrapment.
Brian: No, it's current affairs.

Brian: Our audience simply doesn’t have the concentration span.
Mike: [plays distractedly with a piece of stationary]
Brian: Mike?
Mike: [looking up] Sorry.
Brian: We've got three minutes to do a story. Five if it involves nudity.

This Night of Nights [1.13]

Brian: [on the Logie Awards] That's the trouble with these shows. You spend all night trying to remember everybody’s name.
Marty: Simple solution – you call everyone "mate". [Everybody laughs and agrees.] Everyone does it, can't remember your name, see ya – maaaaate.

Mike: [spotting Bert Newton in a shopping centre] Bert! Bert.
Bert Newton: Oh, hi.
Mike: How's it going?
Bert Newton: Just great, thanks.
Mike: Looking forward to the Logies?
Bert Newton: Oh, certainly am, yeah.
Mike: Well, I've just been doing some shopping for it.
Bert Newton: Yeah.
Mike: Well, I better get going – lovely to see you Bert.
Bert Newton: Yeah, good to see you... mate.

Domenica: [picking a Logie award up off the office table] Hey, I thought we didn’t win a Logie?
Marty: Oh, Christ! [remembering] I nicked it off the 4 Corners table. Ollie's gonna kill me.
Brooke: Marty!
Marty: Negus made me do it!

Season 2


One Big Family [2.1]

[The network is filming a new commercial to promote its "One Big Family" tagline.]
Jan Whelan: We're shooting it in a way that no one need be within a 5 kilometre radius of each other.
Emma: Why?
Jan: Oh, this is television darling, everyone hates everybody else, that's why we spend so much time promoting how well we all get on... One Big Family, darling!

Brooke: [studying the script for the commercial] Jan, it says here I've gotta do a high-five with the weatherman.
Jan: Brooke, no one's doing a high-five with anyone, darling. It'll just appear that way.
Brooke: Good, 'cause I'm not touching him.

Emma: Hello, Mrs Rosen, thanks for coming in so early. Um, have you been to make up?
Mrs Rosen: Make up is the devil's work. Satan, his face was painted white to hide the darkness of his soul.
Emma: Right. No make up.

Heroes and Villains [2.3]

Domenica: You want to hear this letter?
Mike: Yeah, yeah.
Domenica: "Dear editor, as a big fan of Frontline and in particular Mike Moore, I'm glad he's back hosting the show. Brooke Vandenberg did a good job, but let's face it – she's no match for Mike."
Mike: Great. That's fantastic.
Domenica: You want me to mail it today?
Mike: Yeah, oh, and Dom...
Domenica: Use a fake name.
Mike: Yeah.

Season 3


The Art of the Interview [3.9]

Prowsie: Sunday Forum's got three problems. One, it was run by a soft-cock. Two, it's presented by a soft-cock. Three, it features soft-cock and while we're at it four - the opening titles. I mean what's that all that about? Chess pieces? I mean chess is a game-
Steve Barrett: For soft-cocks.
Prowsie: Right, remove the soft-cock element.

Prowsie: Why do people watch interviews?
Steve Barrett: Uhm, I dunno, uhh for information?
Prowsie: Entertainment. We've turned it into a sport - who wins, who loses. It's point scoring.

Mike: [talking to himself] Now what did I come up here for? [looks at video tapes in hand] What are these?...let me retrace my steps...I was down at the canteen [to Prowsie] stay there I walk back in - Oh yeah, these are for you [Puts video tapes on Prowsie's table and leaves the office]
Prowsie: Soft-cock.